by Jack Stroke
“Would you like to shoot someone, or would you like to eat?”
“Sounds like a trick question.”
“No trick.”
“Are you sure? If I choose one, I’ll be stuck with the other.”
Mother stared back, her pupils hidden behind the shaded frames of her sunglasses.
“It’s no fun, you know? Being like this.”
“Would you act this way if we went out for dinner in Paradise Cove?”
Amber snorted. “Out for dinner in Paradise Cove? Where? Grubby’s bait shop?”
“Fine. Out for dinner in Port Simmons.”
“Out to dinner with you? Yes, I probably would.”
“What about without?”
“I don’t go to dinner all that often.”
Although Mother had a point. That part of Amber was slowly beginning to change. Like being able to sleep now without the alarms set up. She could whinge all she wanted about what she was, but Amber was evolving.
“We’re not sure we see what the issue is.”
Amber slumped her shoulders, instructing her body to relax. Maybe this was simply dinner. She waited for Mother to keep talking.
“We appear to be having a few issues.”
“If that is what you consider kidnapping my godson, then yes, sure.”
“We didn’t kidnap anyone, Amber.”
“Yeah, right.”
Mother studied her from behind her shades. “You’re very controlling. Do you know that?”
“Ha. Me? I’m controlling? That’s funny. Pot, kettle.”
Amber split a bread roll and buttered it, as much to give her hands something to do as anything.
“It’s easier to recognise traits in others than ourselves. But there is a difference.” She indicated to herself. “We control with a loose grip.” Mother balled up her fists. “You grasp on to everything as tightly as you can. That never works.”
The inside of the roll was warm and gooey, melting the butter ever so slightly. Amber spoke with her mouth full, as much to annoy Mother as anything else.
“Right. Explain the difference to me. We are both here attempting to control Ben.”
Mother shook her head. “Not true. You are trying to control him.”
“And what are you doing?”
“Helping him find his own path.”
“Funny. Abducting him from a bus stop? That’s helping him find his own path, is it? Holding him captive?”
“Holding captive? Interesting choice of words.”
“Accurate, I would say. What do you call it when you are prevented from leaving?”
“Your reaction to the facility is very visceral.”
“That’s because it’s a horrible place.”
“Is that really how you remember your time there?”
“Only because that is how it was. Every second in that place is torture. Especially those first few days after you abducted me.”
Amber couldn’t be certain, but in that second she thought she saw something register on Mother’s face. Something akin to disappointment.
58
Around them people talked and laughed and ate, oblivious to Mother and Amber.
“You know all of these issues you had, the facility, training, and yet you still chose to be an agent. You chose to return and train at the facility.”
Mother had a way of pausing so that her words sunk in. Amber had yet to develop an effective strategy for blocking them out.
“Training has to be challenging to procure the required results. What you do is hard. We can’t send you out ill-prepared.”
“Yeah, but that’s not the… Ben isn’t… I told you about Ben in confidence. It doesn’t give you the right to abduct him. Subject him to this.”
“This isn’t about you or me, Amber. Diamond Logistics has to recruit the best possible people. The boy has potential. You said so yourself. In addition, he has a distinct advantage over most candidates. He already is aware of us and what we do. He is not coming in blind, so to speak. Plus he has a godmother already in Diamond Logistics.”
Amber avoided her eye.
“We have never had children…”
“And yet you insist on being called ‘Mother’.”
“And yet we have dealt with a great many young people over the years.”
“Not nearly the same thing, but go on.”
“From what we have seen, the tighter you grip with children, the further you push them away.”
“I’m… I’m not pushing Ben away.”
The roll had completely disappeared. Amber hadn’t intended to eat all of it.
She reached across the table to grab Mother’s. Mother slapped her hand away.
“No.”
“You’re not going to eat.”
“Yes, but it’s not yours.”
Amber felt like she was about three years old.
“Ben wants this, Amber.”
“He is seventeen. He doesn’t know what he wants.”
“Wow. How does he respond when you say that to him?”
“I… It’s…” She sucked in a composing breath.
Fortunately the waiter arrived, giving Amber a moment. She ordered ravioli. Mother, the soup.
“What are you so afraid of?” Mother asked when the two of them were alone once more.
“I don’t want him to make the mistakes I have made.”
“This has been a mistake, has it? Your life?”
“I don’t mean that. I mean…”
A mess of emotions and memories swirled in Amber’s mind, dangerously close to the surface. No hope of being expressed articulately.
“It’s dangerous, what we do,” she said finally. “What I do. I don’t want him to get hurt. Or worse.”
“Ben tests very highly for both general and emotional intelligence.”
“That doesn’t mean he understands.”
“Doesn’t it? Already he has looked into the face of danger, and from what we can tell coped quite well.”
“He’s… Not pure, but… You know what I mean. He is young. This life taints you. I don’t want him tainted by all of this.”
“Is that what you are? Tainted?”
“I still have no idea whether you are going to instruct me to kill someone in here.”
