Truth Or Date

by Portia MacIntosh

‘Exactly,’ Millsy replies. ‘I was saying it to myself.’

  ‘You’re fucking weird,’ Nick tells him.

  While I kind of commend Millsy for doing the right thing, setting Nick straight that I wasn’t in my room that morning, he probably should have done it better/sober. All he’s done is made it sound like he’s been jacking off in my bed, talking dirty to himself.

  ‘You’re fucking weird,’ Millsy replies. ‘God knows why you’ve got women fighting over you.’

  Nick’s eyebrows shoot up.

  ‘OK, Mr Mills. Time to get you to bed.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere, make him go. He’s the fucking loser we’re always talking about how much we hate. Laughing at him because he’s so lame. Remember when you pretended to be him?’ Millsy laughs hysterically. ‘When you put on his stethoscope and did his voice and listened for your own heartbeat but said you couldn’t find one because you were a robot? That shit was funny, mate.’

  I’ll admit, I did do that, but it was a long time ago, and it was after he yelled at me for not folding the tea towels properly. I was only venting my anger, I didn’t mean it.

  ‘I’m going,’ Nick says, climbing to his feet before storming off.

  ‘Nick, wait,’ I call after him. ‘I didn’t mean it.’

  But he’s not listening. And now he’s gone.

  I sit down next to my so-called best friend.

  ‘Here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten us into, Millsy,’ I say with a sigh. As sidekicks go, it’s all or nothing with Millsy. He either does the absolute worst thing or the absolute best thing in all situations.

  ‘Come on,’ he insists, placing an arm around me as he springs back to life. ‘Let’s go drink some more.’

  See what I mean, as much trouble as he causes me, sometimes he knows exactly what I need.

  Chapter 33

  If you’re being technical, Millsy and I have just arrived at work two minutes late – impressive considering the fact that we had to get an early train back from Outwood this morning. Despite being hungover, we’re super-efficient too, as we pop on our aprons and begin setting everything up for the day.

  ‘So I’ve had a chance to think things through,’ I start as I clear the coffee machine. ‘And I know how you can repay me for fucking stuff up with Nick.’

  ‘Go on,’ Millsy sighs. ‘I said I’d do anything, so I’ll do it.’

  ‘OK, so you know his girlfriend…’

  ‘Nope. No way. I’m not fucking her. She’s not hot, is she? I mean, no, absolutely not. Think of something else.’

  ‘Millsy, calm down,’ I laugh. ‘I don’t want you to sleep with her. I want you to get Deano to sleep with her.’

  ‘What?’ he asks, sounding both baffled and annoyed that I want someone other than him to do my bidding.

  One thing I know for sure is that the main reason why Heather is so keen to marry Nick is for his money. That needs a stop putting to it, no matter what. That also means that Heather will be very easy to get around.

  ‘So I know that every Sunday she goes to these vegan nights at Baa Bar Blacks,’ I start.

  ‘There’s a vegan bar called Baa Bar Blacks?’ he asks in disbelief.

  ‘Yes, it’s stupid, but focus. So I want you to take Deano there –’

  ‘Rubes, I know I said I’d help, but I’m so busy with rehearsals. The play opens tomorrow night. Plus, do you not think you’re taking this too far?’

  Wow, Millsy the moral compass, that’s hilarious.

  I ignore him.

  ‘I want you to go there and “bump” into her. During our double date, she couldn’t take her eyes off him. I think because he’s rich and famous, that one-ups Nick. She’ll show her true colours and ditch Nick for Deano in a heartbeat.’

  ‘OK, I still think you’re taking things too far, but I’ll do it if you’re sure it’s what you want…’

  ‘I’m sure,’ I tell him. Because I am. Because even if Nick doesn’t want me, he can’t wind up with her.

  ‘OK then. I’ll do it. Because I know I made stuff worse for you – I just hope this won’t make things even worse.’

  ‘At this stage, I don’t think anything could get worse,’ I tell him.

  ‘That’s her,’ I hear Rita say. I look over and she’s pointing at me. Two PCSOs are standing either side of her.

  ‘Hello, boys, are you here to put me in handcuffs?’ I joke. Millsy sniggers.

  ‘No, Ruby, they’re here to escort you off the premises. You’re fired.’

  I frown at her, confused.

  ‘Wait, what? Why am I fired? And why do I need escorting?’

