by Jack Stroke
Amber studied her frozen image on screen. Mother was right as usual. No one had forced her. She had willingly gone back for more. Chosen to become an agent. Her eyes had been open. It was no one else’s fault.
It wasn’t fair that memories were fallible.
Where did that leave Ben?
“At least he has an interest,” Mother had said at dinner the previous evening.
Amber made a face.
“Our thing, what we do, it’s not all bad for someone his age. It keeps them active, gives them a focus.”
Amber scoffed. “You can’t seriously be comparing becoming an agent to… playing a sport.”
“There is a yearning in young people. A yearning to try and to explore. We need to fill that with something. Better this than aimless drinking and drug-taking.”
“He’s not really the type to take drugs.”
Except did Amber know that for sure? Maybe if circumstances were different. Ben’s father Ellis would have taken drugs in his life. That was almost certain.
“I’m just not sure I want him in…”
Amber’s words trailed away. “In your clutches” was what she had wanted to say to Mother. “I’m just not sure I want him in your clutches.”
“You have a rather low opinion of us, don’t you?” Mother asked, watching Amber over her soup.
“No. Not low. Just… complicated.”
Somehow Amber didn’t think having Ben wrapped up in all this would help that terribly much.
“We’re fascinated. Where does this anger come from? You’re a good person. What you do makes the world a better place. That’s what he says he wants too. You really want to deny Ben that opportunity? Few people get that chance in life. To truly make a difference.”
“Few people live such dangerous lives.”
“Really? Safety is a delusion. Day-to-day life is anything but safe.”
“You know what I mean. I don’t want him to have a life where people are actively trying to kill him.”
“But it’s okay if they are actively trying to kill you, is it?”
“I’m used to it.”
Mother took her time, rhythmically slurping her soup. “He’s a smart kid, Amber.”
“I know that.”
“Do you? If you really do know it, don’t treat him any other way.”
62
Amber arrived back to an empty Paradise Cove. Never a place with an over-abundance of activity, it appeared even quieter than usual by comparison with the city.
The sight of the holiday cabins reminded Amber there were probably a few bridges in need of repair. And yet the only friend she had any immediate interest in reconnecting with was a cat.
Keeping out of the line of sight of the owner’s cottage, Amber wandered about Paradise by the Bay trying to locate Lion. She would talk to Megan and Joan eventually of course. She just couldn’t deal with them right now.
There was no sign of Lion anywhere.
As she made her way back, she spotted someone hurrying away from her cabin. A man in shabby clothes.
Grubby.
What was he up to now?
He scurried off into the darkness. There was a note pinned to the cabin door. It simply read: “Lost something?”
Had she? Amber bustled in and did a quick inventory. There was no indication Grubby had been inside.
Amber thought hard but couldn’t think of a single thing she could be missing.
What was he on about then? What could she have lost? And why the note? Why not just talk to her? It was probably nothing, knowing Grubby. After all, the guy was a complete dill.
She decided to follow him anyway.
Paradise Cove wasn’t the easiest place to tail a person. There were too few others about. But Grubby wasn’t the brightest spark or the most self-aware. He dawdled his way to the bait shop with no clue Amber was tailing him.
En route they passed the old scout hall. The open door grabbed Amber’s attention. Impulsively she lost interest in Grubby and instead decided to go and find Vaughan.
As suspected he was inside practising his basketball shots. Judging from the few she watched him put up, he wasn’t getting much better.
“Hey, stranger.”
“Amber.”
Was this the first time he had used her actual name? Ridiculously, she missed being called ‘kid’.
“Do I need permission to enter?” she asked with a broad smile.
“It’s a public space.”
“I was making a joke. Remember? The other day, with your boat?”
“Yeah, I got it. Thanks.”
He focused about ninety-eight percent on his shot and maybe two percent on Amber. The ball missed, coming nowhere near the ring.
“You’re a lousy shot, know that?”
He retrieved the ball, ignoring her.
“Umm, can we talk? Please?”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?”
“I am.”
She was lucky not to get frostbite off him for how cold he was being. Where was the banter they usually enjoyed? Light and frothy and fun? His cheeky smirk?
“I want to talk properly. It would be nice to sit and chat and…”
She ran out of words. He didn’t say anything.
“I’ve had a tough few days.”
Vaughan studied her, trying to make up his mind. Still he remained quiet.
“Look, I know you’re mad at me.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Yeah, right. Clearly there’s a problem between us…”
“No problem,” he said, still not looking at her now. “At least from my end.”
“There is.”
“Oh, you’re telling me what I think now?”
“Clearly there’s a problem because you are acting like a giant baby.”
Amber blew out a sigh, trying to calm herself. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? About dinner at the Half with Megan. That was stupid. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“I agree. You shouldn’t have.”
“So, can we just get past this? Move on?”
“There’s nothing to get past.”
