Expelled (Interplanetary Spy for Hire Book 1)

by Ell Leigh Clarke

  The implications of Alfonso’s words were a ringing echo chamber in Merry’s head. Time felt like it was slowing to a stop as her mind raced, computing the implications of what Alfonso was telling her.

  The door slid open and Vlad craned his neck so only his scruffy head was visible from the lobby. “Hello? I heard some beautiful young lady needed my help.”

  Her annoyance at hearing Vlad’s voice brought Merry back to the conversation. She rolled her eyes. Saved by the Vlad.

  Merry waved Vlad into the office. He ambled in casually and plonked himself down behind Jayne’s desk, and immediately pretended the various objects were action figures. Merry snapped her fingers at him to get him to stop. She returned to her comm conversation. “Send me his file. I need to show Jayne.”

  “Sending it now. Tell Jayne it’s urgent.”

  Merry said she would and ended the call.

  She turned to Vlad. He had his feet on Jayne’s desk and was aimlessly playing with an LED lava ball. “Stop playing with her stuff, jackass!”

  “Oh, so sorry, Ms. Winterbourne. I don’t speak Bitch.”

  Merry glared at him before tossing her hair over her shoulder and returning to her laptop. She muttered, “It takes one to know one.”

  A tiny smile of satisfaction appeared on Vlad’s face, mostly hidden by his goatee. He sat properly in Jayne’s chair. “You called me over to help Jayne?”

  Merry shrugged, “She worked it out herself. You can go now.”

  Vlad could barely contain his amusement. “Making excuses now?”

  Merry obviously ignored him, choosing to focus on her research.

  “I mean, your call made it sound urgent, this poker game of life and death.”

  “It was urgent.”

  “But now this poker emergency is over? Pssssht! What do you take me for?”

  Merry picked up her tablet and appeared to compare the data on its screen with her laptop screen. “An immature stoner who needs constant stimulation and validation because he’s too entitled to amuse himself. What the fuck, man? She got herself into a situation with the poker guy, realized she didn’t have poker skills, and I called you for help. Then some poker miracle happened. Crisis over.”

  Vlad ran his fingers through his hair and dramatically walked towards Merry. “If you want to see me, you can just tell me. We don’t need to make excuses.”

  She growled dismissively. “In your dreams, Señor Sativa.”

  “Yes,” Vlad stroked his chin thoughtfully, “I have seen you in my dreams.”

  Merry met Vlad’s amused gaze with a pointedly bored stare.

  “Specifically the dream about the screaming midget clown. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Okay, Mister,” Merry closed her laptop with a snap, “you can go now.”

  Vlad clutched his chest as if he had been wounded. “What? No rejoinder? No joust and parry?”

  Merry mocked his gestures. “What? No sobriety? No boundaries? Seriously, I’d have to be half lobotomized to find you amusing.”

  Vlad walked around the desk, then back towards Merry. “And yet you engage.”

  “I believe in karma. Maybe if I jerk off your ego, I won’t come back as a strain of E. coli.”

  Vlad laughed and attempted to perch next to Merry on the settee.

  “Fuck off.” She kicked him and he fell off the armrest and onto the floor, limbs flailing.

  +++

  Theron Techcropolis Gateway Building, L45, Theron Techcropolis, Armaros

  Jayne’s gait was slow and less elegant than her somewhat rumpled and sweaty ball gown. The ISA doors slid open, revealing Vlad and Merry. Merry was busy cussing out one of her online friends for some breach of hacker etiquette. Vlad appeared to be taking a nap on the settee.

  Merry smiled brightly. “There’s the woman of the hour.”

  Jayne dropped her purse on her desk. “I feel like the rug of the hour to be honest.”

  “Alfonso called. He sent over some urgent stuff about Chamberlain. I was waiting till you got back to play the videos.”

  Jayne trudged to her bathroom. “Cool, but the first order of business is to ditch this satin prison. Help me with these damn buttons.”

  Merry followed Jayne to her room and instructed her to turn around. “You really kicked ass tonight, Jayne.”

  Jayne blushed. The compliment woke her up somewhat. “Thanks.”

