Loving Ireland

by Mac Flynn

  Sean guided us to the center of the hall and stopped in front of one of the large, wooden doors. He opened it and gestured for us to enter first. Lily maneuvered us so I was the first one inside while the others followed. The room was large, with stone walls and the tall windows that decorated most of the castle. On the right wall was another sturdy door which I assumed was a closet for coats or a hidden entrance to his dungeon for peasants who were late on their rent; I was leaning toward the dungeon possibility. There was a crackling fire in the small fireplace, and a great oak desk sat opposite the door on the far wall in front of the windows.

  Above the fireplace was my painting. I wondered if he'd put it there so it would 'accidentally' burn up, or he was trying to put a voodoo curse on me with death by smoke inhalation. Lily walked over to the fireplace and admired her artwork. "It's a very good spot, Sean. You can see every detail with the light from the windows." Or maybe that was a good spot for lighting.

  "What do you think of the placement?" he asked me.

  "Uh, I suppose it looks, um, looks." My skills in decorative placement were on par with my drawing skills, meaning I lived a very spartan lifestyle unless given detailed advice from friends and family. At the very least I wasn't right next to any of his dead ancestors. They would have made the picture me nervous.

  "I had to move a great-great-uncle to fit it, but I'm sure he'll forgive me for giving a little life to this stuffy room."

  "You sure he won't be jealous?"

  "You can ask him yourself," Sean invited me. He spun me around and directed my eyes at a severe looking gentleman of sixty with shocking white hair and a frown that would have scared puppies and children.

  I leaned in close to Sean and dropped my voice to a whisper. "I can see why you moved him. He doesn't look like much of a talker."

  "No need to whisper. At his age he's hard of hearing."

  "I don't know, he might be faking it."

  "Not likely. Deafness runs in the family. It helps the men get through the days with their wives."

  "Knowing that I can see the resemblance in you."

  "Am I hard of hearing?"

  "No, stubborn. Isn't he, uncle?" I asked the portrait.

  Poor Lily had watched and listened to this exchange with increasing exasperation until the damn of tolerance burst. "You're both mad," she spoke up before she realized she's just called her landlord one fry short of a Happy Meal. She slapped her hands over her mouth and her eyes were wide with fear. "I'm so sorry, my lord! I didn't mean for that to come out!"

  Sean chuckled. "No need to apologize for anything other than not calling me by my name."

  "I'm so sorry!"

  While those two were stuck in an endless loop of apologies and assurances of no harm done, I sauntered over to the side door and had a peek inside. Rather than the dungeon staircase or hanging coats, there was another room. It was a bedroom with a big four-post bed, oak dresser and vanity, and a small oak table with two chairs and a chess set on top. I didn't notice the quiet behind me until Sean spoke at my side. "Curious to know where I sleep?"

  I jumped out of my skin, jumped back in and stabled the darn thing to me. "N-no, I was just, uh, just seeing stuff. Yeah, just seeing stuff."

  "Satiating your curiosity?" he guessed.

  "I guess this door did make me thirsty."

  "Perhaps you'd like to drink in my bedroom from the inside?"

  "No, I'm pretty full now." I slammed the door shut and noticed Lily behind him. She had on a grin that told me I'd never live this mistake down unless I killed all the witnesses. "Anything else you wanted to show us?"

  We went through the gold-plated, four-star tour of the large castle, though we couldn't go up on the parapet. The rain made it dangerously slick to be up there. I was almost disappointed to hear there was no dungeon, just a large wine cellar. The wine made up for the disappointment when Sean offered us a bottle to drink beside the fire in the entrance hall. He pulled out three of the bottles for our viewing. "Choose which bottle suits your tastes."

  I wrapped my arms around all of them and hugged the bottles to myself. "This should last us until we have to go. One for each of us." Lil made a strangled noise behind me, but Sean only smiled.

  "This should prove to be an interesting day." If we remembered any of it. We climbed out of the cellar hole and sat down with our treasures beside the warm, bright fire. Outside the rain pelted against the windows asking permission to come inside and warm itself by the fire. It didn't fool me for one second; I knew those things just wanted to raid the basement for that great wine.

