War of the Damned Boxed Set

by Michael Todd

  Moloch waited for the gates to shut before waving away the windows, and a smile moved over his lips. He collapsed into his chair and gazed at the volcanoes and moaning souls of hell. An explosion in one of the lava rivers shook him from his trance. He clapped and put his large feet up on the table. Baal laughed jubilantly, still shoveling food into his mouth.

  Moloch yawned and stretched his arms over his head. “That was a beautiful trip, don’t you think? Though I am disappointed. I didn’t come back with any souvenirs.”

  Baal nodded with a mouthful. “I think the highlights for me were the rolling heads, the drowning humans, and…that one pub guy in Scotland who had the shotgun.”

  Moloch nodded. “Hmm, yes, those were good. Personally, I would say the pub owner was definitely on the top of the list. I also like the way that castle in Bled came down, the beauty of the falling stones crushing the bones and limbs of the people below it. I love watching history crumble. People get so emotional about it, as though the buildings hold meaning. It’s pathetic.”

  Baal laughed. “Maybe we should start naming some of the places here with historical references and let the idiot humans come to us. It would save Lucifer a lot of hard work. Just let the souls collect themselves.”

  Moloch shook his finger. He stood up and grabbed one last bite of the stew. “I like the way your evil little mind works, Baal. Though I’m pretty sure His Majesty loves his job. The look on those poor bastards’ faces when he arrives to bring them to hell. They always wonder what they did to deserve it.”

  They both laughed. Moloch snapped his fingers, and several of his demon servants appeared. “Clear this out and take the leftovers to Baal’s home. I’m not going to want any more of this stuff.”

  “So, what is our plan now?”

  Moloch put his arm around Baal and walked with him across the molten stone. “We wait and see what happens next. You know I always have a trick or two up my sleeve. Lilith will get word very soon, and so will the rest of the world. They will wake up to carnage, and unlike you and me, they don’t enjoy that. It’s going to be a shit show for certain, one I cannot wait to see.”

  Chapter Ten

  Pandora was fidgety, and she was transferring that restlessness straight onto Katie. Not that she didn’t mean to do it. Rise and shine, sunflower. It’s a new day and a new chance to eat donuts, kick ass, and…eat more donuts.

  Katie grumbled and turned over in the bed. She was trying her hardest to push back against Pandora, ignoring the rush of energy that was starting to flow through her. Her legs were starting to tingle, a jolt running from her toes up to her hips. Katie kicked out petulantly but only succeeded in winding her legs up in the blankets.

  Pandora chuckled. Try all you want, but you have yet to master the ability to ward off my energizing vibes.

  Katie took her pillow and slammed it over her head, wishing it would somehow stop Pandora’s constant chatter. Is that an option?

  Pandora sighed. No. But it’s a nice thought, isn’t it? Come onnnn. The sun is up, the birds are fucking chirping, and one just landed on the windowsill like you’re Cinder-fucking-ella. I’m not going to remind you how many chores you have to do.

  Katie yanked the pillow off her head and turned in bed. She opened her eyes wide, hoping that Pandora could feel her icy stare. I thought we had a damn agreement.

  Pandora tsked. No, we didn’t. We know we love each other, and we know I love to get up early. That is the compromise.

  That’s not a compromise. That’s you getting what you want.

  It is? Weird how that happens.

  You suck at friendships. And relationships in general. You know that, don’t you?

  Pandora shrugged. So I’ve been told. But I’ve also heard ‘a happy demon, a happy life.’

  Katie sat up in bed and pulled the covers up to her chest. First of all, that is not how the saying goes. It’s, ‘Happy wife, a happy life.’ I am not your wife, and my life is not very happy when I have to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn. Why can’t you just sleep or doodle or something?

  Doodle? On what? Your liver?

  It might be better than this medieval torture. Seriously, I think you do it to make your mornings brighter.

  Pandora thought about it for a moment. On a normal basis, I might agree with you. In fact, on most mornings, I would agree with you wholeheartedly. This morning, though, there’s actually a purpose.