  Merry was still helping Jayne with her dress when Vlad appeared in the doorway. “Should I video this?”

  “Yeah. You video this,” she sneered, “then I’ll video you getting twenty billiard balls shoved up your ass.”

  Vlad cartoonishly feigned offense. “My word!” Jayne noticed he actually took a step back from the doorway.

  “So, Jayne,” he continued, “how was the ball?”

  Jayne started to struggle with the remaining zipper. “Insane and totally not what I was expecting, but great. I got a lot of numbers…”

  Vlad smirked. “Are you sure those weren’t just people wanting to bonk you?”

  “Well,” Jayne sucked in her stomach as tightly as possible, “maybe. But then I’ll bonk them and show them how exposed they are. Then they’ll want to hire me.”

  Vlad narrowed one eye. “Not sure it works like that, my spy friend.”

  “Yeah. Wrong profession,” Merry agreed.

  Jayne and Vlad turned to her. Vlad wore the smile that suggested he thought humans were amusing, simple creatures. Jayne looked unsure how to react. Merry cleared her throat, “Can we get back to the case?”

  Jayne returned to struggling with her zipper. “Yes, but can you two leave the room? I want to get out of this bloody thing by the end of the century.”

  Vlad got up and slowly moved towards the door. “Quite right. Need to save something for the imagination.”

  Merry punched him on the arm so hard the sound echoed.

  “Ow!” he complained, not joking this time. He rubbed his arm where Merry had punched him. “I’m going, I’m going.”

  Merry followed him out and closed the door behind her. Then she grabbed her laptop from Jayne’s desk and situated herself just outside the back room with the sofa bed. She continued the conversation from the floor. “I’m going to play the videos of Chamberlain’s psych evals. Alfonso said it was some scary stuff.”

  She pulled up the first of Chamberlain’s psych sessions from his Spy Academy days. Merry noticed how young he looked as he glanced around the evaluation room, taking everything in. He even smiled a little.

  THUMP.

  “You okay in there?”

  “Yeah…” THUMP. “Just getting this corset thing loosened… Keep playing the video.”

  Merry hit play. A young Chamberlain looked straight at the evaluator, attentive and clear-eyed.

  “State your name, Agent.”

  “Robert Chamberlain, sir.”

  “How long have you been with the agency, Agent Chamberlain?”

  “About two years, sir.”

  Merry skipped ahead to the family section of the interview.

  “…How did your parents discipline you, Agent Chamberlain?”

  The young Chamberlain appeared pensive and lowered his eyes briefly. He seemed like he was being swallowed by his words. “I guess you would say they did it… psychologically. No intentional harm was meant. I’d like to make that clear. I love my parents.”

  Merry felt a slight pang in her chest, despite herself. Vlad’s eyes softened for a moment. She skipped ahead.

  BANG. BANG. BANG.

  It sounded like a pogo stick bouncing against the floor.

  Vlad called out to her. “What’s going on in there?”

  “I… Nothing.” BANG. “Who the hell makes dresses you can’t eject out of?”

  Merry cued up the video of Chamberlain’s debriefing after the first of his lengthy missions. He looked about five years older, and wore his hair less fastidiously slicked back. He looked as though he was struggling to remain in
his chair, much less maintain eye contact with the evaluator.

  “How long have you been back, Agent Chamberlain?”

  He was wringing his hands. “Two or three months, sir.”

  “Was your mission successful?”

  Chamberlain nodded and looked at his wringing hands.

  “But you look nervous. Why?”

  “I… I haven’t been sleeping, sir. I keep seeing the mission.”

  “Okay. Describe it.”

  Chamberlain bit back his tears. “It’s classified. I’m sorry. But I see the people—their eyes—and sometimes I feel like I’m there but know I’m not.”

  “How often have you been bothered by memories of the mission?”

  “Daily… It’s worse at night.”

  “And have you been getting any unexplained physical symptoms, such as chest pain, difficulty breathing, or tingling of the hands and feet?”

  “Sometimes, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about that…”

  Merry hit stop and read the evaluator’s notes. “Save a little PTSD and shades of paranoia, the evaluator deemed Chamberlain fit for duty after two more months of counseling and leave.”

