Nurse to Forever Mom

by Susan Carlisle

  Standing, Stacey moved toward the back door. “I’m going to speak to Jean on the way out. Bye, Cody.” She gave him a little wave.

  His lips drew into a thin line and he closed his eyes. When he opened them she was gone.

  CHAPTER TEN

  CODY HAD BEEN working through his pain and loneliness. Not well, but he tried. The days since Stacey had left had been long and seemingly endless as the ocean he spent too much time looking out at. The nights made the days feel short and sweet. Without Stacey next to him he couldn’t rest. When he did sleep, he dreamed of her. He was just existing and didn’t know how to come out of the fog. His heart was broken and Stacey was the only cure.

  The day she had left and his back door had closed between them he’d been confident that all the joy in his life had gone out that door with her. He’d not been wrong.

  Nothing about living whilst being deprived of Stacey was easy. In fact, it made what he’d lived through earlier in his life seem stress-free. He was tied in a knot with no idea how to unsnarl it. Somehow he had to recover from Stacey. Help his girls do so as well.

  They spoke of her almost daily, which only increased his pain. Stacey had made such a strong impression on them in such a short time. To make matters worse, he was grumbling at the girls. He was muddling through life and doing a very poor job of even that. The happiness he’d been so surprised to have was gone now. He hadn’t been able to hang on to it. Having so briefly tasted it, the loss of it was almost too much for him to bear.

  He went through the motions of working. Most of his medical care was done by rote. Nothing interested him. Each patient had become a case instead of a person. The fact that he was doing it all on little or no sleep didn’t make matters any better.

  The nurses already on staff were taking turns filling Stacey’s position. They were efficient enough but there was no real rapport between them and him. He missed Stacey’s humor, the way she anticipated his next move or need. Heck, he missed her in his professional life almost as much as he did in his private one. She had managed to permeate every corner of his world. He’d been caught up in the tsunami that was Stacey and it was now tossing him around.

  Two weeks after Stacey had left he passed the day care as Alex exited.

  “Hey, buddy, you got a minute to talk?” Alex asked, putting a hand on Cody’s shoulder.

  “Uh...sure.” Cody wasn’t fit company for anyone. “Is there a problem?”

  “I think so, but you’ll have to confirm it.”

  That was a cryptic remark for the usually straightforward Alex. “Is something up with a patient?” Cody couldn’t think of who it might be.

  “Let’s go to my office.” They entered and Alex said, “Close the door.”

  Cody did so then slumped into a chair in front of Alex’s desk. “What’s going on?”

  Alex continued around the desk to sit behind it. “That’s just what I was going to ask you.”

  “What do you mean?” Had Alex noticed what a mess his life had become now that Stacey was gone?

  “Come on, Cody, you’re talking to me. Neither one of us has any dirty laundry that the other doesn’t already know about. Something’s eating at you. You’ve not been yourself since Stacey left.” Cody started to deny it but Alex raised his hand. “Don’t say there wasn’t something between you because this is a small island and an even smaller clinic.”

  “Great. I thought I was covering better than that,” Cody muttered.

  “Sorry to disappoint you, buddy. So what happened?”

  A big fat fight. Too much said. Too little said. Not the right things said. Cody shrugged. “Nothing. It was time for her to leave and she did.”

  “Did you want her to stay?” Alex watched him closely.

  Cody hated to admit how much. “Sure I did. I offered her Marsha’s job but she said no.”

  Alex nodded his head a few times and pursed his lips. “You offered her a job. I see.”

  Sitting a little straighter, Cody asked, “What do you mean by that?”

  “Well, if I have learned anything from Maggie it’s that a woman wants more than just a job offer from her man. Did you tell her you loved her?”

  He hadn’t even dared to think in that vein. If he did he might fall down the hole of despair and never come back out again. It took him a few seconds to answer. “No.”

  “You do, though, don’t you?”

  There he was on the edge of the hole. Did he? Yeah, he did. Why had it taken this conversation to make him admit it to himself? Because it was the first time he’d ever really loved a woman enough that he couldn’t live without her. He’d never felt that way before.

  “I know what it’s like to start again. The fear of opening your heart again. It’s scary but you need to know, from what I learned about Stacey she has a huge heart and she’s nothing like Rachael. From what I saw she was a better mother to Jean and Lizzy in just a few weeks than their biological mother was, can be or ever will be. That said, I need you in top working order around here.”

  Cody squared his shoulders. “Are you questioning my ability to do my job?”

  “Never. I’m questioning whether or not you can survive if you continue like this.” Alex leaned forward. “Right now, I don’t think you’re functioning well enough to make sound medical decisions.” He frowned briefly and then continued. “Maggie and I had a hard trail to walk and we came out on the other side. I think you will too. Have you thought about going after Stacey? Telling her how you feel? Maybe offering her a ring instead of a job?”

  “She’s in Ethiopia,” Cody said flatly.

  Alex leaned toward him, pinning him with a look. “You fly, don’t you? If you don’t do something soon, I’m going to have to buy you out of the clinic because your sad face is starting to affect the morale around here. All I’m saying is think about it.”

