by Kira Adams
Copyright © 2021 Krista Pakseresht. All rights reserved.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is purely coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without the written permission of the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes only.
First edition editing by Joanne LaRe Thompson
Second edition editing by C. Marie
Cover designed by Shane Morgan
The Infinite Love Series
Learning to Live (Ciera & Topher)
Life After (Destiny & Topher)
My Forever (Madalynne & Parker)
Beautifully Broken (Jacqueline & Lee)
Against All Odds (Austyn & Avery)
Connect with the Author
www.kiraadamsauthor.com
facebook.com/KiraAdamsAuthor
wattpad.com/user/xKiraAdamsx
goodreads.com/author/show/7179367.Kira_Adams
amazon.com/Kira-Adams/e/B00KQZ5838
Blurb:
Ciera
All I wanted was to be able to make it through my senior year. I didn’t need the stares, the jokes, or the bullies. I thought I could do it all on my own, but I was wrong. He filled my veins like a poison, the kind you can’t run from. Harsh and uncaring, he was broken, but somewhere along the way he seeped into my pores. There was no way out, so that left me with one choice: to open his eyes to the beauty around him—to help him live.
Topher
She wasn’t on my agenda; it was fate’s cruel way of telling me I needed to get my shit together. To be fair, my head was so far up my ass, I’m not sure how we extracted it. I knew the power I held over my peers, and I exuded it daily. I could have had any girl I wanted at the snap of my fingers, and yet I found myself fantasizing about her—someone so far off my radar it wasn’t even funny. She helped me understand that sometimes you need to let go to really live. Sometimes being alive means taking risks.
Learning to Live is the first book in the Infinite Love series.
Table of Contents
Prologue
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Books by Kira Adams
Prologue
We made no sense. She was oil and I was water…but somehow, we worked. No one would ever understand it fully, and I liked that. I liked that we shared a connection that couldn’t be defined.
We weren’t even on the other’s radar when everything first began to happen…and then something shifted inside both of us. He taught me how to live, and I taught him how to let go.
1
“Yes…yes…yes!” Sophia screams underneath me as I thrust deeper. She is breathing deeply; one might even think she’s actually enjoying herself. But I know Sophia better than that. I know she’s faking it.
I glance at my diamond-encrusted Rolex.
Twenty more minutes.
“Topher!” Sophia cries out.
I flick my eyes to meet hers. “God, are you even in there?”
She pushes me off of her roughly then gathers the sheets off my bed, covering her body.
“Sorry,” I reply, running my hand over my face and falling flat on my back.
“Sorry? Really?” she exclaims angrily, her green eyes appearing black. “What the hell is up with you lately?”
A lot…but nothing I want to discuss with her. “Nothing,” I lie. “I have to get ready for dinner. My dad is finally going to introduce me to his girlfriend.”
Sophia sighs loudly then hops off my bed, running straight into my bathroom and closing the door behind her. I grab my boxer briefs and slide them back on along with my jeans, belt, and polo. A few minutes later she returns, idly dropping the sheet to the floor and tossing her clothes back on as well.
Before, the sight of my girlfriend naked could make me hard in a nanosecond. Now, it just annoys the crap out of me.
She snatches her purse from the ground and gives me a quick peck on the cheek. “See you later?”
“Sure.” I shrug, not even bothering to feign excitement. She whips her head around and takes off.
Sophia Thompson: cheerleader, queen bee, socialite, and my girlfriend of four years. Most guys would kill for the opportunity to date her. I’m not most guys. Over time, I’ve grown to hate almost everything that makes up the person she is, and I’ve mastered the art of faking it.
She’s stubborn, opinionated, rude, condescending, vain, and completely self-centered. She wasn’t always like this. I met her at the end of middle school and she was funny and fun to be around, sweet and even endearing. A lot has changed. Mainly, her popularity skyrocketed and her personality flatlined.
I know I should break up with her, but I’ve grown used to our social status and the hierarchy. Everyone in school wants to date us or be us. Knowing this makes it hard to dump her like the trash she is. Power has always been something I’ve loved controlling.
The problem is, I’ve been hiding my true feelings for her for so long that I just don’t give a shit anymore. Faking it feels normal, so I continue on with the charade. Six months ago, I found out Sophia is fucking my best friend, Joe. It wasn’t even a surprise to me. I actually felt relieved. If he was giving it to her good then maybe I wouldn’t have to try so hard. It’s a fucked-up situation, I know, but I feel numb about it all.
I head downstairs and quickly begin setting the table. It feels like forever that my father has been sneaking around with his new girlfriend. I always thought I would have met her sooner, but good for him for getting the chance to act younger than he is.
