Keep the Beat: A Band-Com for Romance Geeks

by Kata Čuić

  Chapter Three

  Being a ninja is not as easy as the movies make it look. First of all, I am clumsy to a fault unless I’m on the field. Secondly, my blond hair does not blend in well with the shadows. Third, I’m pretty sure ninjas don’t have boobs—or at least, they’re not as big as mine. Kind of hard to flatten myself against a wall when a very prominent part of me sticks out.

  “Where is it being held?” I whisper as we hug the shadows, so none of the underclassmen will catch us.

  Shannon is the trumpet section leader; I’m one of the drum majors. That means we’re at the beck and call of any band member who needs help, especially this week. If a nervous freshman spots us, we’re done for.

  “In the instrument room,” she whispers back.

  Right under my nose on hallowed ground. The nerve of Jimbo.

  At least that helps us stay on the side of covert surveillance. We sneak into the main band room without being seen since the lights are on night mode then hightail it into the uniform room, which just so happens to be separated from the instrument room by a weird window. It’s opaque enough to keep our cover but mostly, it’s a useless decoration, so we can still hear everything. With the lights off in here, it makes it even easier to see the vague forms of several bodies in the other room.

  Four large bodies in fact. One for every drum major except me.

  “Shh,” Shannon hisses.

  “You shush,” I whisper back.

  We stop shoving each other for the best viewpoint when the sound of Jimbo’s annoying voice carries through the window.

  “There hasn’t been a woman drum major in the past one hundred years. There’s not going to be one now.”

  Fucking pig.

  Nate’s voice pulls me out of my plans for homicide. “I dunno, man. All she has to do is use the #MeToo movement to get the spot. One word to the directors that she’s faced harassment just because she has a pussy, and they’ll give it to her. You know they will.”

  Eww! What the fuck? I always thought Nate was a decent guy, but obviously not. Why the hell would I make a false claim? Why wouldn’t I want to earn my spot, same as anyone else in the history of the band? Obviously, I’m already facing harassment as the only female drum major, but that only makes me want to crush them on my merits instead of on my breast size even more.

  “And I’m telling you they won’t.” Jimbo’s voice sounds relaxed on the surface, but there’s an underlying edge to it that makes me think he’s gritting his teeth. He’s never had very much patience for people who don’t bow down easily and accept him as their supreme overlord. “I have a plan.”

  “Oh, you’ve got a plan?” Another of the guys, Tim, laughs. “To put yourself in the head drum major spot. What the hell does that have to do with any of us?”

  “Nate isn’t wrong. Sophie has the best chance to get it out of any of us.”

  I clench my jaw. I hate it when Jimbo calls me Sophie.

  “You just said there’s not going to be a female head drum major this year,” Jake, a fellow trumpet, practically sneers. I like Jake. “So, how do you figure she has the best chance?”

  “Because she’s a woman,” Jimbo emphasizes like they’re all clearly stupid for not following his invisible train of thought.

  I think it’s Tim who throws his arms up in the air. It’s definitely his voice. “That doesn’t make any sense!”

  A body presumably belonging to the snake I hate the most leans forward in a chair, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. “The directors are putting it up to a vote this year, yes? And what is the ratio of men to women in this marching band?”

  Nate huffs out a breath of frustration. “It’s about fifty-fifty. What’s your point?”

  “My point is, it’s not an exact split,” Jimbo explains, his tone quickly running out of patience. “There are a hundred ninety-eight women and only a hundred twenty-nine men. Now, I don’t know about everyone’s sexuality, but I’d rather stare at a sweet pair of tits on that main podium than an accidental boner in wool pants.”

  Shannon’s body tenses like she’s going to leap through the window, so I wrap her in my arms to hold her still.

  “Don’t. I need to hear this.”

  “Get your phone out and record it,” she hisses. “Show it to the directors. You’ll get the spot and be rid of him forever.”

  True, but where’s the fun in that? It’ll hurt more if he fails and has to watch my sweet tits up on that podium every game.

