Valley of the Dolls

by Jacqueline Susann

  When the last guest had disappeared, Miriam turned to Jennifer. She was still smiling. “Run upstairs, little mother,” she said. “You need all the rest you can get. There’s a few details on the picture I want to discuss with Tony, then I’ll send the new daddy right up.”

  The moment Jennifer was gone she whirled on him. “I thought I told you to use something.”

  “We did.” Tony grinned sheepishly. “I guess it was an accident.”

  “What do you mean accident?” Miriam hissed. “Those rubbers are made strong. I buy you the best. They don’t break.”

  “Oh, we stopped using them a few months ago. Jen told me I didn’t have to. She said she was using a diaphragm.”

  “I told you never to ever let any girl talk you into that. You could get a disease—”

  “From Jen?” He laughed. “Besides, it feels better without one.”

  “A baby will tie you down.”

  “Nah. We got enough money, haven’t we? And with the picture and all. And I want to have a kid. It’ll be fun.”

  From the corner of her eye, Miriam saw Jennifer coming down the stairs. She said, “If you have a baby, you’ll have to be home more.”

  Jennifer had stopped on the stairs and was listening. Tony, his back to the door, couldn’t see her.

  “Okay, so I’ll be home more.” He shrugged.

  “And give up that red-headed singer?”

  He looked scared. “Who told you?”

  “Look, there’s nothing I don’t know. But don’t worry—I won’t tell Jennifer.”

  “Tell Jennifer what?” She walked into the room.

  Miriam pretended surprise. Tony looked frightened. “It’s nothing, Jen,” he said. “Miriam and her crazy ideas. Just because I clown around with Betsy. You know—she’s the redhead on my radio show, in the singing group. We clown around, that’s all.”

  “Some clowning around,” Miriam snapped. “Three afternoons a week he bangs her in his studio dressing room. He may not be using the rubbers on you, Jennifer, but I buy him a box every week and he keeps running out!”

  “Now look what you’ve done!” Tony whined as Jennifer tore out of the room.

  “Look—make her get rid of that kid. You listen to me, Tony. It’s no good for your career. There’s plenty of doctors who can do it.”

  “I want it,” he said stubbornly.

  “Tony . . .” She was wheedling now. “Think of your screen image. A young, handsome leading man—the: studio is going to say you’re only twenty-four. A kid would hurt the image.”

  “Nuts! Sinatra has kids. So does Crosby. You’re not going to take it away from us!” He ran up the stairs after Jennifer.

  She was stretched across the bed, sobbing, when he entered the room.

  “Honey.” He sat down and began to rub her neck. “Don’t mind what Miriam said. We’ll have our baby.”

  “Not mind!” She sat up, her face streaked with mascara. “Not mind! Let her go on running our lives—even to buy-you condoms? And all this time, while I’ve been sitting in this house, being bored to death and getting older each month, you’ve been having a ball with some singer! While I just sit—watching Miriam get fatter and bossier every day!”

  “What can I do?” he wailed.

  “You can tell her to get out. That I’ll run the house from now on.”

  “I couldn’t do that to Miriam. Where would she go?”

  “Any place! Just away from us. I don’t care if you give her half of everything you make, but just let us live our own lives. Just once, let’s be husband and wife—not two children living with Miriam!”

  “But who would take care of everything? Who would write my checks and read my contracts?”

  “Oh, Tony, other people get business managers—you could too.”

  “But why should I get a stranger who would cheat me?

  My own sister does better than anyone, and she’s always looking out for my interests.”

  “But I can’t live with her!”

  Suddenly he tensed. “Are you asking me to throw my sister out?”

  “Tony,” she pleaded. “What kind of a life have we got? We don’t entertain unless it’s business, because Miriam says it’s a waste of money to give parties. And now Miriam’s talking about buying this awful house. She never asked me if I liked it. Although God only knows what we need the house for anyway. We could do as well in a two-room apartment the way we live. We have no life.”

