Learning to Live: An Enemy to Lovers Ugly Cry (The Infinite Love Series, Book 1)

by Kira Adams

  Ciera looks down at the sand and then away. She has a sad, far-off look in her eyes.

  I grab her chin and direct her eyes back toward me. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  A silent tear rolls down her cheek. “Why is this happening now? Why couldn’t this have happened years ago?”

  I shake my head dismissively. “I wasn’t the same person a few years ago that I am now. I was immature and arrogant.”

  She inhales deeply. “Can you take me home?”

  I don’t know what is going on with her, but I’m not ready to leave yet, not when we have so many more things from her list we can still tackle tonight. I shake my head no.

  “Topher,” she says sadly.

  I grab her hands and pull her into my chest. “You asked me to accompany you on this mission, and I’m not leaving until we have completed everything we possibly can.”

  She huffs.

  “Come on, you can’t deny that you’ve had fun today.”

  She shakes her head. “That’s the problem—I’m having too much fun.”

  I look at her like she has two heads. “Is there even such a thing? Plus, weren’t you the one telling me you haven’t really been living?”

  She looks into my eyes, almost as if she’s searching for something, and then I see her expression change, like a light bulb is going off in her head.

  “Oh hell!” she exclaims, throwing her arms up in the air. She pulls on my hoodie, bringing me down to her level, and then she presses her lips against mine. I don’t know what compels her to do this, but the minute our lips touch, I feel it within the very core of my being. I am on fire. I’m pulling her closer, melding our lips together. I’ve never felt anything more powerful, more intense.

  Kissing Sophia seems like child’s play compared to the kiss I share with Ciera now. Then before I know it, she’s pushing me away, leaving me breathless.

  I press my forehead against hers, breathing in deeply. “Wow.”

  “Wow,” she repeats me.

  “That was…” I trail off, still attempting to gather my thoughts along with my breath.

  “Incredible,” she finishes for me.

  I nod lightly. “If I’d known it was going to be like that, I would have kissed you sooner, slap or not.”

  She giggles, taking a step back. “I had to do it…at least once.”

  I whistle. “That’s going to be happening a lot more than one time.” But then I realize the actual meaning of her previous statement. “Are you telling me you’ve never been kissed before?”

  Her cheeks instantly flush as she goes mute.

  “You’re kidding, right?” She has to be kidding. There’s no way I could feel as blown away as I do from a girl who’s never kissed anyone before…could I?

  She continues to look embarrassed. “I kissed Mack once. We were in second grade and wanted to get it over with. It doesn’t really count.”

  I guess I can.

  I run my fingers across her face, still feeling an electric pull between the two of us. “I don’t know how you expect me to keep my hands off of you now that you whipped out your ridiculous kissing skills.”

  She shies away from my touch. “That was a one-time thing.”

  “Hell no it was not.” I grab her hand and pull her back into me, mashing my lips to hers. She melts into me, and it seems her body has different ideas than her mind.

  20

  Darkness has fallen upon the beach as Topher leads the way via flashlight.

  “Are you sure this is a good idea? I never even let my mom know I was leaving.” I’m referring to the newly bought tent and sleeping bag Topher carries under his arm, along with the bag of s’mores accessories I carry.

  “Do you want to call her?”

  I sigh. “It’s kind of late now. I would probably wake Rose and Wes. It would be easier if she had a cell phone.”

  “Oh, that’s right, I keep forgetting…” He trails off as he drops everything onto the sand. “We’re going to have to change that.”

  I ponder what he means by that as he takes the paper grocery bag out of my hands and drops it on the sand. His lips find mine again, and it’s as if he can’t get enough of me. Ever since I made the move to kiss him earlier, he’s made a conscious effort to be touching me in any way possible. Whether it was his arm around my waist at the sporting goods store or his hand on mine in the car, it’s as if he’s scared I’ll disappear. The feeling is foreign to me but makes my heart beat rapidly in my chest in a good way.

