Limiting Liabilities: Book Two - The Martinique Files

by Colette Alaine

  “I’m confused but not because I don’t want to feel any pain. I want to be in love. I know it’s gonna hurt sometimes. I know I’m going to have to deal with stuff from the guy that I’d rather avoid. I certainly hope he never cheats on me but if he’s thinking about it, I want to try to stop him and make the relationship work. I want to make him happy and I want him to be committed too; committed to trying to make it work because he loves me as much as I love him.” She is definitely not confused about what she wants.

  “The first option is the one I want but I’m guessing you won’t.” It is clear Billy expects her to throw his idea out the window.

  “Let me guess. Friends with benefits.” His expression confirms her guess.

  “Is there any way. . .”

  “No. None.” The sweetness in her voice disappears.

  “Okay. I don’t think we can only be friends or co-workers and be in the same firm.” Obviously, he did not think she would go for the first option.

  “You want me to leave BSF?”

  “No, but maybe I will.”

  “You will not and you shouldn’t.” Now she is getting angry. “What you’re saying is that instead of trying to have a true relationship with me you’d rather just jump me every so often or completely get me out of your life. That’s truly amazing, Billy. I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy who is so terrified of letting himself feel. What did your mother do to you?”

  “My mother sounds a lot like you so it’s not her fault and yes, what you said is what I think should happen.” The cat is out of the bag now and he has to deal with the consequences. At least she knows his thoughts.

  “What’s so wrong with me that you don’t want to try to make the relationship work?” Tawny has issues with wondering why men do not want her for more than just a fun time. It is beginning to damage her self-esteem. People today don’t date anymore. They don’t spend time really getting to know the other person before becoming intimate. They jump into bed and then expect everything to run smoothly. It rarely does because they do not have any real sense of who this person is. Tawny is not one of those girls. She had a few long-lasting relationships with men who have spent the time to get to know her but they have been few and far-between.

  It does make her life more lonely but she would rather be a little lonely than used. Jaclyn let herself be used by too many men and she wears the scars all over her heart. Her personality is so vivacious but if you listen closely to her words, you can hear she is damaged. She is insecure and has lost a part of who she is. Hopefully, Eric will help her find it back.

  “Nothing is wrong with you. That’s what I’ve been saying.” Billy sighs. This conversation is becoming worse by the minute. “It’s me and what I want and don’t want. If I was the type of guy that wanted a committed relationship, I mean Tawny, you’re absolutely perfect. I don’t want to expose myself to those kinds of feelings.”

  “That is truly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I always heard men and women don’t think alike but this takes the cake. I’m not really sure what you’re saying is true. You keep blaming your desire not to feel pain and deal with drama but really what I think it is, is that you’re afraid you’re going to get bored in a relationship and instead of trying to make it work, you want to leave and find someone new. This is about keeping Billy happy in bed.” Restraining her anger is taking a lot of work.

  “There’s more to it than that,” he replies rather meekly.

  “If you’re not satisfied then to hell with the relationship because it’s all about you and your happiness. You are so self-consumed. You know, you don’t deserve real love. So many of us are searching for it, praying for it and then someone like you comes along and zings us with this arrogant attitude that you don’t need it and we’re foolish for wanting it so badly.” She is on a roll now and has no intention of holding back one ounce.

  “I never said any such thing,” he protests.

  “Not the words but between the lines, this is your message.” She is not going to let him out of this one. “I’ve read so many reasons why men cheat and I can understand many of them. I can even relate to a few of them. It’s important that both people keep the relationship fun and interesting. When one of them doesn’t hold up their side of things the other one starts looking around,” she continues to rail. “But that’s a failure in it. What you’re talking about is never even getting to that point. If you want a change you want to make sure you can just go out and get it without any reason at all. It’s like you have a termination without cause clause imbedded in your mentality. You can skip out whenever you feel like it.”

  “We should’ve had this conversation back home. This isn’t going to be a fun weekend for either of us.” Billy realizes his mistake.

  “Speak for yourself. I’m going to have a blast. I know exactly where I stand with you now, thank you very much, and I’m going to enjoy myself. I may not find real love but I don’t have to worry about how you feel. You want to make sure you don’t feel a thing, except maybe for twenty minute interludes. Then you want to feel like a king. You’ll have to find someone else to take care of those moments, just so you know. But the rest of the time I’m your buddy and we can paint the town.”

  Tawny pulls out her iPod, places the ear buds in her ears and turns on the music while Billy contemplates everything she said. She is right and he knows it and the worst part is he truly lost her forever.

  That is not how he wanted this weekend to begin.

  CHAPTER 20

  T awny makes herself comfortable on Billy’s dime. Fortunately, the clubhouse at the condo is equipped with a fabulous spa. He drops her off before even going to the condo so she can get a full service massage. They need to be a part for a while anyway. She listened to her music the remainder of the flight and to the radio in the rental car during the long silent trip from the Denver airport to Vail.

  She is upset he only wanted her to be his toy. If he is not man enough to listen to his heart there is nothing she can do about it. If he decides to leave the firm then that is his decision. She is not going anywhere. He talked her into staying a few months ago and that is exactly what she is going to do.

