Let Loose for Me

by Coffman, Georgia

  This moment with my dad’s pride and Ty’s admiring gaze. The only two men in my life, meeting each other at what seemed like a terrible time, but turns out, it’s the most opportune time.

  “Have you thought about expanding? Opening another location?” my dad asks eagerly. “You know I’ll help if you need.”

  “Oh… honestly, I’d love to, but I don’t know. There’s a lot to think about.” I take a drink of water. Opening another studio would be a dream, and I’ve been thinking about it lately. But the idea is still too fresh with no plan or location, so I thank my dad for his offer and change the subject. “How are the girls? And Karen?” I mentally pat myself on the back for not gagging at the sound of my stepmother’s name coming out of my mouth. If my dad’s here to try, I can return the favor, even if it makes me inwardly cringe.

  He finishes chewing and pushes the empty plate away. Nodding, he says, “They’re all great. Karen stays a busy bee with little Amy and June. They have so many activities. Did I tell you she also got a part-time job on top of everything else? Sometimes I wonder how she does it all!” He laughs and looks up at the ceiling like he’s picturing his family now. He’s proud of them.

  Just like he’s proud of me, and for the first time, I don’t feel like an outsider.

  Maybe it’s because he’s here in LA, my new home.

  Maybe it’s because his focus is on me.

  For once, since he married Karen, I start to think maybe there’s room for me in his life too. It doesn’t mean I’m okay with what he did to us, or that I like Karen at all. Her coffee’s always too weak. She insists on sending me muffins when she knows I don’t eat that amount of sugar in a whole month.

  She gave my dad the happiness my mom and I couldn’t.

  But she’s the mother of my sisters. She makes my dad happy, and don’t we all deserve to be happy? I glance at Ty again, remembering his words about our future and what it could be.

  I wonder what it would look like five years from now. Will we have kids of our own? Get married? Grow old together?

  That’s all I’ve wanted for years, and now, like a cosmic sign, I feel like I’m staring it in the face as I gaze into Ty’s blue eyes.

  There are still things we need to clear up, but I want to make it work.

  This tattooed dancer is it for me.

  “Listen, kids, there’s something I want to talk to Emma about.” He scans the slowly emptying café. “Mind if we head back to the apartment?”

  “What’s going on?” I ask, alarmed and stiff. Frozen in my seat, I peer up at my dad, who stands to leave.

  Sitting back down, he shushes me like I’m still five. “No, no. Nothing bad, sweetie. It’s just not a conversation you want to have with onlookers. We’re not a Broadway show, right?” He holds his hands up like he’s surrendering, making light of the situation, when I just want to vomit.

  I knew he was here for something. I knew it wasn’t just a visit to see how I’m doing.

  He wouldn’t miss work, not this time of year. As a farmer, this is right in the middle of their busiest season.

  He’s about to drop a bomb on me like he and Mom did when I was thirteen, and they told me they were divorcing after years of fighting and putting me in the middle. This lump in my stomach is exactly what I felt then and now.

  The whole way to my apartment, the lump only grows.

  Ty stays silent, his jaw clenched with concern, while my dad continues on like nothing is looming over us. “What beautiful weather you’re having in LA. I tell you what, you’re lucky. We haven’t gotten anything but rain back in Alabama. So much rain, some of our crops are drowning. I’m thinking about buying a canoe to get to work now.”

  He smiles at his own joke in the rearview mirror. I want to tell him that LA could actually use a little rain, seeing as how we’re in a severe drought. But I remain silent, not wanting to make him feel bad. If I pointed out every time he sticks his foot in his mouth, it’d be my full-time job.

  Once we reach my apartment, I fumble with the keys, nervous to know what my dad wants to talk about. Why we had to come back to the apartment before he could spit it out. He doesn’t seem sad or angry. He seems happy, really, even though we haven’t responded to his small talk in the last fifteen minutes.

  “So,” I say, impatient with his diversion, “what’s going on? Are you okay?”

