Charlie Had His Chance

by Ellis Major

  “Charlie fancied a gamble with a live one,” Lance explained with a laugh. Jonny looked rather taken aback.

  “Good man.” Jonny sounded as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. “Bit touch and go there. If you hadn’t got those two.” He gestured towards the bodies in front of the rubble to which Lady Boston had reduced the prison. “They might have knocked off a few of you.”

  Charlie felt Rowena’s hand tighten on his arm. Her smile had gone but that expression of admiration was something he’d never before seen on a woman who was gazing at him. It was great but it was also a bit embarrassing.

  “Did what I could,” he muttered. “Just lucky really. I happened to be there at the right time. Any of you would have done the same.”

  “What, charged a man with a machine gun at point blank range!” Millie cried. “And lived to tell the tale! Charlie Tiptree, I am never going to bet with you again. Lucky isn’t in it.”

  Charlie felt Rowena squeeze his arm again. “Well, Millie,” he mumbled. “I suppose I was a bit fortunate. I just had to go with the flow.”

  “Charlie,” Lance murmured in his ear. He’d been inspecting all his charges, knowing what effect adrenalin can have. “You’ve been hit. There are rips in your jacket and I can see blood. Stay calm but let’s get a closer look, ok.”

  “Lance,” Charlie protested. “I feel...” But now Lance came to mention it, Charlie was starting to feel a few aches and was rather more sweaty than normal.

  In some ways, the gasps of horror that greeted the sight of his back, when Lance helped him to remove his jacket, were quite gratifying. In other ways they were quite scary.

  “You’ll tell me I should be glad I can’t see it will you?” he asked, nervously, wondering if he was about to die after all. Shit! That would be a real bummer given how relieved he’d been feeling.

  Scary Petey immediately took charge.

  As Lance kept hold of Charlie in case he collapsed. Petey quickly cut Charlie’s shirt away and surveyed the damage.

  “Are those mercenaries on their way?” he grunted to Jonny.

  “Yep,” Jonny confirmed.

  “Well cock, I think you’ll live,” Petey reassured Charlie. “The blood’s pretty much stopped. I’ve got some kit that’ll be here soon. I’ll have a closer look when it turns up.”

  “What can I do?” Rowena asked immediately. “I’ve got a first aid badge.”

  Petey cocked his eyebrow at her. “Useful I’m sure, pipsqueak,” he replied. “Best though if you distract him while I have a poke around in his back. That shouldn’t be hard for you.”

  “Cheeky sod,” Barbara scolded him. “I’ll slap ‘im, save yer the trouble.”

  Petey smiled at Barbara. “You’re Babs, right? I’ve heard about you. You going to be another nursey then?”

  “I’ll be bleedin’ matron, alright, an’ it’ll be bed wiv no tea if yer doan behave.”

  Petey cracked a smile as they heard a helicopter in the distance. “I can handle that,” he leered.

  “Yore a wun,” Babs grinned.

  “Come on then.” Petey took Charlie’s arm. “They’re landing over there.”

  Whilst they watched the little party make its way to the enormous silver helicopter, Geoff asked Lance the question they‘d all overlooked until then.

  “So how did you find us, Lance?”

  Jonny and his cohorts were familiar with this, so they drifted off to mop up, stacking the captured weapons, making sure those who looked dead were dead by shooting them, then tidying up the bodies, blowing up the pick-ups and the lorry, that sort of thing.

  “Forward planning,” Lance explained. “The ladies in the party may recall that I was particularly keen for them to accept an ear stud each from me for the holiday.”

  Three hands flew to three ears.

  “Guys, those ear studs are sophisticated tracking devices.”

  His words were greeted with a collective ‘Aaahh’ of mingled comprehension and respect.

  Lance continued. “I thought that some of you might get mislaid in a bazaar in the white heat of the shopping experience so to speak. Can’t say I expected pirates. However, they did the business. We knew where you were at all times.”

  “So you managed to get that chopper, Jonny and the rest.”

  “Yep. Handy that Petey was on leave. He has some very useful contacts to the east of where the Iron Curtain used to be. Then one call to the Duke and he was unstoppable. The oath and all that, you’ll remember.”