  The massage does the trick and relaxes her muscles as it calms her soul but an hour and a half later it is over and she needs to face the evening and the next two days. Knowing she cannot ignore him the entire time, her emotions rise again. Taking the shuttle to Billy’s friend’s unit, she goes inside to face him.

  The condo is lovely inside but she appears to be alone. Exploring for a moment she finds a safe haven. The magnificent view from her bedroom window soothes her ruffled emotions. Snow-capped mountains stand peacefully against the blue clear sky. Once again, she breathes easily.

  She and her boss have said very little to each other since their plane conversation. Not quite sure how to open up those lines of communication again she deciphers what actually needs to be said. No reason to hassle over minutia.

  To confront Billy, she needs a drink. Leaving the safety zone of her bedroom she is hoping there is a bottle of wine in the fridge or something alcoholic. Rummaging through the kitchen cabinets, she finds a wine glass and starts for the refrigerator door.

  “I’ve already opened a bottle if you want a Chardonnay.” His voice comes from a distance behind her. She turns and sees him leaning in the doorway of the balcony.

  “Sure.” She swipes the glass and walks toward him. He moves so she can join him by a small table. He pours her a full glass. “What a view. It’s breathtaking.”

  Billy looks in the same direction as she. It is an awe inspiring view but he cannot soak it in like she can. After hauling their suitcases into their respective bedrooms, he opened the bottle and sank into the patio chair wondering what he should do with his life. He messed up everything so badly. He wanted to get closer to her this weekend. Instead, he insults her and puts his job and his dignity in jeopardy.

  “We have to talk about the earlier conversation,”
he finally says.

  “I know.”

  “I think you probably want to say a few things to me.” He opens the door for her to come after him. She steadies her voice and spits out the words she rehearsed in the bedroom.

  “Since emotion is something you want to avoid I’ve thought through the facts and here they are. I am not ever going to be any man’s sex buddy so that’s out for you. I am not leaving the firm. You can do what you want. If you stay, I’m still working as your associate. I don’t want to ever hear about your feelings for me again. Just for the record, I need a man who is not afraid to feel love. And pain, if that’s ever necessary. I want a man who will stick by me no matter what happens to me because he loves me and wants to be with me through the hard times. You’re only interested in having some cold slut keep your bed warm. And that is not me.” She takes a big gulp of wine to fight back the oncoming tears. Her voice stayed steady until the very last sentence. Then, it betrayed her and quivered.

  “What I said to you was terrible. I planned a romantic weekend where I seduced you and convinced you that we could have a casual relationship without any set commitment. I wasn’t going to promise you a wedding but I wasn’t going to make you feel like I only wanted your company when it was convenient for me. What came out of my mouth was worse than I could have ever imagined. As bad as it was, it’s probably closer to the truth than what I was going to say to you,” Billy admits to her what he’s already admitted to himself.

  “That makes me so sad for you. You are so consumed with yourself that you miss what’s right in front of you.”

  “Yeah, that part I figured out on the plane. Right after you got out your music I had this epiphany. I’m even more shallow than I could’ve imagined.” Billy does not like himself much right now.

  “Why are you so afraid?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve always been this way. It’s like I’m programmed to succeed only in business. Love isn’t a part of it.” Now Billy takes the big gulp of wine and finishes his glass.

  “You said you came from a happy family.”

  “I did. They had nothing to do with this. It’s all me.” He pours himself another drink and refills Tawny’s at the same time.

  “You can change. What you’re going through now began with your heart telling you it wants more than a one night stand.”

  “I want business success more than anything.”

  “You have it, Billy! Enjoy it. Everyone still fears you as much as they revere you.” Why can’t this man see what is right in front of him? He is exasperating.

  “Love makes you lose your edge.”

  “Then I hope you like yourself enough to be alone for the rest of your life,” she retorts. How can he be so afraid of feeling? It’s just not natural.

  “I don’t. I think I did before I met you but now that’s changed too.”

  “You’re so lost but you won’t open up. You almost lost your life last year. I can’t believe that experience didn’t show you how important time is. You never know what’s going to happen and if you never have any love in your life, it’s all for naught.” As much as she wants to give up on him, she cannot. He needs someone to knock some sense into his thick head. She might as well give it a shot. She cares about him; not only as a love interest but as a real person. No one should be this confused.

  “You make sense. You always make sense but what you say doesn’t always penetrate to who I am.” Billy tries to explain himself.

  “How do you really feel about me?” Tawny asks the bold question.

  “I’m not going there.”

  “Why not? Forget that. I’ll tell you what I see. You did what you could to make me happy at the firm by talking me into staying when you thought I would leave. You gave me better cases and you took a huge step by making me your primary associate. You had a birthday party for me at your house. You’re jealous of your friend Drew because he likes me. You keep me by your side with your biggest client. You ask me to spend the weekend with you to work out the relationship so that we can be together without compromising our careers. All that tells me how you feel. I know more about how you feel than you know yourself.”

