by Lynn Stevens
“Hi, this is Cami. Leave a message.”
I didn’t. It was something I needed to say to her and not on voice mail. I sent a text instead, asking her to call me. Then I lost myself in an 80s movie, falling asleep before the wrong guy got the girl.
Being Ducky sucked.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I woke up to somebody shaking me violently. It was dark, and I couldn’t tell who it was.
“Get up, damn it,” Carly said, panic filling her voice.
“What’s wrong?” I shot out of bed, throwing my covers onto the floor. “Are Mom and Dad okay? Luke?”
“The theater is on fire,” she said, then crumbled onto the bed. “We’re supposed to get married there next weekend, and it’s on fire.”
“Shit.” I threw on a tank and shorts then pulled my sister to her feet. “Let’s go. I’ll drive.”
We raced outside in panicked silence. Carly was thinking about her wedding, and I kept praying that it wasn’t as bad as it could be. I sped through the back streets until I hit the main drag. A cop tailed me as I got closer to the theater, only turning his lights on when I fishtailed into the parking lot. I ignored him as Carly jumped out.
The front of the theater looked untouched, but flames licked the early morning sky from the back of the building. I hadn’t even checked to see what time it was.
“Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?” good old Officer Nicks said. “I should’ve known. Miranda Reynolds.”
I didn’t even bother to look at him. “You didn’t pull me over. I parked. And I don’t give a shit. The theater’s on fire.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” He glanced over at black smoke. “Go to your daddy. Get. I’ll let you off with a warning.”
Carly was halfway toward the firetrucks already. Her morning runs with Gracin clearly kept her in shape. I took off after her, huffing heavily. By the time I caught up, Carly was weeping in Dad’s arms.
“It’s gone,” he said as he stared at the unblemished white facade. His voice had a hint of awe in it, like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing and what he did see was beautiful in its destruction.
I didn’t say anything. My gaze focused on the red and orange flames. Fire wasn’t any different than some people. Not really. It just wanted to live and eat, destroying everything in its path. The arching water from the hoses caused rainbows in front of the lights in the parking lot. It was beautiful. It was horrible.
“Mr. Reynolds,” a fireman said from our left. Dad turned toward the man, still hugging a devastated Carly. “We won’t know the cause until our investigators get here. There’s no reason for you to stay.”
“It’s my theater,” Dad said without a bit of anger or frustration. He turned back toward the building. “I’ll leave when you have the fire out.”
“Sir,” the fireman said. “It’s deceiving from this vantage point, but the back of the building is a total loss. I’m sorry.”
Carly’s cries intensified. Strong arms plied her from Dad. That’s when I realized we weren’t alone. Gracin, Tagg, and Chloe stood beside us. Gracin pulled Carly against his chest, tears rimming his own eyes. He shushed her quietly. Tagg and Chloe just stared at the front of the theater.
We stayed until the fire was out. My legs gave out around five, and I sat on the dirty pavement for another two hours. Once the sun was up, we could see all of the damage. The theater really was gone. The only thing standing was the front of the building where the lobby and office was. We weren’t allowed to get close, but we could see nothing but burnt ruins from a distance. Even the walls on the eastern side had collapsed.
“What happened?” Tagg asked to nobody in particular.
A fire inspector stopped beside us. “We won’t know for certain until we get more information and talk to the last people who had been inside.”
My heart stopped. Me. He wanted to talk to me. And Eddie. Oh my god, how was I going to explain to my parents that Eddie and I had been in the upper dressing room alone. They wouldn’t believe me if I told them nothing happened. And everything was fine when we left. There wasn’t… the lamp. We’d knocked over a lamp.
“Thank god there wasn’t a show last night,” Gracin said under his breath.
We all heard him. The air was thick with silence despite the noise of the firefighters clearing the ruins. They shouted but I wasn’t listening. Dad stepped aside with the fire inspector. I watched them, hoping Dad didn’t realize I was here earlier. I was the last one. But that wasn’t right. Someone else had to have been there after I left. After Eddie left.
