Devil in the Details

by Morgan James

  “Except yesterday.” Xander’s voice was deceptively soft.

  I dipped my head in the barest of nods. “Yesterday was a fluke. Darlene’s husband had a health issue, so Alexia stayed here instead.”

  He tipped his chin in understanding but remained silent otherwise. We stood there for a long moment in the silent standoff, and I shifted nervously on my feet. “Did you... did you want to talk?” I asked hesitantly.

  “I want to see my daughter.” His commanding tone brooked no argument, and it sent a little shiver of unease down my spine.

  “I can’t—” I started, but he cut me off.

  “She’s my daughter, damn it!” He punctuated the statement by jabbing one index finger against the counter. “I’ll be damned if I let you keep her from me anymore.”

  I raised my hands in supplication, already taking a step backward to put more distance between us. “That’s not... I didn’t mean...” I drew in a shuddering breath. “It’s not my intent to keep her from you. I promise,” I rushed on when he gazed suspiciously down at me. “Brenda will be here in just a few minutes, then I can take you to see her.”

  He studied me for a long minute, then, as if gauging my sincerity, he nodded. “Fine.”

  I waited for him to leave, but he remained steadfast by the counter. His presence was unnerving, and I tried to block it out as I went back to work. Nearly at my breaking point, I almost cried with relief when Brenda and Gwen walked through the door barely ten minutes later. I flicked a glance at Xander. “Let me grab my things and then we can go.”

  I hurried over to Brenda as she started toward the staff lounge. She glanced over my shoulder and caught sight of Xander. Her brows lifted, and I shook my head. “I’ll explain in a second.”

  Inside the staff lounge, I grabbed my things from my locker, then pulled Brenda aside. “I hate to do this, but I need the morning off.”

  Brenda patted my shoulder. “Don’t worry, dear. We’ll take care of everything for today. Just take your time.”

  I shot Brenda and Gwen a grateful look. “Thank you, guys. I owe you.”

  Making my way back to the front of the store, I stopped in front of Xander. “Do you want to ride together, or do you want to follow me?” The thought of being confined in close quarters was enough to unnerve me, and I prayed that he would turn down my offer to drive. I shouldn’t have worried about it, because he spoke over me.

  “I know where you live.” He said it so impassively, so matter-of-factly, that I didn’t doubt it, and a tiny spark of anger shot through me.

  “Fantastic.” I couldn’t conceal the sarcasm in my tone, and the corner of his mouth twitched up into a small smile. I was momentarily arrested by that tiny smirk, the first sign of humor I’d seen from him. When we first met, he’d given his smiles freely. I felt terrible for taking that away from him.

  I felt Xander’s eyes on me the entire time as he followed me outside to my car. He stood beside the driver door, watching me like a hawk, as if waiting for me to run. Finally I could take it no more. “What?” I snapped.

  Xander gave a little shake of his head. “Nothing. Just making sure you get to your car okay.”

  “Oh.” Well, I hadn’t expected that. Off guard, I didn’t know what to say. “Thank you.”

  He gave one more abrupt nod before striding off and climbing into the cab of a large silver truck. I started the car and rubbed my sweaty palms on my skirt, trying to relieve the tension strumming through my body. My heart raced the whole way home, and by the time we got there, I was ready to climb a wall. Worry and nervousness sluiced through me, and I watched with trepidation as Xander’s truck pulled into the driveway and parked right behind me. I avoided him as I climbed from the car and made my way to the front door. With trembling hands, I fumbled the keys as I tried to unlock the door. They slipped from my hand and landed with a clatter at my feet. Flustered, I bent to retrieve them, but a large hand beat me to it. Wordlessly, Xander scooped up my key ring and held it out to me. Pushing my hair back from my face, I stood and finally managed to slip the key inside the lock. It let out a soft click as it disengaged, and a shaky breath left my lungs.

  Whatever happened next would change everything. I fought the sudden tears clouding my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I swung the door inward and stepped inside, then held it for Xander. His penetrating gaze swept over the interior as he stepped inside, and I was sure that he had my house memorized by the time I closed the door behind him. He gave the impression of a man who missed nothing.

