Hold Steady (Becoming the Wolf Book 2)

by T. S. Joyce

  Wolf liked having a purpose. He liked having Marissa around. She was distracting and gave him someone to protect. She gave him something to do that involved probable chaos and fighting.

  Sawdust filled the air as he blew the post clean. “How many more of the plain ones do we need to finish?”

  “I think only two, but you still have to carve four of the motif ones. You have finished three of each of the others, so it is going to be an odd number of one of them. What are you going to do about that?”

  “Yeah, I was thinking about that yesterday. I think I’ll start with a wolf motif on the left side and then end with a wolf motif around the other side. I’ll do an extra one of those.”

  He picked up the unfinished bear he had started a couple of days ago and got to work on it, pulling safety goggles down over his eyes. They worked in silence for about an hour before Marissa got up to grab a couple of bottled waters from the mini fridge in the corner.

  “Morgan said they got the birthday present you sent for Lana. She said to tell you thank you.”

  His gut twisted at the mention of Morgan’s name, and he sighed as he put down the parting tool he was using to rough out the edges of a grizzly bear’s face. Marissa liked to keep him updated on Morgan. She was convinced it was good for Wolf to know how they were doing, but he wasn’t so sure. He always had a bad night after hearing even the tiniest piece of information about them.

  He lifted his nose into the air instinctively but only smelled sawdust and metal. Sometimes, when she was at Dean’s in the territory that bordered his, he could catch the barest wisp of her intoxicating scent. It probably wasn’t the healthiest way to deal with her absence, but she was an addiction he would never want to kick. Besides, when the pain cut too deeply, he would Change and let Wolf take over. One addiction for another—what a junkie he had turned out to be. “Did she like it? Lana. Did she like the rocking horse?”

  “That’s all Morgan said,” Marissa said with a shrug. “Look, I need to tell you something, but you have to promise not to freak out, okay?”

  “Is she dating someone else?” he asked flatly. The way she broached the subject made it sound like bad news, and the worst thing he could think of was Morgan moving on and finding another mate.

  “What? No. Well, not that I know of anyway. No, look, Dean has been fielding phone calls for the past week. We couldn’t decide whether to tell you or not since there is nothing you can do, but I think you should know.”

  Setting the post down, he lifted his safety glasses. “Okaaay.”

  “It’s probably nothing, but other packs have been calling because they heard a rumor that we have a Silver Wolf in our pack. Thankfully, she isn’t officially in our pack, so Dean keeps telling them it’s not true and then tries to make them feel bad for listening to the rumor mill. They can’t possibly tell he’s lying because he isn’t, and his tone is steady. I know. I’ve heard some of the phone calls.”

  The blood in his veins went cold as if someone had doused him in ice water. “How did they find out about her? If the other packs even suspect what she is, it’s only a matter of time before they start visiting to find out for sure.” Shaking his head against the seething anger that filled him, he gritted out, “Someone said something about her. Who was it?”

  Marissa waited, as if debating whether to tell him what she knew or not. “Okay, Big Bad Wolf, you are about to get me in trouble. I told Dean what I thought but he wouldn’t hear it. I don’t think he disagrees, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. Dean never gave Alexis the order not to talk about Morgan. It couldn’t have come from our pack. There’s an order. The boys couldn’t talk about her even if they wanted to. Plus, we would never put Morgan and Lana in danger like that anyway. None of us would. So, it has to be Alexis, right? She was locked up with Morgan. She could see her coloring. Even if she didn’t know what a Silver Wolf was, all she had to do was tell one person Morgan has white fur, and they could do the research on it. I mean, Dean found records of the Silver Wolves in his own books. He didn’t even have to look around too hard to get information on her.”

  Alexis. Of course, she would have found a way to cause problems, even from Colorado. He rubbed his hand over the stubble on his unshaven jaw. Morgan and Lana were living unprotected in their little house in the city, far away from the only people who could protect them. “Does Morgan know?”

  “Of course. Dean told her after the first call. He offered to put her and Lana up in the house to keep them safe, but she doesn’t want to move. She said she needs to deal with this on her own. She said she just has to wait until it blows over and that everything will be fine.”

