Sunshine Spirit

by Barbara Willis

  'The same goes for me too Mrs Cartlyn; it's very generous and kind of you but I must get back to the theatre. I have to pay my way and I have people depending on me.'

  Mrs Cartlyn's lips seeped a small smile. 'The Halls, I know.' Will looked at Jane and both turned to Mrs Cartlyn in startled silence. 'Don't be so surprised. I should have thought the last few weeks would have taught you that. Jane, your job is perfectly safe; maybe you can telephone your landlady to explain that you'll be away a short while longer; Mr Batten, you know the theatre is ever changing. That is the nature of the beast as they say. You'll find work I'm sure. But, for now, for just a few more days, I'd recommend you heed my advice.' Will and Jane sat in doubtful silence as they once again looked at each other. Mrs Cartlyn, exasperation creeping towards her, felt the need for bluntness. 'A job and a room are no use to a dead person.' Her companions' eyes snapped back to her and she felt a little sorry for them, young innocents caught in a sticky web. 'You've seen first-hand that this war isn't just being fought on the continent and among the clouds above us. It's here, all around us, amongst us.' She nodded to the room and Jane and Will followed her gaze as it swept over all their fellow diners.

  Everyone in the room looked innocuous enough.

  Businessmen, couples, friends;

  Smiling, eating, chatting;

  Or lying, plotting, spying?

  The decision was made.

  'Alright.' Will spoke to Mrs Cartlyn first, then turned to Jane. 'I can't let you go home until I know it's safe; you won't go to your mother's so this is the alternative. I can't protect you from Hitler, but I can protect you from whatever I've dragged you into.'

  'Will, you go. It's not me who looks like Hugh is it? I can work for both of us; get a second job or extra shifts.' Mrs Cartlyn watched the exchange in silence; tolerant now, anticipating.

  'No, it's both of us or neither of us. Final offer, no compromise.'

  Jane hesitated, knowing that she could not force any deal with him. Finally she nodded her agreement as Will's face made no other answer possible.

  'Alright,' she said and turned to Mrs Cartlyn, 'Thank you, we accept.'

  'Good. Now I have the details for you,' Mrs Cartlyn reached for her handbag and pulled out an envelope with very little searching. Jane wondered if she had it to hand all along, knowing that Jane and Will would be going to her house, and had just waited patiently for the inevitable reply. 'The key and the address are in here. I think you'll like it. There's a telephone at the house so I'll be in touch. There's no housekeeper, so there'll be no-one coming in. And I know you can't live on air so there's some money in the envelope too.'

  'No Mrs Cartlyn, we can't take any money.' Will beat Jane to it.

  'You will Mr Batten.' Mrs Cartlyn said as she stood to leave. Discussion closed. 'And lunch is on my bill'.

  Jane and Will finished their lunch quickly so they could leave the environment in which they felt so alien, sure that they stood out like pebbles in a jeweller's shop. It wasn't until they were outside that Will took the envelope from his breast pocket. He looked at Jane before opening it.

  'Well, that's that then. Our new home.'

  'What does the note say?'

  'Just the address and a postscript that says to take a taxi. And there's the key and some cash.' Will held out the note for Jane to read.

  Jane sighed 'Well, we'd better do as we're told then.'

  'Yes, I suppose so.' Will opened the car and took out their bags before offering Jane the crook of his arm, which she linked her hand through. 'Come on then Sunshine, our next adventure awaits. Let's walk for a while before we get that taxi, I want to savour being home.' Will smiled as they began to walk.

  'Do you think it's safe?'

  Will smiled. 'Well, if we're unlucky enough to bump into anyone doubtful on the street, I'm up for calling it fate. You just run like hell's doors are opening behind you and get to the Grandchester.'

  'But what if…' Jane started to say.

  'What if? What if a bomb hadn't flattened your house? Not all what ifs are bad, Sunshine.' Will turned to look at Jane as they walked and saw her serious expression, so he stopped and put down the cases to hold her close. 'Mrs Cartlyn seems to think it's just familiar haunts, work and home and the like, where we'll come unstuck; if at all. Otherwise she'd be suggesting we leave the city again. I think it's over Jane. I think it's done.'

