A Mother's Secrets

by Tara Taylor Quinn

  She’d taken the baby to see his or her new home. To hear Daddy’s voice. Jamie didn’t have to be speaking with her to make that happen. She only needed to be near.

  Their arrangement could be considered a bit overkill. She got that. And yet, with current studies showing how much a baby could be affected by environment in utero, she wanted to give Jamie every chance to bond with his child.

  They tended to do things where there was no chance for a lot of personal conversation, and instead they ended up discussing how their days had gone, how his math as a way of art design classes had overfilled and he’d agreed to open one more to take up the slack. They kept a professional boundary between them, separating them at all times.

  And that was good.

  When Jamie called the Sunday morning before their twelve-week ultrasound appointment the upcoming Friday, inviting her to lunch at the country club, Christine balked for the first time.

  “You really think that’s a good idea?” she asked him. “I mean, downtown, anywhere we’re out and about, we’re going to be seen together, but at the country club...that’s your tribe. You’ll know pretty much everyone and...”

  It just seemed awkward to her.

  “I spend a lot of time there, and we’ve never been. The baby’s going to be growing up there. And...they have a phenomenal Sunday brunch. We used to go every week. It was like a thing. You’d see a lot of the same people. I’ve been avoiding it since Emily died and figured that now would be a good time to get back out there. In another week, I’m going to start telling people that I’m going to be a father,” he said. “My employers. My associates. Friends. My mother and stepdad. It’s not like I’m just going to start showing up in everyone’s lives with a baby in tow, like it appeared in the night by immaculate conception.”

  She’d wondered how he was going to handle that. But...

  “A lot of these people are going to hear through the grapevine, Christine. I’d like them to see that I’m out, I’m fine. To have a heads-up, sort of, before they hear the news.”

  “I just...don’t want people to think that you and I...that we...”

  The thought of people seeing them together and thinking they were a couple... Assuming they were...

  She and Jamie had been out and about for weeks. She’d never worried about what people thought. Those who knew her knew what she was doing.

  So why did she suddenly think it mattered what people thought?

  She didn’t know what she was thinking. Just...the country club...the sense that everyone knew everyone...the gossip of powerful people...

  The idea that what they’d think wasn’t true and that she didn’t want them to know it wasn’t...

  Because she wanted it to be true?

  She gave her head a vigorous shake.

  “How about if I introduce you as a business associate?” he asked. “Then people won’t try to make us out to be more than we are.”

  Maybe. It could work.

  But the country club...

  She’d been there for business purposes before. In a group, not one-on-one. Those tables for two—they’d always seemed so romantic to her. People living a life she’d never have—not because of the cost, but because she wasn’t going to be part of a couple.

  It was a life she didn’t want.

  Those couples at those tables, they’d seemed so intimate. Letting themselves be seen out together in a room filled with their peers. Not just with patrons, but with people who knew them. Like they were making some kind of announcement.

  She had no real reason to object. But felt pressure closing in on her. Because when she pictured herself with Jamie at the country club, she’d suddenly wanted to be there as herself.

  Not as the body carrying his child.

  And that was all wrong.

  * * *

  As it turned out, it wasn’t just her and Jamie out for lunch, and they weren’t at a table for two. Christine chided herself as she sat down at a table for five and was introduced to Tom, Judge Tom Sanders; his lawyer and close friend, Michael Waterson; and Jamie’s lawyer, Tanya Brennan. In her brightly colored floral sundress and red sandals, she felt a bit foolish for the extra attention she’d given to makeup and matching jewelry, thinking that she was going to be on display at a table for two.

  “I hope you don’t mind joining the others,” Jamie had said quietly to her as he’d walked her toward them from the parking lot where he’d been waiting for her. It wasn’t like she was a member of the club and could walk right in like the rest of them. She could be if she wanted to be. She could use her mother’s inheritance for her own aggrandizement. She just didn’t want to. “Tanya and Michael work in the same firm and were having lunch with Tom. When he saw me in the parking lot, he was delighted I’d rejoined Sunday brunch and invited us to join them.”

  “It’s fine,” she said, had to say, really. Reminding herself that these get-togethers with Jamie were at his pleasure, part of the contract, allowing his baby to become familiar with sounds from the life he or she would be living. Part of why he was paying her such a hefty sum.

  Yes, she had a say in the when and where. She didn’t just have to show up wherever or whenever he told her to. But, she did have to agree to show up on a regular basis. His money guaranteed her cooperation.

  She’d kind of lost sight of the funds along the way. Because, other than living expenses, she wasn’t spending any of it until she’d passed the first trimester. She wasn’t just being a good Samaritan, helping him out. She’d been hired to do a job.

  And that job didn’t entail noticing how delicious he looked in long, very nicely fitting tan pants and a brown polo shirt that hugged his biceps. Nor did it entail the peek at his butt when he moved in front of her to greet the people at the table. She hadn’t meant to do that. He’d just leaned right when she’d been assessing seating arrangements and there he’d been. In her line of vision.

