The Debt

by Sara Hubbard

  “The video of my father killing that girl? Did you…?”

  “Yes.”

  Eyes closed, I bow my head. “What are they saying in the news? Is there anything?”

  “There’s more about you than him, but it’s less than it was when you were first reported missing. They have no leads.”

  “Do you think he was sorry? About the girl?”

  He raises his eyebrows and takes a seat on the desk to face me. I suspect his answer when he takes a long pause.

  “Did he look remorseful after?”

  He takes my hand again, and he studies our combined hands as though he’s fascinated at their fit. Then he says quietly, “I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better, but I can’t. I didn’t know your father. Only he knew what was in his head and his heart.”

  “Do you believe what you said, that desperate people do desperate things?”

  “Yes.”

  “Were you ever desperate?”

  He smiles weakly. “Once.”

  “What happened?”

  “I’ll let you know when it’s over.”

  Is he talking about me? About saving me? My heart leaps into my throat.

  “Stay with me tonight,” he says suddenly.

  I can’t tell you I don’t consider it. “Yes” is on the tip of my tongue before I can think about it. But when I take a moment, debate it in my mind, I know I can’t. Things are already so messy between us that sleeping with him would only make it worse. Harder. More painful, especially when the day comes and I ask for him to let me leave like he promised. And I will ask. Then I’ll never see him again.

  “I can’t,” I tell him.

  He nods before standing. He’s so close when I breathe that my breasts brush against his chest. He looks down at me with quiet intensity, and I'm weak. Weaker than I’ve ever been.

  He brushes the back of his hand over my cheek, and a shiver crawls down my body, all the way down to my toes. Then he cranes his head down so we’re eye level. I can’t look him in the eye. There’s too much between us. I want to throw my arms around him and act out every fantasy I’ve ever dreamed about him. But he doesn’t kiss me. He just stares, daring me not to. Like he knows I want it as much as he seems to.

  “Max,” I breathe.

  He cups my chin and runs his thumb over my lips. My eyes close and body burns for him. My stomach flutters, and I ache in my core, in that sweet spot between my legs. If he keeps touching me, I won’t be able to rationalize my feelings or my thoughts. I will only answer to need.

  I bite my lip and step back, panting. “No.” And then I walk out of the room on shaky legs before hurrying back to mine. I lock my door then, not to keep him out, but to keep me in.

  Chapter 14

  Maxim: When you’re sure someone is out to get you, even if you’re someone as capable as me, you have to be careful who you talk to and about what. My brother is dangerous, and we run in the same circles. How will I ever know if someone is loyal to him and not to me?

  Whatever he’s up to, he’s doing it on his own. Of that, I’m sure. Because he’ll want proof before he accuses me of anything. I need him to stop before he does. And I need to know what his end game is so I can protect myself—and Luna. The only chance I have at getting in his head is to talk to him alone. Will he talk to me and tell me the truth? Fuck, no. At least, not the whole truth. Maybe some bastardized version of the truth that serves his own purpose. But he’s my brother. I’ll be able to tell a lot from what he says and what he doesn’t. Plus, I know when he’s lying. He can lie to others, but he can’t lie to me.

  Rain trickles from the sky and hits the windshield of my old sedan. The wipers slowly swish back and forth, clearing my view. I’m parked by the curb around the corner from the diner where Luna’s mom works, out of sight, my lights off, but the car still running. For the last few days, I’ve come here to see if my brother comes back. Or if his visit was just a one-off.

  Luna’s mom wipes down a counter and tidies a table. She’s cleaned this same table about six times now. The place is virtually empty and yet she keeps sitting people that come in at the exact same table. Curious.

  I wait for hours, chewing on some black liquorice and sipping on strong coffee. It’s nearly midnight. I’m pretty sure he’s not coming tonight, and I’m about to leave. But they close soon so I might as well wait.

  My phone dings as Yuri texts me one single word: nothing.