  ‘Yeah, come on, Rita, what did she do that was that bad?’ Millsy asks.

  ‘She assaulted a customer,’ she tells him.

  ‘When?’ I gasp. ‘No way.’

  ‘I was told that you poured hot coffee into the lap of a customer,’ she tells us. Oh shit – Deano.

  ‘He wasn’t a customer, he was my boyfriend, I was dumping him and he called me fat. I checked to make sure my drink wasn’t hot first – who complained? Was it him? I bet he’s just being petty.’

  ‘Ruby, I received several complaints from customers. I told you that you were on your final warning, so now you’re out. These gentlemen are here to stop you making another scene or getting violent.’

  ‘I wasn’t being violent, I was trying to fuck up his jeans,’ I protest.

  ‘Either way, I can’t have you acting like that around customers. So get your things and leave.’

  I stare at her for a second. She looks so pleased with herself.

  ‘You know what, stuff your job,’ I tell her.

  ‘Ruby, wait,’ Millsy starts. ‘Rita, come on, don’t be so hasty.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Joe. She’s done too much.’

  I whip off my apron and grab a brownie from behind the counter, taking a big bite out of it before marching out of the shop.

  ‘I’ll text you details about tonight,’ I call back to Millsy.

  ‘OK, sure,’ he calls after me. ‘You’re a badass.’

  I certainly feel like one. Although we’ll see how badass I’m feeling when it’s time to pay my bills.

  Chapter 34

  I suck my straw, taking in several mouthfuls of Mai-Tai before placing my drink back down on the table in front of me. I’m out on the terrace at Thin Aire – the only one out here tonight. I suppose because it’s Sunday, it’s not that busy tonight.

  When I ran through the plan with Millsy earlier, I decided that it would probably be best if I kept out of Nick’s way for a while, because I can’t face an argument and I really don’t know how to explain myself.

  So here I am, all on my own, drinking cocktails and admiring the night sky. I love the view from up here, surrounded by tall buildings, pretty lights, the river – it’s just stunning. I could Instagram my hand off up here.

  “The Power of Love” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood starts playing through the speakers. I sigh, because it’s one of my favourite songs.

  I feel someone place a fur throw around my shoulders.

  ‘Thanks,’ I reply as I turn around. ‘It’s freez…’

  My voice trails off. It’s the fit Tom Hardy-looking manager.

  ‘Freezing? Yes it is,’ he says with a smile. ‘I figured you’d need this. No Deano tonight?’

  ‘We broke up,’ I tell him. That’s all he needs to know.

  ‘Oh, that’s a shame,’ he replies. ‘I’m Marco, by the way.’

  Oh, he would have a sexy name, wouldn’t he?

  ‘I’m Ruby,’ I shake his hand. ‘Nice to officially meet you.’

  It’s taking all my energy not to freak out – in fact, it’s a miracle I’m forming sentences right now.

  Marco takes a seat next to me.

  ‘Fancy some company for a bit?’ he asks.

  I try not to show how surprised I am to hear him suggest that. Or how ecstatic I am. I just need to be cool.

  ‘OK.’

  But n
ot so cool I’m as cold as this rooftop.

  ‘So, have you had a good day?’ he asks me.

  ‘I got fired, actually,’ I tell him. ‘For assaulting a customer.’

  Marco’s eyes widen, but he laughs.

  ‘OK, I need to hear this story,’ he insists.

  I tell him all about my break-up with Deano, even though they’re sort of friends. Well, why not. If my friends were telling girls they were too fat I’d want to know so I could be ashamed of them too – obviously I’m not counting that time at Leeds Fest when the girl Millsy was hooking up with wanted to sit on his shoulders. Even for a strong dude like Millsy, there’s just no way. And he did tell her tactfully. Sort of. He did also tell her that she had a face like a “punched lasagne”, however she did spend most of the weekend covered in ketchup because she refused to eat anything that wasn’t a hotdog. No wonder Millsy liked her.

  ‘That’s rough,’ he tells me. ‘Well, I think you’re perfect as you are, so don’t give it a second thought.’

  ‘That’s because I spend so much money here, I probably singlehandedly pay your mortgage,’ I joke. ‘And you’re welcome.’

  Marco laughs.

  ‘You’re pretty funny, you know,’ he tells me, gazing into my eyes.

  ‘You’re not so bad yourself,’ I reply.