  We were just getting comfortable with our glasses in our chairs when there was a knock on the front door. Kelly shuffled by and opened the door partway; even then the rain poured into the hall. We couldn't even hear the conversation over the pounding until the door was tossed open, and Kelly tossed with it. A fur coat stepped inside and I could detect a pair of weaselly eyes that peeked out from the top. Surprisingly they didn't belong to the coat but to the woman inside the coat. She shed her skin like any other snake to reveal her sleek body fitted in a becoming blouse and short skirt. The woman had brown hair and high heels that made me wince every time she took a step. Somebody alert Disney, they're missing one of their villains.

  Her weaselly eyes glanced over us with a look akin to jealousy, or constipation; either way I thought she was full of it. The woman stepped past Lily and me and over to Sean who stood opposite us against the hearth. Before her entrance his manner had been relaxed and his color was normal. Her entrance had drained his spirit like a thirsty vampire, and he looked at her with an expression so indifferent he could only have been wishing for her nonexistence.

  She smiled at him and gave Sean a curtsy. I had to admit she had skill in performing a curtsy with that tight a skirt wrapped around her legs. "Good afternoon, Sean."

  His lips twitched like he wanted to correct her, and his face told me he was reconsidering the indefinite stay on execution privileges for his class. "Good afternoon," he coldly replied.

  "It's been so long. You're looking so much better than last I saw you." A twitch of an eye told me the time hadn't been long enough since their last meeting.

  "Indeed," was his bland reply. He gestured to us, and I followed Lily's example when she stood. "Let me introduce my guests. This is Miss Lily O'Brien and her friend, Miss Magee."

  "Miss Magee?" the woman giggled. "Haven't you any other name?"

  "I do, but it's top secret. If I told you I'd have to kill you," I quipped. That stopped her giggling.

  "Miss O'Brien, Miss Magee, this is Lady Anna-"

  "Lady Aine," she corrected him.

  "Gesundheit," I chimed in.

  She scowled at me. I took that as a compliment. "That is my Gaelic name. Anna is the English variant, and I no longer use it."

  "Do you still use your last name?" Sean spoke up. I heard the sarcastic tone, but this Aine was tone-deaf.

  She turned to him and smiled sweetly. "Of course not, my lovely Sean. I go by the name Lady Mac an Bhreithiun."

  "Are you catching a cold? You sure are sneezing a lot," I innocently asked her.

  The Lady tried her glare-of-suffering-and-wishing-bad on me again, but I was unfazed. Maybe it was the lucky charm of Duffy's I'd eaten. "I am quite fine, thank you, but might I ask what business you have here with my betrothed?"

  That was news to not only me, but Lily as well when I saw her start back. Sean stepped between us, making him the bravest man in the world to get between two arguing women, and the stupidest. "Anna-"

  "Aine."

  "Aine, you know there's nothing between us but good friendship."

  "Nonsense, Sean. You know you promised my hand in marriage."

  "We were ten years old, Anna."

  "Aine."

  "We were only children, My Lady."

  "My heart hasn't changed," Aine protested.

  "But he grew out of it," I defended him. It wasn't so much that I liked Sean than that I hated this
woman.

  "Ladies, and I use that term loosely with you both, please do not make the hall as inhospitable as the weather outside," Sean ordered us.

  Lily grabbed my shoulder and shoved me back down into my chair, and she looked apologetically to our host. "I'm sorry, Sean. No offense was meant to you or Lady Mac an Bhreithiun." I had no idea how she was pronouncing that name with tying her tongue in knots and stapling both sides together. I also noticed Lady Gesundheit's lips pursed together when Lily addressed Sean by his first name. Jealousy wore high-heels.

  Sean smiled warmly at us both. "That's quite all right, Lily. I'm sure no offense was meant on either side." Lady Gesundheit looked like she wanted to disagree, and I know I did. He turned to the new guest. "But what brings you here on a day like this, Aine? The weather must have been terrible coming down from the city."

  She wrapped her arms around his and rubbed her expensive breast jobs against his side. "The atmosphere in the city was so dull and dreary that I thought a whole week with my darling would raise my spirits." 'Darling' looked a little ill at her promised week of snuggly-wuggling.

  "You really didn't have to come back," Sean replied.