My mother died when I was just a baby. I don’t even remember what she looked like. My father has shown me plenty of pictures, but she’s always felt like a stranger due to the fact that I was too young to have any memories of her. He’s dated a few women since, but it’s mainly just been the two of us. He owns a couple of car lots and is rarely ever home, so I’ve grown accustomed to being on my own.
After setting the table, I help myself to a glass of water and glance at the clock on the stove. They should be here any minute. I wonder if his new lady will have kids. I wonder what she’ll look like. His past choices in women have been very eclectic. I’m not even sure what to expect this time around. I hear the garage open and my eyes lock on the door. Any minute now.
I hear muffled whispers as car doors shut then shuffling of feet toward the door. Moment of truth. The handle turns and my father walks in, carrying his briefcase. His Armani suit is immaculate as always, and his dark hair is gelled to perfection. I peek my eyes around him and notice another man walking in. He is thin and pale with short blond hair and a more laid-back look to him. He wears a blue striped button-down shirt and jeans. So much for dinner…I wonder who this guy is.
“Topher,” my father exclaims, startled. “I didn’t know you were there.”
>
I nod, my eyes dancing between my father and his unfamiliar friend. “Where’s your girlfriend?”
My question seems to make him uncomfortable. He clears his throat before speaking. “Do you want to sit?”
Why is he acting so strange? I shake my head then fold my arms across my body.
“Um, Topher, this is Clarke,” my father says, and his friend extends his hand apprehensively for me to shake. I take it, and it’s seriously the most puny handshake I’ve ever received.
“Hey Topher, I’ve heard so much about you,” Clarke says, smiling slightly.
I nod stiffly. “Do you work at the lot?”
Clarke swallows, his Adam’s apple jumping up his throat. “No.”
Okay. Now I’m confused. “Then how do you guys know each other?” I address the question to my father.
He sets his briefcase down on the kitchen counter, taking a small step toward me. “Topher…” The way he says my name makes my heart race, leaving me uneasy. “Clarke and I…”
My mind instantly goes into overdrive. What. The. Fuck. My eyes shoot back and forth between my father and Clarke. No fucking way…
“Topher,” my father says again, concern lacing his voice.
“You’re a fucking fag?” I exclaim angrily, pounding my fist into the granite countertop.
My father’s eyes widen and I see a flash of hurt pass across them. Clarke gasps at my outburst.
“I will not have you talking that way to me in my own home!” my father cries out angrily.
“This has to be some bad fucking dream. This is not my real life!” I throw my head into my hands, my body beginning to convulse. I feel someone’s hand lightly touch me and I throw myself back before realizing it’s my father. “I have somewhere to be,” I mutter under my breath as I turn my back to them and race back up the stairs.
I can hear my father calling out after me, but my body is on autopilot. Before I even know what’s happening, I’ve grabbed the keys to the Porsche and I’m out the door. I don’t think I’ve ever driven this fast in my life. I know I should slow down, but I want the image that is seared across my mind gone. How can my father be…how… None of it makes any sense.
My phone is vibrating in the pocket of my jeans. I pull it out and see that it’s my father. I chuck it to the floorboard of the passenger seat angrily.
This can’t be my life.
I end up at Sophia’s out of habit. Her red Mustang is in the driveway so I know she’s home. I jump out of my car and quickly make my way to the door. I pound harder on it than I intend to. Luckily, I can see her sandy brown hair coming to answer it.
“Topher?” she says, confused. “I thought you had to do dinner with your dad?”
“Screw my dad,” I reply, letting myself in and pulling her into me. I cover her lips with mine, kissing her more passionately than I have in a very long time.
“What was that for?” she asks breathlessly as I break off the kiss.
“I know I’ve been distracted lately, but I want you. I want you now.” I pick her up in my arms and slam her against the door, kissing her neck, her jaw.
I need a distraction.
Sophia’s breaths are becoming labored. “Topher…not here.”
I put her back down on the ground and she reaches for my hand, pulling me further into her familiar household.
“Hi Topher,” I hear her mother call out from inside the kitchen.
“Hi Mrs. Thompson,” I shout back as we continue to make our way to her bedroom.
After we’re securely inside and the door is locked, I throw her onto the bed and pounce on her.
“What has gotten into you?” she asks playfully.
“Less talking…more action.” I don’t want to think about anything that transpired earlier at my house. All I want to do is have fucking sex.
“Okay.” She giggles and then I shut my mind off.
My body goes back on autopilot and I give an award-winning performance. Unfortunately for me, the distraction is short-lived, and before I know it, I’m back in my car pounding my steering wheel with my fist.
I know I can’t avoid my house forever…but I never saw this coming. I can’t even imagine the response if I tell Joe or Sophia about what happened. I’d never be able to separate myself from the stigma. The problem is, I don’t actually mind gays…but my father? I’ll never live it down. Everyone in my high school will find out, and I know my life will become a living hell. I know it’s not about me, but all I can focus on is the repercussions of his choices and how they will affect my comfortable life.
