Edge Of Retaliation : Books 1-3

by Bella Jewel

  I stare at him, panting, my cheeks flushed and my skin prickling.

  He stares at me, panting too, and then slowly, he bows. His big body curls over as he goes down, his hand swinging out to the side. Then comes back up again, a bitter look in his eyes. “Congratulations, Callie, on a game well played.”

  With that, he turns and walks off, disappearing into the darkness.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  11

  “Callie,” Jo says, shaking me awake from my sleep.

  I blink a few times, trying to clear my vision. What time is it? Why is Jo waking me? I didn’t end up going to sleep until probably three in the morning, and now she’s waking me up. Something must be wrong. I rub my eyes and, slowly, she comes into focus. The events of the night before wash back over me, the memories flooding my mind. Tanner finding out, me trying to chase after him.

  I feel like I’ve been hit with a damned truck.

  “What is it?” I ask croakily.

  “You need to come out here.”

  I shake my head, confused. “What?”

  “Just come.”

  I get up and she walks out of the room. I rub my eyes a few times, straighten my clothes, and sleepily walk out into the living area. I stop dead when I see that my living room is full of not one, not two, but three men. I stop in my tracks, my eyes falling on Tanner, who looks exhausted but determined. His jaw is tight, his arms are crossed, and he looks like he’s about to bust somebody.

  “What ...” I begin, but he cuts me off.

  “Get dressed.”

  “Excuse me?”

  He uncrosses his arms and looks right into my eyes. “Get dressed. You’re coming with us.”

  “First of all, I’m not going with you anywhere, you made it very clear last night how you feel about me, and second—”

  “Get. Dressed.”

  I blink. “I’m sorry, but I don’t owe you a god damned thing, Tanner Yates.”

  His eyes flare at my use of his full name.

  I glance at Tatum and Garret, who are both quiet, both standing and staring at me. The tension in the room is huge. Out of this world. If everyone could unleash, there would be bloodshed, no doubt about it.

  “You want your revenge, you want your justice, you want your happy fuckin’ ending? That’s what you told me last night, isn’t it? That you are sick of livin’ with this fuckin’ shadow of your perfect fuckin’ head? Then you’re comin’ with us. We’re going to get Chase, we’re goin’ to fuckin’ get our answers.”

  I shake my head, confused. “You’re going to get Chase?”

  “Fuckin’ yeah we’re goin’ to get Chase. We’re goin’ to make him fess up to what he fuckin’ did. Know you want in on that. You and Jo are comin’. Andrea is happy to give you time off. Jo can get time off, too. Now, get dressed, pack a bag, and get in the fuckin’ car. We’re goin’ to be gone for a while.”

  I look to Jo, and her eyes meet mine. “You want in on this?”

  She nods. “Yes, I do. I want justice for Celia, but mostly, I want him to fess up to what he allowed to happen to you. As for them, they’re dead to me, but I’ll go.”

  She glares at the three men.

  I look back at them, then my eyes move to Tatum. “Why him?”

  Tanner’s shoulders tighten at the mention of his friend. A friend who let him down in the worst possible way. “He knows where Chase is, he’s the only one who Chase will trust, we gotta take him.”

  “If you’re goin’, so am I.”

  I swing my head around and see Ethan walking through my open front door. He crosses his arms and his eyes pin Tanner, angry and accusing. Does he know about what went down last night? If so, how does he know? Did Jo tell him? Tanner? Tatum? He’s here and he’s acting a whole lot like he’s in on this.

  “Fuckin’ no way,” Tanner growls. “You’re not goin’ anywhere with us.”

  Ethan steps in closer, not bothered by Tanner’s broodiness. “I’m comin’. If you’re takin’ Callie, you’re takin’ me. Not negotiable, Tanner. I don’t fuckin’ trust you, and I’m not letting anything else happen to her because of you.”

  I look to Ethan, and his eyes finally move to mine. “That good with you?”