  “Home, sweet home,” I said softly.

  He flicked those blue eyes to me and gave a slight nod. No words, no reaction, just an unsettling stoicism that seemed so at odds with the man I’d once known. I stepped out of my heels and left them on the mat beside the door. “You’re welcome to take your shoes off, too,” I said, though I immediately regretted the words.

  It felt awkward inviting him into my home, like he was insinuating himself within its very walls just by being here. This was my space, and I felt as if he was infringing on it. I didn’t want him to take his shoes off. I didn’t want him to make himself at home. The very idea of having him here made me nervous and uncomfortable. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him, but there was something else below the surface, something I couldn’t identify sparking between us. Having him here was too... intimate. His nearness reminded me of the night we spent together nearly two years ago, but so much had happened since then.

  I snapped back to reality when he shook his head. I should’ve been thankful he didn’t make any indication that he would be staying for an extended period of time, but I couldn’t help the tug of disappointment in my heart. He said he wanted to meet Alexia. Was this just a one-time thing? If he didn’t plan to stay, then why was he here? Anger and irritation replaced my nervousness. My daughter deserved better than someone who would flit in and out of her life.

  My tone was brusque as I spoke. “Come on.”

  He lifted one eyebrow but followed me past the stairs, toward the back of the house. The narrow hallway emptied into a small but comfortable kitchen, and off to the right, it connected to our living room. Darlene sat on the floor, surrounded by toys, while Alexia continue to empty her toybox. Laughter floated toward us, and I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of that sweet little voice. There was absolutely nothing more precious than the baby’s deep belly laugh.

  Darlene, finally noticing my presence, turned to me. “Lydia, honey, I didn’t expect you so soon.” Her head tipped in confusion, then her eyes widened as they skipped over my shoulder and took in Xander standing behind me. The older woman pushed to her feet, and Xander followed me as I approached her.

  “Ma-ma-ma!” Alexia toddled toward me, her arms outstretched, and I scooped her up, cuddling her close to my chest.

  “Darlene, this is my husband, Xander.” Alexia squirmed to be put down, and she took off toward her toys as soon as her toes touched the ground.

  “Oh my, I’ve heard so much about you!” Darlene exclaimed.

  My lips pressed into a tight smile as I felt Xander slide a sharp look at me. Floundering for words, I took a moment to compose myself as they shook hands. “Xander... um... just got home.”

  “That’s right,” Darlene remarked with an appreciative nod. “Thank you for your service.”

  “Thank you.” Something about Xander’s tone drew my attention to him. The words were quiet, and his shoulders were set in a rigid line, as if he was uncomfortable with the praise.

  Darlene smiled. “No need to be self-conscious,” she said. “My George was a Green Beret.”

  Surprise snapped my eyebrows toward my hairline, and I glanced at Darlene. “You never told me that.” Though I’d only known them for a little over a year, I had only ever seen George putter around the garden and flowerbeds behind their house. I don’t know why, but with George’s calm, quiet disposition, I assumed he’d been a shopkeeper or laborer. He didn’t exude the same confidence and bearing that Xander did.
<
br />   Darlene nodded. “It’s been many years. He came home after Vietnam when our second was born.” For a few more moments she reminisced about the past, then turned to Xander. “I’m glad you made it home safe, young man. There’s no better place for a man than with his family.”

  Darlene’s words slammed into me, making my stomach twist with guilt. I wrapped one arm around my waist, feeling almost sick with it. I couldn’t undo the past year and a half, but I prayed that someday he would be able to forgive me.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Xander

  I glanced around the room, taking in every detail. The house was small but tidy. Cozy. It was the perfect place for Lydia and the baby. The neighbors obviously watched out for one another, though Lydia could certainly use more security. I hadn’t seen an alarm at all when we’d entered the house, nor did I see one by the door off the kitchen, where I assumed the garage was located.

