Lyrics of a Small Town

by Abbi Glines

  “Door wasn’t locked,” he pointed out with a scowl.

  “It’s day time,” I replied.

  “You’re here alone.”

  I shrugged. “So?”

  Saul went over to the sofa and sat down. “Come here, Henley.”

  He liked to make demands and oddly enough I liked to obey them. I had never liked being told what to do. Even as a child I would act out when I felt I was being forced. With Saul, it was different.

  He took my hand and pulled me down onto his lap. “How did the cookbook delivery go?” he asked.

  “I have no other siblings if that’s what you’re asking.”

  He grinned and laid his head back on the sofa to look at me. “That’s a positive.”

  “How is Lily?” I asked him.

  “She didn’t get drunk or high today and there was no cursing when I took her to the AA meeting.”

  “That’s good,” I replied.

  “Definitely could have been worse,” he agreed. “What’s your favorite movie?” The change in subject threw me as did the number of words he had spoken. So many words was very unlike Saul.

  “That’s a hard question. I have a few that are all tied for first place,” I told him.

  “And they are?”

  “Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bucket List, and Fried Green Tomatoes.”

  He let out a burst of laughter. “That’s a fucking weird top three.”

  I slapped his arm. “No, it’s not!”

  He cocked one eyebrow. “Buffy the Vampire Slayer?”

  I shrugged. “It’s a classic.”

  “Fried Green Tomatoes? How old are you again?”

  I laughed this time. “Fine. I’m weird.”

  He slid a hand around my waist. “I’m almost scared to ask your favorite song. Is there a top three for that too?”

  “Nope!” I replied.

  “What is it?”

  “There’s a top five,” I told him.

  He laughed out loud again and all was right with the world. Saul laughing and smiling was becoming less rare.

  “What are they then?” he asked.

  I shook my head no. “Not after you laughed at me.”

  His hand slid up my shirt and began to caress my back. “Come on. I want to know.”

  “‘My Church’ by Maren Morris, ‘He Stopped Loving Her Today’ by George Jones, ‘Irreplaceable’ by Beyonce, ‘If I Knew’ by Bruno Mars, ‘Rockstar’ by Nickelback.”

  Saul pressed his lips together as if he was trying not to laugh.

  “Those are great songs!” I told him. “Epic songs!”

  “‘He Stopped Loving Her Today’ is a great song. But ‘Rockstar’? Really? Come on, it’s Nickelback.” He was smiling and that was all that mattered. He could hate my music.

  “You are judgmental,” I informed him. “What’s yours?”

  “Movies or songs?”

  “Both,” I replied.

  He didn’t even take a moment to think about it. “Fight Club and ‘Stairway to Heaven,’” he said.

  “How old are you?” I shot back at him.

  “Fucking ancient,” he replied.

  “Will you ever play your guitar for me?” I asked him. He never mentioned it but it was always there in his room. I knew he played it when he was alone. Drake had told me so.

  “Maybe,” was his one word response then his smile faded and his expression got serious. “Kiss me,” he said.

  I bent my head and cupped his face and did just that. Saul shifted me in his lap and I straddled him so it was easier. We kissed softly at first, but when his hands moved under my shirt and covered my breasts, it became more intense. This was a reason to stay. He was a reason to stay. I didn’t think I could leave him. Not anymore. Maybe if I hadn’t allowed myself to sleep with him or maybe if I hadn’t made him smile. Possibly then I could have left, but I was kidding myself if I thought I could leave.

  Needing to know and no longer able to give it time, I broke the kiss and looked at him.

  “What happens when summer is over? When it’s time for me to go?” I asked him breathlessly.

  “I’m working on making sure you don’t,” he replied without thought.

  “That I don’t what?” I asked, needing to be sure I understood him correctly.

  Saul leaned close to me and brushed a kiss on my cheek. “That you don’t go, Henley.”

  His words were all I needed. There was no longer a question about my leaving. There was just a lot of sorting out of my future now. I had to close out my life back in Chattanooga. Right now, though, none of that mattered. All I cared about was that I was here with Saul.