  “I have to rehearse three days a week,” he yelled. “I have to do my show. I have to listen to new songs and learn them . . . play benefits . . . pose for publicity pictures. What do you want me to do? Sit around and entertain you? You knew what my life was when you married me. Miriam doesn’t go out at all. She doesn’t go to half the places we go. We went to three benefits last month without her, but do you hear her complain?”

  “No, but I heard her on the phone for hours trying to get an extra ticket. We went without her because the studio only sent two tickets. I’m surprised she doesn’t sleep with us.”

  “Before you came along she devoted her whole life to me. She raised me. She never complains. She’s unselfish . . . kind . . . good . . . and you want me to throw her out!”

  “It’s either me or Miriam, Tony.”

  For a moment they both stared without speaking. Then he broke into a boyish smile. “You don’t mean that, honey. You’ll have the baby—look, I stood up to her on that, didn’t I? Now let’s go to sleep.” He began to undress.

  In the silent darkness he reached out in bed to embrace her.

  “We haven’t settled anything,” she said grimly.

  “What’s there to settle?”

  “Miriam.”

  “Miriam stays. And so do you.” He ripped off her nightgown—his mouth sought her breasts. She tried to push him away. “No. I want them. Soon there will be milk in them. Mmmm . . . will you let me suck them then, too?”

  She began to sob quietly. He looked up. “C’mon, let’s do it. What are you crying for?”

  She sobbed more violently.

  “Don’t tell me you’re upset because I gave Betsy a little bang once in a while?”

  She jumped out of bed. Oh, God! What kind of a man was he!

  He sat up and put on the light. He looked bewildered, “I don’t love Betsy. . .”

  She sank into a chair and hugged her nakedness, shivering.

  “Then why did you do it?” she sobbed.

  He shrugged. “It was just there, I guess.”

  “But I’ve always been here. . . .”

  “I couldn’t come dashing back to you during rehearsals, and she was always right there. . . . But look, it doesn’t mean anything. I promise I won’t do it with Betsy any more. Hell, I’ll get Miriam to fire her tomorrow—how’s that? Now come on, get in bed.”

  “It’s not just Betsy. Tony, it’s you—I don’t understand you. How do you think, how do you feel?”

  “I want you, right now. That’s how I feel. Come on, honey. . . .”

  Because she didn’t know what else to do, she got into bed and even submitted to his embraces. He satisfied himself, then turned on his side and fell instantly into a deep sleep. Jennifer got up and took three of the red pills. But it was getting light when she finally fell asleep.

  The following morning, after Miriam and Tony had gone to rehearsal, she put in a call to Henry Bellamy. She told him the story.

  “Looks like you better run for your life,” Henry said. “Somehow she’ll make you lose the baby—if only by aggravation alone.”

  “What do I do?”

  “Depends. How do you feel about this joker?”

  “I don’t know any more. Sometimes I feel sorry for him because Miriam has brainwashed him. Other times, like last night, I feel only disgust. But there’s a streak of sweetness in Tony. He’s not bad. That’s the funny part. There isn’t anything evil in him. He’s just never grown up. It’s Miriam’s fault. She’s made him think the world is his oyster, tha
t he can do anything he pleases just as long as he keeps singing. I think we could find a life together if I could get him to break with her—but I can’t get through to him.”

  “You’re young, Jennifer. My advice is to get out while the getting’s good.”

  “I’m not as young as you think, Henry. I—I lied to you about my age.”

  “So what? You’ve still got a whole life ahead. But you have no life there, the way I see it. If you stick it out there and do manage to have the baby, Miriam will just take it over, too.”

  ”No!”

  “Then come to New York. See if Tony’s man enough to come after you. I’ll even try and convince him I can run his business affairs as well as Miriam. We’ll pension the old dame off, and you can turn him into a real man. If he doesn’t go for it, then you’ve lost nothing.”

  “You’re right, Henry. It’s a cinch I can’t go on like this.”

  “I’ll reserve a suite for you at the Pierre. Leave a note that you’ve been called to New York to audition for a show. Be sure and leave most of your clothes, so Miriam can’t say it’s desertion.”

  “But Tony and Miriam know I can’t take a show if I’m pregnant.”