  “So that helicopter is from...”

  “Mum’s the word, guys.”

  “It’s quite a size.”

  “Yep, but you should see the plane it came in.”

  Geoff goggled.

  The Duke of Kirkness now made his presence felt once more, rolling up with three of his gamekeepers, complete with kilts, tweed jackets and sporrans. They were escorting Yusuf and his band, all with their hands tied behind their backs, all rather downcast. They had clearly been identified as amateurs given that they remained fully dressed. The fact that Yusuf’s clothes hadn’t been removed was clearly a source of mild disappointment to Virginia.

  “Nothin’ like the bagpipes and the kilts,” the Duke announced. “Had ‘em gawpin’ and it was hands up all round once the pipes went down and the guns came up.”

  “Here’s another,” Jonny remarked laconically, as he dragged the young guard over by the heel having just discovered him unconscious beneath the rubble.

  “Rather more of ‘em than I need,” the Duke told Jonny. “Shall we just bump ‘em off here?”

  “I am ready,” Yusuf declared. “I have failed. You have taken the moneylender’s guns, you have blown up his vehicles. It is better that you kill us all.”

  “Hang on, how many do you need?” Geoff asked. He was suddenly much livelier than Roddy.

  Roddy was very quiet. He couldn’t pretend to leadership with all these hard men around and he was still utterly dumbfounded by what he’d seen Charlie do. It wasn’t possible that cheerful, soft touch Charlie could be heroic was it? The guy was a lightweight, didn’t even like to argue. Except that he was a hero and Roddy really wasn’t sure what he would have done. Of course, he told himself that he’d have done the same as Charlie but the idea of picking up a live grenade hadn’t crossed his mind at the time…Jesus Christ, a live grenade!!

  “No more than ten,” the Duke told Geoff.

  “Eight over there.” Jonny nodded to the row of Jihadi naturists.

  “Right then,” Lady Boston broke in. “Let’s waste no more time. Line this lot up by the prison.” She dropped the ammunition box on the ground and started to check her cannon.

  “Not that thing,” Jonny told her urgently. “The shells cost a fucking fortune.”

  “Angelina, hang on, please,” Eve told her sister. “Charlie was quite chummy with Yusuf here. He was telling us about their village and so on.”

  “They’re kidnappers, pirates, probably rapists,” Lady Boston told Eve whilst unloading her weapon and depositing it carefully on the ground.

  “They didn’t lay a hand on us,” Eve told her sister. “They were quite sweet once we got to know them.”

  Lady Boston grunted as she clumped over to the stack of Kalashnikovs that had been accumulated from all corners of the area and picked one up.

  “Let’s waste their own money on them. Hoist by their own petard and all that,” she said. Lady Boston’s attitude to pests was unquestionably in the best traditions of rural England. You hunt them down and kill them.

  “Well at least wait until Charlie’s back,” Eve suggested. “There must be something else to be getting on with.”

  The Duke proposed that they could start bunging his ‘lot’ into the helicopter. He supervised the gamekeepers as they loaded the captives onto the buggy in twos and threes and transported the doomed unfortunates across to the landing area.

  The Duke rubbed his hands together in satisfaction as he watched the buggy make its
final trip. “That should cover the cost of this little jaunt with plenty of change,” he said. “I’ll get on the phone as soon as we’re back and get the manhunt organised. These chappies strike me as being able to afford us some real sport so I shall auction the right to participate. Lance, I can’t thank you enough. I never expected to profit out of fulfilling an oath and the amount of ‘tax’ they wanted at the airport was enough to make Slick Willy’s eyes water, never mind a poor mean Scotsman’s.”

  Lance grinned. “Think of the ransom we saved. I’d have passed the hat round.”

  It wasn’t long before Petey, Charlie, Rowena and Babs returned.

  Charlie, having been dosed up with local anaesthetic, was quite cheerful.

  “Just the three cracked ribs and flesh wounds,” he confirmed in response to enquiries after his well-being.

  “Twenty five stitches and three chunks of shrapnel is a fraction more than flesh wounds,” Petey told him.

  “Yore gonna ‘ave some nice scars, darlin’,” Babs told him. “Yore lucky yer did’n ‘ave ter see it bein’ cleaned up.”

