Truth Or Date

by Portia MacIntosh

  ‘Ruby, get in here,’ Heather yells. Uh-oh, has it not gone well? This is so surprising to me.

  ‘What’s up?’ I ask, poking my head around the door.

  ‘Come in here,’ Heather repeats herself. ‘And sit down.’

  I do as instructed.

  ‘What’s up, guys?’

  ‘Let me ask you a question,’ Heather starts. Uh-oh, it’s all going to kick off…

  Nick emerges from the kitchen area with a bottle of prosecco in his hand.

  ‘We just wondered if we could have a bottle of your prosecco, we’re celebrating…because we’re getting married,’ she squeals joyfully, flashing me her ring finger.

  My eyes dart from granny’s ring on Heather’s finger to Nick, popping the cork on one of my bottles.

  I blink for a moment. This is not what was supposed to happen, what the fuck is he thinking?

  ‘Congratulations,’ I gush, giving Heather a hug because I really don’t know what else to do. And the Oscar goes to…

  Heather snatches the open bottle from Nick and begins pouring it into glasses, leaving Nick and me just standing there, looking at each other. His expression is blank, I can’t quite figure it out. I feel my own smile slip from my face.

  ‘Congratulations,’ I tell him, grabbing him for a hug, stretching up onto my tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

  ‘Thanks,’ he says awkwardly.

  Heather thrusts a glass into my hand, before examining the ring on her own.

  ‘It’s a bit big, babe. We’ll have to get it resized,’ she tells Nick.

  ‘Yeah, sure,’ he replies.

  I knock back my drink in one big gulp and head back towards my room.

  ‘I’ll replace this bottle for you,’ Nick calls after me.

  ‘Don’t be daft,’ I reply, using all my strength and acting abilities to make sure that I don’t let slip how upset I really am. ‘Consider it an engagement gift.’

  ‘Well, we’d better ring and tell our parents,’ Heather insists. ‘And Ruby, looks like one of you is going to have to move out of here after all.’

  ‘Yeah, I guess so,’ I reply. Because there’s no way I can stick around to watch them play happy families.

  Chapter 27

  So far my day off has been entirely out of character for me. I got up early, tidied up my room (hoping my life would follow suit and fall neatly into place) before heading into Boots to buy a few things…things I never thought I’d buy.

  So Nick must be in love with Heather if he’s marrying her – no matter what her intentions are – and there’s no way I can stand in the way of that. All this time I’ve been motivated by two things: how amazing life would be if it were just like in my dream, and that Nick maybe did have feelings for me after all. But there’s no way he’d agree to get married if he felt anything for me, so that’s that.

  It has got me thinking about the kind of guys I attract though. Girls like Heather get guys like Nick and chicks like me are stuck with the likes of Deano Gamble trying to hump and dump us. It isn’t because her personality is better, because we’ve established she’s a gold-digging bore – it must be because she looks like a doctor’s wife, whereas I look like more like the kind of girl who has a repeat prescription for lice lotion. OK, I’m being hard on myself, but maybe a more demure look would help me attract nicer guys. Maybe blokes take one look at my pink and blonde ’do, and my daring clothes and think: this bird just wants a good time. That’s why I’ve picked up a warm mocha brown hair dye. Well, I knew brown would be sensible, and there were hundreds of different shades so obviously I went for the coffee option.

  Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, the bottle in my hand, I look myself in the eye.

  ‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ I ask myself. I feel like my funky hair and my Cara Delevingne-esque eyebrows are what make me who I am.

  I nod to myself. I need to do this.

  I carefully apply the colour all over, closing the lid on the toilet so I can sit down while it develops. There’s no turning back now.

  When the time is up, I rise and towel dry my hair before grabbing my hairdryer, blowing my hair straight and leaving it that way, rather than opting for my big, silly curls. I look in the mirror again.

  ‘You don’t look like you any more,’ I tell myself. Truth is, though, I don’t really feel like myself at the moment anyway. I slip on my underwear and stroll into the living room, safe in the knowledge I have the flat to myself this morning.