  What? You want donuts? You smell bacon? You’re thinking about men? You have an itch? What is so important that you have to wake me up this early in the morning?

  Pandora snickered. Good lord, relax. Your blood pressure is shooting through the roof. I’m trying to talk to you and control you from stroking out at the same time.

  I was relaxing, then you woke me up!

  The truth is, I’ve got more to tell you.

  Katie picked up her head and looked around. Really?

  Yes! Now get up and dress for war!

  Katie sighed but pulled herself out of the bed. She went to her closet and pulled out a fresh outfit of black spandex and a low-cut top and got dressed. She strapped her guns on her hips and rolled her shoulders. A twinge in her neck spiked, then became warm, then was gone. That was Pandora. Thanks.

  I’m a licensed masseuse.

  No, you’re not.

  I’ve massaged some crazy stuff. Stuff I should either get a license for or get arrested for.

  Now, where are we going?

  Pandora whistled in excitement. I’m pumped about this. Jump out, do your wing thing, and head north out of the city. Just find some nice, quiet place out of the way to chill.

  Katie nodded and ran right out of her open balcony doors. She leaped off the side of the building and enjoyed a moment of free-fall. She spread her wings far and felt them catch air. She swooped high, not wanting anyone to see her leave that early. Luckily for her, the protestors and counter-protestors weren’t early risers.

  She glided along through the cool morning air and in minutes she was out of the city. She soared over the countryside, looking for a pleasant place to land. Katie spotted a large wooded area with a clearing in the center. She circled around to make sure no one was there and carefully landed in the soft moss.

  Pandora approved. Perfect. Now, let me drive.

  Katie sighed and sat down on the edge of a fallen tree. All right, go ahead.

  Katie dropped into the background, and Pandora took over. She experimentally rolled her neck. Man, I did a piss poor job on your neck. I’ll fix it later.

  I wasn’t going to say anything, but maybe you should have your license revoked.

  Pandora laughed as she stood up. She stretched her back and touched her toes, limbering up.

  Okay, is this yoga in the park?

  Leave the witty banter to me, bitch.

  Pandora concentrated hard. She extended her hands in front of her and demonic claws formed on her hands. She swiped her claws through the air, and reality tore with a guttural sound. A shimmering portal opened in front of her. She smiled at her handiwork, and before Katie could protest, she carefully stepped inside.

  Oh, boy, my favorite place.

  I can work better here. You know that.

  The energy seemed to roll through Pandora, and even in the background, Katie could feel it. Katie looked around, feeling a bit nervous. It was a desolate place, covered in dark, shimmering stone. She scanned through Pandora’s vision and realized they were high on top of a black mountain. Lava ran in rivers far below them, though the heat still managed to reach them.

  Pandora waved her claw through the air and a smaller portal appeared, almost like a window. The edges of the window wavered and flickered as though it was unstable. The window showed a calm, peaceful place.

  Where is that?

  Not where, but when.

  What?

  Angels and demons appeared on the peaceful plane, destroying the scene. They raised wing and claw and crashed together. The battle played out like a movie in fron
t of them. Katie was getting more and more confused by the moment.

  Pandora put her hands on her hips, watching the angels and demons brawl. The demons have been fighting the angels for so many millennia that we lose track of the exact dates. Hell, I’d say it’s been about ten thousand years, but that’s what we all say when we mean a time long ago. We don’t know how long it was really.

  On the screen, angels donned their version of armor and wielded weapons forged by the hands of God himself. They came in waves of silver and gold. They swung their weapons mightily, and many demons fell before them. Then demon reinforcements arrived in vast hordes, screaming and wailing and slashing with claws and crude weapons. Katie winced as a lava ax cut a glorious angel in two. She felt the pain in her heart as she watched a row of angels perish at the hands of the vicious beasts. As many died, more were called to the killing floor. The battle continued.

  Kate heard a sharper sound over the sounds of war. What is that?