  Cody did, for every hour of the day. Nothing Alex had said could Cody refute. He had been happy. Life had been good with Stacey in it. She had added to his life, not taken away, like Rachael had. The girls were crazy about her. He was too—heck, he was in love with her.

  Was he really still letting Rachael control his life? He might have moved three thousand miles away from her yet what she had done governed every decision he made. Stacey had been right. It was time he let go. Trusted somebody. Admit that he could have that dream of a true partnership within a marriage, just with a different person. He hoped that person would be Stacey. It was finally time to move on with his life.

  Just as shameful, he had looked down on Stacey for her lifestyle and had accused her of being a coward. He’d taken the high road of superiority in the knowledge that he had established a home. Living here on the island, he might not have been physically running, but what he’d been doing was certainly running emotionally. Never dating, never taking an interest in a woman, never opening up to someone. Until Stacey. He had let a destroyed dream and guilt rule his life for too long. His narrow world had become all about his girls and trying to protect them from life. What a horrible example to set for Jean and Lizzy.

  Happiness was what he should be encouraging them to strive for. He’d had that with Stacey. Somehow he was going to get it back. The question now was how.

  * * *

  When Stacey had left Cody’s house that Sunday, she’d gone back to her cottage and picked up her already packed bag. She’d made her way to the ferry in time to take an earlier one. There had been no one there to wave goodbye to. That had only added to her sadness.

  She’d sat in the corner of the sparsely populated boat, not even looking out the window. Every fiber of her being had begged to stay but her mind had told her no. It wasn’t to be. Nothing about her life was truly different than it had been before she’d come to Maple Island.

  She had changed her plane reservation and ended up at her mother’s door sooner than expected. The second the door
to her mother’s apartment had opened, Stacey had fallen into her arms. She had clung to her mother like she was the lifeline she was. Stacey’s heart was broken and she’d run home. Regardless of the fact her mother’s own life was so screwed up, she still remained the only constant in Stacey’s. That evening she’d told her mother she was tired and had gone to bed early.

  The next morning she’d woken in a small bedroom in her mother’s apartment to the sounds of cars driving by, the trash truck banging and clanging, and people yelling through the open windows. She wasn’t in paradise anymore.

  This wasn’t Maple Island, where the seagulls squawked as they fought over breakfast in the rolling waves and the sun shone warmly on her face. The one spot in all the world where Cody was, where his loving was so sweet it was almost painful. The place she’d chosen to leave behind.

  She’d rolled over, burying her face in a pillow, and groaned. How had it come to this?

  After their first kiss she’d never doubted it would be a difficult parting between her and Cody. Even knowing that, she’d never dreamed they wouldn’t at least part friends. She couldn’t believe she’d left with such ugliness between them. For all the wonderful memories she had stored away, those unpleasant few moments of their final fight tarnished them.

  There was a knock on the bedroom door. Her mother asked, “Stacey, may I come in?”

  “I guess so.” There was no enthusiasm in her response. She sounded wretched even to her own ears.

  Her mother came to sit on the bed like she used to do when Stacey had been a child. “You’ve been here a day and hardly gotten out of bed. I think it’s time we talked.”

  Stacey knew that was true. She needed to understand things about her mother so she could reconcile her own beliefs. Cody had made her question them. Had she really been running all these years? Fearful of feeling anything for someone? Scared of being left? Stacey didn’t want to live like that any longer. She wanted security and love. To feel special to someone. She wanted what she had lost with Cody.

  “You get a shower and I’ll fix us some pancakes and you can tell me what has you so out of sorts.” This wasn’t a request from her mother but a directive.

  Left with no choice, Stacey crawled out of bed and headed for the tiny bath. She stood under the water until it turned cold.

  There was a sharp rap on the door. “Pancakes in five.”

  Pancakes. She’d loved Cody’s pancakes. Could see him standing at the stove, grinning, as he flipped one perfectly...

  Stacey dressed, and with her hair still twisted in a towel she went to her mother’s small galley kitchen. She took a seat at the two-person table next to a window overlooking a street with a few trees. Once again she longed for Maple Island.

  They ate in silence. Mostly her mother ate. When her mother finished she placed her fork on her plate with a loud ping. Stacey jumped.

  “Okay, spill.”

  Stacey fingered the bracelet Jean and Lizzy had given her. She rarely took it off. “I’ve been working for this doctor. He has two small girls.”

  “Aw, I suspected as much. This is about a man. He’s gotten to you. I was wondering when you would finally let it happen.”

  Cody had gotten to her. Enough so that her entire world had tilted. She didn’t know how to right it. “We got close, had an argument and then it was time for me to leave.”

  Her mother watched her closely. “There’s more to it than that.”

  Her mom had always been able to read her expressions. Stacey hadn’t realized that until this moment. She had believed her mother was oblivious to her and her feelings. Now she questioned whether or not she’d given her mother enough credit. “Do you mind if I ask you something?”

  Her mother got up and poured them more tea then sat again. “What do you want to know?”