Mother took her time. “His involvement might not be what you want. What about what he wants? We understand, Amber. You’re scared. We understand better than most. How do you think we feel every time you go on a mission? Every time we have to put you in harm’s way?”
Amber opened her mouth, saying nothing. This was an act, surely. Mother didn’t have actual emotions, did she?
“It makes sense, what you are trying to do. But Ben won’t thank you for trying to protect him. He will defy you.”
“I can’t put him in harm’s way.”
“With respect, it’s not your decision.”
“Yes, but… You don’t want what’s best for Ben.”
“We don’t?”
Amber shook her head. “You live in your little bubble, with no idea of the real world. You want what you have always wanted, what is best for Diamond Logistics.”
Mother didn’t dispute the statement. “Whereas you are doing what is best for Amber.”
“No, I’m doing what’s best for Ben.”
“Are you? You need to let go. Stop trying to control every little thing, because you can’t.”
“Surely we have to be able to control some things.”
“Of course. The wisdom is knowing what you can’t.”
59
The hotel’s dining room was a third full when Amber arrived for breakfast. Gloom seeped in through the enormous windows, revealing a day of drizzle outside. Amber missed the Paradise Cove sunshine even though it had only been a day. The buffet was pleasant enough, although not a patch on Joan’s cooking. Amber filled her bowl and took a seat in the corner of the room.
A good night’s sleep at least had her feeling refreshed. Mother had
offered her the choice between a hotel or staying at the facility. The five-star hotel was definitely the right choice.
She was halfway through her muesli and fresh fruit when Mother called.
“Would you like to come and observe some of Ben’s training?”
Loath as she was to return to the facility, it was an offer too good to pass up.
The order of the day was self-defence drills. Part training, part discovering what Ben knew. Basically it amounted to him being beaten up steadily for around six hours.
“Wow, Simone still works here?” Amber asked, seeing the gnarled woman parading the mats prior to Ben’s arrival. Amber recalled her well. Simone was surprisingly fierce and strong and had zero tolerance for even the slightest of mistakes.
“She must be like a million years old.”
If Amber had thought about Simone in the intervening years, she would have assumed Simone was dead. Such a thought wouldn’t have bothered her in the slightest.
“Would you like to stick your head in and say hello?”
“Not on your life.”
Approaching the two-way mirror of the viewing room, Amber glanced up at the training room ceiling. Every cobweb and crack felt familiar. That’s what she recalled most, maybe about the whole facility - the training room ceiling. Probably because of all the times she was laid out, sprawled on her back. The self-defence drills weren’t something which came easily to young Amber. She could fight now. The ability was an ability born out of a great deal of pain.
Her initial experiences in this room were pure hell. The particular challenge of her first day in here, as she recalled, was that it came after a day entirely devoted to testing strength and fitness. Not one for lifting weights or exerting herself much at all, young Amber had been decimated by the previous day’s tasks.
She vividly remembered having trouble even moving, sore beyond anything she had ever experienced and having to front up to a day of being slammed repeatedly into the floor.
Judging from the way he was moving, Ben wasn’t faring a whole lot better. At least he was tall. Amber had been petite. She had been paired with a training partner twice her size. Ben’s partner was smaller but about double his width.
Getting underway, Simone gave a short, sharp explanation of the drill she expected from each participant. A simple throw to the ground to begin with. Ben went first. He did his best, but with no prior experience he made plenty of mistakes. Each mistake led to a barrage of scorn from Simone. Any hopes the old bat had mellowed with age were swiftly dashed.
“Leave him alone, you old battleaxe” Amber muttered. “He’s doing his best.”
Mother smiled.
By contrast, Ben’s partner was highly experienced and knew the drills perfectly. He dispatched his younger opponent to the mats with little mercy. Again and again, Ben went down, seemingly harder each time. It was challenging to watch.
Amber gnawed on her inner lip. “He’s got a sore arm.”
“Would you like to go and inform Simone?”
“No. Probably not the smartest idea.”
To his credit, the youngster got himself up every time. A little more gingerly after each hit, sure, and yet not a word of complaint escaped his lips.
Finally, Ben performed a move exactly right, first go. He glanced up at Simone with a mixture of pride and excitement and got precisely nothing back for his troubles.
“Stupid old cow,” Amber muttered, much to Mother’s delight. Simone turned, striking a chill through Amber. She couldn’t have heard, could she? Amber had to be careful. Simone had supersonic hearing and would likely take Amber’s anger out on Ben. “I think I’ve seen enough.”
Mother continued watching. “We trust you to make the right choice here, Amber. We always do.”
Amber headed for the exit, pleased to be leaving the facility. Hopefully never to return.
She was halfway out the door when a voice sounded from behind her.
“Amber… Hey, Amber…”
60
Amber turned to see Ben limping up the corridor after her. He had to call out because he could barely move. Certainly not quickly.
“Ben.”
“Thanks… You know, for coming. I’m sorry if I… you know. About last night.”