  I know how amazing I feel now, but I know the feeling can’t possibly last. I can only guestimate how it will be when we return to school on Monday. Will we go back to simply existing alongside one another, or will he finally acknowledge my presence in front of our peers?

  He releases me quickly and begins setting up the tent on the highest part of the sand, back amongst the rock wall. After we’ve finished arranging our sleeping quarters for the night, he runs off to find wood to make a bonfire. Never in a million years would I have guessed I would be tackling my bucket list alongside one of my biggest tormentors. It’s funny how much can change in such a little amount of time.

  I know I will have to face reality again soon, but in the meantime, I decide to embrace the experience. No one has ever made me feel so special. Reality can wait. I’m planning to live out my fantasy for a couple more hours tonight.

  Soon, we’re seated on the sand, roasting marshmallows just like I’ve always dreamed of. We have everything we need to make s’mores, but we find ourselves lost in conversation instead. “What’s your favorite color?” Topher asks.

  I giggle. “Don’t you think it’s a little late to be asking that? I mean, you’ve already had your tongue halfway down my throat.”

  He chuckles, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead. His eyes are illuminated by the flames, and I feel myself getting lost within them.

  “It’s never too late to learn more about one another.” He smiles widely back at me.

  The problem is, I don’t want him getting any more attached than necessary. It’s just going to make it more difficult when I’m gone. I know it’s unfair of me to pursue anything with Topher, but I fear we are already too invested at this point.

  “Green,” I reply simply. “What about you?”

  “Blue.”

  “Typical.” I pull my marshmallow out of the flame, lightly touching it with my fingers.

  “What?” he asks, clueless.

  “Isn’t blue like every guy’s favorite color?” I tease, sticking my tongue out.

  He smiles wider. “Fine then, brown.”

  “Boring.” I continue to have fun with him.

  “Oh, you’re going to get it!” He drops his stick along with the marshmallow to the sand before hopping up and chasing me. I stumble up as well, dropping my stick, and race toward the opening to the tent before I feel his strong arm wrap around my body, and he tackles me down onto the sleeping bag.

  We’re out of breath from laughing when I realize this is going to be the first time I’ve spent the night with a guy…ever. From kissing to sleeping together, I’m sure moving fast. My heart begins to beat wildly against my chest, and Topher’s facial expression changes to concern.

  “I’m not going to pressure you to do anything you aren’t ready to do,” he says softly.

  I swallow, some of the tension dissipating.

  “I mean, I was your first kiss. I know how nervous you must be,” he adds.

  I nod lightly, averting my eyes.

  He gently moves my hair out of my face. “You’re so different than what I thought.”

  I lock eyes with him and try to read his intense gaze. “Is that a good thing?”

  He smiles lightly. “So good. So much better.”

  I can’t help but return his smile, blushing.

  “You act like you’ve never received a compliment before,” he murmurs, nestling his mouth into the crook of my neck, sending tingles down my spine.

  I sigh
.

  He jerks his head upright immediately. “Wait, what?”

  I shrug. “It’s because I really haven’t.”

  His eyes get a hint of sadness to them. “Ciera…” He trails off.

  “It’s okay,” I interject quickly.

  “No, it’s not,” he says firmly, pulling me up to a sitting position with him.

  He continues to tuck my hair behind my ears gently, his eyes raking over my face with care. I close my eyes, and then I feel his warm breath next to my ear.

  “Open your eyes,” he tells me. I oblige, and he is staring intently into them. “I am so sorry,” he says softly, his eyebrows creasing. “I am so sorry for being such an asshole to you. I am so sorry for standing idly by while my friends made your life a living hell. Even though I never noticed you before, it’s not because you were any less of a person…it’s because I was. You have the most beautiful heart. You are an incredible person, Ciera. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it.”

