Phoenix Everlasting

by Rebecca Royce

  I pulled him to me. “Levi, you’re not dead.”

  “Not yet. But I will be.”

  I gasped and woke fast, my hands shaking.

  “Hey there.” Malcolm called my attention. “What’s the matter? Bad dream? You’ve only been asleep a minute.”

  A minute? It certainly felt longer. “I guess I have a lot of anxiety. Sorry.”

  Malcolm nodded. “The problem with nightmares for people like us is we start to wonder if they’re some sort of psychic dream. If we’ve somehow developed a new ability and we weren’t just dreaming, we were forecasting. The good news is, if we were going to have visions, we’d have them like Dexter. They wouldn’t hide in our subconscious. Whatever you saw, you dreamed. That’s all.”

  “Thanks.” His words let me relax in my seat. “What do you have nightmares about?”

  “Sage, it isn’t what I dream about that scares me. It’s what I see when I’m awake.”

  Chapter Six

  We pulled up to my house, all of us silent in the car. Malcolm cleared his throat. “I think you should go ahead and let me keep the phoenix. You can’t bring it into your house with the kids.”

  He was right. I couldn’t bring whatever this was around the children. I didn’t particularly want it with Malcolm either.

  “Don’t make that face. I can manage it as well as you can. I’ll get it buried somewhere.”

  I nodded. There was no good answer to any of this. “Bring it tomorrow to Victoria and Henry’s. I want to talk to the Others about it.”

  Block groaned. “I’d almost forgotten. I’d really rather go the rest of existence without laying eyes on them.”

  My friend got out of the car and helped grab Levi, who had started to wake yet still remained pretty loopy. “Remind me not to ever get this guy really drunk.”

  Malcolm laughed and put his arm around Levi to help carry him in. The house was quiet, but I knew the kids and my parents were there. There’s a warmth to a full house that disappears when it’s empty. I could feel them there, asleep.

  Block and Malcolm placed Levi on the couch, and I covered him with a blanket. I was going to have to make this up to my ex-husband some way. I wondered if pancakes in the morning would be enough of a thank you for saving us on the plane and giving over his body to sedatives for the cause.

  Malcolm leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. “I’m leaving so I can go hide this thing. I’d love to know what it is and why they want it. You know Michael’s not going to tell us. If he’d wanted us to know, we’d know.”

  “I’m going to see if there’s anything I can do about finding out.” My cheek warmed where he’d kissed me. “Be careful out there.”

  “You too.” He shot Levi a look before he turned on his heel and left my house, Block right behind him. I sunk into our living room chair and regarded my knocked-out ex. Maybe blueberry pancakes …

  The next morning as Levi sipped his fifth cup of coffee and picked at my pancakes, I sat next to him staring at my father. The kids were playing Minecraft in the other room, and my mom had taken the van to go grocery shopping. She was, apparently, in the mood to make a roast. She hadn’t had a stove for so many years; she remembered she’d liked to cook when she was young. I wasn’t complaining. I burned water when I tried to boil it.

  “Dad, I need to figure out about this phoenix.”

  He drummed his fingers on the table. “The day you came back was the best and worst in our life. The best because we finally had our girl back and all of the pain could end. The worst, too. You wouldn’t tell us anything about what had happened to you. Muttering about shadows. You wouldn’t go to the police. You just said, ‘Go.’ You wanted to go. I was terrified. Then normal returned. Sort of. We were so relieved. If I ever meet your Others, I’m going to say thank you.”

  I took his hand. “You have met Michael, sort of. He takes over your body every so often.”

  My father shook his head. “You’ve told me this before. I have no memory of any of this ever happening.”

  “I think that’s the way it works.”

  Levi set his fork aside. “I was thinking during my moments of coherence last night about the phoenix, about the meaning of the whole thing. It looks like an idol and not the most impressive one I’ve ever seen. The British Museum has an impressive collection. This one wasn’t even very interesting looking. It’s several metals but other than that? I could have picked up something like it on the side of the road somewhere.”