Security!
What was the security guard’s name? The one who locked me out? He had to have been the last person there. He’d worked for Dad for years. He was always at the theater. Why couldn’t I remember his name?
Dad’s phone was to his ear, and his gaze turned to meet mine. His eyebrows narrowed into a deep V. He raised his hand, using his fingers to summon me to him. I didn’t want to go anywhere near my father when he looked like he was going to kill someone. Namely me. But my feet didn’t care what my fear said, and I walked toward him on tentative feet.
“You were the last person inside,” Dad said. His voice was cold, harsh even. “You and Eddie Blake.”
I opened my mouth, but he held up his hand to stop me. My limbs started shaking.
“Don’t deny it. Frank walked you out, locked up behind you.” Dad swallowed and glared at me. “The front doors were locked after the accident. Nobody in. Frank sat at the back door after he did a walk through. You were the only person inside. Or so he thought until you and Eddie walked out together. Now, before I lose control of my anger, tell me what you were doing.”
“Diane wanted the upstairs dressing room cleaned.” My voice sounded small even to my own ears.
“Do I even want to know what happened in that dressing room?” Dad asked with barely controlled anger.
I closed my eyes. After some of the shit I’d pulled, especially where Eddie was concerned, I deserved his discontent.
“What is wrong with you, Miranda? What is it about that boy? He treats you like shit, throws you away like trash, and you keep going back to him.” Dad’s anger and frustration erupted, and he threw his hands in the air, spinning around. “Don’t understand. I just don’t. Explain it to me.”
I didn’t even realize I’d started crying. “It wasn’t like that.”
“Wasn’t like what? Like that night he almost let you die!” Dad’s face turned red and purple. He stabbed himself in the chest with his finger. “I know. Everyone knows. You almost killed yourself, Miranda. We almost lost you. I know he was there! I know he called 911. He left you naked and dying, Miranda. He used you over and over. And you let him. So what was it like this time? What’s your fucking excuse this time?”
I wanted to run into his arms. Dad rarely brought up the incident. He just went about every day like it hadn’t happened. I thought he had forgiven me, accepted it, and moved on. I should’ve known. Dad held his emotions in check until they exploded out of him. And he knew Eddie was there. He knew this entire time. My legs buckled, and I had to force myself to stay on my feet.
“But you didn’t,” I said, controlling the sobs in my chest. “It was an accident.”
“And what is this?” he screamed, holding his arm out to the smoking ruins. “Was this an accident?”
“I didn’t—”
“I don’t believe you,” he bellowed.
I shrunk back from him, from the ruins, from the possibility that I’d caused this. There wasn’t any reason for him to think I did other than being the last person inside. Except I knew better. There was a possibility that it was my fault. I ruined everything. I’d ruined myself with Eddie. I’d ruined my one chance with Aiden. I’d probably ruined my friendship with Lily like I had with Cami and Iris.
“You lie. You cheat. You don’t care about anyone but yourself and Eddie fucking Blake,” he screamed. “If you so much as dropped a hot ash in there, this w
ill be your fault. On your head. Do you understand me?”
“We weren’t smoking,” I said quietly. I hadn’t smoked anything since the night I almost died. I hadn’t taken ecstasy or any other drug. The worst I’d done was get drunk.
“What were you doing? Having sex?” Dad asked, the hatred still evident in his quieter voice. His eyes blazed worse than the flames that had destroyed his theater. “Was that it? God, Miranda, how can you not see he’s been using you your entire life? Even when you were little, he’d wait for you to pick something he wanted so he’d get two of everything.”
I stepped back again, a soft arm wrapping around my shoulders. My sister’s jasmine perfume broke the damn holding me together. I crumbled, and she held me up.
“Jesus, Dad, stop it. You know this isn’t her fault,” Carly snapped. To me, she muttered, “He’s being a dick. I am so sorry, Meerkat. You don’t deserve this.”
Dad turned away, and Gracin went to talk to him.
