Heartbreak for Hire

by Sonia Hartl

  “How could you do that?” I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to take a man into my bed, knowing full well he’d made promises to another. “What were you thinking?”

  “I thought I was in love.” She rolled her eyes, and I saw the sharp and jaded edges she’d turned on me because he wasn’t around anymore. A picture of who I could’ve become if I’d held on to the bitterness from my breakup with Aiden.

  “Is that why he quit?” His background check had stated that he’d left Northwestern right around the time my mom would’ve been three months pregnant. “Because you told him about me?”

  “No.” She closed her eyes for a beat. “This is where I’m going to look even worse, and before I say anything, I need you to remember that I was only twenty-seven.”

  How could it get any worse? This was about as low as anyone could go.

  “I’m twenty-seven.” And according to her, I’d been a disappointment ever since I came out of the womb not potty-trained.

  “Right. Well. I called his wife and told her I was pregnant. Before I told him.”

  “What happened next?” I struggled to keep my voice calm and even. This was beginning to make all of my mistakes look like a brochure for Good Life Choices.

  “Nothing good.” She bit out the words. “Richard had to leave his position at Northwestern if he wanted to save his marriage, so he broke things off with me. Not long after, his wife revealed she was pregnant, but she lost the baby and they divorced.”

  I pressed my fingers to my temples just to keep my brain from leaking out on the concrete. Who was this woman before me? I couldn’t reconcile the mother I’d always known with this version she described. For all her faults, she’d always been poised and put-together. She’d been aggressive and pushy, a terrible parent, but not necessarily a terrible person. The whole time, I thought she’d been holding me to the moral standard she held herself to. More like she’d been trying to atone vicariously through me.

  “I was selfish.” It wasn’t often I saw genuine regret in my mom’s eyes, and it was always a little jarring. “I have so many regrets from that time. When Richard came to me after his divorce and said he wanted to be a part of your life, I told him no.”

  I didn’t know how to feel about that. On one hand, Richard was clearly awful. Knowing that half my DNA came from an adulterer who’d used his power position to prey on his student probably would’ve messed with my already precarious psyche. However, it didn’t excuse the fact that I had a father, flesh and blood, not Sperm Donor #345, and she’d never told me. I had no doubt her reasons for keeping me in the dark had nothing to do with me and what I needed. It had been about her and her reputation. It always had been.

  “Did it ever occur to you that I might’ve wanted to know?” Not that Richard and I would be braiding each other’s hair anytime soon, but it would’ve been nice to know. Maybe we could’ve had a relationship. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so alone growing up in the library with only books to keep me company.

  “I couldn’t afford the scandal.” There it was. I knew it was only a matter of time before the real reason for her lies came out. “Richard moved on to the Field Museum, but I was still at Northwestern. If anyone found out the truth, my career would’ve been over before it began.”

  I wouldn’t feel sorry for her. Maybe if she’d been honest with me from the outset, I would’ve felt bad that she’d been taken advantage of by a man who held all her cards, but she’d made it impossible for me to dredge up any sympathy for her situation. She’d had an affair because she thought she was in love. She’d kept it a secret because she thought it would ruin her career. Everything came down to her selfish choices, and she didn’t give a damn about anyone else. Least of all the life her little tryst had produced.

  “I’m glad your precious career didn’t suffer.” She took a step forward, but I held up a hand. “Don’t come any closer. I can’t even look at you right now.”

  I whirled around and left her on the second-floor balcony. Tears stung the corners of my eyes, but I willed them not to fall. Growing up, I’d bent over backward trying to please her, to be the daughter she’d always wanted, to do something worthy enough.

  It had nearly broken me.

  The patterns in my life played in my mind. The way I always sought affection from people who didn’t want me, because I’d been raised to believe love had to be earned—it could never be given freely. I’d given my mom so much, put the career I wanted on hold for years, because I’d been subconsciously waiting for her approval. This time I wouldn’t give her my tears.

  She didn’t deserve them.

  CHAPTER 30

  I found Mark standing by the bar with Dr. Faber. I made a beeline for him, not wanting to spend another second at this party. If he needed to network, he could do it alone, the way he had been all night. He must’ve seen something in my expression, because he immediately ditched Dr. Faber and ran over to me.

  He searched my eyes. “What happened? Did you run into Eve?”

  “What? No.” What did Eve have to do with anything? “I just confronted my mom and a man named Richard Vaden, otherwise known as my father.”

  “I thought you didn’t have a father?” He gave me the same look he had when I’d gotten my hand stuck in a pickle jar because I refused to drop the pickle. “Or was the sperm bank thing one of your weird jokes?”

  If only. “I didn’t know until about half an hour ago. I overheard my mom talking to him on the second-floor balcony. He used to be an anthropology professor at Northwestern. He knows Dr. Faber, that’s why he’s here.”

  “I’m so sorry.” He pulled me against his chest, running soothing hands down my bare back. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m pissed. Pissed she lied. Pissed she had an affair with a married man and she didn’t tell me because her reputation was more important. Pissed at him for screwing one of his grad students while his wife was pregnant. What kind of a man even does that? What does that say about me? Nature versus nurture, right? Well, I ended up empty in both departments.”

