Charlie Had His Chance

by Ellis Major

  At this, Geoff seemed to snap out of his post coital reverie.

  “Chaps,” he announced. “We need to invest in that woman.”

  “What was she doing that was so marvellous?” Roddy demanded.

  Geoff turned a slightly bemused face towards him. “Words don’t suffice, Roddy, and even if they did, to attempt to describe it over Tea? Well, it wouldn’t feel quite right. You’d have to experience it for yourself.”

  Charlie laughed “I’m sure if you ask nicely, Roddy, she’ll oil the wheels of commerce with you but we should talk business first. I had a peek at this presentation of Babs and I could understand the first line of the ‘Executive Summary’. That’s the bit where she said how much money she needs. After that, the finance side is all Greek to me. Do you guys know what an Internal Rate of Return is and, even if you do, do you know what a good one is?”

  The only thing that broke the ensuing silence was the faint sound of head-scratching.

  “And,” Charlie continued, warming to his theme. “It may be a good price but it’s still a lot of money! We know Roddy is skinter than a church mouse who’s just been conned by a ‘holiday property bond’ salesman. My Trustees keep me just this side of starvation. I have to go on bended knees every time I want more marmalade and I could hardly ask them for a capital advance to plough into this. But Geoff, what about you? That little insurance brokers your pater set you up in, how’s that doing?”

  Geoff assumed a mournful expression. “Quite well, according to the general manager chappie father saddled me with, but it’s a bit of a bugger because I mortgaged myself to the hilt to grab that little Caribbean island Camilla was so keen on. So, no spare spondulicks from my direction I’m afraid.”

  “Lance. You got this kind of money lying around?”

  Lance merely shook his head. “There’s another angle to this you might want to think about,” he murmured. “The moral one.”

  Roddy had been alarmed when Charlie had spoken to Lance. Charlie was a bloody idiot sometimes. Fine, take in a loony and try and help him out. Fine that said loony could come up with a plan to take out the bastards who’d kicked me around so much. But to indicate he might come in on a deal with a group of long term friends? Not a good idea. Roddy could see things getting awkward. Perhaps he and Geoff would have to cut Charlie out as well if he insisted on having a psycho participate. Geoff would be within his rights if he cut out Roddy as well, but Roddy knew he could talk him round. The only problem was going to be the fucking money.

  In light of his selfish concerns Roddy brightened up no end, therefore, at what followed.

  “Nice to think of me,” Lance said, as soon as he’d mentioned the ethical issue. “But this isn’t a deal I should have anything to do with. You blokes all know each other, have done for years. I don’t know what I’ll be doing in two weeks’ time never mind two years. It wouldn’t be right to come in, even if I have the money.”

  Roddy was a shade too quick to react. “Fair enough,” he muttered. “You ok with the moral angle, Geoff, Charlie?”

  Geoff nodded but was frowning. “Cheeky bugger that lawyer,” he muttered.

  “I don’t know,” Charlie said. “Now I think about it, is it any better than selling drugs?”

  “It’s not addictive,” Geoff pointed out.

  “No, but you know what I mean. Women selling themselves – it’s all a bit sleazy.”

  Roddy was smiling. “You old prude, Charlie. There’s a whole section in here about health and listen, that woman is going to do it whether we go in or not. You stand to profit from it, Charlie, or watch someone else get the money.”

  Charlie frowned. “I’m sure there are lots of things that I could try and invest in to make money, but that doesn’t make them right.”

  “I like the woman,” Geoff announced, waving away the ribald laughs. “I think she’s going to run the place as well as you can ever run a brothel. Come on Charlie, if you’re in on the deal and you see something you don’t like going on you can do something about it.”

  “I suppose,” Charlie conceded. “You two are definitely for it are you?”

  Roddy and Geoff nodded emphatically as Lance watched Charlie do what he supposed Charlie had spent a good chunk of his life doing, namely, go along with the crowd. Charlie smiled reluctantly. “Well why not. But don’t expect me to test any of them.”

  Roddy sniggered. “Leave that to us, Charlie.”

