Edge Of Retaliation : Books 1-3

by Bella Jewel

  “She left me, Jo. Would you think someone loved you if they just upped and left?”

  He makes a point. I wouldn’t. I get where he’s coming from.

  “No, you’re right, I wouldn’t. But Callie ... She’s different. She was so scared of her love for you, I mean seriously, sit back and look at it. She killed your sister, even if it wasn’t intentional, she is scared of living every day with that hanging over her head.”

  “I don’t blame her, not anymore.”

  “But your family have an issue with it, and like you told her, deep down, you are always going to see her as the girl who killed Celia. She’s never going to escape that. She deserves to.”

  “I don’t see her like that, not anymore,” he tells me. “I’ve thought a lot about it, more than you could begin to imagine, and accidents happen. They do. Every single fuckin’ day. What happened to Callie was bad timing, but if it wasn’t her, it would have been someone else. It wasn’t her fault.”

  “You should have told her that,” I tell him, wiping the ink from his skin and then continuing.

  “I did.”

  “Well, maybe you should have made her believe it.”

  He doesn’t say anything, he just turns his head to the side and stares at the pictures again, zoning out.

  I know the conversation is over, so I busy myself working on his tattoo. An hour and a half into it, Callie comes into the shop. She’s nervous about the whole thing, even though it was her idea. She’s scared and unsure how to approach Tanner, or what to do to make him feel better on this day, but the fact that she’s made an effort says everything.

  “How’s it going?” she asks, stopping by the table and glancing down at Tanner, who turns his head to look up at her.

  “It’s going well,” I tell her. “It looks great.”

  She peers down at the tattoo, and her eyes go red, filling with unshed tears. “It’s beautiful,” she says, her voice thick. “Wow, Jo, it’s utterly perfect.”

  “Yeah, I’m pretty proud of it.” I grin at her.

  “If she was here, she would love it,” Callie says, more to herself than anything.

  “We had a tradition,” Tanner says, suddenly speaking out of the blue. Callie looks over to him, and he keeps talking. “Every birthday she insisted we go to the homeless shelters with cupcakes. She wanted to share her joy with those less fortunate. She was a giver like that. So we’d spend an entire day baking all these cupcakes, and then we’d go and hand them out. They loved her for it, and that made her so fuckin’ special.”

  Callie smiles, a small, but genuine smile. “She sounds like she was a truly wonderful person.”

  Tanner nods. “She was. Fuckin’ incredible.”

  “She was lucky to have such a great family.”

  Before Tanner can answer, Madeline comes into the shop, giving Callie and I a small smile before walking over and taking Tanner’s hand, then leaning down to kiss him. Callie looks away, her face pained. I feel for her, so much so I just want to scream because I know how much she’s hurting right now.

  “It looks amazing, babe,” Madeline says, leaning over to look.

  Tanner glances at Callie, and she locks eyes with him, and god damn, so much passes between them it makes my heart ache. I wish they’d get the chance to talk, to just be together and get this all out in the open. It’s clear they both need it.

  “I should go,” Callie says, her voice soft. She stares down at the tattoo, and murmurs, “Happy birthday, Celia.”

  Then she turns and leaves.

  Dammit.

  Why can’t this just get easier?

  Fucking why?

  18

  CALLIE

  Ugh.

  I can’t ice cupcakes to save my damned life. I didn’t learn these life skills, and I can’t even blame prison for being the reason I can’t—it’s mostly because my mother wasn’t the motherly type and she didn’t teach me a damned thing about baking. I’ve figured out the cake part, that much I’m okay at, but when it comes to icing ... Nope.

  “Dammit!” I snap, throwing the piping bag across the kitchen.

  I’ve been in here for three hours baking this mass amount of cupcakes, and now it seems like I’ll never get them done because I can’t ice the damn things. Frustration bubbles in my chest and I make an angry sound as I lean against the counter and exhale.

  Breathe. You’ve got this.