  “It’s changed since I last saw it. When I held it in my hand the day I came back, it practically floated in my fingers.” I sighed. “It is now as Levi described it.”

  “Let’s take a look at this from another angle.” My father took a sip of his coffee. “You had a classical education.” I wouldn’t exactly describe it as such, but I didn’t want to get into an argument with my father about whether or not Plato would have approved of my riding around in the back of a van learning things like: Demons hate hearing Latin spoken, so you should know how to speak it as well as you do English.

  I sat straight in my chair. There was a way my father looked at me that always held me at attention, the same way it had when I’d been a small child. He gave me the attentive glare, and I paid attention.

  “The myth of the phoenix comes from ancient Greece.” My father raised his eyebrows in challenge. Could I do better? Why, yes, I sure could. I’d sat straight up in my bed enough thinking about the subject. I could practically recite this if he wanted me to. “It dies and from its ashes is reborn again and again.”

  He leaned forward. “Not all the myths say it comes from ashes. Sometimes the bird dies and is simply reborn. Decomposition is less romantic. I like the ashes, too. There’s a lot more to it. The phoenix can be associated with all kinds of things but mostly rebirth, regeneration—which of course falls into all the major religions, even outside of Ancient Greece. Christ rose too.”

  I was going to lose my father to tangential theorizing if I wasn’t careful. “Let’s keep it to this. I don’t think my situation has anything to do with religious rebirth.”

  Levi laughed. “Didn’t your Others give themselves biblical angel names? Michael. Gabriel. Rafael. Archangels all.”

  Technically, there were seven archangels, and although the three he named were the ones we dealt with the most, others had come and gone. Urial, Selaphiel, Jegudiel, and Barachiel had been there in the beginning. Levi was right. The Others liked their angel names for sure.

  “When it comes to it, Kendall, you have to see the connection don’t you?” His eyes implored me to say aloud what I thought.

  I took a deep breath. “I died. I came back. The phoenix does the same. I’m not a bird. I don’t have wings. I never did.”

  “It’s a start.”

  Not much of one.

  ***

  I was missing family dinner. A quick glance at my watch told me what I suspected: it was well after five pm. Levi had suspected I’d be late, and he hadn’t minded. I appreciated his consideration and the way he stepped up with the kids. Still, I minded. I wanted to be there for every Sunday.

  The process to summon the Others took some time. A meticulous following of steps. Victoria had always been naturally OCD, and I appreciated her fastidious nature. I wasn’t sure if it was possible for a witch to be a witch if she wasn’t naturally organized. How would I ever keep up with the steps?

  Henry came to sit next to me. “She put the baby on formula just to be sure she could get through tonight. Victoria cried for twelve hours, but she did it.”

  “I’m sure he’ll still be glad to nurse from her when this is over.” I hated thinking Victoria was at all disappointed with anything to do with feeding Jack. I had no judgment whatsoever about formula feeding. Whatever got the baby fed worked as far as I was concerned. What concerned me was the idea of Victoria being upset. “Why didn’t she pump?”

  Henry sighed. “I think she’s more concerned with what happens if this all goes horribl
y wrong. She wanted to know he’d be set if she’s not here to feed him at all.”

  Nausea rolled through me. “Is that a possibility? How dangerous is what she’s doing?”

  He turned his head to regard his wife. If seeing love radiate from one person to another could actually be visualized, I could see it in his gaze. Wind moved through his hair. “Everything Victoria does comes with a certain amount of risk. I’ve wished many times I could wrap her up and keep her safe. That would be pretty ridiculous, wouldn’t it? We met after we’d both died; no one understands more than I do about the futility of wishing things could be different. Do I think she’s going to die tonight doing this? No. Still …”

  I rubbed his arm. “If I could make a wish come true, it would be for you and Victoria and Jack to live to be old and safe.”

  “We’d wish the same for you, too. Jack’s being spoiled tonight. Our neighbor loves babies. She raised eight of them. He’s going to come back expecting to be held all the time.”

  I laughed. “As if you’re not already doing that.”