Amber’s cheek burned red. “What do you mean? You’re acting —”
“I know, you said. Like a giant baby.”
“We’re friends, aren’t we? This isn’t how friends are supposed to act.”
Once again, he took his time responding. Picking through his words carefully.
“Yes, in theory.”
“Well, then stop being mad about it.”
“I’m not mad about that. I don’t care about the Half. I had an extremely pleasant evening with Megan after you left.”
“What’s the problem then?”
He weighed up his thoughts, again choosing with care. “You. You’re the problem, Amber. You talk about us being friends. I’m not sure I want to be your friend.”
63
The temptation was strong to simply turn and walk away. Amber didn’t though. Had she heard him correctly? He didn’t want to be her friend? What the heck? Who says such a thing? Other than, you know, ten-year-olds?
She waited for him to keep going. He didn’t. Instead he bounced the ball, his dribbling not a whole lot better than his shooting.
“Is this just some mucho male garbage? Crushed ego? You didn’t want to be friends in the first place. You wanted more.”
“True.”
“Is that what this is? You’re not getting what you want, so now you’re having a little fit and don’t want to be friends?”
He shook his head, focusing on bouncing the ball.
It was odd having this conversation in this old hall, surrounded by rarely used scouting banners. Still, there was no one around to watch at least.
“What’s the problem then?”
“Life is short, Amber.”
“What’s that even mean?”
“I don’t think you are a terribly nice person.”
This knocked the wind out of Amber. “Excuse me?”
“You have an attitude about you. I don’t know if you think you’re better than everyone, but you sure act like it.”
“No, I don’t.”
“It’s definitely how you come across. This superiority. You think we’re all dumb as rocks.”
“I said I was sorry about trying to set you and Megan up.”
“It’s so much more than one clumsy setup. It’s all the nonsense about that sailboat that disappeared, and you knowing nothing about it. I saw you go aboard, but you think you can just lie. Or you getting beaten up and telling me some stupid story about walking into a pillar. Or whatever is going on with Grubby being attacked and your mysterious job. You think you’re so clever. That’s not really the sort of person I want to waste my time hanging around with.”
Amber stared at him, mouth gaping. Was he serious?
Unable to think of a single thing to say, she turned on her heel. She would probably think of a dozen comebacks in bed that night, staring at the ceiling. All of them being as frustrating as they would be useless. What she wouldn’t give for one now.
And then she thought of something at least.
“Go to hell, Vaughan.”
She strode away. Not the best comeback, but she felt mildly better for having said something.
Amber staggered back along the beach, mind ablaze. There it was again. Vaughan highlighting the same problem as everyone else. Did everything in her life come back to that? Back to Amber and how she treated people? How Amber tried to control everything?
Why couldn’t everybody leave her alone? She was doing her best.
What did she need Vaughan for? He could go jump like the rest of them. Megan and Joan and Mother. The whole damn lot.
64
It was still light even though the sun had disappeared for the day. Returning to Paradise by the Bay Amber found Lion the cat patrolling his patch of grass near reception. Jumping about and pouncing on bugs. Amber couldn’t see the insects, making Lion appear a little nuts. He seemed to be having tremendous fun. After watching him for a while, she ambled over.
“Hi, Lion.”
He glanced up.
Instinctively Amber reached down for a pat but had second thoughts.
“Would you like a pat?”
Did he? Or was she projecting on to him? Doing what was best for her, just like with Ben?
Lion eyed her oddly then balanced on his back legs, trying to reach her hand with his face.
“Oh, it’s all right? I’m not trying to control everything. This is consensual?“
She probably looked even more nuts than him. They probably made a good pair, her talking to a cat, him chasing invisible bugs. She put her hand close. He nuzzled his furry face against it. The idea Lion did actually want her attention was just a small thing, yet it made Amber feel infinitely better.
“You’re a smart cat. You can make your own decisions. I get that.”
She moved her hand away. Lion meowed at her, wanting more. Just what Amber needed.
Lion collapsed into a ball, offering up his soft white tummy for a scratch. It was nice for both of them. Therapeutic. Soon he became distracted, going back to bug control.
“Thank you,” Amber said, feeling marginally better about life.
It’s amazing the restorative power cats have.
As Amber made her way up to the owner’s cottage, her heart beat a little faster, which was silly. She was just going to see Megan and Joan.
The owner’s cottage felt lifeless. It took Amber a few moments to work out why. No voices. Usually, talkback would be droning on from somewhere, or Joan would be chatting away to anybody who would listen. Or herself. The dreary silence was unusual.
Megan sat at the table. Her attempt at cooking herself an evening meal was dismal compared to what Joan would typically provide. Washed down with a generous helping of beer. She threw a spiteful look Amber’s way as she walked in.
“She’s not here.”
“Sorry?”
“Mum. You’re out of luck. She’s not going to cook for you.”
“I don’t want any food.”
