In Your Dreams

by Kristan Higgins

  He had a bouquet of red tulips in his hand. "Hey," he said. "You look fantastic."

  "Thanks." She took the bouquet, mentally counted the number of steps it would take to get to the kitchen and put the flowers in a vase and tossed them on the coffee table. "Where are we going? O'Rourke's?"

  "Hugo's just opened for the season. I thought we'd walk there. It's nice out. Don't you want to put those in a vase? Your dog might eat them."

  Indeed, Sarge was snuffling them right now.

  She sighed. "Sure." Then, every step a reminder of heretofore ignored parts of her anatomy, she walked into the kitchen, grabbing the flowers on the way. Put them in a vase, stopping for a minute to touch the smooth, cool petals. Nice choice, tulips. Less cliche than roses. And she'd always liked how they felt.

  She rubbed a bloom against her lip, breathing in the faint, peachy fragrance. Small wonder deer ate the blossoms right off every spring. She'd almost like to give it a try and see how they tasted.

  Turning, she gave a little start. Jack was leaning in the doorway, hands in his pockets, a half smile on his face.

  Something pulled in her chest.

  "Ready?" he asked.

  "You bet." She almost forgot her thong pain. He was that beautiful.

  They didn't hold hands as they walked down the sidewalk, which was a shame. Maybe Jack could carry her and make her forget that her thong was trying to eviscerate her. Also, her left breast was incredibly itchy. She tried to rub it with her upper arm, which just made it worse. Wondered if she could subtly go at it with a fork once they sat down.

  But they were almost there. (Just thirty or forty painful steps to go, and had she mentioned she was wearing heels? Not the sprain-inducing kind, but the kind that nevertheless made her feet throb.) Being a girl sucked.

  Just as they got to Hugo's, however, Jack stopped in the foyer, and a curse slipped from his lips.

  "Forget your wallet? Don't worry. I've got money."

  "No. It's...uh..."

  "Oh, my God! It's you! Honey, look--it's Jack Holland!"

  Lori Baines charged. A murmur went up from the diners. Lori and Phil Baines were Garrett's parents. They owed Jack their son's life.

  "Jack, it's so, so good to see you!" She hugged Jack tightly, her shoulders shaking with sobs.

  "We're buying you dinner," said Phil, his voice husky. "Whatever you want, on us. Please let us."

  "Hey, guys," said Jessica Dunn, who worked there one or two nights a week. "Table for two?"

  As for Jack himself, his face was on the gray side, but he was trying to smile as Lori showed him pictures on her phone.

  "I'm not sure we're staying," Em murmured. "Sorry, Jess."

  "No, he looks a little..."

  "Yeah." Em put her hand on his arm. "Hey. They don't have anything gluten-free here," she said. "And you know how I am about gluten."

  "My sister is the same way," Lori said. "And, Officer Neal, we never thanked you. You were wonderful that night, too."

  "I'm glad everything turned out okay. For Garrett, I mean."

  "Yes," Lori said, her eyes filling once more. "That poor Josh."

  "Give Garrett our best, okay?" Em said. "We have to be going."

  "But we wanted to buy you two dinner--" Phil began.

  "That's so nice of you. Another time, maybe." Em smiled and took Jack's arm. "Have a great night."

  He didn't say anything. Once outside, he started walking toward the green. Em had to hop-run to keep up, hobbled by her underwear.

  He stopped at the first bench they came to and sat down heavily, leaning forward with his head in his hands. Didn't look up when Em sat beside him, subtly trying to adjust the thong of pain.

  "You okay?" she asked.

  "Yep."

  She waited. After a minute he ran his hands through his hair and looked at her. "Sorry."

  "Nothing to be sorry about."

  He sighed and sat back, closing his eyes.

  She wanted to tell him how brave he'd been, tell him about the awe she felt at how he'd put his life on the line for those kids...and how he went back for Josh, even when the odds were so poor.

  But she also knew he'd heard that a thousand times, if not more.

  "People think when you rescue someone, it's the greatest thing ever," she said gently. "They never think about how scary it is, all the what-ifs that go through your head."

  He opened his eyes, the intense blue still a shock to her. "Have you ever saved anyone?" he asked.

  "Not yet. Not the way you did. I've pulled over a few drunk drivers. But otherwise, no."