  “Of course they do. But this is just a technicality. And be sure and write an identical note to someone else—write it to Anne—so you’ll have proof if you need it. And send me a wire accepting my offer to come East.”

  Jennifer followed the advice to the letter. And to her delight, Tony took a plane and followed her to New York. He paced the living room of her suite; he cried; he pleaded; he swore he loved her, that he’d do anything she wanted. Anything except get rid of Miriam.

  “But that’s the only thing I’m asking,” she insisted.

  Tony was adamant. “She handles my money and runs my career. I don’t trust anyone but Miriam.”

  “What about me? Don’t you trust me?”

  “Don’t push me, Jen. You’re the best lay I ever had, but—”

  ”Lay! Is that all I am!”

  “What do you want to be? Jesus! Miriam’s right. You want to own me, to dry me out! I give what I have to singing.”

  “And what do you give me?”

  “My cock! And that should be enough.”

  Tony returned to California. Henry drew up a temporary separation agreement. Jennifer would receive five hundred a week until the baby was born, then she would receive a thousand a week plus expenses and child support. The coming of the baby was to remain secret until her pregnancy was obvious. She would divorce Tony after the baby was born.

  Her separation from Tony made front pages. For the first week she holed up at the Pierre, and with the help of the red pills, slept most of the time. Finally Anne became concerned and insisted she move in with her. She forced Jennifer to go to the theatre and she met her for lunch almost every day, but Jennifer remained despondent.

  Her only release came at night—with the red dolls.

  October, 1947

  Jennifer was well into her third month of pregnancy when Miriam arrived. She called from the airport. It was urgent that she see Jennifer right away.

  Jennifer’s spirits soared. Miriam didn’t frighten her now. Maybe Miriam was frightened. She had sounded desperate. Tony was probably moping—probably wasn’t singing as well—so she was coming to beg for a reconciliation. Well, it would be on her terms. Miriam had to leave. And Tony would have to come to her, to apologize.

  She hadn’t forgiven him, but she still clung to the hope that, away from Miriam, Tony would emerge as a person. And the baby—that had to change things. She wanted her little girl to have a father, not to grow up as she had, in a house full of women. Tony would mature . . . he was still young.

  When she admitted Miriam to the apartment, she was conscious that she was looking her very best and that the apartment looked clean and neat. She was mistress of the situation. She even managed a smile. “Sit down, Miriam. Would you like some coffee?”

  The woman eased her bulk into a chair and sat tensely erect. Her eyes shot to Jennifer’s waistline. “No coffee. Let’s cut the social crap and get to cases.”

  Jennifer held onto her smile. “And what does the case happen to be?”

  Miriam’s eyes narrowed. “Is it really Tony’s baby?”

  “Wait till you see it,” Jennifer snapped. “I’m sure it will be the image of him.”

  Miriam got up and began to pace. Then she turned to Jennifer and said, “How much do you want to get rid of it?”

  Jennifer’s stare was icy.

  “Look, if it’s money you want, I’ll give it to you,” Miriam said. “I’ll give you a big settlement. In writing. And you can also have the thousand a week without the baby. Just get rid of it.”

  Jennifer felt confused. “Does Tony know about this? Is this what he wants?”

  “No, Tony don’t know I’m here. I told him I was going to Chicago to see his radio sponsor and make a better deal. I’m here on my own, to plead with you, before you get in your fourth month and it’s too late to get rid of it.”

  Jennifer’s voice was low and tense. “You know, Miriam, I never really hated you until this moment. I always thought you were selfish, but at least it was for Tony. Now I know better. You’re evil.”

  “And you’re the All-American Mother!” Miriam snorted. “You’re just dying to walk in the park pushing a baby buggy, I suppose?”