  “I’ve never let him beat me before. I’m not about to start now.”

  “Ugh, fine,” Shannon whispers and goes limp.

  “Which brings me back to my plan.” Jimbo grins with his words. “If we take that fine rack and tight ass off the market, the guys’ votes are suddenly more … changeable.”

  “Only if you don’t care about the lesbians in band.” Jake snickers.

  “I’m going to take care of their votes, too.” The silhouette of Jimbo leans back in the chair, placing his hands behind his head in a relaxed pose that indicates he thinks his plan is foolproof.

  “Spit it out already!” Nate yells.

  “I’m gonna make her fall in love with me.”

  For a split second, everything goes deathly silent. Or maybe that’s just because my heart stops beating.

  A chorus of laughter defibrillates me back to life.

  “I have never seen anyone hate someone as much as Sophia hates you.” Nate cackles. It takes him a few tries to catch his breath. “There’s no way, man. There’s just no way. It’s a great plan, but you need to let one of us do the wooing. At least we’ll all have a shot at the votes that way.”

  Volleys of agreement are offered up by all the guys undoubtedly already forming their own plans about how to make me swoon.

  Yeah, right.

  Jimbo brings them all back under control with a wolf whistle. How appropriate. “I have an ace up my sleeve none of you have.”

  “Oh, yeah? What’s that?” Nate laughs. “Don’t tell me you have a bigger dick than any of us because ITK parties or not, there’s no way you know that for sure.”

  “I might not have the biggest dick, but at least she’s already familiar with mine.”

  Shannon’s body goes ramrod straight, so I clamp her down again.

  Some mumbling I can’t make out is followed up by, “I’ve already slept with her before, so it’ll be easy for me to make her want it again.”

  To my relief, none of the other drum majors takes Jimbo seriously. They all break out in another bout of laughter.

  Tim belts out, “She doesn’t want it anymore, man! The inchworm you’ve got in your pants already pissed the woman off!”

  With as much effort as I have left after this exhausting day, I manage to drag Shannon away.

  As soon as we clear the building to the sound of the main entryway doors banging closed on that shitshow, she rounds on me. “The directors are at dinner. If we go now, they might still catch them in the act.”

  “No. No way.” A brilliant idea is finally blooming in my head. “They’ve already given me the spot on a silver platter. They just don’t know it yet.”

  “Oh, God.” Shannon wraps her arms around herself like she’s cold even though the humid summertime evening air is pricking goosebumps of excitement all over my skin. “You always get this scary glint in your eyes when he does something to rile you up. They practically glow in the dark right now. Why am I not allowed to do anything stupid to help you, but you do stupid shit all the time when it comes to Jimbo?”

  “He’s my archnemesis.” I shrug as I make quick strides back to our shitty dorm holding cell. “If I’m going to make it in the man’s world of law after graduation, then he’s the perfect learning opportunity for how to play hardball with the big boys.”

  “Your ambition is as admirable as it is scary,” she mumbles as she falls into step beside me. “What’s the plan, Stan?”

  “I’m going to make him fall in lo
ve with me.” I grin, and it probably glows in the dark as high as the power coursing through my veins makes me feel. “I’m going to make all of them fall in love with me.”

  “Oh, this is starting up like one of those reverse harem novels.”

  “Don’t be so quick to judge.” I bump into her shoulder like she did to me earlier. “You know what the best part of romance is?”

  “All the dick you’re about to get?”

  I laugh. I want to play the game, not ruin my chances. There isn’t going to be as much dick in my future as she’s imagining.

  “No. It’s the happily ever after.”

  Chapter Four

  The sun shines on a beautiful Tuesday morning. Birds are singing, visibility has lifted now that the morning fog has burned away, and the day holds all the promise of two weeks from now.

  I throw open the curtains and chirp, “Rise and shine, sleepyhead! Day two of camp starts now!”