  I run my fingers gently across his jawline, looking at the handsome boy in front of me. Why now? Why are you saying all of this now? I pull his face close to mine and close my lips upon his softly, my heart hurting. It’s happening, and pretty soon I’m not going to be able to stop it. I can feel myself falling for Topher with every brush of our lips, every slight touch or deep stare we share. It’s unfair to him, I know this, but what seems more unfair is the possibility that I could pass away without ever knowing the meaning of true love. Maybe all of this is happening for a reason. Maybe it’s finally my turn to really live.

  Nothing is ever certain. Life is simply a mixture of possibilities and choices. I’m choosing to embrace this change. I know I am going to have to be honest with him eventually, but for now, I’m going to enjoy the ride for as long as possible.

  The weekend passes and we stay fully wrapped up in one another. On Sunday, Topher takes me to a very fancy restaurant where we end up crossing another item off my list by dining and ditching. I’ve never felt more alive. He also takes me to my first haunted house, and I grip him tightly like my life depends on it.

  I’m starting to wonder how I went through life without ever knowing this Topher, how we knew of one another but didn’t really know one another. Everything seems better with him around, brighter. I’m smiling until my cheeks hurt, laughing until my sides are sore. I still have a small knot in the pit of my stomach wondering how school will be, wondering if any of our feelings can translate into his world, but I know I can’t live my life in fear anymore. I don’t want to.

  So when Topher offers to pick me up for school on Monday morning, I don’t hesitate in agreeing. I make sure to dress in the yellow sundress Madalynne bought me. It’s cold outside, but I know Topher will appreciate the effort I make. When he picks me up, he’s grinning from ear to ear.

  “Hey you,” he says softly as I enter his car. Goose bumps are already rising on my exposed legs, but I can’t be sure if it’s due to the chilly weather or the look he’s giving me, almost as if he wants to devour me whole. “You look nice,” he says as he gives me a quick peck on the lips.

  His hands come to rest on my upper leg, and fire surges from his fingertips throughout my body.

  “Thanks,” I say.

  As we near the school, the knot seems to only expand within my stomach.

  “What’s your middle name?” Topher asks randomly.

  I look over at him. “Grace. Why?”

  He returns my gaze, his teal eyes warm, before he shifts them back to the road. “Just curious. Ciera Grace Nelson…very pretty.”

  “Thanks,” I reply. “What’s yours?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t have one. I guess my parents thought Topher was unique enough.”

  He pulls into the parking lot and exits the car. I’m frozen, fear taking hold of me. I know I should be climbing out as well, but I can’t move a muscle. I can already feel countless eyes on the car, our classmates already invested in what is about to take place.

  I hear Topher close his door, and then a moment later, I feel mine being opened.

  He crouches down so he is at eye level with me. “Hey, you okay?”

  I glance at him quickly and then down at my hands. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  His face softens and he takes one of my hands in his, squeezing it lightly. “I’m right here with you.”

  Just hearing him say the words alleviates some of my fear. I force a smile on my face as I slowly climb out of the car. People are huddled in various groups around the parking lot, staring. I can feel the eyes burning my skin. I look up at Topher quickly, and he gives my hand one more reassuring squeeze.

  “Wait.” He pulls me up and gives my hand a tug before I stop him from moving forward. “We don’t have to do this. I mean, I had a lot of fun this weekend, more fun than I’ve ever had, but it doesn’t have to translate here. We can go our separate ways.” I’m still rambling when he crashes his lips to mine in front of all the prying eyes around us, quieting me. He presses me up against the car lightly, continuing his assault on my mouth. By the time he breaks off the kiss, I can’t even remember what the hell I was talking about.

  He rubs his finger across my chin gently. “I’ve never felt more alive than when I am with you. You awakened something deep inside my soul. I can’t explain it, but I’m not letting you go, at least not without a fight.”

  I swallow deeply before pinching myself lightly. Nope, not dreaming. I take a deep breath then begin making my way toward the school alongside Topher.