  Grey slammed his fists against the table and it splintered up one side. “That’s proof she doesn’t understand the danger. She doesn’t understand any of it. She is too new to all of this and doesn’t realize the obsession werewolves will have with her.”

  “Obviously,” she said blandly. “Grey, you have to keep them safe.”

  “How?” he barked out. He had no control over their safety and hated that more than anything. “She won’t see me. I can’t even talk to Lana on the phone. Do you know I send her a text every week? Every Friday, I sent her one text. I’m still here. And she hasn’t responded once. She fuckin’ hates me. Or blames me for being a werewolf, or something.”

  “I told you not to freak out,” she said quietly, gazing at the ground with her neck exposed. “You have to find a way to guard them, or you could lose them.”

  “I’ve already lost them! Why can’t you see that?” His voice faltered, and he started again. “What about the pack? Couldn’t they send someone to stay with her? Someone she would let in?”

  “Like who? Who in our pack could do what you could do for her? Logan? Brent? They can fight, but they can’t fend off the numbers that could come for Morgan. Me? What could I do alone against a pack who wants her? If I thought my wolf wouldn’t go straight to her belly when she’s in danger, I would already be at their house!” She dragged her gaze back to him and fear and determination swam in the hazel depths. “You can. We all watched you do it the night Morgan was Turned. You were ready to kill every last one of Dean’s pack, your own friends, if they touched a hair on her. She needs a beast, Grey. As much as you hate being that, it’s what she needs. It’s time to embrace Wolf.” She put down the rail she had been working on and stood to lean across the table, arms locked. Her fists were balled as she pressed her knuckles onto the dusty surface, and the softest growl rattled from her throat. “Who cares what she thinks she needs. We know what is coming, and she and Lana are going to need protection from someone who would gladly die to do it. Don’t you even shake your head like you wouldn’t. I’m here with you every day, watching you mourn her and the girl, watching you force yourself to breathe, and eat, and drag yourself out of bed.” She marched to the door as he slumped down with his head in his hands. “Get your shit together, Wolf. Protect your mate.” She turned and slammed the door behind her.

  Hoarsely, he muttered after her, “Don’t. Cuss.”

  Chapter Seven

  Crap. Morgan slowed the truck to a crawl and leaned forward. Grey and Dean were arguing on the front porch. It wasn’t like she could just turn around and disappear before they saw or heard her. They were freaking werewolves. Nobody could sneak up on them.

  “Morgan, there’s Grey!” Lana exclaimed from her car seat in the back. “Grey! Grey! Hi, Grey!”

  Morgan sighed and gripped the steering wheel until her hands hurt. Well, project Avoid-Grey-for-Eternity had failed epically.

  Grey froze and turned his glorious gaze in their direction. Stunned at the sight of him after so long, she swallowed hard. She put the car in park and tried to remember how to breathe. He was so damn beautiful, it hurt. He wore a dark gray cotton shirt and jeans that clung to his tapered waist just right. His shoulders were even broader, his chest defined under the thin t-shirt material. He’d put on weight. Good, sexy muscle-weight. How could she look at his toned
physique and not imagine how perfectly sculpted he was under his clothes? She’d reveled in his perfection, run her fingertips down his stomach and brushed the strength of his back with her hands. Her gaze dipped to his mouth, set in a grim line she’d never seen before. He had grown out his beard, and dear Lord, it was glorious. Grey without a beard was sexy as hell. Grey with a beard? He looked sexpot-lumberjack, bodybuilder, fast-as-fuck, downright-dangerous. And those blazing gold eyes? Her ovaries were making the pew pew pew sounds of machine gun fire.

  “Grey!” Lana yelled. “Grey, Grey, Grey,” she chanted as she struggled to unbuckle her seatbelt.

  “No, baby. Not yet. Let me talk to him and then we’ll go in.”

  Lana burst into tears and her struggles became frantic.

  “Okay, okay, okay! Here, let me help,” she said, twisting in the driver’s seat and unbuckling Lana’s car seat straps.