  Later that night, when Saul was asleep, I turned my head to watch him. He was so peaceful like this. His breathing had slowed and I was so tempted to touch him but didn’t want to wake him. Things had changed for me and so very quickly. The first day when he had stepped out of his truck, if I had known we would lead to this, I wasn’t sure I would have stayed.

  I had come to The Shores terrified to live again. Saul had changed that.

  “I love you,” I whispered.

  Thirty-Seven

  The rest of the week Signed Sips was insanely busy from open to close. I worked late hours to help the evening rush. Hillya had said every year the week after July 4 was the craziest around The Shores. The roads were bumper-to-bumper on main street with all the tourists in town. Getting anywhere was impossible. Walking from Gran’s had become easier than driving to work.

  Lily had another setback and Saul was staying with her for the most part. I wished I could do something to help, but I didn’t know what I could do. He had been with me the night Lily had taken off again, except this time drugs had been involved. He believed she had been sneaking around getting it from a guy she met at AA meetings.

  I missed him, but I also understood his need to take care of his mother. My heart hurt for him and the life he lived because of her. Would he ever get to live without the pressure of keeping his mom clean and alive? I tried not to get angry with Lily about what she was doing to herself and in turn to Saul, but it was so difficult.

  Rio and Drake were passed trying to accept Lily’s addiction and they both openly talked about their hate for her in front of me. Not in front of Saul. Rio said Drake had made the mistake once of calling Saul’s mother a bitch and Saul had slammed his fist into Drake’s face. Drake had woken up on the floor.

  If Lily were to ever get well, what would Saul do with his life? This was something I wanted to ask him, but I was also afraid to ask. Reminding him that his entire life revolved around keeping his mom clean seemed cruel. He had accepted this role and I was sure he had thought about the long term of it.

  When Saturday afternoon came and things slowed down with so many people heading back to their homes after their week of vacation, Hillya sent me home at five. I wouldn’t have to work the next two days and I was thankful for the time off. It also meant I would be free when Saul was available. I missed him.

  I texted him that I would be home this evening as I walked into the house. He immediately replied he would come as soon as Lily was asleep. I took my time in the shower and made myself a sandwich for dinner.

  When Saul knocked on the door, it was after nine and I was on the sofa watching season two of Downton Abbey on Netflix. I took off my blanket and left it on the sofa when I went to open the door. Saul said nothing when he stepped inside.

  He grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me hard. I much preferred this greeting to words. I held onto his arms to steady myself and kissed him back just as fiercely. He had been smoking. I could taste the nicotine mixed with the mint he had used to try to cover it up. I knew he had been trying to stop or at least cut back but dealing with his mom sent him into chain smoking.

  He pulled back and inhaled deeply. “God you
always smell and taste so damn good,” he whispered then pressed one more kiss to my lips before dropping his hands from my face to wrap them around me and hold me against his chest.

  We stood there like that for several moments. His hard chest under my cheek was warm from the summer heat. I was content just like this. If I could stay in his arms forever, I would be a happy girl.

  “What the fuck are you watching?” he finally asked, and I smiled and pulled back to look up at him. He was looking at the television and frowning.

  “Downton Abbey,” I replied, doubting he knew what that was.

  His expression said he did not. When he looked back down at me, he smirked. “It’s British,” he said.

  I nodded.

  “God, I’ve missed you,” he told me.

  “I’ve missed you too,” I assured him.

  He released a weary sigh then and loosened his hold on me. “Do you have any food?”

  “Yes, you want me to make you a grilled cheese? I also have some chocolate chip muffins,” I told him, taking his hand and walking toward the kitchen. “Or I could make some pasta.”

  “Grilled cheese and a muffin sound good,” he replied.