“I didn’t do this,” I cried into my sister’s arm. “I wouldn’t do anything like this. We were just saying goodbye. For good this time. I told him to leave, to go to Georgia.” She turned me around and I buried my head in her shoulder. “I wouldn’t do this to you.”
“We can get married somewhere else. It’s just a building.” Carly shushed me and stroked my hair. I let her calm me. “Come on. Let’s go home. There’s nothing to do here. It’s going to be fine.”
Until I told her the truth. Until I told her it might be my fault after all.
It wouldn’t be fine then.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Carly helped me into my car, then started driving. I didn’t see anything, didn’t know what street she turned on, and I certainly didn’t notice that she’d gone through a drive thru for fast food greasy breakfast until the smells filled the car.
I turned toward her as she stuck a biscuit and sausage under my nose. “Eat.”
“Not hungry,” I muttered even as my stomach growled.
“Bullshit,” she said, dropping it in my lap. “Look, Dad was out of line. He’ll grovel later.” She drove into a nearby lot overlooking an empty park. “Now spill.”
I unwrapped the sandwich. It smelled far better than it looked. “There’s not much to tell.”
“So this won’t take long,” she said as she ate her sandwich, nibbling at it daintily. “Go.”
“Basically, in a nutshell, it was a goodbye. He decided we were meant to be, and I said we weren’t. He kissed me.” I knocked over a lamp that may have started the fire. “Then we left.”
A sob escaped around the dry biscuit.
“And then?” Carly asked, egging me on.
“And then Aiden saw us leave the theater together. He dumped me.” I inhaled deeply. “He was right, too. It … it wasn’t going to work out. I’m a mess and he’s not. He knows who he is, and I have no idea.”
“Meerkat, you know who you are, you’ve just never let yourself be who you are.” Carly took my hand and squeezed it gently. “You’re smart, but you don’t try to let people see that. You hide it. You care about the people closest to you. You’d lay down your life for any one of us. And I know you’d still help Cami out in a heartbeat if she needed you. Despite everything that happened.” She let go and smiled gently. “You see things that other people don’t. You see things in people that they don’t see in themselves.”
I shook my head.
“Remember when I first left for school? You told me I was going to be okay. That I wasn’t alone in the world.” She wiped a tear that slid down her cheek. “You reminded me that, even though Gracin had gone back to L.A., life still went on. I had to keep living. So I lived.”
“And you almost started dating Tagg,” I pointed out.
“Yeah, that was a close call.” Carly laughed and shook her head. “I tried to get him to ask Chloe out for years. I’m just glad he’s still part of our lives. And I’m glad he came around to Gracin.”
“Nashville’s been good to you,” I said. “You found your life there.”
“Nah, I had a great life here.” She sighed and stared in the general direction of the theater. “I guess I won’t take it over one day.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said, tears filling my eyes again. “I wish I could change it.”
Carly wiped a tear drifting down her cheek. “It sucks, Meerkat. I’m not going to lie. When Gracin proposed, I couldn’t imagine getting married anywhere else. But not everything goes the way we want it to, you know. If it did, well, life would be boring.” She smiled at me with raised eyebrows. “I hate boring.”
I wanted to tell her, but I couldn’t. The fire could’ve been my fault. That stupid lamp I didn’t bother to pick up might have ruined her wedding, her plans for the future, everything. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
“Yeah, we’ll just move the wedding … somewhere.” She stared into the horizon, her gaze wistful. “It’s where we really met. That was the whole point of the theater. Plus, it worked out that Dad only booked that shitty band for the first half of summer.” Her eyes widened. “Did they get their equipment out?”
I nodded, thankful there wasn’t more damage on my head.
“This is a mess.” Carly started the car and backed out of the space. “Don’t worry about Dad. He’ll be fine. He’s not really that mad at you, you know.”
“Yeah, he is.” I shrunk in my seat. Eddie may not have seen the lamp fall, or heard it. He was so wrapped up in kissing me. Maybe this never would come out.
And I’d just have to live with what I’d done for the rest of my life.