“Hey, dude,” Joe greets me, taking a step aside so I can walk into his house. “What are you up to?”
Brushing past him, I propel myself onto the couch with a thud. His house is a lot cozier than mine, and I’ve been coming here for so many years it’s almost like a second home. “Just bored and wanted to see what you were up to.”
He walks over to his fridge, opening it. “Root beer?”
I nod and he tosses the cold can to me; it lands effortlessly in the palms of my hands. I pop the tab and take a quick sip. “Have you done the English homework?”
Joe looks back at me then rolls his eyes. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”
I chuckle. “You’re right. My bad.”
He plops himself down next to me, sinking into the cushion. “Bro, have you seen the tits on Alyssa lately? I think all the weight she packed on went straight to the twins.”
I try to think back on the last time she was around me…the other day at school, but my mind has been elsewhere. I haven’t been paying attention to much lately besides avoiding my house at all costs.
The missed calls and texts from my father are an annoying reminder that I can’t avoid him forever. At some point we are going to have to finish that dreadful conversation, and I would rather saw my arm off. Why did he have to do this?
“Toph?” Joe says quietly, leaning forward, concern etched across his face.
“Sorry. What?”
“You’ve been zoned out like that for a while, man. You sure you’re okay?”
I shake my head back and forth. “I’m fine. Can we just play some Call of Duty or something?”
Joe’s eyes light up, and he’s already grabbing the remote controls before I can change my mind. “Now we’re talking.”
He has no idea I’m using him to avoid my house. I had no idea he was using me to screw my girlfriend. We are both shitty people in my eyes.
“Dude, Sophia Thompson is staring at you,” Joe whispers, chuckling.
I take a bite of my bologna sandwich then glance over my shoulder. Sure enough, green eyes are staring directly at me. A blush takes over her face when she realizes she’s been caught.
I shift my eyes back to Joe. “What do you know about her?” I’ve only been in Oregon for the past seven months. We moved from California because of my father’s line of work. He’s a businessman. He owned multiple car lots across California and sold them all before we moved. He opened a new one in Portland, and that’s where he’s been ever since.
Joe glances at Sophia as if he is studying her, then looks back at me. “She’s about to be initiated as one of us, but first we have to pry her away from her best friend.”
I glance back at him inquisitively. “Why would we need to do that?”
He chuckles like I’ve said the most ridiculous thing in the world. “Have you seen who she hangs out with? We have an image to uphold, bro. Do you want to be popular or not?”
I shift my eyes back to Sophia and to her right. There is a blond-haired girl seated beside her. She has braces on only her front four teeth, and her hair is a tangled mess. She’s wearing overalls that are ripped up in multiple places. I can see why Joe wouldn’t want to be seen with her—we’d be the laughingstock of the school.
When I first got here, being popular wasn’t important to me, but after you reap the benefits of being one of the school’s elite, you never want to go back. I’m inv
ited to at least three parties a weekend, I know of a handful of girls who have crushes on me, and I have a group of nerds who do my homework just because I ask them to. Life is seamless and easy.
“So, what’s the game plan?” I ask, ready to follow whatever ridiculous scheme my friend comes up with.
2
Head down. Don’t make eye contact. I’ve perfected this over the years, and today is no different. As I slip through the crowds of my peers virtually invisible, I realize maybe, just maybe, today will be better. If I can just stay out of sight, maybe no one will mess with me today. It’s the first positive thought I’ve had in weeks.
I’m walking through the courtyard toward my locker when I feel my foot catch on something and suddenly my body is hurling toward the ground. My books go flying and I land roughly on my hands and knees, the cement tearing them up. I guess I spoke too soon.
“Shit,” I mutter under my breath, my cheeks instantly flaming. I wonder how many people caught the accident that is me. That’s when I hear it…loud chuckling from behind me.
“That was priceless,” a familiar low voice says before going back to laughing uncontrollably.
I don’t even have to make eye contact with the perpetrator to know who it is. My ultimate tormentor these past couple of years: Joe Nellis.
“Did you get it?” I hear another voice ask, one I also recognize. Joe’s best friend: Topher Carlson. They’re two of the most popular guys in the school and my biggest tormentors.
“Every second.” As I wipe the dirt off my jeans and stand back up, I take notice of the iPhone in Joe’s hand. The asshole taped the entire incident. My stomach instantly tenses. Hurriedly, I gather my belongings and flee the scene.
Unfortunately, this is my life. Or at least it has been for the past five years. This is my hell, and I’ve learned to simply exist within it. I make it to my locker without any more incidents and notice my best and only friend, Mack, leaning against it. His nose is buried in a book, but he looks up the minute I get close, his eyes traveling over my entire body. A look of pain flashes across his eyes.