  It didn’t take her long to figure out that Judge Sanders’s personal lawyer, Michael, and he had lunch often. While it wasn’t clear to Christine why Tanya, Jamie’s surrogacy attorney, was having lunch with the judge and Michael, she figured it wasn’t her business.

  Until, five minutes after they’d all made polite introductions and ordered beverages to accompany the three-room, sumptuous brunch buffet, Judge Sanders, instead of heading toward the food as their waitress had suggested, looked across at Jamie and Christine, who were sitting side by side—with Michael next to Jamie and Tanya next to Christine.

  “I asked Michael to do some research for me, and he sought Tanya’s expertise as well,” he said, somehow looking as powerful as if he’d been in a robe and up on his bench, even in a light green polo shirt and white pants. “They’re about to tell me what they found out, and I figured, since you two are here, you might as well hear it as well.” He glanced from her to Jamie. “That way if we have any action to take, we can be in agreement on what it should be.”

  She didn’t want lunch. Or the juice she’d just ordered. “Do I need my lawyer here?” she asked, glancing at Tanya and Michael, too.

  “Not at this point,” Tanya said. “May I?” She looked to Michael, who nodded and then at the judge, who also gave his okay with a lift of his hand.

  “The judge was concerned about his rights to the baby, in the event that something ever happens to Dr. Howe,” she said, smiling toward Jamie.

  He smiled back. Not a sexy smile. A polite one. And she was reminded that they knew each other. That they’d worked together on the contract that bound him to Christine. Them against her, if there was ever a legal battle between them. A need to enforce the contract.

  Shards of jealousy shot through her, shocking her. Christine didn’t get jealous. Found the emotion a complete waste of time. Counterproductive to...productivity.

  “Isn’t it a conflict of interest for you to be advising the judge
and Dr. Howe at the same time?” she asked. Because she was feeling stupidly defensive.

  Stupidly wanting to put some kind of distance between Jamie and this...this...perfect woman. His professional equal. Which could matter a lot to him, being a college professor and holding a doctorate like he did. Her little master’s degree in health management suddenly seemed less significant.

  Which was ludicrous. She knew it even as she acknowledged the strong and completely unfamiliar negative emotions passing through her.

  What in the hell was wrong with her?

  The only answer that made any sense was hormones.

  The seconds it took her to come up with an explanation she could live with had her missing the first bit of Tanya’s reply.

  She checked back in at, “Since I’m not in any way representing the judge, just reporting what I know about this particular area of the law, and because Dr. Howe knew when he sought out our firm that we represent Judge Sanders, it’s within my legal jurisdiction to have the conversation. I’m not in any way reporting any parts of Dr. Howe’s agreements, contracts, or dealings with our firm to the judge. Only giving general information regarding the law.”

  Wow. The woman had that down. Christine nodded, feeling stupid for having asked the question. After all, they were sitting with a superior court judge. But as the surrogate, she knew she was within her rights to question legalities.

  “The bottom line is that California law states that grandparents have the rights to visitation of their grandchildren if certain requirements have been met. One is that the grandparent would need to show that there is an existing bond between the child and the grandparent. It would be up to you, Dr. Howe, to provide Judge Sanders with that opportunity...”

  “I included Tom in this process before I’d even consulted Christine,” Jamie said, looking to Tom and between the lawyers. “Of course he’s going to have a bond with my child.”

  Tanya nodded. “Again, I’m not here to advise on particular circumstances, just to give you generalities in terms of the law, and I’m trying to lay them out in as clear a way as possible so that there are no surprises.”

  She was covering her own backside, Christine thought. And was ashamed of herself. The other woman was doing her job. Well.

  And with compassion.

  Feeling surreal, sitting there in that situation without forewarning, Christine tried to rein in emotions gone haywire. To find her zen.

  “Excuse me,” the judge spoke up, glancing at Christine. “Please understand, I didn’t foresee this meeting happening with you sitting here, though I’m glad that you are here so we can all be on the same page. I want you to know that I am immensely grateful to you for giving of yourself so unselfishly and making it possible for our family to grow.” It was the first time he’d looked in her direction since he’d said a quick hello and briefly shaken her hand during introductions. “I’m also a lawyer, and a judge who’s seen all kinds of things in my courtrooms over the years. But never surrogacy. I can read the law. I wanted to know current surrogacy case law...”

  “You’re fine,” Christine said. “I’m just having lunch per my surrogacy contract.” She could feel Jamie’s eyes on her. Found a professional smile and pasted it on.

  “Surely you don’t think I’d ever deny you rights to your grandchild,” Jamie stated, his gaze compassionate, not angry, as it moved to his former father-in-law.

  “Of course I don’t,” the judge said, patting Jamie’s hand where it lay on the table. “You’re as much a son to me as Emily was a daughter—you know that.”

  Already feeling like an interloper, Christine hadn’t thought it could get any worse. But there it was, taking everything she had to stay seated at the table.