  “Oh, Pumpkin, I’m fine.” He rubs my arm in comfort. “It’s about your mother.”

  I furrow my brows, and my face pales. “What’s wrong with Mom? Is she okay? Why didn’t anyone call me?”

  “Sweetie, I told you it’s nothing bad. Quite the opposite. It’s a good thing, I think.” He takes a seat on the couch. “She’s checked into rehab for the next few months.”

  I remain standing, unsure of what to do. It’s something I’ve been waiting on for so many years, and now that he’s saying it’s happening, I don’t believe him. Her big sister and I haven’t been able to convince her to go, and now what? My dad of all people has suddenly gotten through to her?

  “It’s true.” He shrugs. “A week ago, she was hit by a car—”

  I gasp, reaching for my phone to dial her number, but my dad cuts me off.

  “Please let me finish. She was so inebriated she didn’t even realize what happened. She just woke up in the hospital. I was still listed as an emergency contact, so I went to see her. She had been roaming outside the grocery store, and the driver didn’t see her. It was late, you see, but the car wasn’t going too fast, thankfully. She’s mainly bruised down her side.”

  “My God,” I whisper, bringing my shaking hands to my mouth.

  “We had a good talk at the hospital, and she… came to terms with her illness. She wanted me to drop her off at a rehab center immediately, so she’s there now. I really hope she gets better.”

  “Me too.” I work my jaw back and forth, hoping rehab does help. “Can I go see her?”

  My dad smiles. “Sure, you can go whenever you’d like. I was thinking you might even like to fly back with me.” He pulls a ticket out of his large wallet, then peers at Ty. “Ty, if you’d like to join us, son, we can always buy another one.”

  Ty rubs my back, peering down at me, his lips twisted. “I’d love to,” he whispers. “But I have several shows coming up.”

  My face falls, but what did I expect? We just sort of patched things up between us before my dad interrupted us. I couldn’t expect him to fly across the country with me to see my mother, especially in her condition.

  Plus, his job is demanding. And he travels a lot—I knew this from the beginning.

  It all makes sense.

  But it still hurts. I want Ty next to me. Life is so much easier with his bear-like hugs and loud laugh. He may be troubled, but to me, he’s only ever breathed life into my lonely existence.

  My dad cuts in like it’s not a big deal. “Next time, then.” He turns me in his arms for a hug. “I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you while your mom has been going through this rough time. Seeing her made me realize just how bad things must’ve been…” His voice trails off, his thoughts lost in my hair as he squeezes me tightly. Pulling back, I think I spot tears in his eyes. “I know me coming here and buying you a ticket won’t fix things, but I want to try to make it up to you.”

  My eyebrows are drawn together, confused at his words. The ones I’ve so desperately wanted to hear all this time. Since I was thirteen, to be exact.

  When he walked out of my life and into his new one.

  I nod slowly, trying to comprehend what he’s saying and wanting to believe him. My gut says to trust him. To try to trust someone again, so I might as well start with my dad. I can’t go on never trusting another person like I’ve been doing the last two years.

  We agree to leave in a couple of days, so I have enough time to get my classes covered.

  I kiss him on the cheek before he leaves to get settled into his hotel and wash up. He’d come straight here once he dropped off his bag
in his room because he was excited to see me. It’s cute and makes my heart full, even if some things between us will take more than a brief visit to repair.

  I have hope for once, though.

  Once I close the door behind him, I turn to Ty, who has his hands stuffed in his pockets. His wide-neck tee shows off his tattoos, and his joggers are just tight enough to show off his muscled quads.

  My mouth waters for him.

  He’s the only one to ever have this effect on me.

  And the way he joked with my dad—like they’d known each other for years—it all melted my heart. I could see Ty having an actual place in my life, but I don’t know if he wants one.

  He said all the right things earlier today, but they don’t fix everything.

  I swallow the urge to fall into his arms, like I’m afraid I’ll fall flat on my ass yet again. I swallow my tears and sorrow from the emotional year I’ve had—two years, if I’m counting Brant. But even that seems like another lifetime ago.