  The wailing?

  Yeah, it’s horrible.

  Pandora sighed, waving her hand and muting the window. Those are the sounds of the angels crying. Every time one of theirs is lost, it strikes them in their souls. It’s the pain you’re feeling, only its much stronger at the moment. God cries, too, when his angels are lost. That wasn’t just reserved for me, although I like to pretend that it was.

  Katie scoffed. Figures.

  Pandora ignored that. Anyway. When the humans came along, we demons saw how much God loved them. And we realized that hurting them was a way to hurt God. Like any good demons would, we jumped at the chance. We did horrible physical things in the beginning. The angels tried to protect them, of course. The battles we fought felled mountains and created canyons on Earth. The more we went after the humans, the harder the angels fought us.

  Katie listened patiently, astounded by the stories. But why don’t you fight like that now? We don’t see those battles. We don’t see those fights. If the ground shakes, it’s because of an earthquake or volcano. We definitely don’t go hiking in the mountains and find a bunch of glowing angels beating down the demons.

  Pandora chuckled. You don’t, and that’s for a good reason. The demons found out there were rules to God’s efforts, there were rules to what he could send the angels for. And there were rules regarding what types of punishments the humans could receive. He loves you all very much, but the bible isn’t joking. He can be a spiteful God. He created those rules himself, to protect your kind, but also to keep you in line.

  Katie looked through Pandora at the screen. Because he loved us.

  Pandora nodded. Right, because he loved you. Anyway, we figured that out. So no more direct assaults. We started possessing you meat sacks and using the humans to do our dirty deeds. When humans did them, even if it was through our control, the angels wouldn’t come down and kick ass. They knew if they killed us, the human would die too. Quite the conundrum. The humans ultimately became the perfect buffer between us and the wrath of God.

  Katie sighed. There’s always a loophole. Even when it comes to the creation of the universe and the essence of life, there’s a damn loophole. Is God a lawyer? He is, isn’t he? Or she?

  Pandora laughed. You know as well as I do that God is neither he or she.

  You keep saying “he.”

  That’s the patriarchy talking. I’m working on it.

  Okay. You were talking about loopholes.

  Right. No, God is not a lawyer. Lucifer has dabbled, though. Anyway, everything has limits. Your all-knowing God protected you from everyone with his rules, that means from demons and God himself. But we demons weren’t as dumb as he thought. The whole meat sack idea is pretty ingenious, really.

  Katie scrunched Pandora’s forehead. What does that all have to do with the war now? The demons aren’t even using humans that often. They are literally busting through portals and demolishing shit.

  Pandora crossed her arms over her chest and walked to the edge of the mountain. I know. For whatever reason, it seems that the angels are allowing the humans to get harmed pretty grievously. I fully expected to see them coming down in droves and battling the hell out of the demons. I expected that even before Incursion Day. It never happened, though. The only two angelic beings I’ve seen down here are you and Gabriel. That’s it.

  Katie let out a deep, frustrated breath. But they’re supposed to protect the humans. I know it because I feel that surging need to do it every time something bad is happening. Why aren’t they coming?

  Pandora shrugged, turning back to the window as Gabriel sliced through a demon on the playback of history. I don’t know, maybe because they can fight back? Perhaps they don’t have quite enough faith in this modern age, so the big man upstairs is offering up a little proof?

  A rock crumbled overhead and rolled past them. Katie watched it plummet over the edge. Where are we? This is nothing like the last two times. Even the heat is a bit less than before.

  Pandora looked around them. Yeah, it’s hell, but not the same as before. We are in one of the outer rings. There aren’t as many demons all the way out here. It’s not hot enough, and there’s really nothing to do. Demons are not quite the adventurers that you humans are.

  Katie was a bit worried. But they can still tell when an intruder is here, right?

  Pandora bit the inside of her lip and nodded her head. Mm-hmm. But it will take some time for them to realize anything’s happening. I’m able to block myself well enough to throw them off the trail for a bit. Then it takes time for them to get out this far. Of course, unless Lucifer suddenly starts to give a shit.