  Yuri, nonchalantly, has been hanging around Trevor and Allan the last few days. He simply offered to help my father with some more gun shipments. My father, impressed with his initiative, said yes, which means he’ll be spending some quality time with Trevor and Allan. They’re talkers and they like to complain. Since they’re loyal to my brother, we can’t ask them about their conversations with Andrei, so Yuri suggested he spend some time with them, hoping they might let something slip. So far, they’ve been quiet. Which is why I have to talk to my brother. I’d rather chew on nails. I pop another liquorice in my mouth just as Andrei’s truck pulls up out front of the diner. He climbs out and looks around. He doesn’t stop at the sight of my car. He wouldn’t recognize it, anyway, and it’s not as if he can see me through the dark interior.

  I wait for him to walk inside and take a seat in the very same booth Lois seems to favor. “Fuck it,” I say. I wait until his back is turned and climb out of the car in case he notices me. I want this car to stay anonymous. The rain picks up as I walk across the street and up the steps to the diner. As the doorbell dings, my brother’s eyes connect with mine. He wears the same awful smile he’s had since we were kids when, for a short period of time, he was bigger and stronger than me and able to take his anger for our father and my mother out on me. He leans back in his seat, outstretching his arms over the top of the red vinyl seating.

  I push my wet hair off my forehead and saunter forward, refusing to look away. I almost don’t register Lois approaching me until I hear her sweet voice. I still a moment and then try to act casual, sliding my damp hands into my jacket pockets. She sounds so much like Luna. On the phone, I’m not sure if I could tell them apart. She has her eyes, too. Haunting and a brilliant blue.

  “Can I get you a table?” she asks.

  I point to my brother. “No, I’m with him.” Feigning indifference, I continue to my brother’s table and slide in slowly. When I fold my hands on the table, he mirrors my position.

  As if she can sense the tension between us, she sets the menu on the table and backs away. “I guess I’ll just leave this here. Holler when you’re ready.”

  “I’ll have a coffee, black,” I say.

  “I’ll have the same,” my brother says. “And a big plate of onion rings.”

  “Coming right up.”

  “Hello, brother,” Andrei says. “What brings you to this side of town this late at night?”

  I shrug. “I come here all the time. The coffee’s good.”

  His smile widens. “Really? I think it tastes rancid myself, but you’ve never had good taste.”

  I chuckle without humor.

  He leans away again and thrums his fingers on the table.

  “If the coffee is so bad, why are you here?”

  “It’s a free country, right? And the coffee might suck, but the rings here are definitely worth the trip,” he says.

  “I’ll take your word for it.”

  “I’m not selfish, brother. If you ask nicely, maybe I’ll share them with you. We used to be friends, once upon a time.”

  I make a face. “When?”

  He points at me, nods, and smiles.

  Truth is, he was only six when our dad married my mother. He hated my mother for taking his mother’s place. And he tried hard to make her life difficult. When I came along, I just became an extension of his hate for my mother. As hard as I try, I don’t remember a time when he ever treated me like an older brother should. And my father seemed to enjoy it. He liked to encourage competitiveness between us.
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  “All right, maybe not. But we’re family, so that counts for something, right?”

  Lois comes back and puts two mugs on the table, slowly filling each nearly to the brim. “Rings should be up soon.”

  “Thanks.” My brother leans forward and stares at her name tag. “Lois?”

  She nods. “You’ve been coming in here consistently for weeks now. I think you’d know my name by now,” she says with a weak smile. There are frown lines around her lips and by the corner of her eyes. I’m sure having her daughter and husband missing is a hard thing to ignore. It can’t be easy to come here and pretend to be fine when her heart is broken. And if she’s anything like her daughter, I’m confident that it is. She scuffs her sneakers over to the long counter.

  “Weeks, huh?” I say to my brother. “They must be some rings.”

  “Oh, they are.” He looks over at Lois, who is refilling some ketchup bottles.

  I don’t want to play this game anymore. We both know why we’re sitting here.