  Rowena simply nodded in agreement. She was a little pale.

  “Charlie,” Virginia murmured, with a wide, unmistakable smile. “You’ve always said you were hollow-chested. “You actually look quite fit to me, darling.”

  “Bleedin’ ‘ell,” Babs muttered. “Give ‘im yer jacket Geoff or she’ll be after ‘im fer ‘is babies.”

  Jonny had carried on with his mooching. He’d poked around in the bags. Having done so, he decided to drag them over. He eased one open with the barrel of his gun. It was stuffed full of dollars.

  “Like the other one,” he informed them. “Nice.”

  There was an awed silence. However rich you are, there’s nothing quite like the sight of money in the flesh so to speak, especially lots of it.

  “So they brought the cash with them to pay for us,” Virginia concluded.

  “Our lucky day,” Roddy remarked. The sight of loads of cash had perked him up.

  “Now, chaps,” Charlie broke in. He’d seen the grim expression on Lady Boston’s face, and the way her hostility was directed towards Yusuf and his band. “I know we haven’t had the most comfortable time of it here but it is their first offence.”

  Charlie had fond memories of a very decent magistrate one time when he’d overdone it at Uni. And he had bad memories of seeing people gunned down in Scotland. Charlie caught Yusuf’s eye. The leader of his village was awaiting his fate, calmly. He was neither defiant nor pleading. Charlie had struggled with his conscience over the dealers (to some extent), and they had been little better than vermin. He knew he couldn’t be party to slaughtering a man he’d laughed with and with whom he shared the delights of Cole Porter – you could, in Charlie’s book, never have too many devotees of the master.

  Scarface’s lot were a different matter altogether - and he wasn’t going to have to watch what happened to them. Their leader had intended to kill Mr Tiptree. Furthermore, he and his unpleasant cronies might well, in due course, have done unspeakable things to any number of necks which resulted in heads being parted from bodies, with the event being broadcast around the World. Charlie had no room in his heart for them.

  Yusuf was just trying to do his best in the way of business – and picked on the wrong tourist group. Killing him wasn’t going to help in the battle against ‘Terror’. Charlie also thought of hearts and minds. He thought of Klarte, the vile creature who’d first brought him and Lance together. Charlie couldn’t allow this to happen.

  He spread his hands. “First offence,” he repeated. “Come on. No great harm done.”

  “Charlie, this is not exactly shoplifting,” Lady Boston told him, forcefully. “Or fiddling a Benefits claim.”

  “I know Angie, but have a heart.”

  Lady Boston grunted and then listened whilst Charlie filled her in on the background and how civil Yusuf and his chaps had been, in the circumstances. “When Evie biffed one of them they didn’t even tell her off much,” he explained, hoping her younger sister’s violence would gratify Angelina.

  It did rather. She was trying not to smile. “So you just want to let ‘em go?” she demanded.

  Petey broke in. “If you’re not going to kill them, shall I patch this one up?” He tapped the unconscious young guard with his foot.

  “Just think, Angie,” Charlie went on, pointing at the figure in the dust. “Imagine; say, this was your boy lying there. He could have run short of drinking vouchers at College, become desperate, got in with the wrong crowd, kidnapped a few people, held them to ransom. It could happen to anyone...”

  “Charlie,” Lady Boston told him. “I hardly see any child of mine...” but she was finally starting to smile and lose her vengeful mood. Angie’s younger sister was safe and none of Eve’s friends seemed to harbour any great hostility towards the pirates. Things might have been very different if there’d been any serious injuries. Charlie’s hardly counted. Lady Boston had cracked any number of ribs when the younger horses hadn’t yet worked out who was boss.

  Charlie pressed his advantage. “This dosh,” he said. “I think we should give that to them as well.”

  There were one or two sharp intakes of breath, but the most dramatic reaction was from Yusuf. “No,” he cried. “I don’t want it. The men of the Jihad would come back and kill us all. They would accuse us of murdering their brethren.”

  “Yusuf, listen a minute.” Charlie scratched his head. “If you had some money, you wouldn’t go off kidnapping again would you? That’s what you told me.”