  "I really hate the hero worship," he said quietly. "I'm just a winemaker who was taking pictures of the sky that night. It doesn't get less heroic than that."

  "What you did was extraordinary, Jack." She couldn't help herself.

  "But it wasn't. Tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing if you'd been there. Anyone would've. My teenage niece would've. Faith would've. Her dog would've."

  "But you did it. You were the one who was there, and you went in and pulled four kids out of a frigid lake, Jack. We might've tried, but I don't know anyone else who could've actually done it. And you...you didn't stop trying."

  "Tell that to Josh Deiner. So much for extraordinary."

  "He'd be dead without you."

  He gave a bitter laugh. "From what I can tell, he's dying right now. Just slowly, in pieces, by inches."

  "So should you have left him?"

  "No," he said quietly. "I should've done better."

  Her heart cracked. "You did your best."

  "And it wasn't good enough." He looked at her a moment. "Well, this is cheerful, isn't it? Come on--let's get dinner." He grabbed her hand and hauled her to her feet. "You hungry?"

  "We don't have to--"

  "I'm starving. Let's go."

  "Jack, what you're going through is--"

  "I'm ordering the nachos. You know Connor will put salmon on them if you ask? Sounds disgusting, but it's fantastic." He towed her ruthlessly across the green, yanked open the door to the pub and became manically cheerful, kissing Colleen on the cheek, shaking Lucas's hand. And great. There were Jack's dad and stepmother. "You guys know Emmaline, right?"

  "Jack. Of course they know me." He was vibrating with energy. "Nice to see you again, Mr. Holland. Mrs. Holland." The Jamaican woman gave her a regal nod, and Em suspected she'd just won points for using Mrs. J.'s married name.

  "You look very pretty tonight, dear," Jack's dad said. He had the same blue eyes as his son, and Em felt her cheeks warm with the compliment. "Well! We'll let you two kids get back to your date!"

  "And we'll let you two get back to yours," Jack said. He took another minute to clap Gerard Chartier on the back and say hello to Lorelei.

  Crikey. Emmaline was surprised he didn't fly around the room a few times, he had so much energy.

  Finally, they made it to their table.

  "Everything okay?" she asked as he sat down.

  He sighed. "Please let's have a good time tonight," he said, looking her in the eye, giving her the full power of the blue. "I don't need a social worker. I need a friend."

  Naked friends, she'd been thinking after that make-out session in the church basement. If they weren't going to be naked friends, she could've worn human underwear instead of this razor wire. "Friends it is," she said.

  "I like you, Emmaline." He smiled, a wide, adorable smile, and she had a flash of memory of Jack when he picked Faith up from some high school event, the college boy back to see his family, and how it made her wish she had a big brother.

  They ordered the nachos and burgers and a bottle of wine that, Jack promised, would be perfect with dinner, a fresh, plummy pinot with hints of nutmeg and autumn leaves.

  "If you say so," Em said, shifting. The thong was giving her a colonoscopy. She tried sitting on her hands. It didn't help. Crossed her legs--yow! Bad idea, abort, abort!

  Jack frowned. "Is something wrong?"

  "Other than
your panic attack ten minutes ago?"

  "No," he said, ignoring her comment. "With you. You've been walking funny, and you keep fidgeting."

  "I'm fine," she said.

  "Did you hurt yourself?"

  "No, I'm fine."

  "If you don't feel good, we can--"

  "Jack, I'm fine! Okay? I'm better than you, Captain Avoidance." She shifted, wincing.

  "You just did it again. You're like a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs."

  "What a quaint Southern phrase. Did you pick that expression up from your wife?"

  "Her father, actually. What's wrong with you?"

  "I'm wearing a thong, okay? It hurts."

  Well, that stopped him. It also stopped the Saint Thomas vestry members, too, who were seated at the table next to their booth. Reverend Fisk gave her an appreciative wink, then redirected the rest of them back to their budget woes.

  "A thong, huh?" Jack said.

  "Yes. Enjoy the visual, because I'm never doing it again."

  "If it's that uncomfortable, you can take it off." He grinned, the cheeky man.

  "Sucks to be a girl, let me tell you."

  "I'll have to take your word for it. But I'm glad you are."

  A slow roll of squeezing warmth encompassed her stomach. Just then, Hannah set down their nachos, and Prudence Vanderbeek flopped into the seat next to Jack. "Hey, Useless! Hey, Em! Can I have some? I'm starving." She helped herself to a heavily laden chip and bit into it. "Are you guys on a date?"