  Shannon moans from beneath the pile of blankets on her bed. “Why are you such a morning person?”

  “Because all the best things happen in the morning!” I tick items off on my fingers even though she still hasn’t emerged from her cocoon to see me. “Like revenge, victory, feminism triumphing over the patriarchy …”

  As predicted, a fist flies up from the mountain on her bed. “Who run the world?”

  “Girls,” I state with finality. And if those Neanderthals think they can use being a woman against me, I’m about to show them they’re playing with fire.

  Shannon finally pries her heavy veil from her face. “You’ve got your work cut out for you. Trying to snag one decent guy in the dating cesspool is hard enough. How are you going to seduce four of them into eating from the palm of your hand?”

  “Easy.” I make my bed like the wack-job perfectionist I am. “I consider none of them decent. Problem solved.”

  “Fair point.” She sighs, swinging her legs over the mattress to sit there and glare at the sun like she’s mad it rose. “Pitting them against each other won’t be easy though. How are you going to keep them from putting their heads together and figuring out what’s really going on? If Jimbo came up with this diabolical plan in the first place, he’ll probably be the first to realize you’re giving him a taste of his own medicine.”

  “I’m counting on his pride to blind him,” I answer while pulling a hoodie over my sports bra and tank top. It might be blazing hot in the afternoons, but early morning practices are actually chilly. There’s nothing quite like experiencing all four seasons in the same day to really take a toll on the body. “If that doesn’t work, then …”

  “You don’t have a plan for that, do you?”

  “Nope.” I pop the P and ignore the twinge in my gut that says this is going to backfire spectacularly. All I have to go on is hope and three years of burning indignation.

  “Okay.” Shannon takes a deep breath and heaves herself upright. “Let’s say this all goes according to plan. You have the guys drooling over you and competing with each other for a completely different top spot. You still have to worry about how to get the most votes in the band. And there’s no guarantee this cold dish will be enough of a distraction to keep them from campaigning for themselves. At least tell me you have a plan for that.”

  I wish. I collapse onto the side of the bed. “I’m going to do what I’ve always done to get the vote. Love marching band. I love everything about it, Shannon! Honestly, before the stupid voting announcement and that stupid conversation we heard last night, I was just grateful to make it this far! Until I heard that vile plan spew out of Jimbo’s mouth, I would have been happy for whoever got named head drum major. But I can’t let him win. Not this way. Not again.”

  She places a hand on my shoulder, suddenly looking as alert as possible without coffee. “How has he won so far?”

  “Um, I don’t know. Let’s see …” Negative Nancy isn’t usually a side of my personality I let out, but sometimes, to get a clear mind, you have to purge all the bad to make room for the good. “He got a full ride to State on his brother’s famous shoulders while I had to bust my ass in high school to get even a fraction of the money he did. After he ghosted me, I never expected to see him again, let alone be in the same section in band! I think I would have preferred it if he just kept ignoring me like at rookie camp, but everywhere I go on campus, there he is! Ready and waiting to make my life even more miserable! Which makes no sense! He’s obviously moved on with all the women he sleeps with! Why stick around just to fuck with me if he has no interest in fucking me? And the worst part? The worst part of it all?” I suck in a deep breath. Saying this out loud is going to be freeing, yes, but it’s also going to hurt. “I’m obviously still not over it. If I were, I just … wouldn’t care what he does anymore.”

  “That’s why you never joined ITK,” Shannon murmurs, her eyes clouding with a thoughtful glaze. “Well, you know what? Even better then. Stick it to him now with your pointy crown, then walk away with your head held high like the queen you can really be once you let this go.”

  Shannon is a feminist to her very core, but she’s missing something important.

  “I hate to break it to you, but no queen would ever use her feminine charms for such a selfish end.”

  “I hate to break it to you,” she argues, “but every woman wears a crown. Sometimes, they’re a little crooked, but that’s why we have friends. To help us straighten up when we need it.”

  I reach my arms up like a little kid, and she doesn’t disappoint.