  Despite the cold mid-December air, the sun was trying its best to provide cheer. Despite being a city bending with war the shops looked festive and bright. Despite the daily fear and nightly destruction, people still smiled.

  Will and Jane walked for some time, looking in shop windows and commenting on things they saw or things that were now missing. After their long journey and the horrors that had occurred before, being back in London was finally a relief. Jane's anxiety as they neared the city had passed, soothed by the familiarity of home. With Will's faded facial injuries from the beating near his flat, visual reminders of their plight were easy to overlook and it was good to feel normal for a little while as they strolled arm in arm along the busy streets, chatting easily. Jane knew that denial of what had happened wouldn't come so easily when Will undressed to reveal the marks that still bore witness to the past.

  Eventually, after a long walk and a short taxi ride, the two refugees stood once again outside an unfamiliar front door. The tall Georgian terrace stood firm before them, the ground floor painted white and the upper floors a warm brick. Tall narrow windows looked benignly at them and the black front door waited for the key. Jane's anxious heartbeat had reawakened a small number of butterflies and she held Will's hand tighter without knowing. Will felt the increased pressure of Jane's hand and turned to look at her as he unlocked the door left handed, still anchoring her with his right.

  'It'll all be fine here. We're home Sunshine. Hugh's gone. It's over. Alright?'

  Jane nodded then whispered 'Alright' and the pair stepped over the threshold together.

  'Nice,' said Will as he put down their bags and closed the door behind them.

  'Very Mrs Cartlyn,' smiled Jane as she took in the simple but notably expensive surroundings.

  'Come on, let's explore.' Will took Jane's hand like an excited schoolboy and dragged her from room to room; kitchen, hall, landing, bedrooms, bathroom, until they ended up in the sitting room again and landed on the settee. 'Ok?'

  'Yes.'

  Will had lifted her mood as he intended. He smiled then looked serious as he stood up.

  'I'm going to phone Maggie and Jack.' Jane nodded as Will left for the hall. Soon she could hear him talking and she quietly walked past to pick up the bags and take them upstairs. Slowly she walked from room to room again, carrying the cases into each room with her. There were four bedrooms; two doubles one twin bedded room and one single, and Jane walked in and out, backwards and forwards. Finally, she put both bags down in one of the double rooms and returned to the hall.

  Will's telephone call was ending and he grinned as Jane passed. She went to the kitchen and through that to the back yard, which was small and tidy. She perched on an iron bench a few steps from the back door and shivered as a cold gust of December wind caught her. She closed her eyes as she sat there alone, pleased to be back in London but wondering what the next few days or weeks might bring.

  Jane turned at the sound of Will's footsteps walking through the kitchen and watched him look at the sky as he approached. He was carrying a paper bag.

  'Rain d'you think?'

  'I don't know.'

  'At least the skies are quiet.'

  'For now,' Jane said sagely. She looked up to the innocent blue grey sky knowing it might later glow red from the burning of the city, and harbour dark machines that looked like evil black birds circling a carcass. She forced the image from her mind, replacing it with friendly faces. 'How are Maggie, Jack and the children?'

  'They're doing alright. No news to speak of, which is a good thing I suppose.' Will sat down next to Jane and
shuffled his feet about, looking at them as they moved around benignly on the red bricks. Jane knew he must be thinking of Harry and took his empty hand. He passed her the bag from his other hand and she frowned. 'Found it next to the telephone.'

  Jane peered inside and was touched to see who it was from, although it could only have been one person. There was no note, just a card inside to give away the identity of the benefactor.

  E. Cartlyn was the only text the small white card bore. Small black embossed letters on crisp card. Just like the lady whose name it announced. Small and crisp yet showing it meant business.

  Jane smiled at Will, who had clearly also seen the card, as she reached inside to take each item out and place them one by one on the bench beside her; lavender soap wrapped in floral paper, pretty notelets, a dainty ladies' pen, a box of men's cotton handkerchiefs, a metal matches box with an engraved lion on the front and a bar of Fry's chocolate. Jane was moved by the gift from a woman who showed so little emotion or outward warmth. Will put his arm round Jane and squeezed.