  “No. I will not anyway, Mister Charlie. I have learned my lesson. If I am spared I will find honest ways to lead my village.”

  “You swear to that,” Petey grunted, as he hefted the guardsman onto his shoulder.

  “I swear,” Yusuf told him solemnly.

  “Then I don’t see a problem,” said Petey. “We’ve let one get away. I made sure he saw me. But if they ever turn up here, just tell them Petey and Jonny send their regards. We are, how shall I put it, known to them. They’ll check back with HQ and they’ll know it wasn’t you. We’ve got the dangerous bastards, no offence to you guys, of course. I’ve no quarrel with you or your people.”

  “But what about the money?” Yusuf asked.

  “Tell them we took it - and hide it. Be patient and when you use it, spend it carefully and discreetly.”

  “Perfect,” cried Charlie. “All you military guys are so good at thinking. All I can do is get in the way of shrapnel.”

  Rowena smiled at him. Her colour was back. She obviously didn’t think this was a particularly unworthy thing to do.

  “Yeah, let some good come aht of these evil shits,” Barbara said, with feeling. “I doan want their bleedin’ munny.”

  There was a bit of muttering but no one seemed that fussed. There was a general feeling that, as Charlie was the only one who’d got hurt, his view should carry the day. Roddy was a bit pissed off but he knew he’d best keep his mouth shut. He would have liked all the women to stare at him the way they were staring at Charlie, especially Rowena, and he would have liked a share of the cash. Sadly, it was obvious which way the wind was blowing and he didn’t fancy any kind of argument with Lance or this Petey.

  Petey patched up the youngster whilst Jonny explained that the weapons would be dumped a safe distance away. “I’m sure you’ll find them,” he told Yusuf. “Just follow the tracks but don’t do anything silly once you have them back, ok. Oath or no oath, with me, two strikes and you’re out.”

  Yusuf didn’t argue, other than confirming that he would be bound by his oath.

  Lance explained that Yusuf’s plant in the crew would be released shortly.

  “You’re lucky he’s alive,” he told Yusuf. “The other crew members were totally pissed off with him. He can come and cut you loose.”

  “Where’s the boat now then?” Charlie asked.

  “About half a mile that way.” Lance pointed due East. “T
hey drove you around in circles for hours to fool you. Petey thought he might tag along in case we encounter any other naughty boys on our way back.”

  “You head off now; we’ll finish off here,” Cora fussed. “You all need a nice bath and a decent meal and we can’t stand around nattering for too long anyway. We have to load the other big plane and sneak back to Scotland. I just hope we have enough parachutes for all these prisoners.”

  “I hope your keepers change out of their kilts before they jump,” Charlie told her, at which she decided to give him a kiss and tell him he was a brave wee boy, for a Sassenach. This was almost but not quite as agreeable to Charlie as Rowena’s concern over his well-being.

  Yusuf and his men were trussed up more securely and one of the gamekeepers drove the buggy into the back of the helicopter. Everyone said their goodbyes and the two groups split up.

  Charlie hung back a bit to say goodbye to Yusuf whilst Petey waited a few yards off.

  “Next year, it’s Sarfend,” he heard Babs announcing.

  “You think that’s safer,” Virginia drawled.

  Babs’ voice was raised in indignant reply but the words were already inaudible.

  Rowena wasn’t letting Charlie out of her sight. She seemed convinced that he might faint at any moment – but then she had helped to clean up his back so that was understandable.

  “Goodbye, Yusuf,” Charlie said quietly. “I’d offer to shake hands, but it’s a bit tricky...”

  Yusuf smiled. “Quite, Mister Charlie.” His smile faded and his expression became serious. “You are a good man. Who knows; our paths may cross again one day and I may be able to tell you how much good I have been able to do because of you.” He turned his eyes to Rowena. “Take care of him,” he told her simply.

  She gave Yusuf a shy half smile.

  Charlie suddenly grinned and nodded at the bags. “It’s nice,” he said. “To have new things to play with, and even better when batteries are included.”

  Yusuf gave a soft laugh. “It is kind of you to leave them, but with your keyboard shot dead….”

  “I have no need of batteries.”

  Petey nodded to Yusuf, Yusuf nodded to Petey, and off they went.