  Malcolm arrived, walking fast in our direction. He tapped Block, who stood over Victoria while she poured blood into a bowl, on the shoulder.” Chase stood to the side, on his phone. He’d been here when I arrived and hadn’t gotten off the phone since. Malcolm nodded to him before he made his way over to us.

  Without a word, he sat next to me on the ground. “Sorry. One of my practitioners managed to get locked in a house with a bunch of ghosts who pretty aggressively wanted out. It wasn’t fun. I had to help.” He held out a wrapped bag. “I also had to dig this thing back up to bring it here.”

  Henry eyed the wrapped package. “That’s the phoenix?”

  “Yep.” Malcolm yawned. I wondered if he’d been sleeping at all. “No problems with the shadows yet.”

  “They don’t dare mess with Malcolm. Come after me in both a plane and a hospital, sure. But not mess with you.”

  He shrugged. “What can I say? I’m tougher than you.”

  “So long as she keeps you unhappy.” Henry laughed and Malcolm groaned, rolling his eyes. “I think she’s almost ready. Once all the goat blood is in the bowl then she’ll call us into a circle.”

  I eyed Henry. “Did you kill the goat?”

  “It was more of a joint endeavor. I held it. She killed it. Some couples take ballroom dancing. We do kosher-type butchering …”

  I’d forgotten about this side of Henry. We used to get in trouble for laughing all the time.

  “Okay.” Victoria waved her hands, and we came around her in a circle. She placed her hands in the bowl and came out with them covered in blood. She wiped the blood on her face, throwing her head back as she did. I wanted to ask her what she was doing, only I kept my mouth shut. This woman had been born this powerful. Before her untimely death at the hands of a madman who hated her mother, she’d been conducting magical rites regularly.

  Under the tutelage of the Others, she’d learned even more skills. She closed her eyes, and the wind picked up around her. She covered herself in the goat blood.

  Henry moved forward. “As I said, some couples take ballroom dancing. We perform sex and death magic.”

  He grabbed her, bloodstained body and all, and yanked her to him. With total abandon, he kissed her hard. Lightning cracked above our heads.

  Malcolm raised his eyebrows. “Damn.”

  Goosebumps broke out over my body, and I rubbed my arms. “What’s happening?”

  Chase, who was fortunately off his phone, answered. “There are several things that are true of life. Sex. Death. Birth. I don’t know the ins and outs of this, but our very powerful friend is summoning some big stuff here.”

  The hair on the back of my neck stood at attention. “I feel electricity.”

  “Me too.” Malcolm took my hand and kissed my knuckles. I stared at him, heat moving up my arm. His eyes were cloudy.

  “Are you okay?”

  His grin caught me by surprise, big and toothy; he really didn’t look like himself. “Do you suppose she needs us standing here? Or could we go somewhere alone?”

  Chase shook his arm. “You in there? Or did the magic take you?” When Malcolm didn’t answer him, Chase groaned. “Some people are more susceptible than others. They’re putting pretty strong energy out there. Hang in there, brother; the ritual won’t go on much longer.”

  I wasn’t turned on, not even a little bit. Terror placed itself firmly on my spine. Henry stopped kissing Victoria, and her body was bright red. My best friend was doing more potent work than I’d ever seen. The powers that be—in this case the Others—they must not want to be called.

  “I summon thee.” Her voice sounded low. “I summon thee.”

  I had one moment of premonition to know we had a made a terrible mistake before I was proved correct in my thinking. My head spun, and the world spun violently. “Chase. Malcolm’s feeling the sex energy. Is it possible I got hit with death?”

  “Oh shit.”

  I didn’t get to hear any more of what he would have said.

  When next I could think, I found myself in a white room with no doors or windows. Had someone finally locked me up? Were the walls padded?

  “What were you thinking?”

  I knew that voice. I whirled around to see the three amigos staring at me. Michael. Gabriel. And Rafael. Imposing figures each, they’d been my caretakers, tormenters, and instructors for my time in the Other space. Michael usually did all the talking when they were together. On his own, Gabriel could be kinder although no less stern. Rafael never smiled, ever. They were all three dark haired, tall, and imposing. Rafael had facial hair, and Gabriel’s ears were pierced. He usually wore amber in them.