  I cross my arms. “I don’t want to go anywhere, with any of you. But I’m going to, because I want Chase probably more than all of you combined. Jo is right, though. You are all dead to me, too. Know that I can’t stand you, and I wish I never met any of you.”

  My voice is angry, and it’s hurt.

  But it’s the truth.

  Kind of.

  There is still that part of me, deep down, that aches when I look at Tanner, when I see Ethan, and I hate it. I feel such a range of emotions when I look at them, when I think about them. I feel bad for what happened to Tanner, but that doesn’t mean I forgive him for what he did to me. He still made that choice, and he’s making it very clear he wants to be a prick about it. I can be a prick, too. No problems at all.

  Tanner holds my eyes, long enough that I turn away, unable to look at him any longer.

  “Whatever you want,” he mutters. “You ride with me; Tatum can ride with Jo. The other two can go wherever the fuck they want. As long as Tatum ain’t near me, I don’t give a fuck.”

  Tatum looks like Tanner has punched him, but he nods and looks to Jo, who glares at him. “Pack up. We hit the road in ten.”

  “What exactly do you plan on doing when you get Chase?” I ask Tanner.

  Tanner crosses his arms and turns toward the door. “Right now, I’m trying to convince myself not to fuckin’ kill him. So, I can’t answer that question for you truthfully right now.”

  Oh, boy.

  Things are about to get ... messy.

  TWO HOURS.

  We’ve been on the road two hours, and it has been probably the worst two hours I’ve spent with someone in a while. The car is dead silent. The drive so quiet I can hear every rock we hit, every car that zooms past, every bird that squawks outside. Ethan is sitting in the back of Tanner’s truck, and Jo is riding with Tatum and Garrett. We’re going to be driving for at least five days, according to Tanner. Chase lives on the other side of the country—that’s one hell of a ride.

  It could be longer. It depends on how far we get each day.

  I really wish we could have afforded the flight, but too many of us wanted to come and, honestly, five days on the road is probably a good idea to simmer down Tanner’s anger. Right now, and for the last few hours, he has been driving, hands firmly planted on the wheel, gripping so tightly his knuckles are white, staring straight ahead. I know he has a lot going through his head right now.

  I unleashed hell.

  I am sorry for what I told him, for the pain it caused him. I’m not cruel enough to be that cold. It would have hurt, and that really sucks.

  But I’m not sorry for bringing it to the surface, for bringing him down like he brought me down.

  Maybe now he understands how it feels to be me.

  I stare out the window at the passing trees and think of Celia. I think of the horror she must have endured. When I closed my eyes last night, she was all I could see. Even though I don’t know exactly what happened, moment for moment, I know that what she went through is probably one of the worst things a human could endure. At the hands of her boyfriend, in a sense. She paid for his choices.

  Did she know he was into drugs?

  Did it come as a shock to her?

  Was she in on it too?

  Did Tanner have any idea?

  Did Tatum know before Chase asked for his help?

  I have so many questions, but I’m not going to ask them.

  I don’t even want to talk to Tanner, let alone ask him questions.

  I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, and he turns and stares at me. “What?”

  I look away quickly and he focuses on the road.

  “Is that all it took?” he murmurs. “Is that how long you lo
oked away from the road before you hit my sister?”

  I grit my teeth, and growl.

  I tried. I tried to not despise him for what he did, I even went after him to say sorry, but if he wants to treat me like a fucking criminal, and like I mean absolutely nothing, then I’ll return the favor.

  “I owe you no explanations, Tanner. You haven’t been interested in my side of the story since it happened, don’t bother asking for details now.”

  “Tell me what happened.”

  I laugh, bitterly and look over to him. “You used me. You made me believe that I’d actually met a fucking decent human. You let me fall ...” I stop talking and look away, my eyes burning with unshed tears. “You don’t deserve to hear my side of the story now, when you didn’t care to hear it before.”

  The car goes silent again, and I hear Ethan shuffle in the back seat, clearly wanting to say or do something, but completely unable to. We’re all stuck together, no matter what we do, we’re stuck in this car, on this road trip, together.