  “I want this baby,” Jennifer said earnestly. “Miriam . . . all my life I’ve never had anyone who really cared about me. My mother and grandmother just felt I was a drain. All I ever heard was how much I ate, how much it cost to buy me shoes, how I outgrew everything too fast. It got so I was frightened when my shoes got too small. I knew there’d be a scene. Then, when I was older, it was how much money I could bring in—gimme, gimme, gimme. So I married the Prince. Maybe it wasn’t a wild love match, but I figured I could support my mother and Gran—and I was going to try and be a good wife. But he didn’t care about me—he was using me, too. I loved Tony. All I ever asked was a chance to be a wife, but you never gave me a break. You stepped on me, put me down. But I’ll have my baby now. She’ll love me and belong to me. And I’ll work for her. I’ll work hard. I’m saving my money now. I don’t even buy clothes. After the baby is born, I’ll model . . . I’ll save . . . and she’ll have everything.”

  For a moment Miriam stood silently and stared. at her plump fingers. Then she said, “Jennifer, maybe I misjudged you. If so, I’m sorry.” She sighed heavily. “All right, come back to Tony. I’ll let you run the house . . . we’ll try and get along. I’ll do everything I can—only you gotta get rid of that baby!”

  “Miriam, please leave. I don’t want to insult you. I’ll have my baby. And I’ll get Tony back, too. Once he knows his child is born he’ll want to see it. He’ll want us both, me and the child—you’ll see.”

  “Jennifer.” Miriam’s voice was almost kind. “Listen to me, and listen good. You left Tony, and you were the love of his life. Right? So he made one childish stab at getting you back. That’s all. He’s been out with a different girl every night since then. He’s forgotten all about you in just three weeks.”

  “Please go, Miriam,” Jennifer said tearfully. “You’ve hurt me enough. Why keep at it?”

  “I’m trying to help you now,” the woman pleaded. “If I didn’t have some feeling for you, I’d let you go ahead with it. What have we got to lose? Financially the deal is made, and alimony is deductible. So I’m talking for you now. I tried to get you to unload the baby every way I could think of and still protect Tony. But you’re stubborn.” She began pacing again. “Look, why do you think I told you about Tony and them girls? To hurt you? No, to save you from more hurt. Because you never really learn to feel until you hold a baby in your arms. It becomes a part of you, it’s a love you never dreamed you could feel—and. if anything goes wrong with that baby it hurts more than any guy can ever hurt. Jennifer, hasn’t it ever hit you that Tony is . . . well. . . childish?”

&nbs
p; Jennifer looked at her strangely. There was something in Miriam’s voice she had never heard before. “Tony may be childish,” she admitted, “but perhaps you’re to blame, Miriam—”

  “Jennifer—Tony is a child, mentally and emotionally.”

  “Only because you overprotect him.”

  “No, that’s why I protect him. And that’s why I don’t want you to have his child. For your sake as well as his.”

  “I don’t understand. . .”

  Miriam sat beside her. “Jennifer, listen to me. When he was a baby he had convulsions. Something was born wrong inside his brain. The doctors at the hospital explained it to me, but I was too young to understand at first. I couldn’t believe anything was that wrong. They warned me he would never be normal, but he was just a year old and so beautiful. I refused to understand. But when he was seven and couldn’t get past first-grade work, I began to understand. I was older then, and I had all kinds of tests made on him. This time I got the full picture.

  “Haven’t you noticed, Jen? Tony can barely read comic books. He can’t add past fifty. But he has no idea of his inadequacy. I’ve kept it from him by managing him, letting him think he doesn’t know all these things because I handle them for him. That’s why I keep telling him his only duty in life is to sing.”

  “But you said he had a convulsion when he was little. That probably did it. There’s no reason why our baby shouldn’t be all right,” Jennifer argued.

  “The kind of condition he has is passed on. The doctors don’t really know what causes it, but there’s a good chance that Tony will be completely insane by the time he’s fifty. And his child will be born with the same condition. If it’s lucky it might have the mentality of a twelve-year-old, but it could have even less.” She paused, remembering. “Jennifer, you don’t know what it’s like. When I found out about Tony I got religion. I used to pray. I went to church—any church—and I dragged Tony along. I got him into a choir. That’s when I found out he had a voice. I knew then that it was his only chance. Every dime I made I put into lessons. . . .” She sighed. “But that was a long time ago—this is now. That baby inside you probably won’t inherit Tony’s voice—but it will inherit his sickness.”