  And right then, they were all pissed, and all of their fury directed right at me.

  “Am I dead?”

  “You would have been if Malcolm hadn’t brought the phoenix,” Michael answered, not losing his glare.

  Well, there was some information I hadn’t possessed before. “The phoenix can save a life?”

  “Not just any life but yours, yes.”

  Okay, enough was enough. “We were summoning you. How about showing and saving us the trouble?”

  Rafael interrupted Michael to speak. I couldn’t remember him ever doing so before, and it made me take a step back. “You don’t get to summon us.”

  I steeled my spine. “We need some answers. We’re out there blind. I had no idea about anything for years. Now we’re fighting blind, and the shadows are rising. Give us some answers. You trained us, for whatever reason, for a job. At least let us do it.”

  “It was always your choice to forget. We gave you a choice. Everything has always been determined by all of your choices.” Michael reasserted himself into the conversation.

  I held up my hand. “You’re not my father. I don’t need to hear about choice. Choice. Choice. Choice. Okay, you told me I’d make Malcolm weak if he was happy, so I chose to separate from him. You asked me when I was nine, terrified, and alone if I wanted to fight an epic battle. I chose yes. Then, not knowing anything about the fact that I’d died once and came back to life or where I’d been for three years when no one could find me, I chose to get on with my life. I got married. I had three children. I need some fucking answers.” Yes, I cursed at beings who had the power to take my soul and regrow my skin.

  “You want some answers? They were always yours to take, Lightbringer.” Rafael again. I’d never seen him so forward when Michael was around.

  I threw my hands in the air. “See? What does that mean? Lightbringer? The shadows call me that too.”

  “All you ever had to do was ask.” Rafael lifted his hand, and a sharp pain assaulted my head. I cried out.

  “I am sorry, Kendall.” Softer, Gabriel’s was the last voice I heard.

  I woke on the ground. Malcolm kneeled over me, pressing into my chest. Over and over. His eyes were huge, his face serious. Was he pumping my heart? I tried to tell him to stop. Victoria wept n
ext to him, her arms around Henry.

  The three not-archangels were behind them, glimmering in brilliance as they stared at me too. None of my friends seemed to notice them at all.

  “Stop.” The all jumped back like I’d scared them.

  Malcolm rubbed arms. “Kendall, you’re alive.” He took a deep breath. “I thought. We thought. You died. Do I ask how?”

  I could see him. He spoke to me. But, Malcolm looked … wrong. My mouth watered. He was made of light, a bright ball of it. They all were. What was more, I could touch their light. I reached out to do so, my hand slamming into Malcolm’s chest. He grabbed my fingers, lacing them together with his. I couldn’t feel his fingers.

  “Your light is so bright.”

  He looked at Victoria. “Any help with this, witch? You killed her and broke her.”

  Gabriel shook his head, turning around. Our light was the same as theirs. I stood, stumbling toward the three of them. I could touch their light. I grabbed for them, the heat of the encounter bathing my fingers in sheer bliss. I closed my eyes. Thank goodness I could touch them. The earth was so cold around me.

  Malcolm yanked me against him, his arms embracing me. “Are you okay? Kendall?”

  “I don’t know, Malcolm.” Victoria cried. “I have no idea …”

  I held Rafael’s gaze. I could see it now. He’d always been in charge. Michael spoke; Rafael planned. It’d been so for so long even they could no longer understand time. How did I know? I just did.

  “They can’t see the light.” A tear slipped from my eye. “They need to see the light.”

  Rafael nodded before he blew me a kiss. It hit my cheek with such force I winced. “Next time.”

  “No.” They were leaving. They couldn’t do that. They couldn’t leave me here alone in the cold with people who couldn’t see. One second they were there; the next they vanished. I hit the ground, the lack of their presence pushing a void into my soul. “Rafael, change your mind. Stay.”

  Chase kneeled down in front of me, putting his hands on my shoulders. I pushed away his hands. He wasn’t Malcolm. I loved him but not in the same way. I didn’t want him to touch me.