  A bell rings, and Lois grabs the rings from the wide pass-through window between the diner and the kitchen. She brings them over with a bottle of ketchup. “Enjoy.”

  My brother nods to her.

  When she’s gone, he points to the rings. “Try one.”

  I shake my head.

  “Come on. Stop looking at me like we’re enemies and try the damn rings.”

  I take one and pop it in my mouth. They’re fucking hot, but good. Not good enough to come here at midnight on a Wednesday, mind you.

  “This is nice. Sitting here with you like this. I don’t remember the last time we sat and talked.”

  I shrug. “Kostya’s funeral.”

  He frowns. “Yes. It was, wasn’t it?”

  Kostya was my father’s brother. He was good to me and Andrei. We had nothing when we came to this country, and Kostya took our whole family in. Told us “what is mine is yours.” My father took that literally. After about a year, once my father knew about the business and he’d gained some trust and support of Uncle Kostya’s men, my father killed his brother and took his place. Andrei and I had our problems, but we both loved our uncle. He was the one blood relative we had that put us first. I was nearly twelve when he died, and my brother and I stayed up all night after his funeral, talking and reminiscing, both of us secretly wishing it had been our father who died but neither of us strong enough to say it out loud—not outright, anyway.

  “Is that what’s to become of us?” Andrei asks.

  “You tell me.”

  “We’ve been at war with each our whole lives. A lot of it was fuelled by our father when we should have been focussing all our anger on him.”

  I sigh and lean away. “Be careful, brother. You’re saying dangerous things.”

  “Fuck that,” he says, lowering his voice and leaning in. “You know it’s true.”

  “What do you want?” I ask finally.

  “I want him to die a slow and painful death. For all of the torture and humiliation he’s put us through over the years.”

  “Andrei… if anyone were to hear you say that…”

  “Who? Lois? She’s not going to tell anyone, and neither will you.”

  “You’re so sure?” I ask.

  “Oh, I know you won’t tell a soul. Not because I’m your brother and you should be loyal to me, but because of what I know.”

  I grit my teeth and narrow my eyes on my brother’s wide face. “And what is it you think you know?”

  He grins wickedly.

  I draw my hands back and put them on my thighs under the table where he can’t see them, but he knows why I do it. He knows me too well. My fingers twitch, and I curl them into fists. As a child, I felt fear from my father, but I haven’t felt any fear since I grew into a man. In this moment, I feel a hint of it. Right in my chest. For Luna. Thank God, I showed her that room. No matter how much I loathe my brother, he’s family, and I don’t want to hurt him, but if he threatens Luna, I will lunge over this fucking table and rip out his throat with my bare hands. The urge to protect her above all else has been there all along, but never as fiercely as it is in this exact moment.

  “I wasn’t sure if you killed the girl or not. I know you take exception to killing innocent people. And I guess you could call her that. Though no one in this world is really innocent. We’re all guilty of something.”

  “Get to the point.”

  “But then I did some digging. Trevor’s still upset about his sister, and he wanted to make sure the girl was dead. He wanted poor Lois to suffer, too. Just in case you didn’t touch the girl. So, I looked into this girl. Wow, she’s a looker. Though I heard her face was pretty fucked up—Trevor made sure of that. Imagine my surprise when I found out the police considered you as a person of interest in her disappearance.”

  “Bullshit.”

  He nods, his expression serious. “It’s true. For as many allies as we have at the police department, we also have a handful of people who’d love to see us fry. One of those people discovered you had a relationship with this girl—what’s her name? Luna?”

  I stare at my brother, expressionless.

  “Of course, it was so long ago that people thought he was just fishing, and it got swept under the rug.”

  “It was brief and forgettable,” I lie. “Her face was so fucked up I didn’t even recognize her.”

  “That’s why you were just sitting around outside waiting for me to come in here? No, I don’t think so.”

  “Get to the point, brother, before I lose my patience.”

  “Dead or alive, I don’t care,” he says. His tone is so casual he almost sounds bored. “She’s your business, and she’ll stay that way.”