  Billy draws in a sharp breath. He really has turned his entire focus away from himself and toward her. He has been in more pain with her than with any other woman. He agonizes about what she does and with whom. He wants to see her succeed. All of this is a sign of love. She’s right. Still, he cannot give her what she wants.

  “You have nothing to say?”

  “I guess I’m in over my head and I never realized it.”

  “But you still have no plans to change.”

  “I’m not ready, Tawny.”

  “Then, Billy, I can’t help you.”

  They sit in silence. It is ironic how the best girl ever to enter Billy’s life is handing herself to him and he won’t take her. He is stupid and he knows it but something will not let him give all of himself to her. Does he fear something he doesn’t know? Or is he really that incredibly shallow?

  Half an hour passes as they watch the sun set. Its beauty is lost on the two contemplating each other as much as their own desires.

  “I’m going to bed,” Tawny finally announces.

  “Don’t you want any dinner?”

  “Not tonight. I’m really not hungry.” She leaves him to ponder his life on the patio.

  Waking up early the next day Tawny showers and applies her make-up. Hard telling what she and Billy are going to do today. It should be a very long day.

  Wandering into the kitchen, she looks for something to eat for breakfast. Starving since she skipped dinner, she hopes to find a big portion of something tasty. As she searches for food Billy comes out from his room and into the kitchen buttoning the cuff of his business shirt.

  “How are you for business clothes?” He asks.

  “I’ve got two dresses that I brought for dinners out, why?”

  “Ken sent me a message that he’s got a link to the sludge. I thought since this weekend is ruined we should head to Florida.”

  “The dresses are kind of sexy but I brought a jacket if it got cold. I think I can pull it off.” Tawny thinks about her wardrobe as she realizes they are moving onward.

  “We can buy you a suit or something when we arrive. I made reservations for a noon flight. If you pack now we can grab some breakfast down the road and then drive to Denver. We should have plenty of time. We’ll meet Ken for dinner tonight but we can shop in the airport and before we see him.”

  “I’ll pack right now. I need about ten minutes.” She returns to her room and quickly loads her suitcases. Life is never dull with Billy. One minute they are going to be together forever, the next they are breaking up forever and right after that they are on a plane to their next assignment. What a crazy life she leads.

  Entering her room, he surveys it and then picks up her bags and carries them to the rental car. She follows and crawls into the passenger seat.

  “So we’re back to business,” she says with a bit of sadness in her tone.

  “Yeah. For now.” She shoots him a glance but he does not look her way. He is going to send her over the edge.

  Tossing the three new suits on the extra bed of her hotel room six hours later, she changes into the sexy black number she brought to show Billy all her curves. Examining her image in the mirror she sighs as she covers it all up with the long jacket she brought for warmth. Meeting Billy in the lobby, they share a cab to one of Ken’s favorite steakhouses.

  “Ken likes steak.” Tawny suddenly realizes they almost always go to steakhouses when they’re with the environmental engineer.

  “Ken loves steaks. I’m so glad you’re not vegetarian.”

  “Please. I grew up on a farm. I can wring a chicken’s neck as well as the next guy.” Tawny demonstrates with her hands.

  “That’s disgusting.” Billy replies.

  “Not if you want to eat chicken.” Billy shrugs and pays the cabdriver. Escorting her inside the res
taurant, his hand lightly touches the small of her back as he guides her toward the back table.

  “Ken and Judy. So good to see you again.” Billy stretches his hand out to his good buddy and lightly kisses Ken’s wife on the cheek. Tawny is surprised to see Mrs. Shelton again. She was under the impression that Judy prefers to stay in Houston when her husband works in Florida.

  “Hi Billy, Tawny.” Judy shakes her hand. Tawny is unsure how Judy feels about her. She is nice enough but wonders if it is all for show.

  “Judy, I’m so glad you’re here. I get tired of being around only the boys.” Tawny tries to find something to say that diverts any suggestion of her suspicion.

  “Tawny, I apologize to you. When I emailed Billy I had no idea he would make you leave on a weekend. I’ll remember and next time I’ll wait until Monday morning.” Ken scowls at Billy having no idea how much he really saved her.

  “Oh, it’s no big deal. It was going to be a long weekend anyway and this way I get to have dinner with friends,” Tawny says all the right things and Billy’s shoulders reveal his relief.

  The evening sails by and the group enjoys a lavish feast and fine wine. The night ends and Billy tries to set up an early morning meeting but Ken and Judy refuse to work on Sundays. They begin their day with attending church. An invitation is extended and Tawny accepts. Billy is not eager to experience the Lord but he certainly is not going to say no after Tawny says yes.

  On Sunday morning it’s to church for Billy and Tawny. Billy hails a cab and gives the driver the address. Uncomfortable with the idea of fitting in, he is restless as they ride.

  “Afraid lightening may strike you?” Tawny inquires.

  “I’m not sure I can remember the last time I went to church.”

  “Well, I’m pretty sure God hasn’t forgotten about you even if you don’t think about Him. Maybe you’ll find your heart again. Church is big place for love, you know.”