  “I want to trust you…” I say, my voice trailing off.

  “But?”

  “I have a hard time with that, and you’ve given up on us too many times. And seeing you with Naomi brought up a lot of insecurities.”

  “I’m so fucking sorry.” He steps closer and pulls me into a hug, his lips on my neck, whispering, “I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you’ll have me.”

  My body goes limp in his arms, melting into him of its own accord. “What about your job?” I ask, my words muffled as I speak them into his shoulder. “What about all the traveling and the women and the nakedness?”

  I cringe at the ugly thoughts running through my brain. I’ve always been one to think too hard, but now it’s with good reason.

  The last time I let loose with Ty ended with pints of ice cream in my system for the first time since I was a teenager. My stomach was so upset I couldn’t sleep for days, which was almost as bad as my broken heart.

  As much as I want to believe he’s here for good, that we’ve made progress, I can’t help but think about the way he dances for other women.

  How he used to sleep around.

  He used to be that guy, and I’m finding it hard to believe I’m the one who changed him into monogamy.

  He pulls back, putting some distance between us.

  “It’s all part of you, and I don’t want to change that. I want you to keep dancing with Naked Heat because I know it makes you happy, but I wonder if I’ll be enough for you to want to come home to. Because if we’re going to do this, I want you for the long haul. I want the cute house with a small yard, a couple kids, and a dog. I want it all, someday down the line, and if you don’t—”

  He silences me with a kiss, his body pressed to mine, pushing me up against the door. With a low groan, he kisses me along my jawline. His short stubble is new and delicious and tickles me. “I want the same. I was a fucking idiot to ever let you believe I didn’t.” He grips my hair and rests his forehead against mine, like he’s trying to form the right words. Like he’s trying to control himself. “I’m in love with you, and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to realize it. But I’m never letting you go. Not again. You’re mine, okay? Mine.”

  I gasp into his mouth as he picks me up, his hands gripping my ass, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He leads us to my bedroom, our lips locked like they’re magnets.

  Setting me down on the bed, he hovers over me, a lump in my throat at the intensity of this man.

  We stay like this for a moment, studying each other like we’re searching for any differences the last few months might’ve made in our physical appearances.

  I touch his cheek, right above his sexy stubble. “I missed you,” I whisper.

  My heartrate spikes when he cups my hand with his own on his cheek.

  “I missed you too. So damn much, Em.” His voice cracks at the end, his hand tightening around mine on his cheek.

  So much time has passed since I’ve had him here, in my room, kissing me.

  I fist his shirt with my free hand, wanting it gone. Wanting nothing between us, no barriers or secrets. Nothing left standing between us and our happy ending.

  “I love you,” he says, then meets my gaze, his hand idly running up and down my stomach. “I mean it. I’ve never said it to another woman before.”

  My breath hitches.

  “I love to dance too. I might’ve gotten into it because I was lost and college was a snoozefest, but I stayed in Naked Heat because I feel alive when I dance on stage. It gives me the confidence I never had growing up. It’s my calling, just like yoga is for you.”

  I nod, smiling at the sparkle in his eye.

  Then it’s gone. He grows serious, and his fingers continue grazing my stomach, down to my bare leg, his calloused hands tickling and arousing me at the same time. “Before I met you, I was the guy with a wandering eye and dick. I’ve never lied about that. I drowned myself in alcohol and women—it’s how I coped. But I never did face the root of it all. I only dealt with it the wrong way.” He pauses. Taking my hand in his, he remains above me, his weight on me like a heavy blanket. “Until I met you.”

  “We’re very different, though. Sometimes I think I’m not enough.”

  “We’re like peanut butter, raisin, and cheese sandwiches paired with expensive Merlot. My favorite kind of different.”

  I laugh lightly, letting his words sink in and wrap around my heart.

  “You’re more than enough, and I don’t deserve you. I’m the one who’s worried.” He kisses along my jawline, his hand gripping my thigh more tightly, my eyelids heavy.