  I let go of his hand and went directly to the fridge to get out the real cheese I had bought last week just for him. He wasn’t a fan of the dairy-free stuff I kept for myself. However, he liked my homemade gluten-free bread. I took out the loaf of bread and got busy fixing him some dinner. He didn’t eat well when he was busy with Lily.

  “In the morning, I am taking Lily to a rehab facility in Maine. She will stay there for a year,” he said, while I was slicing the bread.

  “Oh,” I replied when so many other questions were running through my head. He had talked about her going to a rehab again but not that far away or for that long.

  “She asked to go,” he added. His expression didn’t tell me much. The dark circles under his eyes, however, told me he was exhausted.

  “Are you okay with this?” I asked.

  He nodded his head slowly. “Yeah, I am. It’s time she does something. I can’t continue on like this. She’s out of fucking control and I am not equipped to handle it. I’m just so damn tired of it all.” As he said it, I could see the pain cross his expression.

  I sat down the knife and walked around the counter. “Then why do you look like this hurts?” I asked him, reaching up to touch his face.

  He closed his eyes a moment and when he opened them to look at me again, he replied, “Because she’s my mom. I shouldn’t feel like this. I shouldn’t want her to go. I shouldn’t be tired of helping her. I am all she has. But I am so goddamn tired of it. I am so fucking tired of it.”

  “Any one would be tired of it, Saul. You are the best son I’ve ever known. You have done everything you can for her, including altering your life to deal with her addiction. She wants to go because she loves you and she knows what she is doing to you.”

  A sad smile touched his face. “That’s what she said. Or something like it,” he told me.

  I was glad Lily realized it. I just wish it hadn’t taken her so long. I pressed a kiss to his cheek then went back around the counter to make his grilled cheese. He watched but remained silent. I didn’t ask more questions, but I did want to know when he would be back.

  It wasn’t until I was grilling the sandwich on the stove that he spoke again. “I should be back on Tuesday. Latest Wednesday,” he said.

  I put two muffins on a plate and slid them over to him. “I’ll pour you some real milk,” I told him with a smile.

  “Real milk as in whole milk from a cow?” he asked, as I took the half gallon I had bought for him out of the fridge.

  I showed it to him. “Yep.”

  For the first time since he arrived, a grin broke out on his beautiful face. “Damn, I feel special.”

  I poured him a glass. “You should,” I said teasingly and handed it to him.

  He took a long drink before setting it back down. I finished his sandwich while he ate the muffins. When I placed the grilled cheese in front of him, he was watching me.

  “What?” I asked him, smiling at his serious expression.

  “Nothing. I was just thinking,” he replied, picking up the grilled cheese. “Thank you,” he said before taking a bite.

  “You’re welcome,” I told him then picked up a muffin and walked around to sit on the bar stool beside him.

  Saul was changing. He was talking to me more. Trusting me. I realized it and I also knew he still needed time. Keeping things to himself was the way he had dealt with life. I couldn’t change it overnight. But he was doing it for me, for us…

  Thirty-Eight

  During my days off, Saul was gone to Maine. I tried some new recipe ideas and when they worked, I was sure to write them down for Hillya. Emily came over Sunday evening and we had a Grey’s Anatomy season three marathon while eating cupcakes and popcorn.

  Saul called me twice and texted me updates, but he never mentioned what day he would be home. I didn’t ask him because I knew he was dealing with having to leave his mom there. Although he was relieved she had decided to do this, he had so much guilt about not being able to help her himself.

  Monday night I was going through the kitchen and organizing Gran’s kitchen cabinets to work for me since I intended to stay. That was something else I had decided in Saul’s absence. I was going to tell him when he returned. Gran was right about me needing to start over in a new place. To find my town and build a life. I couldn’t imagine doing that anywhere but here. In this house, where I had so many wonderful memories and in this town, where I had found family and where I had found Saul.

  The knock on the door had me jumping up and rushing to open it, thinking it was Saul and he was home. However, when I turned the corner, it was Rio I saw on the other side of the door. Slowing my pace, I walked the rest of the way and unlocked the dead bolt then opened it.