  'Like I said, there are hidden depths to that woman.' Jane nodded at Will's comment. After a moment he added, 'Should you telephone Florence? You said you wanted to, but I'm surprised it's her of all the girls. I mean, I didn't realise you were so close; I would have imagined you closer to Dorothy - you seem to have more in common.'

  Jane knew the time had come for honesty. Honesty about meeting with Florence and then the unexpected meeting with Maria Henderson that had been borne of it. And it was time to tell the truth about the bottle, the contents of which had been secretly poured down the sink at Richmond Row.

  When Jane didn't offer a verbal response, but instead just looked sadly at Will, his face changed. There was a look of frightened confusion dawning as he anticipated the falling of bad news from Jane's lips.

  'There's something wrong.'

  'No, nothing's wrong, not really, not anymore. I just have to tell you about something that happened at Richmond Row, or rather something that didn't happen.'

  Will's eyes widened.

  'Did Hugh hurt you? Did he do something?'

  'No, not at all.' Jane could see where Will's thoughts were charging and was quick to reassure him that Hugh had done nothing that Will didn't already know about. 'No Will, not Hugh; it was me. It's what I could have done to Hugh.'

  Will listened as Jane told him how she'd contacted Florence to get a message to Mrs Cartlyn, worried about the meaning of Hugh Callaghan's sudden appearance from the concealing cloak of night. She relived how Maria Henderson had turned up in response to the message, carrying the means to end Hugh's life.

  Jane admitted that she'd fought herself over what to do, ashamed that she'd even let the option of murder creep into her head let alone consider it. Will made no sound as she spoke; tears rolled silently down her face as she told him how she'd contaminated Hugh's cup then tipped it away almost immediately, scrubbing the cup ferociously and placing it at the very back of the cupboard before tipping the bottle's contents away too, and then wrapping the small bottle in newspaper and putting it at the very bottom of the dustbin.

  She cried as she told Will that she had to protect him but couldn't murder Hugh to do it. She told him how she'd realised during the later bloodshed that she could fire a gun in the heat of a confused moment when Will's immediate danger was pushed in her face, but that calculated pre-meditated murder was an act she couldn't complete. She felt a heavy conflict of guilt as she spoke - she'd contemplated murder but then hadn't been able to carry it out, even for Will. Fire and ice were battling inside her conscience.

  When Jane finished talking, Will wrapped his arms round her weeping form and gently rocked her as he whispered 'Ssshhhh' into her hair.

  'What do you think of me now, now I'm almost a murderer?'

  Will found humour in her comment but she couldn't see his face. He was moved by what she had wanted to do but utterly glad she couldn't. 'Almost is a long way away Sunshine.'

  Jane felt purged after revealing the whole story of Richmond Row to Will. Her shoulders seemed lighter without the burden of the secret; for a small bottle it had weighed heavy on her. She hadn't known how heavy it was until Will brushed it from her conscience. What had happened there would never leave them, but they had at least left physically unscathed apart from the few fresh bruises Will still fostered after the scuffle with Hugh. Jane and Will were escapees from an inevitable event, people who never should have been involved in the first place. They knew that Hugh had chosen to walk a perilous road, a delicately balanced route that was easily tipped.

  Jane telephoned Florence as soon as they were back indoors to tell her they'd returned to London, but were temporarily staying somewhere else.

  'Where are you then?'

  'I can't tell you Florence.'

  'How long will you be there?'

  'I don't know. Not long I hope. Look, I know you have lots of questions and I promise I'll answer them when it's all over.'

  'When will 'over' be though Jane?'

  'Soon I hope. I promise I'll be in touch soon.'

  Florence hesitated before replying. 'Alright, if you say so. Just please get in touch if you need me, or any of us. You know we'll be there in a flash.'

  'I know darling, I know you will, thank you. Thank you for rushing to see me when I called.' To avoid enlarging on the events that followed their meeting, Jane changed the subject. 'I wrote to Mrs Cavendish a couple of weeks ago; I haven't heard back yet. Have you had a letter or anything?'

  'No, I haven't. I'm sure she's absolutely fine. Clever changing of the subject though Jane.'