  I walk up to the fridge and grab a Flake, because I’m one of those people who likes their chocolate refrigerated, but as I go to open it, I pause. No, I’m going to make better choices. I put it back and look in the cupboards until I find Nick’s healthy snacks. I guess I’ll have a cereal bar instead.

  I turn around too quickly and walk into the drying rack Nick puts his clothes on. Ergh, it’s started already, Heather’s stuff is all over it. First she has a key, now she’s doing her washing here – I’m going to be out on my arse in no time.

  As I pick up items of clothing and pop them back on the rack, curiosity gets the better of me. Heather is definitely what you’d call petite, whereas I am what you’d refer to as all those buzzwords that are just euphemisms for a little bit too close to chubby. Still, I select a few of the baggier items of clothing – a brown jumper and a long black skirt – and slip them on, before looking in the full-length mirror that hangs in the living room – something I insisted we have, so that I could give myself the once-over as I dashed out the door late, just in case my dress was ever tucked into my knickers or something like that.

  I look drab, boring and miserable, and I’m not even sure it’s the new hair or the outfit, it’s probably just my face.

  I’m just about to slip off the jumper when I notice something sparkly catch my eye: Nick’s grandma’s ring. Heather did say it was too big, I guess she decided it best to not wear it until she’s had it adjusted.

  I eyeball it, biting my lip thoughtfully. I’m ripping off her dull hair, wearing her clothes…I could slip her ring on, just for a second. Just to see what it looks like.

  Before I’ve had the chance to really think it through, I’m wearing Nick’s grandma’s ring. I only get a split second to check it out before the door buzzer snaps me from my thoughts. Shit! The first thing I do is try to take the ring off, but it won’t budge, it’s stuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. The more I try, the more stuck it seems. OK, I just need to calm down and it’ll pop right off.

  The door buzzes again. Shit. It’s probably one of Nick’s stupid food deliveries where they send him fifty pieces of frozen chicken, because: protein. I’ll answer the door, get that sorted and then the pressure is off.

  I hit the button that opens the downstairs door before opening the front door, ready to sign for whatever it is. It isn’t a deliveryman who walks up the stairs, though. It’s a woman.

  ‘Hello,’ I say cheerily to the stranger.

  ‘Hello,’ she replies. ‘Oh, the ring looks divine!’

  I nibble a fingernail, nervously.

  ‘Oh, thank you,’ I reply. ‘Erm…’

  I don’t really know what to say, I think I’m supposed to know who this woman is, but I have no idea. She’s got to be in her fifties, she’s dressed smartly, with her brown hair cut short and she’s wearing minimal make-up. Although distinctly Yorkshire, I can’t help but notice how well-spoken she is.

  ‘I’m so sorry, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Deborah, Nick’s mum. He said he’d told you I was coming to meet you – did he forget?’

  ‘I guess he must have,’ I reply. I shake the hand Deborah is offering me. ‘Well, come in. Can I get you a drink?’

  ‘Tea would be lovely,’ she replies, taking off her coat and scarf, hooking them on the rack behind the door. Yep, she’s Nick’s mum OK.

  As I make the tea, I wonder why on earth he’s sent his mum to meet me. Is she here to kick me out or something?

  ‘Milk and sugar?’ I ask.


  ‘Just milk, please,’ she calls back. ‘I’m sweet enough.’

  Deborah joins me in the kitchen. She spies the cereal bar crumbs I left on the worktop and scoops them into her hand, putting them in the bin before dusting her hands off by clapping them together. So that’s where he gets it from.

  ‘So, it’s just us?’ Deborah checks.

  ‘It is,’ I reply, cautiously. Is she here to kill me or something?

  ‘Good,’ she says with a smile. ‘I was worried Nick’s roommate might be here. I’ve never met her, but I can’t get to know my soon-to-be daughter-in-law with Ruby around.’

  Oh shit, she thinks I’m Heather. Well, of course she does, I’m like a clone of her right now, right down to her engagement ring.

  ‘Ruby isn’t so bad,’ I say, jumping to my own defence. ‘I think she and Nick are just polar opposites.’

  ‘Perhaps,’ Deborah replies, before leaning in closer to me and lowering her voice. ‘He told me she has pink hair. What kind of grown woman has pink hair?’

  Deborah laughs at the ridiculousness. I join in.