  “It doesn’t say anything about you.” He tilted my face up and kissed me gently.

  There was no way he could believe that. Not with his own history and the way he let it run his life, even now. “Like it doesn’t say anything about you?”

  “Can we not get into that right now?” At the anguish in his expression, a lead weight dropped into my stomach. “Let’s just—”

  “What a cozy couple you two make.” Eve’s voice dripped with poison. “I had no idea you were seeing each other. It’s a little shocking.”

  “Is it really that shocking to find me amongst the great minds of the city?” Okay, so I was a dropout turned professional heartbreaker who wanted to put ketchup on fancy French food, but that didn’t make me less than any of these people. There was more to life than pretending to be the smartest person in the room.

  “I’m just surprised, after what he did to you to get Dr. Faber’s job. And I’m sorry your breakup with Aiden drove you to such an extreme.” Her lips puffed with sympathy.

  “What are you talking about?” I turned to Mark, hoping he’d brush her off or tell her to get lost. But his face had paled, and a light sheen of sweat touched his forehead.

  “I’m sorry you lost the job, but this isn’t the right way to vent, Eve.” Mark put a protective arm around my shoulders. “Don’t say something you’ll regret.”

  A warning bell went off in my head. I shook him off. “What’s going on here?”

  “I promise, the minute we leave, I’ll explain everything.” The remorse in his tone, the offer to explain, all sounded eerily similar to the way my mom had reacted on the balcony. What secrets could he possibly have with Eve?

  Everything went cold and numb. I turned my back on him as I faced Eve, catching a glimmer of triumph in her eyes. “What did Mark do to get this job?”

  “Well, to start, he—”

  “Stop. This isn’t going to make her mom force me out, and
it’s not getting you closer to the position. You’re just making unnecessary enemies.” He cut a scathing look in her direction, worse than the one he’d given me on his first day at H4H. But underneath his anger, his eyes were a bit wild with something that worried me more: fear.

  He took my arm. “Forget about Eve for a second. This is about us. Can we go somewhere and talk?”

  Everything went light and woozy as I struggled to make sense of their interaction. What could Mark have done to me to win this job? I had no ties to Northwestern anymore… except my mom. My heart stopped. I’d encouraged my mom to talk him up to the committee. Had he gotten involved with me on a personal level because he knew my mom had sway? I needed to get out of here and clear my head. Too much had been thrown at me at once, and I didn’t know what was real anymore.

  “Both of you can go to hell.” I turned and marched toward the front door, pulling up the Uber app on my phone.

  “Brinkley. Wait.” Mark caught up to me outside the club. He moved to touch me, but dropped his hand when I backed away. “Don’t leave before hearing me out. Please.”

  The urge to run was so strong, but this was Mark. The guy who knew all my messiness and wanted me anyway. Unless he was just a really good actor. “You have five minutes.”

  The chilly wind on my back froze me down to my toes, and I tried to control my shivering. Mark draped his jacket over my shoulders. I wanted to shrug it to the ground and kick it, but I also didn’t want to catch pneumonia.

  Mark rubbed his hands over his face. “Eve and I have been friendly for a few years. We met at a lecture given at the Field Museum by Richard Vaden. Which is…”

  Three million people in Chicago. Three. Million. And all my paths led to the same people. Hell was probably one of those moving sidewalks that never went anywhere.

  Mark cleared his throat. “Anyway, I never thought we were competing when we both started teaching, since we were adjuncts at different schools. We shared lecture tips, critiqued grant proposals, shared the upswings and setbacks.”

  “I don’t care.” If he told me they’d hooked up, I’d scream.

  “We never dated, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

  “I wasn’t.” I wanted to choke him for being able to read me so easily.

  “She really wanted this position. I guess friends and career aspirations don’t mix. Especially in academics.”

  “They mix just fine if you’re not an asshole.” I didn’t care if he and Eve had been besties who sang campfire songs together. I wanted to know the truth about the present.

  He bowed his head. “Maybe. I was never good at playing politics though. I’d hoped to go full-time at UoC, but they didn’t have any spots open. They barely had spots for adjuncts.”

  “So you applied for Dr. Faber’s position. I know this already.” My patience was wearing thin. He was two minutes into the five I’d given him, and he hadn’t told me anything new.

  “I want to teach more than anything.” He lifted his gaze to mine, and the pain in his eyes likely matched my own. “I thought I needed to be a professor, teaching at the collegiate level. I have my doctorate in anthropology, but I’m young. I needed a groundbreaking article to stand out as an applicant to Northwestern.”

  “And Selena stole all your research for said article and published it herself, knocking you out of the running at UoC, so you applied to Northwestern. Great. Now that we’re all caught up, I want to know what I have to do with you securing that job.”

  “Selena really did steal my research to jump ahead of me at UoC, but I’m not talking about that one. The article I’m referring to, the one I wrote to get the job at Northwestern, is a little different. Talking with Margo that first time gave me the idea.”

  “What idea?” I knew. Right then, I knew, but I wanted to hear him say it anyway.