  “I’ll be home the rest of the day,” Lydia said to the neighbor, “so you can go home if you’d like.”

  I didn’t miss Lydia shuffling nervously in my peripheral vision. Darlene studied us with speculation, a sly look entering her eyes. She probably thought we were eager to be alone. Poor old woman. If she only knew.

  “Of course.” Darlene smiled. “You have a lot of catching up to do.”

  That was a fucking understatement if I’d ever heard one. Still, I pasted on a polite smile as the woman made her way to the sliding door.

  Darlene slipped outside with one last little smile, and I turned my attention to the baby in the living room. A combination of fear and awe gripped me as I stared down at a tiny version of myself. With hair so blonde it was almost white, and a fair complexion that made those gray blue eyes stand out, she was the most precious thing I’d ever seen. “I can’t believe how much she looks like me.”

  “Yeah. I know.” Was that disappointment in her voice?

  I couldn’t help the bitterness that crept into my tone. “I should’ve known.”

  I knew I shouldn’t have said it, but being here, seeing my daughter in her element, pissed me off all over again. I had a kid. She was mine, yet I didn’t know a goddamn thing about her.

  Beside me, Lydia stiffened, her chin jerking up, her eyes going flat and cold. I should want her to feel bad; I should want to hurt her for keeping my daughter from me. Instead, I regretted saying the words as soon as they left my mouth. I wanted her to feel guilty, but I didn’t want to cause her pain.

  I couldn’t reconcile my emotions. Part of me was still angry—furious, in fact. At the same time, I was completely awestruck that we’d made something so beautiful, so precious.

  As if she knew Lydia and I were talking about her, my daughter turned those big eyes on me, and my heart thudded to a stop in my chest. Was it possible to fall in love in a single moment, with a single glance? Because I knew, right that second, that this little girl already had me wrapped around her finger.

  Amid the toys and blocks she’d been playing with, she picked up a stuffed elephant and toddled toward me. Did she recognize me from yesterday? I sucked in a breath as she stopped directly in front of me and held her arms up. I’d held her before, but somehow this was vastly different. It felt like a momentous occasion was occurring between the two of us, though she was too young to know it. Bending down, I slipped my hands around her tiny body and lifted her to my chest. She laid her head on my shoulder for a second, and warmth spread through my chest.

  Lydia watched silently. Her eyes were slightly misty, though she quickly blinked it away. Something flitted across her expression before I could tell exactly what it was. I wished I could tell what was going through that mind of hers. As if she knew she was giving too much away, she crossed her arms protectively over her chest. I wasn’t stupid. This couldn’t be easy for her either.

  The baby squirmed in my arms and held the small gray elephant up for my inspection. She chattered on in her childish gibberish, and a broad smile wreathed my face. Her little body wiggled again, demanding to get down, and I set her on her feet. The moment those tiny toes touched the ground, she bolted away again, back to her toys.

  I turned to Lydia. “She’s so small. I didn’t expect her to be so...”

  “Mobile?” Lydia let out a small laugh. “She started walking at nine months and hasn’t stopped since. She must get that from your side, because I didn’t walk until I was well over a year old.”

  I absorbed that, mentally doing the math in my head. “So she’s almost one?”

  A soft smile curved her mouth. “Her birthday’s next month—the eighth.”

  Her smile dissolved as I stared at her. There was so much between us, so many things that need to be hashed out, but I couldn’t think of a single one of them right now with her in front of me. Just as beautiful as she’d been two years ago, she stopped me in my tracks. Even when I’d been overseas, she filled my dreams. We’d had a connection once—I knew I hadn’t imagined that. I’d thought I’d lost her, but in a strange twist of fate, we were now tethered together for life.

  My heart softened just the tiniest bit toward her. The anger was still there, the faint sting of betrayal, but now lust overrode the other emotions. My fingers twitched with the need to reach out and touch her face. A lock of nearly black hair had fallen across her cheek, and I wanted to brush it away, tuck it behind her ear. In the end, I did none of those things.