  Chase is going to have to answer up to Tanner, which is probably worse than anything he could have imagined from me.

  I’m finally going to get the justice Celia and I both deserve.

  “She wasn’t depressed,” Tanner says, his voice low. “I didn’t ... I didn’t see it. She acted happy. She acted fine. I didn’t notice because I was in my own world. I didn’t believe it, when I heard what you were claiming. I was so fuckin’ angry at you ...”

  I swallow, and stare out the window, my whole body on high alert, my heart aching, my chest tight. I’m not going to stop him from talking. No way. I want to hear what he has to say, I want to hear what’s swirling around in his head. I want to know everything, so I can finish this book and close it forever.

  “I was havin’ a hard time, I didn’t notice. Because of me, because we all didn’t see what she was goin’ through. She’s gone. I’m not askin’ for your forgiveness, don’t fuckin’ care if you like me or not. I just want to know what happened that night. I want to know. I’m asking for the story, from your mouth.”

  I clench my teeth together, trying to keep my emotions in check. It’s hard, really fucking hard. Partially because I want to tell him my side, I’ve wanted to tell her family my side for so long. The other part a little hurt that he doesn’t care how I feel toward him. Even though I know he’s a liar, and a cheat, and everything else bad in this world, there were moments I actually believed he liked me. Moments I actually believed he cared.

  Was it all an act?

  Every second of it?

  “I’ll answer your question, but then you’ll answer one for me. Honesty for honesty. Do we have a deal?” I ask, my voice hard even though inside I’m dying.

  “Yeah,” he agrees.

  “Okay,” I say, keeping my eyes on the road in front of us.

  I can’t look at him when I tell him this.

  I can’t.

  “My friends and I were driving, like you heard. We were taking my mom’s car to the lake, we were young, crazy, we had no ill intentions. We just wanted to go for a swim. I wasn’t drinking, but you already know that. Whether you believed it or not is a different story. I wasn’t, though. We lost a can of alcohol on the floor, it seems stupid now, when I look back at it. I’ve thought about it a million times over, and no matter how many times I’ve relived it, it seems so ... stupid. Celia’s life ... for a can. But that’s how it was, a can of alcohol spilling all over my mom’s carpet in her car, and me, being a sixteen-year-old girl, freaking the hell out.”

  I glance in the rearview mirror and see Ethan is watching me, his eyes intense. He’s heard this story a million times, of course, but he’s still listening like it’s the first time he’s heard it.

  “Anyway, I reached back with one hand to feel around on the ground. I took my eyes off the road for a second, just a second, at least ... that’s how it felt. When I looked back up, I saw her. She was standing on the side of the road. I could tell you down to the finest detail what she was wearing, how her hair was, what color her eyes were. Everything after that seemed in slow motion. I met her eyes, she met mine, and she smiled. Almost as if to say she was sorry. Then she stepped out onto the road. I slammed the brakes, I tried to swerve, but I couldn’t. I hit her. You know the rest.”

  “No,” Tanner growls, his voice throaty. “No. I want to know everything. What happened after that? What did it feel like? What did the car do?”

  “Tanner ...”

  “Fuckin’ answer the question, Callie.”

  “It was horrible,” I whisper. “I’ve relived that moment every single second since. It was the worst feeling I could ever imagine, hitting a human being. I knew, I knew even before the car went off the road, that I had killed her. I knew from the way it sounded, from the way it felt. We went off the road, I don’t really remember much after that. There was a lot of screaming. A lot of pain. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve suffered every single second. I’m not trying to take the blame off myself, I took my eyes off the road, I just want people to know the truth. Celia deserves to have her family know that she wasn’t okay ...”

  “Too little too late now,” Tanner rasps.

  “Maybe for you, but I still think she deserves it.”

  His fingers go white around the wheel, and I glance at Ethan again. He gives me a small smile; he knows just how hard that would have been for me to tell. Especially to Tanner. I look away and glance down at my hands. A few minutes pass by in total silence, and Tanner asks, “What is your question?”