  No response came from the bedroom.

  Merry called through to her. “Are you actually listening to this Jayne?”

  Jayne poked her head around the door. Half of the jeweled pins were either missing or hanging on for dear life near the ends of loose strands of hair. Two random braids fell in front of her eyes. Her right arm appeared to be stuck in the dress’s strap.

  “What the hell…?” Merry exclaimed.

  Vlad snickered. “It’s banshee chic, Winterbourne. Do you not keep up with fashion?”

  Jayne waved her entangled hand to the best of her ability. “It’s fine. I heard everything. Those were his first two evals?”

  Merry nodded. “The last one was a three-month debrief after the first shady mission, but… Uhh, Jayne…?” Jayne somehow managed to have the dress on completely backwards now. “Are you sure you got this?”

  Vlad laughed hysterically as Jayne disappeared back behind the door.

  Merry shook her head and returned to her laptop. She skipped ahead to the second to last mission. Chamberlain was considerably older at this point. His body language was less open, less confident. He barely looked the evaluator in the eye, but when he did it was with a sneer. The evaluator noted that Chamberlain had stopped mentioning any symptoms that suggested anxiety or PTSD a few years prior, turning the conversations into Chamberlain spewing venom about the government.

  “And how do you feel about the people of Tarem, Agent Chamberlain?”

  Chamberlain shook his head disdainfully. “They’re parasites. They want to bleed Armaros dry. Their lives are almost as pointless as this debriefing.”

  Jayne felt like something cold had dropped to the middle of her chest. She could feel the frigid condescension dripping off his words.

  “Are you angry, Agent Chamberlain?”

  Chamberlain shifted in his seat. His eyes pulled back into focus, his demeanor shifting to shameful and penitent. “I’m disgusted. They’re parasites. I know this, but… can they really help it? Does a leech have any choice but to suck blood? After all, the government goes out of its way to keep them dependent slaves. It’s symbiosis. It’s biology. I fear we can’t avoid it.”

  Even Merry shuddered at that statement.

  RRRRIIIIPPPPPP.

  Merry started to get off the floor, but Vlad barred her with his arm. “You probably don’t really want to know.”

  Merry paused but still called out again. “Are you sure everything’s okay in there?”

  “Yeah. I just had to get a little creative.”

  Vlad and Merry looked at each other.

  “So!” Merry chimed breaking the awkward silence, “it seems Chamberlain resigned after the first cease fire—when was it? 18 years ago?—but the government kept tabs on him for years. They probably still do.”

  “Yeah. You never truly leave the agency… Like I’m never going to—” There was a large CRASH from the other room, “truly leave this dress—” Merry and Vlad could hear Jayne hopping on one foot followed by a louder crash. “Unless you get kicked out right after training.”

  Vlad peered over the side of Merry’s shoulder. “This file includes everything,” he noted, amazed. “Sexual preference, family relationships, even his shoe size.”

  Merry called out again. “Did you know he likes cider with apple whiskey in it?”

  Jayne wondered if there was a way to fold in her ribs. “Well, not all of his judgments are unfounded.”

  Merry shifted the laptop onto her raised knee. “And from what I could gather, no one has actually laid eyes on him since he left the agency.”

  Jayne briefly poked her upper torso around the corner, eyebrows raised. “Wait, we need to make sure these cyber footprints are actually him and not someone impersonating him.”

  Merry appeared to ponder this a few seconds before grimacing slightly. “An imposter would be illogical. What would an imposter have to gain? Besides, I’m certain it’s him. He’s wanted in several jurisdictions for cybercrimes and illegal weapons trading.”

  Jayne grunted. “It means he has credibility with his buyers,” she explained, then tucked herself back into the room.

  Merry flattened her back against the wall and straightened her legs. “True. But I tracked 28 behavioral variables that I think are him. I compared it with the files Alfonso sent over. I have a 95% confidence level that we’ve got our guy. With a five-percent margin of error.”

  Jayne muttered more curses. “That’s good enough. We should probably run with—” A SLAM interrupted Jayne. It was surely the sound of her face falling flat onto the floor. “Dammit.”