She nodded.
He grinned at her. “This is full-on, but it’s like, amazing.”
“Are you okay? You look to be taking a few hits in there.”
“Yeah. Have you been watching? I’m total rubbish at the self-defence stuff. At least, I am now. ”
“How’s the arm holding up?”
He grimaced as he waved it about. “All good. I don’t think, that instructor? I don’t she likes me very much.”
“Don’t take it personally. Simone doesn’t like anyone.”
There was something different about the young man. It was that same fire in his eyes that he had when discussing being an agent back home. More though now. Like the fire had engulfed his entire self. He was having trouble moving, yet he had never seemed so alive.
“You’re doing good, Ben.”
A smile raced across his face. “Thanks.” The smile faltered as quickly as it appeared. “Hey, umm, Amber? I hate to, you know, hate to ask this, but… can I borrow some money?”
“Why?”
“I don’t have any left. I spent all the money I had to get up here. I don’t know how I’m going to get home. Assuming they let me leave. I do get to go home at some stage, don’t I? Or is this, like, it?”
“Yeah, Mother is not big on imparting information…” Her words trailed away as Amber processed what Ben had just said. “Wait… You got yourself here? I thought… Didn’t Mother… ”
“Oh,” he said, looking pleased with himself. “You remember how Mother came to Paradise Cove that time? She left her card with Joan. For Diamond Logistics? Anyway, I found it and rang the number and that guy, Tony?”
“Yes, Tony.”
“He kind of fobbed me off. So I found the address myself.”
“How?”
He shrugged. “Internet. But the taxi to the airport, then the flight here, then the taxi to Diamond Logistics… it chewed through all my cash.”
The kid came all this way by himself?
“Mother didn’t grab you off the street?”
His brow crinkled for a moment. “Oh, no. I mean, yes. They grabbed me. Not Mother though. Two guys at a bus stop.”
“Right.”
“But that was after my interview. After I had come to the office and met with Mother and whatever.”
“After?”
“Yeah, I came up. Found the office. Walked straight in. Talked to Mother for like an hour.”
Amber’s mind raced to catch up. So, Mother hadn’t just grabbed him out of the blue. Amber had to hand it to the kid. He was certainly determined.
“I’ve got to go. I’ve got a flight to catch.”
“Umm, what about the money?”
She shook her head, turning for the exit. “Don’t worry about it. Mother’s got you.”
“Amber… I know you didn’t, like, want me to…”
He glanced at her for help. She gave him nothing.
“I mean, I know I kinda forced the issue and like, went behind your back and whatever.”
“Kind of?”
“Yeah. It’s… it’s not, like, going to be a thing, between us, is it?”
“You better get back in there. Simone doesn’t tolerate being kept waiting.”
“Right. Oh, Mother wanted me to give you this.”
He passed Amber a laptop.
“What is it?”
“Don’t know. She said something about for your flight home.”
Amber nodded. More proof about Ben, she guessed. Results of his testing or something. More proof Mother was right and that Ben should be here.
Amber probably owed Mother an apology for her wild accusation about abducting Ben.
Too bad.
61
The fligh
t was delayed, adding to an already long journey. Amber waited until the aeroplane was high among the clouds and the pilot gave the all-clear to use electronic devices before she opened the laptop.
She was right and wrong about what it was. It was footage from the facility, but not footage of Ben.
The image warped and crackled, the dated video footage strangely incongruous playing on the laptop screen. A graphic indicated this was the exit interview with A. Storm. The end of indoctrination. Amber found herself staring at an early twenties incarnation of herself. She had no recollection of recording it.
What struck Amber was how bright she looked. Not only younger, but alive. The unseen interviewer peppered her with various questions about the previous few days. The abduction and subsequent testing and training. Young Amber responded with nothing less than unadulterated enthusiasm. She didn’t look like someone who had been through hell. She looked like someone who’d had the time of her life.
At one point the interviewer asked if she would do it again, to which Amber all but yelled: “Hell, yeah!”
Her youthful enthusiasm was amusing as it was embarrassing.
And then it was over.
“Okay, that’s it,” the unseen interviewer said, camera still rolling.
Young Amber’s face fell. “That’s it? But… no, it can’t be.”
“It is. Time to go.”
“But did I get the job?”
“We’ll get back to you.”
“Wait, you’re serious? I have to go? Go where?”
“Home,” the voice said.
“No. I can’t. You can’t let me go. How can you expect me to return to my normal life after all this? I want to be here. I want to work here. I never want to go back.”
Amber paused the image, just as she had the previous day with Ben’s image. There was a pleading desperation in her eyes.
The low drone of the engine filled the crowded plane. Amber’s mind struggled to balance the contradictory information. Her recollections versus the video evidence.
Was Amber too controlling? Quite possibly. What was the alternative? Letting everything slide? Her thoughts found Ben. How was he doing? He would be even more sore by now. How would he remember all of this in the days to come?