  I swallow, and then take a deep breath and say, “Everything that happened between us, all the moments, the things that we shared ... Was it all a lie? An act? Was any of it, even for a second, real?”

  I turn and glance at him, and his jaw tics. The muscle tightens and his face gets hard. It takes him a long time to answer, a really long time, and then he says, in a gruff voice, “It was all fake. Every second of it.”

  It feels like someone has punched me in the stomach. It takes all my willpower not to wince at the pain that radiates through my body. It hurts, so much more than I ever could have imagined. I have pictured asking Tanner that question, over and over. I have lived what every answer would feel like, good and bad, but I didn’t expect this. I thought I would be fine if he told me it didn’t matter, I thought it would make everything easier to close off.

  It didn’t.

  It hurt like hell.

  “Pull over,” I say, my voice ragged.

  “What?” Tanner questions.

  “I said pull over!” I scream.

  Tanner swerves the car off the road, skidding to a stop. The moment it has pulled up, I unclip my belt and launch out, slamming the door. Rage and pain and a heap of emotions I can’t handle burst forth, and I lose it. I just lose it. I spin around just as everyone has exited both trucks. With a rage I didn’t know I had in me, I charge toward Tanner. For whatever reason, he doesn’t step back or shy away.

  He stands there, and he embraces for what is about to happen to him.

  I launch my fist out, and it connects with his jaw. Over and over I punch him, my hand throbbing with each hit. Only when I’ve hit him five or six times do I stop and start shoving him. The rage in my body is uncontrollable. It’s bigger than even me. I shove and shove, crying, wishing the deep agony in my chest would just stop.

  “I’m a human!” I scream, shoving his chest for the last time and turning, taking two steps before spinning back toward him. “Do you hear me? I’m a fucking human being. I have a heartbeat, and I breathe, and I have feelings. Real feelings. Just as many as any of you.”

  Everyone is staring at me, all six of them.

  “I didn’t deserve what you did to me. I didn’t deserve to have special parts of me destroyed as a part of your sick and twisted game. I didn’t mean to hurt Celia. I have done my time. I have lived with the agony. I didn’t deserve it. Do you hear me? I didn’t fucking deserve it.”

  My voice hitches on the
last word and I drop to my knees, hitting the red dust on the side of the road and sending it up in a cloud around me. My body trembles with sobs, and in a moment, Jo is by my side, crouching down, her hand on my back.

  “Look at me, Callie,” she says, her voice firm and strong.

  I look up at her, hiccupping between sobs, dusty tears rolling down my cheeks.

  “You do not let them win, do you hear me?” she says, her voice low, loud enough so only I can hear it. “You do not let them beat you.”

  “It hurts,” I croak. “It hurts so damn much.”

  “Then you let it hurt, but you do not let them beat you. Not now, not ever. Give me your hand, you’re going to stand up, you’re going to dust yourself off, and you’re going to hold your head high because you’re not going to let them win this one.”

  I take a staggered breath and nod, taking her hand and standing. I rub my face, washing away the tears, and then I take a deep breath into my lungs, so deep it burns. I look at Jo, and her eyes are locked on mine. She gives me a little nod and then turns and we walk toward the group, still standing there, still not saying a damn thing.

  “I’m riding in the back,” I whisper, not looking at Tanner.

  “Your hand is bleeding,” he says, his voice thick, so thick every part of me wants to look up and see the expression on his face, to see if he felt anything, anything at all, but I don’t.

  I keep my eyes down.

  “Don’t act like you care about anything to do with me,” I growl, mostly to the dirt at my feet but he knows I’m talking to him. “Do not speak to me again. Let’s get this done so I never have to see your face again.”

  Jo squeezes my shoulder, and we all climb back into the trucks. I get into the back, and Ethan climbs into the front. Before Tanner gets in, he turns, looking at me from over the chair. “For what it’s worth, he’s lying to you. He cares more than you realize.”