  Jane was defeated. 'I'm sorry. I just can't tell you everything now. Please trust me. I'm fine and Will's fine. We're safe.' There was a pause in the conversation as Florence intentionally waited, hoping Jane would feel the need to continue, and Jane waited hoping that Florence would fill the silence. In the end, it was Jane who did so. 'Say hi to the girls when you see them.' Jane wanted to feel the warmth that came from her friends, each very different but a vital quarter of their whole. 'I miss you all.'

  'We miss you too. And Jane?'

  'Yes.'

  'Merry Christmas.'

  Jane was startled at Florence's words and took a moment before replying. 'Merry Christmas Florence' she said.

  As Jane put the receiver down, she sighed. With all that had been going on she hadn't thought about Christmas; it was the twenty third of December. Wednesday would be Christmas Day. She hoped that the imminent birth of 1941 would bring peace.

  Jane sat quietly in the hall for a little while before Will appeared. He pulled her to her feet.

  'There's really not much to eat, understandably. Mrs Cartlyn, bless her, has managed to have a few bits put in the kitchen, heaven knows how, but it's not like the supplies she arranged out in the countryside at Richmond Row. We'll need to batter the ration books some more. Tea and sugar rations have increased a bit leading up to Wednesday, so if we pool what we've got we'll be ok. If we can avoid spending Mrs Cartlyn's cash, I'll be pleased. I don't like the thought of taking it.'

  'Me neither,' Jane said. 'Why don't I go out and get some things while you unpack.'

  Will laughed. 'And how long do you think it will take me to unpack then?' he asked. Jane didn't answer. 'I know you're trying to keep me out of harm's way, Sunshine, but there's no need. Look, there's that market we passed and a few shops a couple of streets away; we'll go together. We're not close enough to home to be in any danger.' Without waiting for a response from Jane, he took her coat from the rack on the wall and held it out for her. She slid her arms in without argument and buttoned up the coat as Will shrugged his on. Despite his reassurance, she knew that he didn't want her out alone. Cementing this, he added a further excuse. 'Anyway, who's going to find you a cuppa if the air raid warning goes off and you have to shelter alone?'

  Soon they were arm in arm among the shoppers; they were like everyone else again, sharing the cold streets and the difficulty of finding wh
at they wanted to buy. Their difference to the crowds, their shared and forcefully buried memories of Hugh Callaghan, their experience of violence and murder, were hidden from all. They even tried to conceal these things from their own consciousness, veiling them with thoughts of normal tasks.

  Jane was a little nervous at first, eyeing strange men with suspicion and looking around to see if anyone watched them; no-one did. No-one appeared to.

  Between the market stalls and a couple of shops they were able to collect most of the necessary basics, even if Christmas dinner would be fish and not turkey. Without Will noticing as he hovered outside one of the shops, Jane bought some Christmas cards and made a mental note to phone her mother, in lieu of a card, on Christmas Eve. As Jane saw Will through the window before she went outside to join him again, she smiled. He looked casual but debonair as his gaze returned to the street, relaxed but somehow wary. Jane knew as she saw him watching, looking, checking, vetting each man he saw, just how much his reassurance that all was now normal was for her benefit. She felt a thread of ice run though her warm body. The ice didn't last long, overpowered by the melting heat of knowing Will was protecting her and she protecting him as they once again linked their fingers together and walked.

  When they returned to their temporary lodgings, Jane unpacked the meagre shopping haul then went upstairs to unpack their cases. As she finished, she heard the front door shut and rushed to the window to look out. She could see Will walking down the street and fumbled with the window, trying to open it to call out to him; she couldn't get the latch to move and turned to run down the stairs instead. She burst through the front door and into the street; but Will was gone.

  As she stepped back through the door, she noticed Will's note poked into the corner of the mirror on the coat rack 'Back soon. Don't worry x'

  Time moved so slowly Jane wondered if it was going backwards. With no idea where he might have gone, she could do nothing to hasten Will's return. Worried, she wandered through the house as she waited. When almost an hour had passed, Jane gave herself a verbal slap saying 'Pull yourself together you idiot.' As early evening approached, Jane laid and lit the fire in the sitting room, and then she made herself busy in the kitchen preparing corned beef sandwiches. Once done, she headed upstairs, where she wrote the Christmas cards she'd bought for Will and her girlfriends. After each task she checked the time; at each sound she paused, hoping it was Will.