I went to my room as soon as we got home. Exhaustion seeped into my bones, but my mind wasn’t having any of that. I sat on my bed and texted Lily.
Me: The theater’s gone.
She didn’t respond. I sent one to Iris, same message and same lack of response. Even though I didn’t expect anything from Cami, I texted her too.
Cami: What do you mean the theater’s gone?
I stared at her message, surprised she even answered. She hadn’t the last time. Instead of texting back, I hit call.
“Give me a sec,” Cami said quietly. Something rustled in the background then a door closed softly. “What happened?”
“Fire,” I said. It was all I could say. “They don’t know what caused it.”
“Oh god. How’s your dad handling it?” That was Cami, always thinking of someone else.
“Not well. I’m sorry if I woke you up. I wasn’t paying any attention to the time, but I thought you might want to know what happened.” I bit my tongue to control everything I wanted to say.
“You didn’t. Wake me up, I mean. We just got home an hour ago from a gig in Clarksville.” She yawned and sniffled. “It takes me a long time to come down from the high of being on stage.”
“I’m glad things are going well for you,” I said, meaning every word. I inhaled deeply and let it out slow. This was the part I’d bit back, and she needed to hear it. “I’m sorry. For last summer. For not trusting you, for going a little crazy.”
“Me, too,” she said softly. “For not fighting harder to keep you in my life.”
“I was really messed up, Cami,” I said as the latest bout of tears slipped into my voice. “I didn’t know…. I almost died because of … Stupidity. It was the stupidest thing. And he never loved me. I get that now, but I wanted him to love me. I wanted it so much. I wanted that happily ever after. I guess those don’t exist.”
“Yeah, they do. Yours just isn’t with Eddie Blake.” Cami paused for a moment. “Being with someone, even someone who loves you, isn’t easy. It’s work. It’s negotiation. It’s taking their feelings, thoughts, ideas into account. It’s valuing their opinion. And it’s admitting when you’re wrong.”
“It’s not easy for you and Dylan?” I was surprised. She’d fought so hard for him, and he had to fight to get her back.
Cami laughed, and it was like angels weeping. She had such beautiful voice. I’d a
lways envied that about her. “Not even close. We fight almost every day. We’re still learning to be a couple. It’s taking time. More than I thought, but at the end of the day, I don’t want to be anywhere else. He’s what country songs are made of.”
I laughed at that. Dylan and Cami had fought against being together, then let each other go for noble reasons. Like she said, the stuff of country music.
“Eddie loves himself,” she said not to hurt me, just as a fact.
“Yeah, he does.” I pressed my lips together. “I keep screwing this up.”
“Welcome to the club. I screw up all the time. Dylan keeps telling me he’s going to put me on a leash.” She laughed, and I knew it was just an inside joke between them.
“I met a guy. A really great guy,” I said, thinking of how he kissed me like I was glass.
“But you couldn’t let Eddie go,” she said, again without any judgment. I missed her so much. Lily would get along great with Cami.
“No, the exact opposite. I did let him go. I just didn’t let Aiden in.” Then I let the rest of the story out. When I finished, I asked her the one question I’d been asking myself. “Am I that self-destructive? Everyone I love, I hurt. Carly says I’d give my life for them but I don’t see it.”
“Because you give your happiness up for them. When Eddie manhandled me last summer, did you really deep down think I would do that to you? Or were you so worried that Eddie would do that to you? Even though you knew he was sticking his wick wherever he could.”
“Eddie,” I said without a doubt.
“You gave up your happiness for his.” She yawned into the receiver. “Sorry. You’ve always given up, it’s time to take, Miranda. Take what you want, what makes you happy.” She laughed. “Hold on. I gotta write that down. Dylan’s gonna hate it, but I think it’s perfect.”
“Cami?”
“Uh huh?” she asked, clearly distracted by the song from my pain. I smiled at that.
“Can we talk again? And often?” I wanted to fix this. It never was going to be what it was in high school. She was on her dream path. I was still cutting through the brush to find mine.