  Uh…and how likely is that? I really don’t want to meet your ex-husband for the first and last time today.

  Pandora waved her hands. I doubt he’s even thinking about me. He’s probably three hos into a twelve-ho night by now. Shit depends on when he started. Old Luci isn’t as full of stamina as he was back in the day, if you know what I mean.

  Katie grimaced. Gross. I’d rather not think about Lucifer dicking anything, thanks. So which way to Baal or Moloch from here?

  Pandora smirked. Nice try. Their area is in the innermost ring, just before you enter the final circle.

  That sounds full of doom.

  You think? It’s not something we can do right now. Besides, I’ve never known an angel who could handle being in hell for that long. The heat coupled with the hatred, suffering, sin, and damning kind of gets to them. It’s not really their playground.

  Katie scoffed. I remember. Trust me, I remember. It’s not terrible up here, but that’s probably because you’re shielding me.

  Yep. That is precisely right. When I take over, my demon body acts as sort of a bubble for your human/angel body. You sit comfortably out there, and I take the brunt of it. I can feel your angel hurting a bit, but that’s more because of the inner turmoil and the suffering souls below than anything. Angels know the rules. They know the damned and sinners go to hell, but that doesn’t mean they like it. They tend to have soft hearts for that kind of thing. It makes them sad.

  Katie chuckled. Why do I feel like that’s the punch line for a lot of demon jokes?

  Pandora smiled. We don’t tell a lot of jokes. Demons are either raging assholes or self-loathing emo types. But yeah, you’re right. Every joke does end with some variation of “Angels are pussies.”

  Katie stared at the shimmering window through Pandora’s eyes. So we have fought wars, humans have fought wars, and now humans and demons are fighting a war.

  That’s exactly right. It’s been happening for a very long time.

  Katie thought for a moment, looking around. The problem is that we aren’t…

  Pandora perked up. She growled and slashed open a portal. Sorry, girl, time to go! Whoops, that didn’t take as long as I thought it would.

  Pandora stepped through the portal and slashed her claws, shutting it quickly behind her. Katie immediately switched places, taking her body back. She took in a deep breath of the cool air and watched t
he steam cascade off her hot skin. The breeze immediately cooled her down, but it was strange to her that until that moment, she hadn’t even noticed how hot it was in hell. Pandora really was a bubble for her human body.

  Katie let herself get her center of gravity back and suddenly realized she was standing on top of her apartment complex. What was that back there? Was it Moloch or Lucifer?

  Pandora laughed. No. If it had been Luci, we wouldn’t have been able to leave before he shut down the gate. Moloch is too slow to get there that fast. Think of him as a porky politician who used to be in the military way back when. He’s grown accustomed to fattening foods, comfortable chairs, and luxury. He still knows the tactics but getting up and running might take him a minute.

  Okay, so what was it?

  Oh! It was just a dire. Somehow, we caught one’s attention. They aren’t necessarily too bright, but they tracked you pretty damned fast. They must have been out on patrol after you and I were in hell last.

  Katie looked over the city. Should we be concerned that they’ll track us here?

  Pandora yawned. No, they can track inside hell, but they can’t track where gates open up. They may be able to smell that I was there, but other than that, nothing. They probably won’t tell anyone important either. They know if they reveal they were on my tail but let me get away, they will end up in the torture chamber for a good decade or so.

  Katie sneered. That sounds charming. Well, thanks for the trip and the information. Why don’t we go down and see if there are any leftover donuts? If not, we’ll run out and grab some.

  Hell, yeah. You know the way to my heart.

  Katie shook her head. Yeah, through my stomach.

  They both laughed as Katie opened the door to the roof. She headed down the stairwell and out onto her floor. One of the guards poked his head around the corner, and Katie smiled and waved at him. He gave her a shy smile and nodded his head, quickly disappearing back around the corner.