  “I did have an idea about the readies,” Charlie suggested tentatively. “If you guys haven’t anything better to suggest.”

  “Really,” cried Geoff eagerly. “Tell us.”

  “Well, the whole brothel angle – who else but Slick Willy?”

  Roddy slapped the table and snorted with delight. “Of course.”

  ~~~

  Mr. William Reeves’ personal assistant, a most engaging lady, arranged for her employer to call in at around six on his way home from his office. Slick Willy was a fellow member of the Vamps club, albeit not at all a man for carousing into the small hours, but a man of money, a man who knew something of the world of private equity and finance, a man who could never have too many contacts…

  Charlie explained to Lance that William Reeves was a man who stalked the City, ‘like a dark and deadly panther’.

  “The City doesn’t extend quite as far west as Berkeley Square, Charlie, which is where his office is,” Geoff pointed out. “But he is a very clever man - runs several funds, does derivatives, arbitrage, black box trading, options, that kind of stuff. Even the receptionist has a PhD in Particle Physics so I’ve heard.”

  Mr. William Reeves was both very clever and very rich, but was civil enough not to rub it in. He turned up as expected and met briefly with Barbara Reading. She had been summoned back ahead of the meeting and persuaded to service Roddy. She had been as, if not more, successful in her efforts. Roddy was now another enthusiastic supporter and, whilst Barbara was resting in the bedroom, he had started to babble on to Charlie and Geoff about the cost-effectiveness of using top class prostitutes, as opposed to having a long-term girlfriend.

  “Think of all the dinners you pay out for, the luxury weekends away, the birthday presents, the little trinkets and bits you seem to end up buying for them whenever you go near a shop. Then think what you get in exchange, and you only get that when it suits her and on her terms, and there’s all the blathering you have to listen to as well.”

  “Roddy, you have no romance in your soul,” Charlie told him. “Relationships between the sexes should be about the meeting of minds as well as bodies. What about companionship, shared interests …” He paused as he caught the rather pained expression on Roddy’s face. Charlie continued, rather more defensively. “Well, anyway, I rather thought Cynthia was rather fond of a bit of nooky. Word always was…”

  “Word may be wrong Charlie.” Roddy’s session with Barbara appeared to have engendered a level of candour on matters carnal. “I had rather got that impression too, but seem to have got the wrong end of the stick somehow. I tell you guys, if I were a cynic, I might think the word might have been put around by the lady in question in order to trap the gullible. What is on offer isn’t all that much fun either. Rather as if you were getting a big favour.”

  “Our little Babs has reminded you what you might be missing, then?”

  “To be fair, Charlie, the lovely Babs has turned a boy into a man.”

  Geoff suddenly gave a start. “You know Roddy, that was surprisingly eloquent; I know exactly what you mean.”

  Such was the fervour with which Geoff and Roddy argued the case that William Reeves was compelled to hold up a slim hand and gaze piercingly at the pair through his glasses. No one had dared to suggest that he might care to sample the skills on offer and Barbara had departed promptly after meeting him. Charlie was glad not to be on the end of William’s gaze. He always felt rather dopey in the presence of such colossal brain power. He could almost feel the waves of genius throbbing in the air.

&n
bsp; “Roderick, Geoffrey, please, I am reviewing an investment opportunity. I am convinced that Ms. Reading is skilled in the bedroom and that this will be a factor in the success of the enterprise. Clearly, however, she will not be entertaining the entire clientele on her own so her skills are only obliquely relevant! There are many other aspects to consider. Allow me please a few minutes of silence and I will conclude.”

  The five of them sat there, Roddy and Geoff tense with expectation. Charlie reckoned that Willy’s head expanded and contracted before his very eyes but he was indifferent as to the outcome. He really didn’t much like the idea of a brothel, so if Willy said no, then he wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

  William pursed his lips now and again, raised his eyebrows, scribbled the odd note and made the odd calculation whilst they waited attentively.

  After fifteen minutes, William glanced around at them, a half smile playing on his lips.

