by Lynn Stevens
I felt my face burn. “Carly told you?”
“There isn’t a lot she doesn’t tell me,” he said. “We promised no secrets.”
I climbed the stairs and sat beside him. “She said the same thing.”
“It’s nice to know we’re on the same page.” He smiled and bumped my shoulder.
“The other day… I told her something I’d only ever told one person.” I shifted on my butt until I got comfortable. “She promised me she wouldn’t tell you until you guys were home in Nashville.”
“Okay,” he said calmly.
“The night… I want you to know so you can tell Carly you know, and you won’t have any secrets.” Gracin glanced at me, and I just let it out. “The night I overdosed, accidentally overdosed, Eddie was there. He … we had just you know, and he said he could never be with me in the way I wanted him to be. He said we could have that night, and that night only, for just us and it would be this perfect moment in time that we could hold onto forever. Then he pulled me against him and started to fall asleep.” The memory filled my mind and the words rushed out in a torrid of verbal vomit. “I tried to fall asleep with him, for that perfect moment, but I couldn’t so I took a sleeping pill. It didn’t work so I took another. Before I knew it, I had taken way more than the recommended dosage. I felt sick, and I shoved him and pushed him as I started to lose consciousness. I don’t remember what happened after that. I woke up in the hospital with two terrified parents.”
“Miranda, we already knew Eddie was there.” Gracin rested his heavy hand on my shoulder. “Your mom saw him. He called 911. She found you on your bed, but she saw him crawling out the window.” He shook his head and squeezed my shoulder before letting go. “He abandoned you rather than face the consequences.”
“But he called 911?” I’d never heard that before. Why hadn’t Carly told me? Why hadn’t Mom or Dad? “Did Dad know?”
He shook his head. “Your mom swore us to secrecy. She didn’t think your father could handle his little girl not being so little anymore.” He swallowed hard. “Believe me, he didn't handle it well with your sister.”
“I don’t know why I kept taking the pills.” I was quieter than normal, but maybe Gracin, an addict himself, would have an idea. “It wasn’t like I gave them a chance to put me to sleep. I just kept going and going until I knew I wasn’t going to come back. It scared me so much.”
“I’m no expert, but maybe you did know what you were doing. Subconsciously.” He lifted his legs and sat crisscrossed on the stage. “When I was drinking, there were days I didn’t know I was doing it. I just picked up a bottle and drank. If I wanted to get stoned, I did. It wasn’t like I was trying to harm myself, but I needed it. Even today, living a clean life and having the best woman by my side, I think about picking up a bottle. It still calls to me. And I still want to feel that freedom of escape it offers. But I think of Carly and it goes away. She’d leave me in a heartbeat if I fell off the wagon.”
“But I’m not addicted to sleeping pills or anything else,” I said. “Even when I took ecstasy, I didn’t feel compelled to do it. Yeah, I liked how it made me feel, but I didn’t need it. Does that make sense?”
“That’s not your addiction.” He stood and offered me his hand, pulling me to my feet. “Your addiction is something you could give up if you really want to.”
“Eddie,” I said, realizing exactly who he meant.
“You can give him up easier than you realize. You’ve already started.” For the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted. He pulled me into a brotherly hug. “Just admit the problem, then you can let go. Or something along those lines. That’s just what my therapist would’ve said.”
“Thanks, future brother,” I said as he let me go.
“You’re welcome, future sister.”
Gracin walked backstage, and I wondered if he was reminiscing or really here to work. It didn’t matter either way. Carly had lucked out when she fell for him. She lucked out when she took the risk to love him even if they had put a stupid time limit on their relationship. The risk had paid off.
I wasn’t so sure it would pay off for me and Aiden.
That’s when I realized the truth. I hadn’t texted him because, despite agreeing to coupledom, we weren’t really together.
And I was the only one who could fix that.
Chapter Twenty
Naturally, something else got in the way. Namely one Eddie Blake. I had planned to ambush Aiden either at the resort or at his house the next day. If he wasn’t those two places, I knew Lily would help me find him. Okay, hoped Lily would help me.