  I’d been hoping to win her over again, but knowing I had a little girl changed things. If Lydia still wanted an annulment, I would grant it to her. No matter what happened between us, the only truly important thing now was our daughter. I wanted to make sure she grew up knowing that she was loved and cherished, and I planned to start right now.

  Moving toward the living room, I ventured closer. The baby’s little head snapped up as she watched me curiously. I knelt and handed her a block; giant gray eyes met mine before she reached out and took it from my fingers, then placed it at the top of her tower. We continued like that for several minutes until she lost interest in the blocks and toddled off to find something else. A smile curved my mouth, and I winked at Lydia as she maneuvered around the couch and sat watching us. Once again, I wished I could read her mind. Her face was a mixture of emotion, but I’d be lying if I didn’t see the sadness deep in those eyes.

  Was she worried that I would leave again, or was she concerned, like she stated yesterday, that I would try to take our daughter away from her? I’d been upset—understandably—but I deeply regretted my words. I would never be selfish enough to try to split up mother and daughter. I said things I shouldn’t have in the heat of the moment, and I owed Lydia an apology for that. But not now. I’d save that for later, when it was just her and me.

  I thought back to the emails she’d sent more than a year ago. Maybe Lydia really would’ve told me. I’d never know. The important thing now was our daughter; from now on, I was going to be involved in her life as much as possible. I was around to stay—whether Lydia liked it or not.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lydia

  I darted a glance at Xander from the corner of my eyes. His cockiness had leached away, giving him a softer look. He sat at Alexia’s level, watching with a smile as she dragged toys out of the bins in the corner. She brought him her fuzzy yellow duck and a handful of other toys, depositing the gifts at his feet.

  I grinned and picked up a toy phone. “This is her favorite. She doesn’t talk much yet, but she loves to pretend.”

  Holding the phone to my ear, I carried on an imaginary conversation with the peppy mechanical voice on the other end. Alexia held her hand out, fingers grasping for the device, and I passed it to her.

  Xander was quiet for several minutes, just watching our daughter before he finally turned to me. “I’m really angry with you, Lydia.”

  My cheeks burned, and I dropped my gaze to the floor so he wouldn’t see the tears burning my eyes. I’d regretted not telling him—really, I had. He’d never truly believe that, though. And I des
erved his scorn. Although I’d tried to contact him a couple times, it wasn’t enough. I should have tried harder, should have made it a point to tell him he had a daughter. It was the absolute least he deserved.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He must have heard the remorse in my voice, because he cleared his throat as if to swallow down whatever retort had sprung to the tip of his tongue. It was another long moment before he spoke. “I feel like an asshole for having to ask, but... what’s her name?”

  Shock and surprise jolted through me, but I immediately schooled my features. It was my own fault, after all, that he didn’t know. I smiled softly, attempting to set him at ease. “Alexia Laureen.”

  He turned a startled gaze on me, and I just shrugged in response. “It seemed to fit.”

  He nodded slowly, testing the name on his tongue. “Alexia. Alexander and Lydia. Makes sense.”

  I dipped my chin in acknowledgement. “She’s ours. Both of us.” I felt the weight of his gaze but couldn’t bring myself to meet his stare.

  “That she is.” He paused. “Why Laureen? It’s not exactly a common name.”

  I bit my lip. Did I dare tell him the truth? Once I’d found out I was pregnant, I’d wanted to incorporate him into Alexia’s life, even if not physically. I’d been intensely curious about the man I’d married and had done hours of research trying to dig up his past—where he’d come from, what his parents had been like. I’d found an article detailing his parents’ deaths on a mission trip to Africa almost two decades ago now, and I’d felt a strong urge to link our daughter to them. I wanted Alexia to know about her grandparents and what good people they’d been—though I personally had never met them—and I’d decided that Xander’s mother’s name was perfect.

  I lifted one shoulder. “I came across it online.”

  He raised a brow but didn’t say a word, and he turned his attention back to Alexia. His words soon cut through the silence. “I stormed out yesterday, so we didn’t have much time to discuss anything like I’d originally planned.”