  "Nonsense. I know what sorts you have to tolerate around here." She stared at us; I assumed we were the 'sorts' mentioned, though I preferred the term assorted. Went better with my nutty attitude. "And I couldn't bear to leave you alone."

  "He's still alone if you're in the room..." I muttered. Fortunately, Lily was the only one who overheard me. Unfortunately, Lily heard me and elbowed my side. I rubbed my assortment of bruised, cracked and shattered ribs while I glared at her.

  "Behave," she mouthed.

  "I am," I mouthed back. Lily had no idea what thoughts were running through my mind. Hell, sometimes I didn't, either. She gave me a glare that could curdle milk, but fortunately I was non-dairy and thus unaffected.

  "That's very kind of you, My Lady, but there was really no need for you to go to all that trouble," Sean persisted.

  "Nonsense, there's more than enough room here to put me up. Your bed itself could very well fit two people." That brought up horrible images that would remain with me until my dying days.

  Sean gestured to Kelly, who hurried off to obey the silent command. "I can have your usual room ready for you in a few minutes, but I must warn you the castle is a little crowed at this time." Lily and I glanced at each other. The castle was as empty as a vampire's tomb at night.

  Even Lady Gesundheit raised an eyebrow at this new info. "Crowded? With whom or what?"

  Sean gestured to us. "These two ladies are my visitors for at least the night, and perhaps longer if this storm keeps up." I was glad Lily was as surprised as me or I would have had a lot of questions for her later.

  Lily stood and her smile was a little strained. "My Lord, I'm sure Duffy will have the roof repaired in a few hours."

  "You're to address me as Sean, and I'm afraid Duffy may not have the task done before night, so I insist you stay in one of my rooms until the cottage is repaired." Sean had a look of desperation in his eyes that begged us for our company. I was torn between keeping a healthy distance of Lady Gesundheit, something like two hundred miles, and staying and annoying her.

  I opted for annoying her, and tugged on Lily's arm. She glanced down and I pulled her to my height. "Maybe we should stay, just to give Sean some company," I suggested.

  She narrowed her eyes. "What are you planning?" she whispered back.

  I smiled and looked past her to our other companions. "We'd be delighted to stay. Do you have any bunny pajamas I can borrow?"

  Sean smiled. "I can only guarantee bunny slippers."

  Lady Gesundheit was so bent out of shape she resembled a pretzel. "What a wonderful chance for me to get to know these lovely ladies." She stepped up to me and snaked one of her long, venomous arms around my shoulders. Her arm was loaded with a subtle hatred right down to her fuchsia-pink fingernails. I cringed, but couldn't escape her as she led me away from the comfort of the warm fire and Lily. "You said your name was Magee? Are you new to this quaint village?"

  "I'm just visiting until the police quit searching for me in the States," I quipped. Sean snorted behind me, and Lily ground her teeth to a fine powder.

  Lady Gesundheit looked doubtful with a hint of worry. At least that got her to remove her arm from around me. "I see. How very enlightening."

  "I wish you'd explain it to me..." I heard Lily mutter.

  "So how long will your self-imposed exile last?" she asked me.

  "Depends. Were you wanting to buy any?" I pulled out my bottle of painkillers and rattled the pills inside.

  Lady Gesundheit retreated in disgust. "Certainly not. A lady would never take such filth."

  "Suit yourself." I tipped one out and popped it into my mouth. Now all I needed was one for the giant headache standing beside me.

  "Miss Magee is only teasing you, Lady Mac an Bhreithiun," Lily told her. "She injured herself last night and is taking pills prescribed by Doctor Jacob."

  Lady Gesundheit looked me over like I needed more than just pills; more like a padded cell, but the straitjacket would have chafed me so. "How very amusing."

  At that moment Kelly came down the stairs and bowed to our friendly group. "Lady Mac an Bhreithiun, your room is prepared."

  "Perfect timing," Sean spoke up as he clapped his hands together. "Kelly, would you fetch Lady Mac an Bhreithiun's luggage from her car? Aine, let me show you to your room." He offered her arm, and she abandoned me for him. I felt scorned; he was taking my victim away.