  Surprised that he was here, the only thing I said was “Hey.” It wasn’t that I didn’t see Rio often; it was just that he normally texted before he came over.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said, walking past me and into the house. I didn’t miss the tone of his voice. It was strained and upset. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or something else.

  I closed the door and turned to look at him. “What is it?” I asked, my mind already running through all that it could be.

  He ran a hand through his short hair and locked his gaze on me. “Do you remember when I told you to be careful with Saul?” he asked. “I warned you and you, you didn’t listen to me. I know him. I’ve known him since we were sixteen.”

  “What is this about, Rio?” I asked, feeling panic building inside me. Of all the things I thought he had barged inside upset about, Saul and I hadn’t been one of them.

  “Saul is a loyal friend. He’s a fucking saint of a son. God knows I would have walked out on his mom years ago if I were him. But he’s not perfect, Henley. He’s so fucked up from the shit he’s lived through.” Rio sighed loudly and stared at me hard. “Are you in love with him?”

  I was. I had accepted it and even embraced it. I hadn’t told Saul yet, at least when he was awake. Telling Rio before I told Saul seemed unfair, but then the way Rio was acting right now I wasn’t sure I could lie about it.

  I finally nodded my head yes.

  “Dammit!” he growled. “I was afraid of this and I fucking let it happen. He was different with you,” he said, pointing at me and then beginning to pace back and forth in front of me. “I thought, I thought because he was with you all the time and he was so damn possessive of you, I thought it was over. If I had known it wasn’t then I would have told you sooner.” He stopped pacing and looked at me again. “I wouldn’t have lied to you and let you get hurt. Know that. You’re… well, you’re my sister. And I’ve not known you long but what I do know I’m proud of the fact I�
�m related to you. If you’d known my mom, you’d get it. She was… she wasn’t something to be proud of. But you, well, you are. It doesn’t matter that Saul is my best friend. I would have told you. I wouldn’t have just warned you to be careful.”

  “Rio, what are you talking about!” I interrupted his anxiety ridden ranting. He had my stomach in knots and he wasn’t getting to the point. He was making it worse with all his talk about protecting me.

  Rio took a deep breath. “There’s this woman. She’s older, married… and well, Saul and her. He sees her. He has never brought her around but I’ve seen him with her sneaking around. So has Drake. It’s been going on for three years, I guess. I’ve ignored it and pretended like I didn’t know. There were always other girls. Fleur was the latest until you came along. I hadn’t seen Saul with the woman in a while and I thought he’d stopped that shit. Hell, she’s even got a kid,” Rio stopped and looked at me.

  I wasn’t sure I was breathing. My chest hurt and my knees were weak. I needed to sit down. “How do you know it’s still going on?” I asked, but my voice was barely a whisper. Images of Saul and Isla at the Hendrix were playing over in my head. That gut instinct that told me something wasn’t casual about that meeting. I ignored it. I wanted to believe it wasn’t anything.

  “When I came home from work, Saul’s duffle was at the foot of the steps and there was an empty beer, his beer, on the counter in the kitchen. Drake hates Saul’s beer. I assumed he’d come in and then come over here. I didn’t think anything more until I was on my way to get some takeout and drove past this street. His truck wasn’t here either but your car was and your lights were on inside.”

  Rio sighed and shook his head. “I wondered where he was but I didn’t think about it too hard. It wasn’t until I pulled into the Crab Shack and saw his truck pulling out of the Hendrix parking lot and not headed toward your house or ours that… I got suspicious. I just knew. I followed him. He went to some fancy ass neighborhood and pulled into the driveway of one of the houses. When the door opened, it was her. Whoever the fuck she is. He went inside and she closed the door. I… I didn’t know what to do. I just knew I had to come tell you now. Before he came back here. You need to know the truth. He may fucking hate me for the rest of his life, but I can’t overlook this shit because his life has been hard. He has demons. A lot of them but hell so do I. My mom was fucked up too and I don’t go around having affairs with married women.”