  The little dark-haired four-year-old scrambled out of her truck and bolted for Grey, and the second he leaned down and caught her, hugged her to his chest so tight and closed his eyes, head resting against hers, Morgan’s heart shattered.

  He’d always so obviously loved Lana, and she’d kept them apart. It made her question everything.

  She got out slow, giving Grey and Lana a moment before she ruined it.

  He opened his eyes from the hug, and they were so bright, like the sun. His sharp cheekbones still belonged on a model’s face, but got, he looked rugged and sexy with that beard. Don’t say that out loud.

  “You look really good.” His soft, deep voice caressed her skin as if he’d reached out and touched her.

  Tears stung her eyes and she stared at his feet in an effort to get a grip. She hadn’t recovered from their split at all. Forcing herself away from him had hurt worse than she’d even known until this moment. “We can’t do this. It’s not good for me.” She shook her head and looked off into the woods. If she looked into his eyes, she would fold, because he looked as broken as she felt.

  He took a step forward. “I heard about the calls from the other packs.”

  “It’s not your job to worry about us, Grey.” Her throat was so tight around those words. The words were bitter against her tongue and she wished they weren’t true. It hurt so bad to be so close to him. Her wolf howled to touch her mate, but she couldn’t be a trophy. Couldn’t be a chore. She needed so much more than a marriage of convenience. She didn’t want something just because it was safe. She wanted love, family, all of it. She wanted a relationship she didn’t have to question the motives behind.

  “I’ll be inside,” Dean said low, and took Lana from Grey’s arms. “Come on, kiddo. Let’s let them talk for a bit.”

  “I said everything wrong,” he told her. “All of it. I said it wrong. I never had good words and I’ll fuck it all up a hundred times before we’re gray and gone. I know it might not change anything between us, but you should know you were never a job to me.”

  “What was I?” she asked, her voice barely audible, even to her.

  “Everything.”

  Just that simple word broke her up inside. She’d been so busy building walls. Her shoulders sagged, and he jogged down the stairs and pulled her against him, hugged her so tight.

  “I know this is a lot on you, and I know you said you need time, and dammit, Morgan, I’ve been killing myself trying to give you the space you want. I fuckin’ hate it though.” He eased back by inches and his lips crashed onto hers.

  Morgan froze, shocked, and as his mouth moved against hers, she softened. So familiar and safe. He tasted so good, and for the first time since she’d been Changed, Morgan felt like she could breathe.

  His hand went soft on her cheek, and he slowed the kiss, then ended it with a sexy smack. He rested his forehead against hers. “I couldn’t help it.” He leaned forward and kissed her forehead and then left so fast, she rocked forward, unbalanced without his touch.

  He didn’t get in his truck. If fact, his truck wasn’t even here. Instead, he due west, right for the edge of the trees. And before he disappeared into the brush, he turned, and ran his hand down his beard. He shifted his weight and called out, “I’m still here!” The words sounded ragged and gritty, and she thought he was probably rubbed just as raw as she was from their surprise encounter.

  He disappeared in the undergrowth like he had never existed at all.

  Well fuck a duck. She’d come here for a Full Moon Hunt with the Dallas pack, and now she was more confused than ever. She’d spent all this time trying to convince her stupid little heart to fall out of love with that man, but she was pretty sure she loved him more than ever instead. She was the worst at building a love story.

  Marissa was leaned up against the corner of the house, arms crossed, with a smile on her face. “You should’ve asked him to stay for the hunt.”

  “I…don’t know what I’m doing,” Morgan admitted, staring at the place between two oak trees that Grey had disappeared.

  Marissa shrugged. “Nobody knows what they’re doing. We’re born, we live, we make a whole lot of weird decisions, and then we die. The boys are coming.”

  Morgan frowned at her. “I don’t hear any—” The sound of an engine roaring up the road toward the house shut her up real quick. Probably Jason’s rig. He messed with the exhaust and now his truck was stupid loud and billowed black smoke out of the back.