  “Be good, and you won’t have to worry.”

  He grins. “But I’m so much better at being naughty…”

  I hum as he kisses me slowly, the past few months apart fading away.

  And the future looking more and more bright the longer he tangles his tongue with mine.

  CHAPTER 53

  Emma

  “You were not a dork.”

  “I was!” Ty leans his head on his hand, his elbow resting on my pillow. “It was embarrassing. I wore the suspenders and everything, until finally my elementary school friend told me I looked like Urkel, then stole my animal crackers.”

  “What a jerk.”

  “That’s what I said… behind his back, of course. He was way bigger than me.”

  “In elementary school? What, was he like five pounds bigger?”

  “Three, but still, in elementary school terms, that’s thirty pounds and a whole foot in height.”

  “You’ll have to get me the conversion chart, so I can be on the same page.” I roll my eyes.

  “Hey, did you know your neighbor thinks you’re a lesbian?”

  “Mrs. Lang? Did she tell you that?”

  He nods, a mischievous smile spreading across his handsome face.

  “When Kendall first moved in with me, Mrs. Lang assumed we were together. Like two girls can’t just be living together as friends. And she still thinks that about me, but she calls Kendall a hussy now.” I shake my head, laughing along with him. “She’s just set in her ways.”

  “So you didn’t do any experimenting in college? No girls for you?”

  I smirk. “Well, I didn’t say that. While I was studying in Europe, there was a girl, Katya…”

  His jaw drops. “Please tell me this isn’t a joke. If it is, I’ll cry.”

  I can’t fight my laughter any longer.

  “That was so mean.”

  “Why? You’re too easy.”

  “And you’re sexy, experimenting or not.”

  I shift toward the headboard. As I do, the sheet falls down to my waist, exposing my bare breasts.

  Ty sharply inhales at the sight, his gaze trained on my hardening nipples. All laughs are gone, the air sucked dry of any humor like a vacuum, leaving only lust in its place.

  We have a lot of time to make up for. That’s what Ty said as we settled in my bed for the night, and beyond.
r />   He reaches a tentative hand out to cup my breast. “You promise you’re still feeling okay? Your last checkup was fine?”

  I swallow, his massage of my breast making me want to moan. Instead of trying to speak, I nod, then scoot closer to him.

  “Good.”

  “You don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

  He places a soft kiss on my chest where my heart beats wildly underneath. “I’ll always worry about your safety.”

  Tears prick my eyes, and I nod again, my emotions running wild as my heart tries not to break. He had someone very close to him taken away. His protective nature is now part of him, and although I hate that’s why, my heart warms that I’m precious enough for him to constantly worry.

  Ty drags his lips along my chin, to my neck, to my bare shoulders. He leaves goose bumps on my skin along the way, and I’m already so wet I think I could orgasm without him even touching me between my legs.

  That’s what he does to me. That’s the effect he has on me. How much my body responds to him.

  He let the wild side in me loose long ago, and I like that I’m no longer scared to even think the word orgasm.

  His fingers move to my breast, pinching my nipple, making me needy. Closing my eyes, I moan, reveling in the sensation. I’m in a sleepy fog, overly stimulated in this state where my brain isn’t in overdrive.

  It takes me a moment to realize his lips are no longer on me, nor are his hands. When I open my eyes, he’s standing at the edge of the bed, completely naked.

  He once called my body a work of art, but his is on another level. Strong, chiseled, sexy. Especially with his hand stroking his hard length. I admire his tattooed chest, the veins intertwining with the ink on his arms, the tension in his shoulders like he’s trying to tamp down his animalistic urge.

  Reaching for him, I whisper, “Let loose for me.”

  Slowly nodding, his voice is strained when he says, “Always, baby. I won’t hold back from you again.”

  My heart squeezes as he comes back to bed and kisses me fiercely. My mind shuts off. No more thinking or teasing. Just letting loose and feeling.