I pulled out my phone as I walked out the stage entrance of the theater and texted her.
Me: Did you hear about Luke?
Her response came immediately. Yeah, is he going to be okay? I didn’t want to bother you with a million questions, but I have them.
Me: I think so. Gracin said he’s got a long road.
Lily: Wow. I heard the theater is shut down until an investigation can be completed.
I stopped dead in my tracks. Nobody had told me that. It made sense, but Dad would be freaking out about money. With the wedding only a few weeks away, the theater was going to be closed for the ceremony then the next band would come in. Carly and Gracin were getting married where they fell in love. Sickly romantic and incredibly sweet. That was the only reason they didn’t elope. Or so she said.
Me: I’ll call you later with more.
Lily: Okay.
Me: Can I ask you a question?
Lily: As long as it isn’t about my brother, yes.
Me: Fair enough.
I started to put my phone in my back pocket when it buzzed again.
Lily: Just talk to him. That’s all I’m going to say.
I replied with a thumbs up emoji.
The sun slipped behind the clouds, kind of like my mood. The theater was under investigation. That must have been the real reason Gracin was there. Carly had been in the back, too. If anyone knew theaters, it was those two.
As I got closer to my car, I noticed someone leaning on the front panel. I’d know that form anywhere. Eddie. I told myself he was there for some reason other than me. My brain was too tired to come up with a fake reason, but it had to be something.
He turned toward me when I stepped closer.
“You okay?” he asked, crossing his arms over his state track t-shirt. His long mesh shorts hung off his hips in that sexy way where it would only take one tug to pull them off.
I shook my head to clear it from the feelings Eddie provoked. He took it to mean I wasn’t okay.
“I stopped by before I came over here. He was awake and pissed I was there, so I think he’s going to be fine.”
“You went to the hospital?” I asked softly, keeping a good six feet between us. Gracin’s words popped into my head. Well, his insinuations. Eddie was my addiction. It was so crystal clear in that moment. And I wanted a taste of whatever it was that kept me tethered to him.
He nodded, then he opened his arms. I didn’t hesitate. It was like the heavens opened, and I was finally there. I wrapped my arms around his waist. His heart beat steadily near my ear. I could hear his breath hitch when my palms flattened against his back. For the first time, it didn’t feel the way I’d always thought it had. Eddie’s musky scent didn’t make me want to push him to the ground. His warm body didn’t warm me. It just made me feel cold. I let go and stepped back, putting several feet between us.
“Thank you,” I said sincerely. “And thank you for calling 911 that night.”
His face pinched in pain. “I shouldn’t have left.”
And that was the truth of our relationship. If we could even call it that.
“You almost died, and it was my fault.” He glanced around and pointed toward the theater. “Someone’s waving at you.”
I turned around, and sure enough, one of the security guards waved me toward him. “I have to go.”
“I’ll go with you,” he s
aid. “We can keep talking if you want.”
I nodded, but I really didn’t want to have this conversation. But needs always outweigh wants. We definitely needed to clear the air.
“What’s up, Frank?” I asked when I got to the stage door.
“Diane called and said to make sure you went to the upper dressing room to clean that,” he said in his normal deep gruff voice. Frank was over six feet and all muscle, but he was afraid of Diane’s wrath. Probably because they had been married for over twenty years.
“Nobody’s even using it,” I said as I climbed up past him.
He gave Eddie the evil eye. “Yeah, but she wants it spotless for the inspection. Like they care how much dust is on it.”
I kept my eyeroll to myself and went back inside. Eddie followed me as I clocked in, gathered supplies, then climbed the stairs to the dressing room. When Gracin was here, it was his. I’d been his assistant after Carly nearly broke her ankle doing one of her daredevil acts.
The room was small with a vanity, closet, and an old leather couch. The rug frayed at the edges but hid the unfinished wood floor. Backstage wasn’t all glamor and celebrity. I turned on the lamp at the vanity and started cleaning it.