  ‘Not me,’ I reply awkwardly. Why am I going along with this? To save her the embarrassment of mistaking me for someone else and then insulting me to my face? Or just to save myself the embarrassment of being caught with another girl’s engagement ring stuck on my finger? Probably both.

  ‘He does have some nice things to say about her though. And I don’t suppose he would live with her if she were as crazy as her hair.’

  I want to ask what kind of things he says more than anything, but it’s going to make me seem like his jealous girlfriend.

  ‘So Nick told me you had the day off, I thought we could talk arrangements.’

  ‘Oh, that man,’ I giggle sweetly. ‘I’m only off this morning, I have to head to work very soon unfortunately.’

  ‘Oh, well that is a shame,’ she tells me. ‘Well, I’ll finish this and then leave you to it. But it really was so nice to meet you. You’ll have to come over for dinner with Nick, meet his dad too.’

  ‘I would love that,’ I tell her. I actually would love that, but she thinks I’m Heather, so that won’t be happening. I may be able to act the part for Deborah, but I’m pretty sure Nick would realise I wasn’t his fiancée – you know, when I was actually nice and ate a cheeseburger in two bites.

  Deborah makes her way to the door, kissing both my cheeks before she leaves.

  ‘It was nice to meet you, my love,’ she tells me, warmly. ‘You have a great day.’

  ‘You too,’ I reply, watching as she heads down the stairs and out of the door. Just as I’m about to head back inside, I see Bev, my neighbour, letting herself out of her flat.

  ‘Ruby, hello,’ she beams. ‘How are things?’

  ‘Not bad,’ I tell her. ‘I haven’t seen you in ages. What’s new?’

  ‘No, it’s been a while since I went outside – I’ve just been so caught up in the book I’m writing.’

  ‘What’s this one about?’ I enquire.

  ‘It’s a little bit like the story of the Titanic. It’s set in space, and all the characters are sloths.’

  That sounds the least like Titanic of anything I’ve ever heard in my life.

  ‘That sounds awesome,’ I say with a chuckle. Bev is just the best kind of barmy.

  ‘What’s new with you?’ she asks. ‘Other than your hair. That’s very…different for you.’

  Bev wears whatever she wants, regardless of what people think. Today she’s wearing a floor-length black maxi dress and a black fur coat. She looks absolutely badass, it’s a shame she doesn’t go out more.

  ‘Nick is getting married,’ I tell her. That’s when I remember the ring stuck on my finger. ‘Are you in a rush?’

  ‘Not at all, what can I do for you?’ she asks.

  ‘I tried on Nick’s fiancée’s ring and I got it stuck,’ I confess.

  Bev laughs.

  ‘Oh, love, come here.’ She gives me a hug. ‘Let’s go inside, I’ll get this off for you.’

  Bev runs my hand under the cold tap to try and reduce the swelling of my puffy fingers.

  ‘So, what’s his fiancée like?’ Bev asks.

  ‘Erm, she’s…I don’t know. I’m not a fan.’

  Bev squirts a liberal amount of washing-up liquid onto my finger. As she pulls on the ring, it pops straight off.

  ‘There you go,’ she tells me, rinsing the soap off of it before placing it in the palm of my hand. ‘So you don’t think she’s right for him?’

  ‘Not really…but it’s not my place, is it?’

  ‘Maybe not,’ she tells me as she heads for the door. ‘But if there’s one message I’m trying to make clear in my sloths in space novel, it’s that if you love someone, you should always tell them what you think.’

  ‘You’ve given me a lot to think about,’ I laugh. ‘Have a nice day.’

  As soon as Bev has left, I hurry off Heather’s clothes and return them to the drying rack. Seconds later, Heather walks through the door.

  ‘Ruby, I think it’s really inappropriate that you walk around like that.’

  I gasp dramatically.

  ‘In my underwear, in my own home, when I know my flatmate will be at work all day – yes, that is shocking, isn’t it?’

  I grab one of my dirty T-shirts from the washing I was sorting on the kitchen floor and pop it on.

  ‘Well, I’m here,’ she tells me. ‘And what have you done to your hair?’

