All the Things We Need

by Megan Hart

  “I don’t want to break your heart,” I whispered.

  Niall was quiet for a few seconds before he said, “I’ll try not to let you.”

  That was an answer that could’ve been taken a few different ways, but I didn’t dig for an explanation. I kissed his throat, his jaw then his mouth. He ran his fingers through my hair to tug my head back, and I liked the little bit of pain, enough that it made me sigh.

  “Was it the guy you were seeing when we first met?”

  I didn’t really want to talk to Niall about Esteban, either. That was still fresh and stung, not as fiercely as thoughts of George, but still somewhat. “No. He wasn’t a boyfriend. We had sex, but we didn’t date.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because that wasn’t in the rules. My thing with him was…” I paused, trying to think of a way to describe it. “Special. And sweet. And very sexy. It was something I’d been hoping to find for a long time but had only managed to get pieces of before, from a few different people. We stumbled through it a little bit, but I think we both also figured out how to get what we needed. He didn’t break my heart.”

  I’d been too glowing about it, I saw that written all over Niall’s face. But I wasn’t going to denigrate or downplay what I’d shared with Esteban just to make some other guy feel better. Shit, I’d had lovers and bad breakups and casual sex. If Niall had a problem with any of that, I’d better find out now.

  His brow furrowed. “So why’d you break it off?”

  “I didn’t. He did.” I had to clear my throat when I said that, unable to keep the slight bitterness from my tone. “Just before the Bar Mitzvah.”

  “Is that why you went upstairs with me?”

  I let go of Niall’s hand. In the background, zany hijinks on the screen provided an ironic backdrop to our unexpectedly serious conversation. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  “Because you’d been dumped. Or you broke up, whatever you want to call it. Did you go upstairs with me because you were trying to get over him?” Niall sounded more curious than angry, but I was still going to tread really, really carefully.

  “No. I went upstairs with you because you knew how to dance. And because I find you very attractive. And because I wanted to.” I stopped myself from chewing the inside of my cheek again. I was going to cut myself if I wasn’t careful.

  “And you were single.”

  “I was single when I was fucking him,” I said sharply. “I was free to do whatever I wanted, and so was he. That was part of the agreement. No questions, no explanations. And I was still fucking him when I met you, and I agreed to go out with you then, so it had nothing to do with him breaking it off.”

  “Why’d he break it off?”

  I hesitated, unsure if this was drifting into argument territory. “I don’t know. He didn’t actually break up with me. He just stopped messaging me.”

  “Shit bird,” Niall said almost conversationally.

  My chuckle surprised me. “Yeah. Not cool.”

  “And before him? What did those guys do that you didn’t like? The one who hurt you so much. What did he do?”

  I hesitated again. “Seriously, Niall, what the hell?”

  “I want to know what you don’t like,” he told me, “so I don’t do it.”

  This dried my mouth. I sipped iced tea, trying to find a way to reply to that. I couldn’t, at first. I gave him a sideways smile, instead.

  “I mean it,” he said.

  “And what about what I do like? You want me to tell you what I like, so you can do that?” I had to put the glass down because my shaking hands were going to give me away.

  “Well…yeah,” he said as though there could be no other answer.

  Switch flipped. Bell rung. If my clit were wired with a Klaxon alarm, it would’ve started blaring.

  Then I was on his lap, and his tongue was in my mouth, and his hands roamed all over me until with a couple of matching gasps, we broke apart. Niall had that look in his eyes, the one I craved and adored and got off on. Hazy desire tempered with what I thought was contemplation. He looked like a guy with a plan. I hoped it involved his mouth on other parts of me.

  Self-confidence can so easily be eroded by the simplest of things. Dominant doesn’t mean invulnerable. Thinking of the last time I’d pushed him to go a little faster and he’d refused, I didn’t move. I waited. Crazy with tension and anticipation. I was dying from it, but oh, what a fucking beautiful way to go.

  Finally, with a groan, Niall slid his hand between my legs. The pretty vintage dress slid up my thighs without resistance. Beneath I wore soft cotton panties that provided a teasing barrier to his touch. He stroked lightly. I sighed happily against his mouth.

  “You like that?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  Niall shifted my weight a little to cradle me more easily. His thumb moved slowly, firmly. When I arched, he laughed into the kiss. Beneath my ass, the press of his hardening cock added to my arousal. When I wriggled a little, he groaned.

  We kissed like that for a while. He’d ease me to the edge, then expertly keep me there until I could no longer stop myself from moving, lifting my hips to press myself harder against his fingers. I wasn’t expecting it when he slipped them inside my panties, or when he filled me with two fingers, his thumb still working on my clit.

  “You’re so wet for me,” he said into my mouth. “Fuck, Elise.”

  “Feels so good…”

  Niall let his head fall against the back of the couch. “Son of a bitch!”

  Not the words I expected to come out of his mouth, that was for sure. “What’s wrong?”

  He looked at me, his fingers still inside me but not moving. “You’re going to kill me.”

  “Uh-oh.” I shifted so he could move his hand. “Why?”

  “I don’t have any condoms.”

  “What?” I punched his shoulder. “You got two knuckles deep inside me before you remembered that?”