  "Just friends," Em said at the same time Jack said "Yes." Aha. So maybe the thong had been worth it after all.

  "Ooh. I like the conflict," Pru said. "Keeps things lively. Enjoy all this friction when it's new, children, because when you've been married for a quarter of a century, you start having to be a little more creative in the boudoir, if you know what I mean."

  "I don't want to know what you mean," Jack said. "I'll pay you not to tell me what you mean."

  "Em, ignore him," Pru said. "I can give you a lifetime's worth of tips."

  "Do not take sex tips from my sister," he said. "Pru, get out of here, okay? You're ruining my game."

  "You have no game," she said. "He's a sad, smelly bachelor, Emmaline. And have you seen his cat?" She shuddered. "You can do better." She took another slab of nachos, smacked Jack on the shoulder and left, her work boots thudding on the wooden floor.

  "Deep down, she loves me," Jack said.

  "I can tell."

  He smiled. Em did, too, and for a second, they just looked at each other until she broke.

  Damn. Dates were hard. It probably explained why she'd been on so few.

  "You like being a cop, it seems," Jack said.

  Good. Work. She loved talking about work. "Yes. Very much."

  "Is Levi a good boss?"

  "Will you tell him if I say yes?"

  "Nah. Don't want him getting too full of himself."

  "Me, neither," she said. "But he's a great boss. Is he a good brother-in-law?"

  "Sure. Except that he's sleeping with my sister, I'm almost positive."

  "Yes, Faith's tummy seems to indicate that."

  Hannah brought them their burgers, ruffled Jack's hair (it seemed to be the law that if you were female, you had to touch Jack), and they were alone again.

  And the thing was, it was nice. She was almost relaxed.

  Except when she stopped to look at him for too long. Because, you know, he was just so...good-looking. Everything about him was perfect--his wide, lovely smile, his mouth (every time she thought about kissing, she nearly choked on her food). And his eyes...those sky-blue eyes were just the icing on a very fine cake.

  Whereas she was okay. She was not unpleasant to look at. She also had a good smile, thanks to Dr. Warren's skill at replacing her front teeth. Her hair was behaving today, courtesy of the ingenious Sicilians.

  She reminded herself to sit up straight, which exacerbated the thong issue. Tried to smile. Did smile. Tried to think of entertaining stories to tell him and came up empty.

  Surely she had entertaining stories. Uh...yeah, she was almost sure she did, but could she tap into those right now? No. There was something about a cat, wasn't there? Oh, yeah, the cat story! That was a winner!

  "So the other day, I was on a call, and--"

  "Hi, guys!" It was Faith, rounder and prettier than ever. "How are you?" She beamed, hands on her belly.

  "Good," Emmaline said, ignoring Jack's groan. "You and Levi here for dinner?"

  "No, I'm here with my sisters," she said. "We're spying on Jack."

  "You better not be," he said.

  "Pru says you have no game."

  "Should I be more like her, then?"

  "Please, God, no. You know what she told me the other day? She and Carl were watching a Walking Dead marathon, which of course put them in the mood for love, so--"

  "Stop! Come on, Faith, you're as bad as she is."

  Faith winked at Emmaline, and Em felt a warm rush of affection. She'd always liked Faith.

  "Oh! The baby's kicking. Feel." She grabbed Em's hand and put it against her stomach, and sure enough, there was a mysterious roll and then another.

  Wow.

  There was a baby in there. Okay, obviously, there was a baby in there, but feeling the little thing move around... "That's really amazing," Em said, and her voice was husky.

  "Faith, come on--leave them alone." Honor Holland came over and gave a rueful grin. "Sorry for the parade of sisters, Jack. How are you, Emmaline?"

  "Just fine. Nice to see you."

  "You, too. Come on, Faith. Your nachos just came out."

  "Oh! Gotta go! Eating for two and all that."

  "Honor, you're my favorite sister," Jack called as they left.

  "What?" Faith said over her shoulder. "Who's making you godfather to her firstborn child?"

  "I take it back, Honor. Faith is my favorite," he said. Honor waved.

  "You have a very nice family," Emmaline said.

  "They're okay," he said. "A little overwhelming, but they're pretty great."

  Then his gaze jerked to the door.