  I don’t even know why I’m trying to do something so nice for Tanner when he’s been nothing but a dick to me since he got here. It’s not really for Tanner, anyway. It’s for me. It’s for Celia. It’s to celebrate a life cut short.

  “Not made for icing, hey?”

  I look up and see Ethan walking into my apartment. I’m shocked, to say the least. I’ve been wanting to talk to him for days, but he’s been avoiding me. To see him here is quite the surprise.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, adjusting a few cupcakes.

  “My turn to hang with you while the others go searching for information. Guess you’re stuck with me.”

  I glance at him, say nothing, and lean down to pick up the piping bag. I stuff it full of icing again and am about to attempt to put it on another cupcake when Ethan says, “No no no. Stop. You’re going to ruin them.”

  He walks over, taking the bag from my hand and tipping the icing out. He stares at the icing, scrunches his nose up and says, “What is this?”

  “It’s icing.”

  “It’s not icing. It’s a mess, is what it is.”

  I huff. “It’s what the recipe said.”

  “Never follow recipes, they lie. Here, watch out.”

  I move and he cleans the bowl of my terrible icing and starts again, mixing and blending, until he’s presented with the nicest damn icing I’ve seen. Thick and creamy, it’s perfection. Damn him. I’m being shown up by a damn man. That’s not something to be pleased about.

  “How do you know how to make icing?” I ask him, watching as he fills the bag with the pale pink icing and starts swirling it onto the cupcakes.

  “I’ve been to a lot of homes, I learned. But Celia taught me well. I used to help her bake each year. I’m guessing that’s what you’re doing here?”

  “Yeah,” I murmur. “Not doing a great job at it.”

  “It’s the thought that counts,” he says, narrowing his eyes as he continues to ice the cupcakes.

  “Did you used to go and hand them out with her?” I ask him.

  “We all did. She loved it, but it was seeing how happy it made the homeless families that really got me. She brought light into their lives, a speck of joy in an otherwise dull world. She had that affect.”

  “I wish I knew her,” I say softly. “I wish I was making these because I remembered what she was like ...”

  “Don’t matter if you knew her or not, you’re doing it for her and that’s all that matters. Since she died, her birthdays have been painful and avoided. You’re making it so that isn’t the case. That’s something else.”

  I smile, because that means a lot, it really does.

  I stare at Ethan, and I wish I could tell him how much I’ve missed him, how many times I’ve wished I could call and talk to him, to hear his voice, to tell him my problems, to hear his problems, to have the friendship back that I left behind.

  “How have things been with you?” I dare to ask, because he’s here and I haven’t had a chance to make conversation with him since he’s been here, and ... I don’t know. I need to.

  “I’ve been good,” he tells me, still working on the cupcakes. “Grab those decorations and follow behind me.”

  I grab the flower decorations I picked up and start putting them on the completed cupcakes. “Are you seeing anyone?”

  “Yeah,” he answers, “been seeing her for about a year. Her name is Raven.”

  “I’m happy for you. Are you still working at the prison?”

  He nods. “Always will, I think.”

  “Yeah, it works for you.”r />
  I place a flower down on the cupcake and stare at it, wondering if I should just come out and tell Ethan I’m sorry. I know it’ll probably start an argument, and today is the first time he’s spoken to me without ice in his voice. I’m not sure I want to risk ruining that.

  Still, he deserves to hear I’m sorry, even if it’s going to cause chaos.

  “I know you’re angry at me, and rightly so, but I want to say something, and I’d appreciate if you let me.”

  He pauses for a moment, but he doesn’t tell me I can’t speak, so I take the chance to.

  “I’m sorry. I know that means little to you, and I don’t expect you to understand because, honestly, I don’t think I’d understand. But I am sorry. I left at a time when things were chaos in my head. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I know now that I wasn’t. I was thinking only of myself and I didn’t consider what it would do to all of you. I was just ... in a bad place. I know that’s hard to understand, but I never meant to hurt you, Ethan. For whatever it’s worth, your friendship meant the world to me and it still does.”