“That’d be a first.”
Megan refilled her beer glass. She’d had a few. Impossible to know how many.
“Where is she?”
“Who knows? Out. I’m here all by my lonely self. Oh, boohoo. Woe is me. However will I cope?”
Amber ignored her sarcasm. “Do you know where she’s gone?”
“No. What do you want, Amber?”
“I need to borrow the hatchback.”
“Ha. I should have known. Not food, but of course you want something.” She threw up a hand. “Take it. You know where the keys are.”
Amber stomped across the room. “You know, you can stick your attitude, Megan.”
“Excuse me?”
“Keep sulking. You’re good at it. You and Vaughan are a good match. You’re both a pair of sooks.”
“Oh, if only someone would try and set us up. I shouldn’t complain. At least you’re being honest for once.”
“I tried to do something nice for you. I won’t make that mistake again.”
“Please don’t. And don’t pretend you did anything for me. You did it for yourself, Amber. Like you do everything. To make yourself feel good.” She took a sizeable swig of beer. “You’re welcome, by the way. Borrow my car. Live in my cabin. Eat all my food.”
“Yeah, keep drinking.”
Amber exited. It was a better option than belting Megan about the head with the bottle.
65
Ben was surprised to spot Amber waiting for him when he arrived through the gate at the airport. He still wasn’t moving all that freely, but she would have been hard-pressed to wipe the smile from his face. He didn’t stop talking either, from the moment he saw Amber, to walking to the car, to the car ride home. He went over every detail of the last few days. The abduction through every single element of training. And fair enough too. Amber was the first and only person he could discuss these things with.
“What did you do?” he asked, glancing at her sideways.
“How do you mean?”
“After you got out the first time. Who did you talk to about all this?”
“Oh, no one, I guess. Yeah, I didn’t really have anyone.”
“Must have been hard.”
Yep. It probably was. What had she done? Was she bursting like Ben? The video from the laptop would’ve suggested so. Ben wanted to analyse every detail. Figure out what he had done right and what he could improve on. Nut out why Mother made him do certain things and what it could possibly mean. Amber found his enthusiasm exhausting, but in a good way.
“Anyway, sorry again,” he said eventually.
“For what?”
“For going behind your back.”
“It’s all right. I get it, Ben. If you’d waited for me, it probably never would have happened. I was treating you like a kid. Not the intelligent young man you are.”
The headlights split the darkness of the country road.
“Where do we go from here?”
“To be honest, I don’t know. I guess we have to wait to hear from Mother. You’re still at school, remember?”
“Don’t remind me.”
“I don’t imagine anything will happen until you’ve finished.”
He gave a disappointed nod. “Hard to go back to school after all this.”
“You’ve only got a few more weeks. You’ve come this far. Much better to finish.”
Ben nodded again, a nod of someone who didn’t agree with what was said at all.
“Do you reckon I’ll get in? To Diamond Logistics? They wouldn’t tell me anything. And if it was based on that self-defence stuff…”
“I have no idea. It’s Mother. Who knows? But you certainly did well.”
They approached Paradise Cove in silence.
“Listen, Bon, you know, if you do this… It’s a big decision. I know it’s what you think you have always wanted and whatever, b
ut you have to understand. Diamond Logistics, being an agent. It’s an enormous life choice. One you can never go back on.”
“I get that.”
“I know you think you do and I’m not being whatever, but you can’t understand that yet. Not fully. With this, there’s no changing your mind. Ever. You won’t be able to tell your Mum or Joan. That… deception. It’s wearing after a while.”
“Okay.”
She smiled sadly. Much as he might want to understand, he couldn’t get it. Not really. He would though, in time.
“Should I get out early and walk?” he asked as they approached home.
“I don’t think there’s much point. I doubt anyone will notice.”
“Hey, Amber?”
She turned towards him.
“Thank you.”
A discomfort deep down inside told Amber none of this business with Ben and Mother was a good idea, but the kid was happy for now, and that made her happy. Besides, it wasn’t something she could control.
The sense of contentment only lasted a few moments because as they passed cabin six, she spotted something pinned to her door.
Amber skidded to a stop.
“What’s that?” Ben asked.
Another note presumably. Amber had completely forgotten the other one. Was it Grubby again? Instinct suggested this one was a bigger deal.
Approaching the door, they saw this wasn’t merely a note this time. It was a photo of Joan. She was bound and gagged, and had clearly been crying.
Immediately she regretted Ben’s presence. He shouldn’t have to see his Grandmother like this.
The photo had a message attached. Whoever it was, they intended to kill Joan unless Amber did exactly what she was told.
66
Ben stared at the image of Joan as Amber reread the message.
“Who would do this?”
It was a good question.
Why hadn’t Amber kept driving? If she’d dropped Ben at the owner’s cottage, he would have been none the wiser. She could have attacked this on her own.