  Lady Mac an Bhreithiun turned to Lily and me with a stretched, painful smile on her face. "It was a pleasure meeting both of you."

  Lily curtsied and I chose a grin that showed off all my teeth. Aine cringed back against Sean, who led her upstairs. I went back to the fire and collapsed into my chair while Lily joined me in her own. "Maggie, you are either very brave or very wrong in the head," she commented to me.

  I shrugged. "I prefer to walk on the wild side. Gives me some exercise."

  "I believe you exercise your mouth quite well."

  "If I didn't even my lips would get fat."

  "You're not fat, Maggie."

  "Tell that to my scales at home. I've tried everything with them from bribery to pleading, and they still won't change. Speaking of unpleasant realities, do you know anything about this Lady Gesundheit?"

  "Lady Mac an Bhreithiun," she corrected me. "And I know very little of her. She comes from an old northern family and is an old friend of Lord MacKenna."

  "Sean," I corrected her.

  Our corrections could have gone on forever if one of the front doors hadn't opened, and a ruffled, wet coat waddled in. The coat closed the door and turned to us with a shiver. "Ah've not seen such weather for many a year!" Judging by the voice it was Duffy, and that was confirmed when he tossed aside the hood of his coat. He grinned at us and waddled over to the fire. "Ah hope you two misses are enjoying yer stay here."

  "Excellently, but is the cottage roof fixed?" Lily asked him.

  At that moment Sean came down the stairs, thankfully without the lady, and caught Duffy's eyes. Something passes between employee and employer, and Duffy turned back to us with a mournful shake of his head. "No doing, Miss Lily. Won't be done until at least tomorrow, maybe even longer."

  "Then you'll have to stay the night," Sean spoke up as he crossed the room to us. He gave a warning glare at Lily. "And I want no more arguments."

  She shakily smiled and curtsied. "As you wish, My-Sean."

  "Your Sean?" I snorted, and she shot me a glare. By this time I was immune to her angered looks, and turned to Sean. "I don't think you need to find those bunny slippers for me. We can just go back to the cottage for our stuff and come back here."

  Duffy's eyes widened and he snapped his head to Sean, who smiled. "Only if you promise to return here for the night," he insisted.

  I folded my arms across my chest and teasingly narrowed my eyes at him
. "What are you going to do? Keep us damsels in distress here until we agree?"

  "Even if I have to guard the doors all night," he promised.

  Lily tugged on my arm and smiled at Sean. "We'll be sure to hurry right back once we've fetched what we need."

  "Then I expect to see you both within the hour," he replied.

  Chapter 11

  As we drove down the road a few minutes later, I noticed the streams had upgraded to sea level and we didn't so much ford as sail through the puddles. I expected to see the pigs floating around in the garden, but Duffy had secured their barn in the back with sandbags, dirt and rocks, so future dinners were saved. We hurried inside and shut the door, but were still drenched and limp from that brisk panicked sprint into the cottage.

  The first thing I did was turn to my room, but Lily hurried into the kitchen. I followed her and stood in the entrance while she stopped in the middle of the floor and looked up at the ceiling. "Let me guess, no hole?" I asked her.

  "No hole," she agreed.

  "There's a hole, but I think it's in Duffy's story," I quipped. "So what do you want to do now? We could break our word avoid a night with Lady Gesundheit, or we could save you the trouble of being evicted and go back."

  "Without wealth my word is all I have, so we return," Lily replied. There was a hint of a sly smile on her lips.

  "I've been up to enough things to know when someone else is, and you're up to something," I told her. I stepped up beside her and gave her a careful examination. "'Fess up, what is it?"

  "Lord MacKenna is most kind to offer us a room tonight."

  "Kind nothing. He doesn't want to be alone with Lady Gesundheit."

  "Lady Mac an Bhreithiun."

  "What does that mean, anyway? I mean in English?"

  "It translates to Brown."

  "I knew she was full of it, but this is almost too far to laugh about," I quipped.

  Lily sighed. "Please behave when you two next meet. She is a Lady and deserves some respect."

  "Where I come from people have to earn that respect, and all she's earned is a spanking, to be administered with a poker."

  "I will banish you from the fire if I must."

  "And let a friend die of draft?"

  "If it means saving a soul-"