  “I like the deal,” he announced, slowly and carefully. “Although I have a slight problem personally. All my available capital is tied up offshore and I have to very careful about bringing it to the UK – I won’t bore you with all the tax issues.”

  There was a collective groan from Roddy and Geoff on two counts, the first being that he might talk tax and the second being that Slick Willy wasn’t quite so slick, and couldn’t come up with the goods. Charlie felt the stirrings of a faint hope. It was soon squashed.

  “However, I have a solution which will involve a phone call. If that is satisfactory, you will have the money you need. As to that, I’ve prepared some calculations based on the sums you and Ms. Reading mentioned to me that you could assemble. This is slightly complicated by the paucity of money at the disposal of you three. Nonetheless,” he smiled slightly. Charlie felt rather as he imagined a mouse might feel with a cat’s paw on its tail and the cat telling it not to worry.

  “I’m prepared to go equal shares on the equity element for all the agreements and privately book all the differences as loans, because we’re friends and you brought me the deal. I’ll take a charge over your shares by way of security for my loans, of course. I’m also proposing to build in an option for Ms. Reading and I to buy you out at a very generous earnings multiple, to be exercisable any time from the fifth anniversary of the shareholders’ agreement. The loans to you will be interest bearing, of course, as will that to the Academy itself, but I suspect your dividends will allow you to cover the interest many times over. There will be offshore structures and agreements, but my lawyers and accountants will take care of that. With regard to the cash takings that may not find their way into the books, we can have a little share out every now and then. Ms. Reading may take a slice before we get to see any but that’s a chance we’ll have to take. These numbers are good without even considering the cash.”

  “Jesus, William,” Charlie asked in awe. “Is this what you do in the office?”

  William smiled thinly. “When I want a break from the tricky stuff, like managing the Funds a couple of your Trusts are invested in, it is. Now, let me make that phone call. If all goes to plan, then there is one other important issue to discuss.”

  Ten minutes later he was back. “The money is sorted,” he told the assembled group. “Now, we have only to sort out our USP.”

  “Shampoo,” cried Geoff, rushing off in the direction of Charlie’s kitchen.

  “Yes, do help yourself,” Charlie murmured as the door closed behind him. “William, what’s a USP?”

  “Unique Selling Point,” William clarified, as Geoff charged back with a bottle and the glasses.

  The faintest of sighs escaped Charlie’s lips when he saw the label. Trust Geoff to grab the best bottle to rejoice over something that Charlie didn’t have the slightest inclination to celebrate.

  “A toast to Sin, is it?” William asked

  “To Sin,” they chorused raising their glasses – with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

  “As Barbara suggested, we need four unusual, intelligent and attractive girls,” William announced. “You three have the leisure to move in rather wider circles than I, so I must rely on you for this. I suggest that the uniqueness would be enhanced if they wear masks to conceal their identity. You might find it easier to sell the idea to them as well”

  “But why on earth would a girl from our sort of circle want to work in The Mayfair Academy of Modern Morals?” Charlie demanded.

  “I surmise a combination of curiosity, the ability to veto one’s potential customers, enjoyment of the act and, for the indigent, the chance to earn large sums of money very quickly.” William shrugged. “You gentlemen would have to decide which was the most applicable in the particular circumstances.”

  “I’ve got some ideas,” Geoff announced eagerly.

  “So have I,” said Roddy with a dark smile.

  “Well you go first,” Geoff suggested courteously.

  “I have three names,” Roddy murmured. “A blonde, a redhead and a girl with very dark hair. You can see my thinking, but I haven’t got a brunette yet. Virginia Bond is first, quiet girl, quite dark and intense. Word is that she has a particular liking for it. Any pay would be a bonus, so long as she likes the look of her clients.”

  “Yes, I thought of her too.” Geoff had pulled out a pen and was starting a list.

  “Millicent Minx,” Roddy continued. “Well a more glorious head of red hair you couldn’t hope for.”