  “Why couldn’t you hold a marriage together?”

  Her mother flinched then put her elbows on the table, holding the warm tea mug between her hands. “I don’t know. Maybe because I was always searching for something from some man that he wasn’t able to give me.” She shrugged. “Or it might be that I can’t open up enough to really let someone in. That I’m afraid they might see the real me and not like it. I know I’ve hurt you with my failed marriages. Your father, then your stepfather. I could see you missed him terribly. I hated myself for making you go through that.”

  “So your answer was to take me away from my friends as well by moving to Miami?” Some of Stacey’s spirit had returned.

  “That wasn’t my best decision. I was running from the bill collectors.”

  Stacey had had no idea. She had to give her mom some sympathy there.

  “I can’t change what happened but what I can tell you is that if you ever find a man that you believe you can give your heart and soul to, and you know he can do the same to you, then grasp him and hold on for all your life. That’s a precious thing that I’ve never had and wish desperately I could find. Don’t let my abysmal track record spoil your happiness.”

  “It’s still not too late for you.” Stacey reached over and put her hand over her mother’s. This type of heart-to-heart they had never had. Suddenly she felt sorry for her mother. Stacey had shared more with Cody in a few weeks than her mother had found in her lifetime with her various partners.

  “Maybe not. The question is, have you found someone you could settle down with? Tell me about this doctor.”

  Stacey shared with her mother all about Cody and Jean and Lizzy, and Maple Island. The memories of their times together returned sweet and clear. Stacey finished with, “We had a huge fight. I had to leave and I won’t see them again. I have a job in Ethiopia.”

  Her mother gave her a thoughtful look. “Do you love Cody?”

  How like her mother to cut straight to the point. Stacey’s eyes didn’t waver as she answered, “With all my heart.”

  “Then do something about it.”

  “He offered me a job but said nothing about how he felt. I’m obligated to go to Ethiopia. After our fight I’m not sure he even wants to speak to me, let alone be willing to wait for me to come back.”

  “Then you need to decide if he’s worth fighting for. Can you live without him? Probably. Will you be happy, though?” She shrugged.

  Her mother still searched for what Stacey was confident she had already found with Cody. He and the girls had captured her heart. She would meet her obligation in Ethiopia until they could find a replacement for her. Then she would make arrangements to return to Maple Island. She intended to find out if Cody loved her as well.

  * * *

  Cody was coming out of surgery when Alex stopped him. “Do you have a sec?”

  After their conversation two weeks earlier, Cody had taken hold of his emotions and stuffed them away in an effort to get his life back into line. He had called the agency that Stacey worked for and had been told that she was no longer employed by them. She had left no forwarding address. She had just disappeared. No, it was more like he had let her go.

  Now he was only surviving because of the girls. Each day he hoped that Stacey might write and he would have a lead to what village she was working in in Ethiopia. It had been a month since she had left and every day he was disappointed when he looked through the mail. Somehow he had to find a way to contact her.

  “Since you’re not taking any interest in hiring a new clinical nurse and I’m worried about overworking the nurses we have, I’ve taken the liberty of having a staffing service set up a few interviews for you. The first one comes in today at three.” With that, Alex walked away.

  How like Alex to drop something like that in his lap when Cody least expected it. He had dawdled about replacing Stacey because it meant she was gone for good if he filled the position. He had been holding out for her return. He wanted her back in his professional life but more than that he wanted her in his private one as well.
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  * * *

  That afternoon Cody was in his office. He picked up the phone. He had time to call one more nursing agency. He’d been working through a list of them, trying to find someone that knew something about Stacey. He’d already tried her cellphone and the number was no longer working. He’d even gone on social media and found nothing. “May I speak to someone who would know something about nurses assigned to Ethiopia?”

  “I could probably help you with that information,” came a voice he heard nightly in his dreams. Stacey!

  Cody’s head jerked toward the door. His heart clogged his throat. Was she actually here or was he just imagining it because he wanted it so desperately?

  She smiled but there was still an unsure look in her eyes. “I’m here for a job interview.”

  He hung up the phone without saying another word and just stared at her. She was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. The simple pink dress she wore accentuated her coloring and her curves. It was demure while at the same time enticing. Her hair hung freely around her shoulders, bouncing with healthiness. His fingers tingled with the desire to run the silkiness through them. She wore the bracelet his daughters had given her on her wrist. Where had she come from? Had Alex put her up to this? He stood. “Hi, Stacey.”

  “Hello, Cody.”

  With great effort he stopped himself from circling the desk and scooping her up into his arms. What if that wasn’t what she wanted? Maybe she just wanted the job but not him. That thought made him almost double over in pain. He’d said some nasty things to her the day she’d left. Yet here she was, interviewing for a job that would mean she would be working with him almost daily.

  “How have you been?” With effort he kept his voice level, professional.

  “Busy. I quit my job with the travel nursing agency but still made a short trip to Ethiopia to work until a replacement could be found. I’ve decided to try staying in one place for a while. I saw on the clinic website there was a job still open here, so I applied for it.”