  Five more minutes, in the waning evening light, the entire Dallas pack, plus Morgan were standing in the front yard. Marissa held Lana on her hip and waved to them as they made their way into the woods to Change. She never liked Changing around the others, so she always volunteered to watch Lana during Full Moon Hunts.

  This hunt meant escape. For a few hours, she could focus on the wolf. She could focus on improving, and hunting. She wasn’t as fast as the others yet. They always waited on the edge of the grove for her to finish her long-ass Change before they hunted as a group. Even if she wasn’t an official member of the pack, the wolves didn’t treat her differently. Maybe it helped that she wasn’t dominant.

  She jogged to Grey’s old Changing spot and inhaled as she always did, searching for his scent. It wasn’t there. It had faded with time because he didn’t visit Dean’s much anymore. It was probably her fault, but she couldn’t stand to think too much on it because her tattered heart couldn’t take any more strain today. She curled into a ball and imagined him with her as the pain ripped through her body. Safety, her imaginings said. She groaned and bucked backward as fur rippled across her new flesh. Even if she tried to stay quiet, it never worked. The pain was blinding.

  Seven wolves waited in the clearing. Five gray and two brown. Dean had dark gray points with a cream color underneath. He was the darkest by far, but he wasn’t the dark wolf she searched for.

  Brandon, Logan, and Brent were fighting, as usual, but when she broke the tree line, Dean yipped and they stilled. There was a moment of complete silence. The moment of calm that comes right before the flurry of action.

  And then they were off.

  Running as a wolf was freedom. Rachel bumped her side and yipped in excitement, and Brandon nipped at her front legs. She made an excited noise deep in her throat and Dean slowed. He rounded and cocked his head to the side. He mimicked the noise and she rolled over playfully. Brandon clamped his jaws gently over her neck but Dean growled. The noise said he was not in the mood for playing. Dean pitched his head back and howled, and Rachel joined him as his voice lowered. Then others’ voices rang out. The song seeped into her marrow, filling the empty places that hurt so badly, and she lifted her voice to join them.

  They were answered by a lone howl miles away. It was deep and inviting and mournful, like the lonesome whistle of a midnight train.

  Grey.

  She took off. Dean barked out a warning behind her but she didn’t care. She was already gone. Usually, she obeyed, but Dean wasn’t her alpha, and rules could be bent by an outsider willing to deal with a reprimand later.

  The howl lingered
on the air and she raced against the last note in the direction it came from. Let him sing again. Please…just let him sing again. She had to meet that voice. The wolves trailed behind her and she straightened her tail and bolted. Faster and faster, she ran until the forest was a blur. Every footstep was an instinct. Twig, root, leaves, bramble. She missed them all in that body that was built for the woods.

  It felt like she ran for hours, but it was probably just a few minutes. She ran and ran, and suddenly, there he was. Wolf. He was as black as the night sky. He watched her from the other side the pack’s territory line, from across a barbed wire fence. His golden eyes seemed to glow against the dark. Lowering to her belly, she sidled closer, whining.

  The noises of the pack slowed behind her, as if they were wary of the barbed-wire fence that served as a separation for the territories. She inched closer on her belly. Closer…closer…

  Right now, she would do anything to touch him.

  He took off running a short sprint away from the fence and then came back, repeating the gesture again and then again. An invitation. She lay down on her side of the fence, poking her nose through to his. He’d brought her food when she’d first Turned, and the bars of a cage had separated them just like this.

  He trotted to her, stood above her, barrel chest out, eyes steady on her. King. Slowly, he lowered his nose and touched it gently to hers. It wasn’t enough, but it was all they would get. Dean growled behind her. It was time to hunt. She looked between the two dominants, stalling. The black wolf let out a soft growl, but she didn’t want this. Didn’t want them to fight. Tucking her tail between her legs, she trotted away with the pack. She couldn’t help herself though. She paused time and time again to look back at him, and every time, she made a wish.

  I wish he would run with us. I wish he would run with me.

  He didn’t move though.

  The next time she Changed, she would do this again. She would come to this spot at the barbed wire fence, and hope he waited for her. And if he wasn’t? She would keep coming back hoping that one day he would come to meet her.