  “I thought it would be an interesting subject, diving into the psychology of what would make someone want to work at a place like H4H. I trained as a Heartbreaker so I could have insider information that would allow me to write an article with enough buzz to give me an edge in the interview. They gave me the job because the article is going to be published in Cultural Anthropology next quarter.”

  None of it had been real. I’d been an experiment. A Skinner lab rat.

  Even when I left academia, I couldn’t really leave. It was Eliza and Eve all over again, cozying up to me to get a one-up in their careers. But they’d never gone this far. They’d used me while I was a resource, then shut me out, made me feel worthless when I was no longer useful. But it didn’t compare to the job Mark had done on me. They’d just wanted better grades. Mark had gone for the long con and snagged a tenure opportunity.

  “Are you proud of yourself? Do you sleep better at night knowing you won?”

  “I had no intention of hurting you. The article was meant to generate buzz, but only in the anthropology community. It wasn’t ever supposed to go outside that.”

  I crossed my arms and leaned back to examine him, to see who he really was beneath the Hot Professor exterior, and I didn’t like it one bit. “So you thought it was okay because only the anthropology community would know you used me?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I never used you. Yes, I wrote an article about H4H, but I kept it all anonymous and mostly focused on Margo. I asked Eve to critique it, the way we’ve critiqued dozens of papers for each other. I didn’t think she would connect the dots. And I really didn’t think she’d rub it in your face, hoping you’d tell your mom and use her influence to run me out so she could take my place.”

  “Then you don’t know Eve at all.” I didn’t want to hear his excuses. “You put all of us at Heartbreak for Hire at risk.”

  H4H was a strictly undercover, cash operation, and he’d exposed us all. For a job he thought he needed, but never really wanted. Maybe I deserved this for two years of heartbreaking. Karma had finally come to collect. Silly of me to think I still had a deficit.

  “I didn’t name any of you or the business,” he said. “I was careful.”

  Not careful enough. Eve knew. It wouldn’t take long for her to spread it around. Everyone who’d known me at Northwestern would have a good laugh at my expense. What little dignity I’d managed to scrape up after Aiden would blow away like ash between my fingers.

  “I hate you.” My voice was barely above a whisper.

  “I’m so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am.” His eyes pleaded with me. Begged. I couldn’t stand it. “I wanted to tell you every night we were together, but it was so good with us, I was afraid you’d push me away.”

  A horrifying thought dawned on me. “Did you know who I was that first night? Was it a setup? Is that why you brought me back to your apartment?”

  “No.” He reached for me, and I recoiled. “I had no idea H4H even existed until I found that card with all my information on it and called Margo. I swear.”

  “You want my trust?” I let out a humorless laugh. “I gave it to you already. You threw it in the dirt to advance your career. Congratulations, you’ve officially topped my mom tonight.”

  “Please.” He folded his hands together, actually begging now, but nothing could thaw the hard exterior I’d built around me. “You used me as part of your job too, and I forgave you. We moved past it. Can’t we find a way past this too?”

  “That’s not even close to the same thing.” For him to throw that in my face now to deflect his betrayal infuriated me. Would he always bring up how we’d met whenever he wanted the upper hand in an argument? I wouldn’t live that way, just waiting for him to mention it. “I didn’t know you at all. You’ve been sleeping with me for weeks.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “What can I do to fix this?”

  “Don’t let them publish the article,” I said. “That’s the least you can do.”

  His face fell. “I can’t take it back. My career is literally hanging on it now. I promised them the paper before I fell in
love with you.”

  I’d been waiting to hear those words. For him to confirm that his feelings matched my own. This should’ve been a romantic moment, the start of something new and deeper between us. He should’ve said those words by candlelight or while he was buried inside of me.

  Not here. Not like this.

  “You love me?”

  He nodded, his expression bleak, as my Uber pulled up next to us.

  “I didn’t think it was possible to give fewer fucks than when I found out my mom had been lying to me about my father. Yet here we are.”

  I got in the car and slammed the door in his face.

  CHAPTER 31

  ME: Meet me at my place ASAP. Bring emergency liquor.

  EM: on my way

  I made it back to my apartment without breaking down. A major feat. I took stock of my evening. I’d left Dr. Faber’s retirement party down one Mark, but up one father who was a Grade A creep, but down one mother who hadn’t been all that great to begin with. At least I still had Winnie and vodka. Fuck everything else.

  Mark’s last words had been that he loved me. What a joke. He’d thrown us away for a job he still couldn’t admit he wasn’t suited for because he needed to prove himself to a ghost more than he needed me. At least he’d finally nailed the backstabbing antics of a true academic. I just wished I’d known I’d be the first casualty.

  It probably made me a hypocrite to be so pissed—more than a few of my previous targets would say I was past due for a spin on the misery-go-round—but I didn’t know how to stop the hurt. If he’d been honest with me sooner, maybe I could’ve forgiven him for writing that research article to secure the position, if that really was his dream. What I couldn’t forgive were the lies he continued to tell me after we got involved. I’d shared personal things with him, things I’d never talked about with anyone else, and the whole time he’d been making me think I could trust him so he could dissect me for career kudos.