  “She’s dead.”

  My brother grins. “I don’t believe you. How about I follow Mommy home after work tonight and shoot her in the back and leave her to bleed out on the street. What do you think? If Luna’s really dead, what would you care about her mother?”

  “Go ahead.”

  He digs into his rings, dipping them in the creamy barbecue sauce on the side of the plate. He moans with his first few bites. “These really are delicious. What kind of onions do you think they use? Do you think that makes a difference?” He laughs out loud. “Like I fucking care. I’m not about to make any, am I?”

  I watch him eat, the monster inside of me raging, rattling the cage of my restraint, waiting to be unleashed. Then I see Luna’s face in my mind, the smile she wore when she saw her mother, her hand on mine… The fight in the monster slowly dies. I don’t care about her mother. I would let her die to keep Luna safe, because Luna’s all that matters. But she’d never forgive me if I stood by again and let the only parent she has left die. Still, saving her mother shows my hand, and that’s bad for Luna.

  My brother shoves another ring in his mouth and winks at me. He knows he has me, and it makes me want to scream out loud in his face before snapping his neck.

  “You obviously want something.”

  “I want it all,” he says simply. “The businesses. The guns. I want to be king. And I want your blessing. I’m the oldest. It was always supposed to be mine anyway. But I want your loyalty. People will follow me, but there are others that’ll be loyal to you. I need you to make sure they stay in line.”

  “Oh, that’s all?”

  He nods, grinning.

  The funny thing is, I’ve never really wanted any of my dad’s stuff. The clubs bore me, and the pawn shops are full of shit no one wants. It’s just a front, after all. I still have no idea what I want, but I know what I don’t. However, being loyal to my brother and doing his bidding could be a fate worse than death.

  I could kill him. Tonight. End him quickly and pretend it wasn’t me. He has enough enemies for me to get overlooked there, too. But…he’s also my brother. Love or hate him, he’s blood. That’s a hard line for me. I’ve done a lot of horrible things in my life, and I’m like my father in more ways than one, but what he did to his brother twi
sted me up as a kid. I won’t do what he did, no matter what my relationship with my brother is. Even if that means I have to step aside.

  “If I say no?”

  “I guess we fight it out when Dad eventually dies or gets murdered. Hopefully, the latter.”

  I scoff at that. I’d win in a heartbeat. But I know my brother, and he wouldn’t fight fair. It’s not his style.

  “Oh, and I’d kill her mother.”

  I take an onion ring and dip it in the sauce. The sweet, creamy sauce is good.

  “Come on. You’re giving me that ‘I want to kick you in the face’ look again. Can’t you see I’m trying to be a brother here?”

  I laugh at that.

  “I’m not going to go to Dad about the girl. I know she’s alive. I can’t prove it, but maybe if I keep looking and find something…”

  I scratch my chin. And I wait. I want him to think this is a hard decision. He finishes his rings while I glance out the window.

  “Tick tock,” he says after wiping his hands and tossing his napkin on the plate.

  “If I support you, don’t think you rule me. I do what I want when I want. I won’t be under your fucking thumb. That goes for Yuri, too. He’s family.”

  “Your family. Not mine.”

  “What about my mother?” I ask.

  “What about her?” There’s a tick to his jaw. He hates her—passionately. I’ve always wondered if it’s been about my mother taking his mother’s place, but I don’t know.

  “She stays in the house. She gets support.”

  He scoffs at that. “Sure. How much longer can she live anyway? She’s too sour to live to an old age.”

  I roll my eyes at that.

  “Well, this is a surprise. I didn’t see you giving up everything for a woman. Ever. Unless that woman was your mother.”

  He thinks I’m giving up everything? My mother wanted all of that for me. But I need to let him think he’s won big. If he actually knew how little of a compromise this was for me, he would ask for more—much more.

  Then I have a thought. To sweeten the deal and to make me feel a little more secure. “I want Trevor, too.”