  ‘Well, I forget that you have a key because I wasn’t consulted,’ I remind her. ‘And I dyed it. What are you doing here?’

  ‘I approve,’ she tells me. ‘It’s more sensible. Pink was silly. I came to collect my ring, to take it to be adjusted. Thought I might make myself some lunch in the meantime – Nick’s mum is supposed to be popping in to meet me.’

  I panic about two things: the first is whether or not I dried the ring before putting it back on the sideboard. As Heather picks it up to examine it, I assume that because she isn’t freaking out over how wet it is, that it’s fine. My other problem is that Nick’s mum thinks she met Heather, and when she mentions it to Nick, and he mentions it to Heather, and she says that she didn’t meet her – oh, I’m in a whole mess of trouble. I just need to buy myself some time while I figure out what to do.

  ‘You just missed her,’ I tell Heather.

  ‘I did?’

  ‘Yes, she left just before you got here.’

  Heather’s eyes widen.

  ‘Not that woman in the fur coat?’

  Oh, this is brilliant. Deborah thinks that I am Heather, and Heather thinks that Bev is Deborah – this really is like something fresh out of a Shakespeare play.

  ‘That was her,’ I lie. ‘Did you speak to her?’

  ‘We passed in the doorway, she said hello to me, asked me if I was having a glorious day – I thought she was a bit weird. Ah, well, that’s rich people for you, right?’

  ‘Totes,’ I say sarcastically. ‘So I guess you don’t have to stick around now…’

  Heather’s phone rings, causing her to instantly ignore me and answer.

  ‘Nick, sweetheart,’ she squeaks. ‘One sec, let me put you on speaker. OK, you can talk now. I’m just making lunch.’

  ‘No worries, I just got off the phone with my mum…she really likes you!’ he says, proudly.

  ‘She does?’ Heather asks. ‘I wouldn’t have thought she’d seen me for long enough.’

  ‘She did mention that it was a brief encounter, but she approves,’ he tells her.

  ‘Oh, well that’s great.’ Heather sounds unenthusiastic.

  ‘What did you think of her?’

  ‘Erm, yeah, she seemed nice. Fashion-forward,’ Heather adds.

  ‘My mum? Really?’

  Heather looks at me and rolls her eyes, laughing silently.

  ‘Oh yeah, totally.’

  ‘Well, I’m so pleased the two of you got on,’ Nick tells her. ‘Anyway, I’d better go. Just thought I’d let
you know that.’

  ‘OK, honey. Bye.’

  Heather hangs up.

  ‘His mum likes me? Ha! She hardly even met me. How daft is she?’

  I shrug my shoulders. Now I’m even more annoyed at my situation, because that means that Nick’s mum actually likes me. I might not have looked myself, but I acted myself, and she liked me. She thought I was good enough for her son.

  If only I’d gone about this better, Nick and I could’ve been perfect for each other. It’s just a shame it took me so long to realise I had feelings for him, instead of realising after months of annoying him to the point where he can’t wait to kick me out. Still, nothing I can do now. I guess I should find somewhere else to live, oh, and I should probably reply to that dick pic Deano sent me and tell him that I don’t think we should see each other any more. He’s just going to have to make peace with the fact that there’s at least one girl in the world who doesn’t want to sleep with him, just like I need to make myself OK with the fact that there is one person in the world who doesn’t want to be with me – and, annoyingly, it’s the only one I want.

  Chapter 28

  This afternoon, I am in a foul mood. My sky is dark, thunder is clapping, my eyes are glowing red – the works.

  When you work in customer services, keeping in a good mood can be a real struggle, but today in particular, I feel like a bomb that’s ready to go boom.

  After the morning I’ve had, I don’t have time for any more bullshit, that’s why I’m going to clear up all these messy loose ends today, and try and drag myself out of this slump.

  Rita isn’t here this afternoon, she’s in meetings or something, which I’m grateful for, given my current mood. This means that work feels much more like it used to today, and that’s nice.

  I’ve been thinking about how to call things off with Deano, and as much as I know he doesn’t give a shit about me, I want to do this with as little drama as possible. And as soon as possible, so with the boss not expected back in until tomorrow, I’ve asked Deano to come here so we can talk.