  We hug it out like the queens we are.

  “I love you, Shan.”

  “I love you too, Soph. Now, let’s make some misogynistic bastards squirm.”

  That’s my girl.

  Chapter Five

  Blow hard. Finger fast.

  I blink at the words staring back at me from eye-level. Unfortunately, when I glance up at Jimbo’s face, the smug grin on his lips indicates he thinks I’m staring at the soft fabric stretched across his impressive pecs.

  “Wow. Classy.” I cough away my sarcasm. Acting seductive is going to be more difficult than anticipated. “Funny. I mean, it’s funny! How did you come up with that? You’re so clever.”

  That didn’t sound genuine. Not even a little. Shannon was right—I have my work cut out for me.

  He tips his gaze to my hoodie that reads Miners Marching Band. Not all that funny. Not at all unexpected. For me. The self-reformed bad girl who learned all too early that risks don’t always come with rewards.

  I fight the instinct to recoil when he leans down into my personal space with a poor imitation of collusion in his expression.

  “Tim had them made in the spring for all the drum majors except you. I’m sorry. I’ll give you mine if you want.”

  “Why would you do that?” I blurt. You hate me.

  Damn it. I make a mental list of anyone in band who is also a theater major. I need acting lessons and fast.

  Jimbo’s face twists up so much that it honestly looks like he’s suffering from constipation. “I don’t want you to feel left out.”

  Oh. Ohhhhh.

  Pretending is as hard for him as it is for me. Unnatural. Defying the written laws of existence in this time and this place.

  That alone makes me feel better.

  “That’s okay, James.” I try out my best purr. “I’m actually already sweating. I was just going to get rid of a few layers.”

  Sweating. Nerves. James.

  The memories sweep me away like a tsunami. I called him that the night we shared together during a sweltering summer in a faraway college dorm without any AC. We were adults, diving into the rushing waters of freedom, and testing out my expected cries of ecstasy using Jimmy just felt wrong in the moment.

  His pupils dilate, and his nostrils flare just slightly. Either he’s remembering it too, or he really is constipated this morning.

  Probably the latter.

  His reaction works for me regardless of the reason. If I make him
shit his pants on the field, then that could still help me get head drum major. And be as embarrassing for him as the truth he sprang on our fellow drum majors last night was for me.

  Our latest staredown is interrupted by Nate jogging over to us. He’s panting like he ran a marathon, and his eyes are a shade panicked.

  In all fairness, drum majors are expected to be on the practice field first thing in the morning, already warmed up and hyped to lead the rest of the band through warm-ups when they arrive. Jimbo and I were the first ones here. Everyone else is already late to the game.

  “Oh, seriously, Jimbo?” Nate frowns. “You made us all matching cool shirts and didn’t make one for Sophia, too? This war between you two is getting a little old, and frankly, there’s no room for it in the drum major squad.”

  James’s eyes widen. He’s so busted. I don’t bother smirking because it’s not unexpected at all for him to exclude me. What is unexpected is that, this time, he tried to throw someone else under the bus for his behavior.

  Tim joins the party, takes one look at the three of us, then jumps on the bandwagon. “Oh, hell no. I’m not playing the leave the woman out game. Sophia, take my shirt. I’ll be the odd man out.”

  Well, well, well. This just gets more and more interesting. The second Tim peels off his shirt, the other two follow suit. Goosebumps instantly prickle their skin while they hold out three offerings that are easily three sizes too big for me.

  I’m still debating on how to respond in the best way when the last drum major makes it to the field, donned in a hoodie, just like me.

  “What the fuck are you morons doing? It’s freezing out here!”

  Good boy, Jake. Now, sit and beg.

  “No one wants me to feel left out because there weren’t enough matching T-shirts to go around for all the drum majors.” I smile my best sunny smile. “But that’s silly, right? Because we’re supposed to lead by example, and I sent out an email late last night, reminding the band to arrive for morning drill with proper clothing for the cold temps.”