Eddie came up behind me. I stopped and stared at him in the mirror. There was something in his eyes I’d never seen before. Something I’d always prayed I’d see. He put his hands on my hips, tugging me back toward him. I straightened, but I kept our gazes locked. He didn’t say anything as his hands snaked around my middle, then pulled me flush against his body. I felt every inch of him, of what he wanted.
And I knew it was finally over.
He pressed his lips to my neck, and I let him. When he moved his hands up to my breasts, I broke free, knocking the lamp off the table. I didn’t want to be his toy anymore.
“I can’t do this,” I said firmly.
“Miranda,” he said my name like it was a prayer.
“No,” I said softly. “You’re going to Georgia. We’re both going to start over. We can’t do this. I won’t do this. I … this can’t happen.”
He closed the distance and, damn me, I didn’t move out of his way. Eddie pulled me tight against him again, and he kissed me in ways that would’ve melted me only weeks ago. I kissed him back, but only to say goodbye. He broke away and stepped back.
“I’m going to miss you, Miranda,” he said touching his lips. “More than I ever thought possible.”
I just nodded and watched him walk out the door.
My body sagged in relief. It didn’t hurt, it just was. All this time, I’d wanted something I could never really have. It felt empty. I felt empty. There was a hole inside me, but it wasn’t because of Eddie. It was of my own creation. I gathered the cleaning supplies and left without dusting a damn thing. Diane could clean it herself. I needed to go talk to Aiden.
For the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted.
Chapter Twenty-One
I didn’t have to go far. He was in the parking lot with Eddie. Aiden’s eyes glazed with hate as he stared at my ex. It wasn’t an accurate title, but I didn’t know what else to call him. He was an ex in every aspect of the word except boyfriend.
“Leave her alone,” Aiden said.
Eddie had taken on his cocky asshole attitude. “What if she doesn’t want me to?” He leaned dangerously close. “I tapped it in there, loser. Miranda’s satisfied. Her moans echoed around the theater.”
Fuck me.
“You’re lying.” Aiden looked toward me, and his gaze traveled down my body like he could actually see if I’d had sex with Eddie. His anger shifted to utter disappointment. And hurt. “Jesus, Miranda. I trusted you.”
“What?” I stepped toward him, but he held up his hand and stormed away. “What just happened? What did you tell him?”
“Your caveman boyfriend attacked me,” Eddie said with a sneer. “He’s a dick. You can do better.”
I slapped him. I’d never wanted to hurt him before, but I pulled my arm back and made sure he felt every bit of my palm on his face. My hands stung with real satisfaction. “You don’t get to decide that.”
“Well, if you would’ve straightened your clothes and not look liked I’d just fucked you, he might not have taken off.” Eddie rubbed his cheek. The guy I’d seen moments ago was long gone. There wasn’t a kind bone in this Eddie’s body. This asshole in front of me, that was the real Eddie Blake. God, I was such a fool to even think he could love anyone other than himself. “You don’t want me, fine. But you don’t get your new toy either. See you never, Miranda.”
He walked toward his car, a little skip in his step. My world crumbled around me. I hadn’t done anything to deserve this. At least I didn’t think I had. Aiden knew, he knew I didn’t want Eddie anymore, but he couldn’t trust me. I hadn’t done anything wrong.
I tried to call Aiden. He refused to answer. After the fifth time, he must have turned off his phone because it went straight to voice mail. I didn’t leave a message. Instead, I called Lily.
“What?” she answered too harshly.
“I didn’t have sex with Eddie. I didn’t cheat on Aiden. I wouldn’t.” I sobbed and slid down my car to the concrete of the parking lot. “He’s not giving me a chance to explain. He’s not giving me a chance.”
“Give him time,” Lily said, her voice noticeably softer. “He’s not thinking clearly. I barely understood what he said on the phone. What happened?”
I told her everything, even that Eddie kissed me.
“Then Aiden saw you outside and jumped to conclusions?” Lily sighed. “I’m not trying to be mean here, but do you blame him?”