  Even while knowing that no one had said anything designed to make her feel unwanted. Anything that should even have had that effect on her.

  She’d thought she was coming out for lunch with Jamie. Just the two of them. Being the nebulous “them” they’d somehow become.

  “The judge’s concern had more to do with if something happens to Jamie,” Michael said, repeating a key point from the beginning of the conversation. “Before the baby’s born. Or afterward.”

  “Before it’s born... I didn’t even think of that,” Jamie said, frowning as he glanced around the table. “I should have thought of that.”

  “You’re talking about estate planning,” Christine said, jumping into the conversation at the sound of his consternation. “A lot of people don’t think about it until after they’ve had children. And even then, it’s not the first thing they run out and do.”

  While, after research, she’d made the decision not to include estate planning counseling as part of The Parent Portal, she had added the requirement of legal documents regarding embryo ownership in the event that a spouse died. That was why Jamie had been able to use Emily’s embryos in the first place.

  “I was planning to talk to you about it as soon as I gathered the necessary information,” Judge Sanders said. “That’s what this meeting is about. Finding out what we need to do to protect ourselves.” He glanced at Christine again, assessed her, and with a frown, moved his glance toward Jamie. “I need to be certain that we’re protected in case something happens to you before the baby’s born. We need to know that in the event that that happens, the child stays in our family. With me. With your mother...”

  She wasn’t a lawyer. Or a doctor of any kind. But she got where this was going.

  “You’re afraid I’ll try to keep it.”

  “There have been cases where the surrogate tries to keep the baby, yes,” he said. “But with legal contracts in place beforehand, the baby will be protected from being a ward of the state while any lawsuits or custody battles are fought.”

  Thoughts flew through Christine’s mind as the conversation continued around her. She had to take a step back. She was the professional here, not a member of the family. Not anyone personally involved.

  She wasn’t going to try to keep anyone’s baby. She was the one who’d already given one away. They had no idea who they were dealing with.

  And...if something happened to Jamie...their agreement that she got to have contact with the baby this time...would that change?

  Jamie had asked Tanya if they needed a separate contract to determine estate matters in the event of his death. Michael was talking about a case he’d read about, something recently on the books having to do with an adopted child...

  Not a surrogacy case. Not her concern.

  How in the hell had she thought she could do this?

  And why was she struggling so hard to do it? It wasn’t like she’d considered, even for a second, that the baby inside her was hers. Or that she’d have any connection to it once she birthed it.

  But she cared about it. Deeply. As would a nurse in a NICU, taking care of a patient. She’d remember this child for the rest of her life, think of it now and then, pray that it was doing well...

  “So I can handle this through an estate attorney?” Jamie was asking. “I just need to name a guardian for the child in my will. And that will cover us in the event something happened to me before the baby’s born and afterward as well.”

  “In conjunction with the surrogacy contract, that’s correct.” Michael answered that time as well.

  Christine didn’t know if she liked him or not. Mostly she just wanted to be done with the brunch obligation and on with her day.

  If she didn’t step foot in the country club again anytime soon, that would be fine, too.

  No one seemed to be giving them curious glances, as she’d imagined they might, but she figured those who were curious would find other ways of sneaking peeks without being overt about it. They’d be sure to wonder why the judge and his former son-in-law were meeting with attorneys. And maybe wonder who Christine was.

  She’d been leaning away from Ja
mie—not wanting them to think she was there specifically with him. It helped that he hadn’t looked at her since the judge had spoken to her.

  “Okay, good, let’s go get some lunch,” Judge Sanders said, standing while the others followed suit. Jamie turned to her; she saw him do it from the other side of the table. She’d scooted ahead of Tanya, to put herself between the two lawyers. She’d need to sit next to Jamie, to give the baby as much chance as possible to hear his voice. Maybe she should sit between the two men, so the baby could get familiar with both voices...

  “Ms. Elliott?” Judge Sanders’s booming voice called her to attention just as she was reaching for a plate—and noticed that the others had all moved on, taking plates from the identical stack of them across the room.

  “Yes, sir?”

  “I just... I’m sorry.”

  She smiled, just wanting to get away. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” she said, picturing herself behind her desk, speaking with a client.

  Any client but Jamie.

  “I was harsh,” he said, and the catch in his voice drew her attention. She glanced into his green eyes and saw pain there. “Harsher than I generally am. You’re unselfishly giving us a great gift, and yet... I look at you and I feel resentment...”

  His voice broke. And she understood. Hearing a replay of a conversation she’d had with Jamie many weeks before.

  Nodding her head, she started to speak, but he said, “It’s so hard...my Emily should be...” His voice broke and his eyes moistened.

  “It’s okay, Judge,” she said, reaching out to touch his hand without questioning herself. “I truly do understand. This isn’t an easy situation. It’s going to have hard parts for all of us. I just hope that, in the end, it brings you and Jamie, and the little one, more joy than any of you could imagine.”