  For a moment, he continues icing the cupcakes as if he hasn’t heard me, and then he finally stops and looks over at me, really holding my eyes, and I see understanding there, understanding that I never thought I’d see again. “I get it, believe me I do. I did things to you I shouldn’t have done, and you forgave me. Because of that, I’ll forgive you, because you do mean something to me. But am I hurt? Pissed? Still sore about it? Yeah. I’m going to need time to get through that. Can you give me that?”

  I nod, trying to fight back the relieved tears in my eyes, because I’ve missed him, so damned much. “Yeah,” I whisper. “Yeah, of course.”

  “Thanks,” he says. “Now hurry up, you’re falling behind. We need to get these done before Tanner gets back.”

  I can’t help the smile on my face.

  Maybe things will work out after all.

  Just maybe.

  TANNER STARES AT ALL the cupcakes, his face lacking expression. For a second, a split second, I wonder if I made a huge damned mistake. Then I realize, even if he doesn’t like it, too bad. I’m doing this for Celia, I’m not doing it for him. Well, that’s partially a lie, I am doing it for him, but mostly I’m doing it for Celia.

  She deserves to be honored.

  “You did all of this?” Tanner asks, his eyes scanning the cupcakes.

  “Well, Ethan and I did. I thought we could go down to the local shelter and give joy to some of those families, just like Celia would have done. I couldn’t think of a better way to honor her.”

  Tanner looks like he’s about to lose his shit, but not in a bad way, in a good way. Madeline stares between us, confused, and looks to the cupcakes, saying, “Is this something special or ...?”

  Tanner looks to her. “It’s Celia’s birthday.”

  “I know, but why the cupcakes.”

  He looks back to me. “It’s tradition.”

  “Oh,” she murmurs. “Are you going to eat all of those?”

  God. She’s not making herself look very smart right about now.

  “No, we’re taking them to a homeless shelter. You want to come?”

  She shakes her head. “Oh, no thanks. I’ll stay here. Have fun, though.”

  I scrunch up my nose, horrified, but I say nothing. I look to Tanner and say, “Are you ready?”

  He nods, and walks over, surprising me when he puts a hand on my shoulder, squeezing just slightly. “Thank you, Callie.”

  God.

  That’s the best thing that could have ever come out of this situation.

  My heart races and I nod. “You’re very welcome.”

  We gather up the cupcakes and Tanner and I find the closest shelter and drive over there, just him and me. The drive is silent, and I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say, but when we arrive, my heart swells as I realize what we’re about to do is going to make someone’s day.

  We pick up all the cupcakes and carry them inside. We’re greeted by an older lady, who is well presented and clean. She smiles and stares at all the cupcakes. “What do we have here?” she asks, narrowing her eyes.

  “It’s a tradition of ours,” I smile. “We made them for a special person's birthday, and we’d like to share them out.”

  The lady stares at us, and then smiles and says, “Of course, how lovely. Come in.”

  I’m beaming by the time we walk into the kitchen area, where there are cooks lined up, with big pots of soup. Mrs. Roberts, as she refers to herself, sets us up at the end, so once the homeless have gotten their main meal, they can come and grab a cupcake.

  It feels so incredibly rewarding, especially to the families with children that see the cupcakes and their little eyes light up. That’s everything, it really is. I’ve never experienced such joy in my life, and I vow then and there that I’m going to do this every single year. Not just for Celia, but for myself and the rewarding feeling that comes with it.

  Even Tanner is grinning, a smile I never thought I’d see again.

  It makes everything worthwhile.

  When we’re out of cupcakes, Mrs. Roberts thanks us profusely and we promise to come again soon. We leave and place the containers in the car before climbing in. I exhale an exhausted sigh, and look over to Tanner. “That was incredible. I know why Celia loved it so much, I don’t think I’ve ever felt such joy before in my life.”

  Tanner nods. “She felt the same. She loved helping people. She made it her life’s mission. If she was still here, I think she would have extended it by now, and would probably be workin’ all the time in those places. She liked to know she could give back somehow.”