  He gave me a sheepish grin and stroked a hand down my thigh. “I wasn’t expecting to get past second base tonight.”

  “Lame. Didn’t you think at some point you would? Aren’t you the one who said it would happen when it happened? We’ve been dating for weeks!” I let my forehead press his for a moment then kissed his mouth gently. “I am going to kill you.”

  “Do you…?”

  I sat up, trying to think if I did, but they’d always been Esteban’s responsibility. It had always given me a tingle to imagine him at the store, making his choice and facing the cashier, all the while with his cock half-hard because he was thinking of me. I wisely did not share this memory with Niall.

  “I don’t. Not with me anyway. I probably have some at home.”

  He gave me a solemn look. “Maybe I should kill you.”

  “No! Then we’d both be dead,” I said, “and that’s gross.”

  “I meant to. But somehow or another I kept never getting around to it. Shit.” He groaned and fell back against the couch.

  “See what happens when you let things happen as they’re meant to instead of having someone take charge?” I teased and leaned to brush my lips over his.

  Niall shifted underneath me. “Are you mad?”

  “I should say yes, just to teach you a lesson.”

  “Ugh, what kind of lesson is that?”

  I wiggled against him. “The kind where you learn when I tell you to do something like be better prepared, I expect you to do it.”

  “Ouch.”

  I laughed. “I take it you were not a Boy Scout.”

  “No. I hated camping.” He nipped at my throat, making me sigh.

  “Condoms are nonnegotiable without a clean bill of health,” I told him frankly. “I’ve had chlamydia twice, and that was enough. Never again.”<
br />
  He flinched. “Wow… I…”

  “I’m tested monthly,” I said.

  Niall was silent for a moment. “You’re very responsible.”

  “Well…yeah,” I said. “Duh. When it comes to my health, I don’t fuck around.”

  “I want to make love to you, Elise,” he said sort of formally and so sweetly it made me emotional.

  I drew a fingertip over his lower lip. “I want you to.”

  “So,” he said hopefully.

  “So,” I answered as I got off his lap and took his hand. “You know there are other things we can do without a condom.”

  Niall grinned. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

  He took me upstairs. I made myself at home on his bed with a show of testing the mattress. The pillows. When he leaned to kiss me again, I laughed and held him off with a hand on his chest. Then I scooted back on the bed to rest against the headboard and inched up my skirt. I ran a finger up the inside of my thigh.

  “We could play gin rummy,” I said conversationally. “Or chess. I’m great at chess. I bet I could beat you.”

  “I bet you could, too.” Niall moved closer to kiss me, his fingers following the path my own had made.

  I stopped him an inch from my panties with a hand on his wrist. He stopped kissing me. He tried to move his hand again, but I didn’t let him.

  “You don’t really want to play chess, do you?” he asked.

  “I really want you to think about the fact you invited me over here and started to get me all excited without having any condoms.” I kept my hand over his, though he was no longer trying to ease it upward. “There should be consequences for your actions.”

  I was serious. Stern. Esteban would’ve been properly downcast, ready to be disciplined. On the other hand, it was unlikely Esteban would not have remembered the rubbers.

  “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather think about me going down on you?” Niall, who was definitely not Esteban, asked.

  I smiled, charmed, and didn’t push the issue. “I would like to think about that.”

  “I could show you. Then you don’t have to imagine it.”

  Niall kissed my knee. Then a little higher, the inside of my thigh. His mouth brushed my panties. I gave a small, gasping laugh, my back arching. When he slipped his fingers under the edges of the cotton and tugged them down, baring me to him, I closed my eyes. My fingers gripped the sheet as my body tensed, waiting for him to kiss me there.

  I cried out when at last he did, with a slow, deliberate pressure on my clit that had my hips lifting. His hands slid beneath my ass, pressing me to his mouth. He sucked gently then used the flat of his tongue. One stroke, another, the pace steady and delicious and oh, fuck, so good.

  My fingers dug into his hair. Niall made a small noise, and I opened my eyes. He wasn’t looking at me, his attention solely on what he was doing, and I was able to drink in the sight of him without him noticing.

  “God, you’re beautiful,” I said in a low, hoarse voice.

  He blinked and pulled away a little, his breath teasing me when he answered. “Me?”

  “Yes. Kissing me there.” I loosened my grip to stroke his hair then cup his cheek. “Feels so good. Keep going.”

  He moved up my body instead to kiss my mouth. His hand went between my legs, his first two fingers circling on my clit. Then dipping lower, inside me. His tongue stroked mine. He fucked deeper inside me, fingers curling while his thumb pressed my clit.

  The kiss got harder. So did his thrusting fingers. I wanted to get his belt unbuckled, to get my hands on him, but when I shifted, he nipped at my jaw and didn’t move to let me. He stepped up the pace until I was so distracted by it I moaned. I rocked with his touch, letting him tumble me into orgasm, hard and surprisingly fast.

  Gasping, my body still tensing, I blinked and looked at him. I put a hand over his to stop him from going on. “Wow.”

  He looked pleased. “Hmm.”