I inhaled sharply, and I knew she was right. “No, but he didn’t let me explain.”
“Because it’s always been Eddie for you Miranda. He said so last night, and he said it was just a matter of time before you broke his heart.”
“I don’t want to break his heart. I want to mend it. I want to show him that I care.” I sobbed. “I want him to know I choose him.”
“He may not be a choice anymore.” Lily’s soft tone told me all I needed to know. Aiden wasn’t going to come back from this. Even if it wasn’t my fault. Even if he knew the truth. He didn’t trust me.
I’d earned that. Even if I didn’t deserve it this time.
I got home in time to see a new house guest. Carly’s college bestie Chloe was now at the house taking over the guest room, formally Luke’s old room. Mom and Dad had practically adopted her as one of their own. Chloe had wild curly hair and her personality was just as big. Carly’s high school friends Ivy and Nena rounded out the bridesmaids. Carly had named me maid of honor, but Chloe was in charge of the bachelorette party this weekend. It was a little over a week until the wedding.
“Miranda!” Chloe threw her arms in the air before pulling me into a bear hug.
Carly laughed from the table where a bunch of wedding stuff was piled on the table. Tulle, fake flowers, mesh bags, candy, and tiny sequin hearts piled haphazardly.
“That’s it. I’m eloping when it’s time,” I said pointing at the tulle mess. This was too much effort just to pledge your life to someone. Who needed it?
“No shit.” Carly’s eyebrows pinched into a deep V. “Mom wants these for each table.”
“And since it’s Carly’s wedding, it became Carly’s job.” Chloe plopped in the chair opposite.
“Yours too, now that you’re here.” Carly threw a white ribbon flower toward her, and it fell lifelessly between them.
“The boys should be here doing this.” Chloe pulled out her phone and the next thing I knew it rang on speaker.
“Chloe,” Tagg said on the other end with suspicion. “What are you planning?”
“Aw, honeybunches, you know me so well,” Chloe said, not bothering to hide her laugh. “Grab Gracin and get your ass over here. We’re going to drink wine and make pretty little gift bags for the tables. This is a job for the best man and the groom.”
“Sounds like women’
s work,” Tagg said with every hint of sarcasm known to man.
“Taggert, you are going to be celibate soon if you don’t get your ass over here.” Chloe gave her phone a dirty look as if Tagg could see it through the line.
He didn’t say a word.
“Tagg?” Chloe asked. “Taggert, you better not be ignoring me.”
The front door opened then closed. Chloe’s boyfriend walked in carrying four plastic bags, two in each hand. His eyebrows rose over his thick black frames. Tagg’s hair had grown out into a shaggy mess which he didn’t bother to control. It was a better look for him than the faux hawk he sported a few years ago.
Chloe squealed like she hadn’t seen him in days, despite driving from Nashville together. As she rushed him, Gracin gracefully stepped around Tagg and rolled his eyes. Chloe and Tagg had only started dating last fall. They had met Chloe and Carly’s freshman year when he had it bad for my sister. But she loved Gracin even though she had thought he’d forgotten about her, and Tagg wasn’t going to get the chance. Now he was Gracin’s best friend and best man. Funny how life turns out sometimes.
“Jesus, Chloe, you just saw him this morning,” Gracin said quietly. He pressed a kiss to my sister’s temple. “We brought snacks.”
Carly stared up at him, the love filling her eyes. “Anything to drink?”
Gracin smiled and lifted his bag. “Perrier, lots and lots of it. Although, Tagg has wine and beer if you’re in the mood.”
“Nah,” she said as she wrapped an arm around his waist.
It was sweet, and it was sickening. Nobody ever looked at me the way they looked at each other. Well, Aiden had, but he never really trusted me. I felt a sob forming in my chest, and the last thing I wanted to do was rain on my sister’s wedding planning parade. They wouldn’t even notice if I left anyway.
I slipped away, quietly going to my room to sulk. My phone was silent. Deathly so in a way. And I realized that I needed to right a wrong. I dialed the number, and it went to voice mail.