  Merry opened her mouth but was speechless. Vlad chuckled and wandered back to the settee. He took a brass cigarette case out of his pocket and sparked up a joint. Merry stage whispered at him. “Did you bring enough for the whole class?”

  Vlad blew smoke rings and ignored her.

  The bedroom door opened. Jayne emerged in an Academy t-shirt and running shorts. Her hair was completely unbraided, but bounced from all the product she had yet to wash out. She looked at Vlad incredulously. “You’re still here?”

  Vlad coughed. “I’ll have you know I helped Ms. Winterbourne access the seventeenth point on the profile we created.”

  Merry scoffed at him. “Are you kidding me? It’s not like you did much of anything, other than not shut the fuck up. I could have done this whole thing myself.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “But I may as well have. You helped me find one point out of, what, 28?”

  Vlad took another hit. “Mine was a role of moral support.”

  “Ha! I’ve worn broken bras that have been more supportive. Now give me that joint already.”

  “Come and get it.”

  Merry gave Jayne puppy dog eyes. Jayne groaned and passed the joint from Vlad to Merry without imbibing herself. She needed to stay clear headed. “We have two days. Two. Freaking. Days. Then this horrible treaty gets signed into law and the ring gets screwed…”

  Merry and Vlad snickered.

  Jayne glared at them both. “I suggest we focus.”

  Merry seemed calmer now. She handed the joint to Jayne, who returned it to Vlad, who showed no intention to focus at all.

  Jayne shook her head and sighed. “This is going nowhere. You guys go get some rest. I’m going to read those files I won in the poker game.”

  Vlad almost dropped his joint. “Wait. You played for intel?”

  “Yeah, so?”

  “Awwww… Our little girl is becoming a real spy! They grow up so fast.”

  Jayne sighed, deciding not to disclose that she’d had the same thought herself. “It’s not important,” she continued. “What matters is I have the files and I really think I should read them.”

  Merry threw away her disposable kava cup and an empty noodle soup c
ontainer. She gathered her bag, laptop, and tablet.

  “Nothing personal, guys,” Jayne said, her voice softer now. “We’ll pick this up again tomorrow.”

  Merry nodded. She placed a hand on Vlad’s shoulder blade, gently pushing him towards the door. “C’mon, you big stoner. She’s kicking us out.”

  Merry continued to push Vlad gently towards the door. It opened, and then closed behind them. Jayne breathed a huge sigh of relief and wandered back through to the bedroom. She caught a glimpse of the green dress on its hanger in the bathroom.

  Jayne smiled and flopped down onto her sofa bed. She briefly contemplated unfolding it into a bed but was running on fumes. Instead she unfolded the quilt Merry and Vlad had so sweetly left at the foot of the couch and started accessing the documents she won from Bartholomew.

  Her eyes were already heavy.

  The first file started with a basic fact sheet of the guy she needed to talk with about Chamberlain. Jayne noticed he looked quite genteel, save what appeared to be a slight twitch on the side of his left eye. Her own eyes were twitching from strain, but it was probably just the contact high. She kept reading.

  Jayne felt herself slowly fall asleep, her tablet loosely clutched in her hands.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Theron Techcropolis Gateway Building, L45, Theron Techcropolis, Armaros

  Jayne awoke to the sound of tapping on a keyboard and the smell of kava. She checked her tablet. It was 6 AM. Jayne put on some slip-ons and trudged from the back room into the office.

  “Hey. Look who’s awake!” Merry quipped, glancing up from her laptop.

  Jayne rubbed eye grot and leftover makeup from her eyes. “How long have you been here?”

  Merry gulped her kava. “An hour or so. You had quite a day yesterday.”

  Jayne stretched her arms above her head, noting that her muscles were sore. She smacked her lips and ran her tongue along the roof of her mouth. It felt like she’d won a dirt-eating contest last night. “That’s one way to put it. We really need to start putting all these intel pieces together.”

  Merry nodded. “On it. Vlad and Fred are on their way. You, uh, might want to freshen up a bit. You look like an extra from Sorority Zombies from Hell.” She looked Jayne up and down to confirm her snap assessment. “Just saying.”