  I fell back onto the pillows as Niall slid his fingers out of me and propped himself on his elbow to look down at me. I stretched a little, rolling to face him. Offering my mouth for a kiss.

  “Yummy,” I whispered against his mouth.

  Niall ran a hand up my calf and hooked it behind my knee. “I’m so hard right now, I think my dick might break off.”

  “I don’t want your dick to fall off. That would be a real shame.”

  “I am kind of attached to it, even if it gets me into trouble sometimes.” Niall shook his head.

  I slid on top of him, my knees pressing his hips, to kiss his mouth. Still kissing, I rocked against him. “You are pretty hard. Let’s see what we can do about that.”

  When his mouth opened, I took his tongue. I slid my hands up his arms, taking his wrists to pin them above his head. Not thinking about it, simply moving and doing what felt natural.

  “That’s how you like it, huh?” Niall said into my ear.

  I ran my mouth along his throat then pressed his skin with my teeth before answering. “Yes. I do.”

  He rolled us both before I could stop him, so that he ended up between my legs. He kissed me hard, his hand going between us to work at his belt buckle. I helped him with the zipper. Then helped to shove his khakis over his hips, until there he was, kneeling in front of me with his cock tenting his briefs. He hooked his fingers in the waistband and eased them lower, lower, lower, until I sat up to help him with that, too.

  “Oh,” I said. “Oh, wow.”

  He stroked a hand down the length of his erection, which was fucking perfect. Amazing. Not so big I recoiled, not so small I was disappointed. I looked at him then slowly, deliberately, I opened my mouth and pointed inside it without a word.

  Niall burst into laughter. “Wow?”

  I did, too, after a second, but then reached for him, delighted by the way he stuttered into a small groan. “Bring that gorgeous thing over here and let me get a taste.”

  He hesitated then moved a little closer. My hand closed over his. Together, we stroked until he let go. I didn’t stop.

  I brushed my lips over the head as I stroked. I took him in slowly, an inch at a time, then slid out as slowly while he made a low, guttural noise. When I looked up at him, he was looking down at me with that glaze-eyed stare that told me I was doing something right.

  Niall pulled his shirt off over his head and tossed it to the side. I hadn’t taken off my dress, but there’s a kink called CFNM, clothed female, naked man, and while I wouldn’t have said it was a fetish of mine, I definitely enjoyed the power play of remaining fully dressed with a bare-assed man in front of me.

  I also love sucking cock.

  With my own orgasm out of the way, I had no urgency to be anything but tantalizingly, teasingly slow. And since I’ve always enjoyed torturing with pleasure rather than pain, every single moan and groan I eased out of him was a treat for me. Every time he seemed close, I eased off, until at last he was making a series of low, mindless and pleading noises that I could no longer resist. I kept going until he exploded with a hoarse shout, and with a satisfied grin, I sat back to watch him coming down off the high.

  “Mmm,” I said. “Super yummy.”

  We lay quietly for a few minutes after that, entwined. He put his head on my chest, a hand on my belly. I toyed with his hair.

  We kissed a little bit after that. Nothing out of control. Slow and sweet and sexy and deliciously frustrating.

  I sat up finally with a heavy sigh. “I should go. Work in the morning, and I didn’t bring anything with me.”

  “I have a toothbrush you can borrow.”

  I reached to tweak his belly, but he held me off easily with one hand. “I need more than a toothbrush. Contrary to what Beyoncé says, I do not wake up like this.”

  “Like what?” Niall sai
d, deadpan. “Breathtakingly beautiful?”

  His words stopped me solid, not because I didn’t believe he meant them. But because I believed he did. Overcome but trying to hide it, I leaned to kiss him again.

  He nodded then smiled. His hands on my hips, he eased me closer. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  Neither of us moved.

  I was going to tell him I’d changed my mind, that I’d stay, when finally, Niall took a step back from me. Our hands still linked, our arms stretched between us until the distance was too great and we had to let go.

  “I’ll see you,” I said.

  “Wait a minute. Not just yet. You stay right there. Just like that.” He gestured at me, an up-and-down sweep, though I had no idea what he was talking about. “The light behind you, turning everything sheer and golden. I want to remember you just like that.”

  His words, dipping low and a little raspy, flooded me with heat. I wanted to cover myself; I wanted him to see all of me. My nipples hardened, and there was no hiding them. I couldn’t move. I could only wait while Niall’s gaze swept over me. All over.

  “I want to remember you like this,” he told me again.

  Then he walked me to the front door, kissing me solidly before closing the door behind him, and trembling, I had to sit for a minute behind the wheel before I could get myself together enough to drive. At the sound of my car, I saw him twitch the curtain. I was glad for the darkness that hid me from him just then.

  I wanted him to remember me all sheer and golden, too.

  CHAPTER 31

  William didn’t have to go to religious school anymore. His mother had tried to insist he continue on through Confirmation, but William had adamantly refused. I thought Susan felt guilty about what had happened at the brunch, and probably about lots of other things, which may be part of the reason she’d agreed. Still, Wednesday afternoons had become something of a tradition for us, and Alex never minded if I left a little early, so I’d picked the kid up from home and drove him to The Lucky Rabbit for a burger, fries and shake.