  “I don’t know her very well.” Charlie objected. “But she always seems a very serious woman. Nose always in a book.” He was rather taken aback by the way Roddy and Geoff were talking. Suddenly women had become objects – in this day and age….

  “A Form book, Charlie,” Geoff told him. “I thought of her too. She loves a flutter. She has an absolute embarrassment of debts.”

  Roddy grinned. “Exactly. Now Geoff, let’s see if we agree on who would be ideal for our blonde.”

  “It should be Rowena Hepple!” Geoff cried. “I know great minds think alike Roddy, but there’s absolutely no chance in a million years! She hates men. And she hardly ever comes to London. I think she hates London too!”

  There was a chorus of agreement. All seemed to share Geoff’s view.

  “It’s a shame though,” Geoff cried. “She could have been the star attraction. That figure is just something else. It’s like…” He struggled to find an apt simile.

  Lance sighed faintly but no one noticed.

  “Don’t dribble on the carpet,” Charlie told Geoff.

  Roddy wasn’t, however, as defeatist as the rest. His smile had a sly edge to it. “Guys, I agree it would be a challenge but we have a secret weapon. Charlie here may need to personally exercise his powers of persuasion.”

  “What,” Charlie spluttered. “Roddy, you see her as some sort of rabid suffragette. How do you expect me to persuade her to sell her body? I’m not sure I want to, anyway, poor girl. Her mother’s not been dead long!”

  Charlie’s objections were ignored.

  “Do you know, Charlie my lad,” Geoff murmured slowly. “I think Roddy may not be far off the mark. If you go along to see her, you might stand a chance. I think she may not actually hate you. Perhaps she doesn’t see you as a threat and she must need the money. The last time I saw her she was leaning on the piano whilst you squawked one of those tunes of yours at Mary’s. She might even have been smiling a bit.”

  Charlie frowned at the recollection. “Not really smiling, Geoff, unless it was a sad smile. Her mother had died that day. I was just doing my best to console her. And you two were winking at me and sniggering - which was way out of order.”

  “Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” Roddy told him. “Geoff and I will talk to the other two so you need to pull your weight, Charlie.”

  That sort of remark struck Charlie as being rather too much below the belt but he wasn’t one for an argument. “I can give it a go, but she’ll probably take a pitchfork to me,” he muttered reluctantly.

  “We lose nothing by asking,” Wi
lliam counselled him. “She says no, she says no, we move on.”

  “Exactly,” Roddy agreed. “Don’t get all wound up about it Charlie. Ask her nicely, what have you lost?” He laughed. “She’s hardly your fiancé. We expect a no, but if she says yes, then great.”

  “Norfolk, isn’t it,” Charlie muttered. “I suppose I could dress it up as keeping an eye on her for Mary and we could invite ourselves to Angie’s for a visit en route.”

  Lance nodded. He was now sure – the tone of that laugh, the sneer in it. He didn’t like Roddy one little bit but he needed to keep his views to himself. Charlie would have to work this one out for himself.

  Chapter 6 – Boston Lunch Party (Year 1 – August)

  A few days later Kali was bowling along in the summer sunshine with Lance at the wheel and Charlie in the back poring over his newspaper. Lance said that if Charlie was going to read a paper he would be safer not doing it up front and blocking his view to the left.

  The visits had been arranged. Charlie had called Rowena and mentioned that he was visiting Lady Boston and would like to bring a picnic. Rowena had been guardedly welcoming - but Charlie remained full of foreboding on the subject.

  Charlie spent plenty of time scanning the pages but eventually folded the journal neatly and gazed out of the window for a while. He was still enjoying having Lance as a guest. Although Lance wasn’t exactly effusive, Charlie was confident that they got on well. Lance wasn’t a judgemental type and he would listen to whatever Charlie happened to light on as the subject for a natter. He might rubbish Charlie’s views but, if he did, it was in an affectionate way. Charlie didn’t mind that a bit. A lot of what he said was hardly all that serious and was still taken aback if someone didn’t realise it. When someone attacked him for some throwaway remark he’d made he was still shocked. Whilst he might have preferred to tell them not to take themselves too seriously Charlie generally settled for apologising and keeping quiet. With Lance he could say whatever came into his head and know they’d usually have a laugh.