  The whispers and stares only accelerate as we get inside the building. We are making a statement, and it’s on everyone’s radar. People are trailing their eyes up and down my body, and I’ve never felt more violated or judged in my entire life. We break apart briefly to open our respective lockers, and that’s when I hear Sophia’s obnoxiously loud voice.

  “Well aren’t you just precious?” she asks snidely as she comes to rest right next to my locker. She is wearing next to nothing, and her boobs look like they might pop out of her halter top at any moment. It’s almost as if she went the extra mile today as her hair is styled in loose curls and her makeup is extravagant.

  I sneak a peek over to the other side of the hall and notice Topher is in a heated discussion with Joe. It’s not loud enough for me to eavesdrop, but I know he won’t be able to come to my rescue. I guess I’m just going to have to learn to stand up for myself.

  “Don’t you ever get bored?” I ask, closing my locker.

  “Excuse me?” she exclaims, throwing her hand to her chest dramatically.

  “You heard me. I’m starting to wonder what Topher ever saw in you,” I whisper under my breath.

  There is a fire burning behind her eyes, and before I know it, she is pouncing on me with claws out. We go crashing to the floor roughly before my head starts to pound with a vengeance. I grab it with my hands, but I feel as though someone is gutting it from the inside out. I curl up in the fetal position as the pain surges through me. Soon my vision and hearing go along with it, and all I’m left with is darkness.

  21

  As I open my locker, Joe appears beside me. “You know, you’re not fooling anyone,” he says under his breath.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I growl.

  “Ciera fucking Nelson? I know Sophia cheated on you, man, but at least have some standards.” A condescending smile plays across his lips.

  “Shut the fuck up,” I warn, taking a step closer so that I’m in his face.

  “I’m doing you a solid, dude. You still have time to save your reputation.”

  I grab the collar of his polo, gripping it firmly. “I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks, least of all you. Get the hell out of my face.”

  I’m still revved up when I hear the sound of a struggle across the hall. I turn my face to where Ciera’s locker is and see Sophia is on top of her, a fistful of Ciera’s hair in her hand. I shove Joe roughly out of my way when I see Ciera curl up into a b
all, her hands covering her head. Sophia looks utterly confused. I can’t tell if she hit her or what. I rip her off Ciera as quickly as possible, pushing her out of the way.

  “What the fuck is going on here?”

  “I don’t know,” Sophia says shakily. “We were fighting and then all of a sudden she curled up into a ball and stopped moving.”

  I touch Ciera’s shoulder gently. “Ciera, are you okay?”

  When I turn her over so I can see her face, it’s obvious that she’s unconscious. My heart begins to race rapidly as I look around the hall at my peers.

  “Get help!” I scream with enough force that it sends people scurrying in every direction.

  Joe inches closer, his face contorting as he looks down at Ciera’s still body. “What’s wrong with her?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer dismissively.

  No one is moving quickly enough for my liking, so I reach my arms under her body and lift her into the air. I carry her all the way to the nurse’s office. By the time I make it, my arms are needing a reprieve, so I gently lay her down on a cot in the middle of the room.

  Ms. Gregory comes rushing over. “What happened to her?” she asks frantically.

  “I don’t know,” I reply, feeling helpless. “She just fell to the floor clutching her head, and now she’s unconscious. Is she going to be alright?”

  Ms. Gregory’s face takes on a look of concern. “Thanks for bringing her in, Topher. I can take it from here.”

  I look up at her incredulously. “I’m not leaving.”

  Her expression softens. “Listen, you have to get to class. Let me do my job. I will make sure you are updated as soon as she wakes up.”

  My stomach dips as I realize I’m not going to win this fight. I nod slowly and then take one long look at Ciera before I leave. I feel like the biggest asshole in the world, but I know Ms. Gregory is right. I end up in first period fifteen minutes late, but I can’t focus one bit. I keep glancing at Ciera’s empty chair in the front, and my stomach continues to eat itself alive from the nerves.