  Em looked, too.

  Of course. Hadley had just come in, wrapped in a glamorous ivory coat and high caramel leather boots, a green-printed scarf tied in a complicated knot. Her hair was in a ponytail, making her look fresh and energetic. She took off her coat in a graceful swirl, revealing dark green leggings and a really adorable lacy top. Sophisticated yet fresh, casual yet elegant. Maybe Emmaline should take a photo and use it as a reference for how to dress for a date, because suddenly, her basic black dress felt both incredibly boring and pathetically ambitious at the same time.

  She sighed. In another minute, Hadley was going to come over and say hello and make Emmaline feel like a gorilla who'd been allowed to dress up for the evening and play with the humans.

  "So you had a story about a call?" Jack asked, looking back at Em.

  "Do you want to go say hi to your wife?"

  "Ex-wife, Emmaline, and no. Tell me about the call you went on." But his gaze drifted back toward Hadley, and he was frowning.

  "You're frowning," she said.

  "I'm irritated," he said.

  "Sorry, Grumpy Cat."

  "Not at you. We should've stayed at Hugo's."

  "I'm sure she would've tracked you wherever you are. It's that computer chip she put in your neck." Emmaline took a nacho and waited for Hadley to float over and coo at Jack.

  But much to her surprise, Hadley didn't come over. She did see them, gave a nod and a smile and took a seat at the bar. Not directly in Jack's line of vision, but not out of it, either.

  Hmm. Suspicious. Even more suspicious, she took a book out of her bag.

  Well, well, well. Hadley could read.

  Then again, Em well knew the loneliness of the dinner table when night after night, it was just you and the quiet. Sometimes it was welcome. Sometimes it was not, and if ever there was a place to come when you felt lonely, t
his was the place.

  Could be a coincidence that Hadley had shown up.

  "So you have a cat?" Emmaline asked.

  "I do," Jack said, returning his gaze to her. "Lazarus."

  "Catchy."

  "I found him when he was a kitten. Looked like he'd been attacked by something, all covered in blood, ear torn off, broken leg. I took him to the vet, and they didn't expect him to make it through the night, but he did."

  His left hand was on the table. As was her right hand. Almost touching. She hadn't even noticed. Should she pull her hand away? Would it be even more obvious that she was nervous if she did?

  He had big hands. Big, strong, masculine hands. Em swallowed.

  Jack's little finger touched hers, just that smallest caress. A very slight smile tugged as his mouth, and happiness ballooned in her, warm and full.

  He'd brought her flowers. He'd shaved. His little finger was making her feel wobbly, and if his little finger could do that, then what about an entire hand? What about his--

  "Oh, no! No!"

  Both Em and Jack looked over at Hadley, who had one hand over her mouth, the other clutching her phone to her precious little ear.

  Damsel in distress, take two.

  Emmaline sighed. "Go see what's wrong," she told her date.

  "No," Jack said, though his eyes were on his ex. "If she needs me--"

  "And she will."

  "She can come over here."

  Em rolled her eyes. "You're wasting time."

  "Eat your burger."

  Well, at least there was that. She took a bite--one of Connor's specials with caramelized, crispy onions and some kind of fabulous, gooey cheese--and waited.

  Not for long. Hadley came over, tears spilling out of her Bambi-esque eyes.

  "Jack, I--I'm so sorry to interrupt."

  "What is it, Hadley?"

  Yes, what indeed? What crisis would require Jack to carry her home this time? "Twist your ankle again?" Em asked.

  "There's been a death in the family," Hadley whispered.

  Crap. Em felt two inches tall. "I'm so sorry," she said and reached out her hand to hold Hadley's. The other woman gave a hitching sob.

  "Oh, no. Who, Hadley?" Jack asked, standing up.

  Hadley pulled her hand away from Em's, covered her face and broke down sobbing against Jack's chest. If she was saying actual words, Em couldn't make them out. She thought she made out the name Anna. What if Anna was a kid? Or Hadley's sister? Or grandmother or--

  "I know she was twenty-three, but I guess I just...I just wasn't ready to lose her. Oh, Jack!"

  Aw, shit. Twenty-three was way too young to lose someone. Poor Hadley! And why wasn't Jack being nicer? With a sigh, Jack put an arm around her shoulders, which made her burrow against him like a mole. "These things happen," he said.