  “She was an incredible person,” I say, as he turns the truck on and pulls out.

  “She was,” he murmurs.

  We fall into silence and when I notice he’s not going the way to my apartment, I say, “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.”

  We drive until we reach the beach. At night, it’s dark but I can hear the waves crashing against the shore. It’s a sound I’ll never tire of. Living near the ocean really is such a nice experience. I always wanted to live close by. I often come here and walk along the sand. It feels good, great even.

  We get out of the truck and Tanner walks down to the path that leads to the ocean. I follow eagerly, sighing with relief when my toes hit the sand. We reach the long stretch of bliss, and I can only just see Tanner in the light from the moon. He finds a spot on the sand and sits down in the darkness. I sit beside him.

  “Celia and I used to love come to the beach for vacation. It was our favorite thing to do. When we would go, we’d sneak out once Mom and Dad were asleep and go to the sand, sitting on it in the darkness, and we’d talk for hours. She shared all her dreams with me, sitting right here like this.”

  My heart breaks for him. Even now, even after all these years, the hurt in his voice shows me just how much he misses his sister.

  “What were her dreams?” I ask.

  “She wanted to be a vet.” He chuckles, low. “I always told her she was crazy; she couldn’t do it because she was too soft. She’d see an animal die and she’d not be able to cope. She cried for four weeks when our dog died, she just couldn’t recover. She had that kind of soul, that one in a million.”

  “Maybe that would have made her the best kind of vet,” I offer, smiling.

  “Yeah, maybe. She would have a house so big, because she would have to bring all the strays home. Never mind a boyfriend, she’d be too busy adopting animals.”

  I laugh. “I can’t say I blame her; they do bring a lot of joy.”

  “Yeah,” he says, his voice dropping low. “She was so happy, so fuckin’ happy until she met Chase. He ruined everything for her.”

  I exhale, understanding what he’s saying but knowing too that Celia was a young girl, and, eventually, she was going to find someone. That someone just happened to be the wrong person. “Chase isn’t a bad person he just made
a bad choice. He’s living with that choice.”

  “So he should,” Tanner mutters.

  “Is that why you haven’t been in a hurry to find him? I figured with him being gone, things would be more urgent, but they don’t seem to be.”

  “I want him back, for Tatum’s sake, but am I sorry he’s suffering for this hole he dug? No. I’m not. Celia counted on him to protect her, and he didn’t. He let her down in the one way a man should never fail.”

  I go silent, because what is there to say to that? I understand what he’s saying, I really do. Chase should have protected Celia, and if he couldn’t, he shouldn’t have been with her. Especially if he knew he was in danger.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, genuinely. “For everything, Tanner. I just want you to know that.”

  “Know you are,” he murmurs, his voice thick. “I know you were drownin’ and scared and you thought there was never goin’ to be a time where we could be happy. I know that.”

  “I wanted to be happy with you,” I whisper, my voice too tight to work. “I really truly did.”

  “Yeah,” he says, “Me too.”

  “Are you happy with Madeline?” I ask, my heart racing in anticipation of his answer.

  He doesn’t say anything, and I wonder if he’s thinking about his answer or if he simply doesn’t want to answer. I go to prompt him when he says, in the quietest voice I’ve ever heard him use, “No.”

  I feel like my heart is going to launch out of my stomach, my head spins and my hands shake. No. He said no.

  Oh god.

  He said no.

  I don’t know what to say. I really truly don’t.

  In the darkness, his hand reaches out and finds mine, and then everything just moves so effortlessly. I turn toward him, his hands go around my waist, and then I’m hauled onto his lap, my lips crushing down on his, my fingers tangled in his hair, everything in the whole world stopping for a beautiful second.

  It is a feeling I’ve been craving, more than I realized.

  His hands slide up my shirt, running smoothly against my skin, and our kiss deepens, he grows hard beneath me, and everything just feels ... so incredibly right. I’ve missed him so much, more than he’ll ever know.