  My God, his eyes are gorgeous. So dark, and deep. I feel like I could get lost in them.

  ‘You seem like a pretty cool bird,’ he tells me. ‘You’ve never been that friendly with me before, I thought maybe you were a bit of a bitch.’

  I choke on my drink a little, making super unsexy spluttering noises.

  ‘God no,’ I insist. ‘I’m just…shy until I get to know people.’

  Not technically true. I’m not shy at all. I’m just an absolute loser around people I have epic crushes on.

  ‘I like that,’ he tells me. ‘Girls can be too forward these days.’

  ‘Yeah, I guess,’ I reply.

  ‘OK, I want to ask you out on a date, but I have to confess something first.’

  ‘Go on,’ I say cautiously.

  ‘I’m only telling you this because you do seem like a really cool bird, and I wouldn’t feel right hanging out with you without coming clean.’

  I stare at him expectantly.

  ‘Your mate came in earlier. Muscular dude, long-ish hair –’

  ‘Yeah, Millsy,’ I interrupt. ‘Go on.’

  ‘Well, he told me you were having a hard time dealing with some stuff, and he asked me to chat you up. He said something about showing you that there were other fish in the sea. He gave me £40, so I figured I could do it, no problem. But you seem cool, I don’t know why he was worried.’

  I take a few minutes to process this. It all makes sense now, the warm blanket that is lovingly placed around my always cold arms, by the man I have a crush on, on the terrace of my favourite bar, as one of my favourite romantic songs plays – Millsy is trying to play me.

  ‘He should be worried,’ I tell him. ‘Because he’s going to regret setting this up.’

  ‘I think he was just trying to match-make,’ Marco says in Millsy’s defence. ‘And it kind of worked.’

  I think about it for a second. Before I had that dream about Nick, all I’ve ever fantasised about was the hot manager from Thin Aire ravaging me. Now he’s here, talking to me, telling me he thinks I’m cool…and all I can think about is Nick. It’s Nick that I want more than anyone.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I start. ‘I need to get home. This is just a lot to take in.’

  ‘No worries,’ he assures me. ‘I get it, this must be weird. I didn’t expect this either. But you know where I am, right?’

  ‘I do, thank you,’ I tell him, dashing off for the lift.

  If a Tom Hardy look-alike can’t win me over then, I’m sorry, no one can. I just hope that Millsy has stuck to the rest of the plan, because it seems like he’s meddling, like he thinks he knows what is best for me – well he doesn’t. So long as he’s stuck to the plan, everything will be fine.

  Chapter 35

  It’s 8am and I’m wide awake. I came home to an empty flat last night, I guess Nick is keeping out of my way too. Weirder still, I haven’t heard from Millsy at all. I texted him last night and then again this morning, but I haven’t heard a peep. Millsy is like me, his phone is never more than a few feet away from his body, so I know something is up.

  As I ponder why on earth he might be avoiding me, my phone springs awake. It’s a text from Millsy.

  Millsy: At rehearsals. Speak later.

  Seriously? That’s all I’m getting? I’m not having that. If he thinks he can agree to plans and then go rogue, backstabbing me along the way, he can think again. It’s like when Macbeth plans Banquo’s murder – except worse, because now he’s tainted my favourite Frankie Goes to Hollywood song forever.

  I jump out of bed, throw on some clothes and before I know it, I’m marching up the road to the theatre. He thinks he can ignore me? No way, mate.

  ‘Hello,’ I greet the woman at the box office. ‘My friend is rehearsing for Macbeth at the moment, but I really need to see him.’

  ‘The director doesn’t like to be disturbed,’ she tells me.

  ‘But it’s an emergency,’ I tell her, forging the most worried face imaginable.

  ‘Wait here, I’ll find out,’ she says sympathetically.

  ‘Take your time,’ I say to myself as soon as she’s gone. I glance around, taking in my surroundings. The stage is that way, so if I go through this “staff only” door…and along here…

  I push open a double-door and suddenly I’m in the wings of the stage, and I can see Millsy centre-stage, rehearsing. It only takes a few seconds for him to spot me before he starts fluffing his lines.

  ‘Erm, can I just take a break, please?’ he asks.

  ‘Fine, hurry up,’ the director barks.

  Millsy rushes over to me.

  ‘Rubes, what are you doing here? I’m working. Our opening night is tonight.’

  ‘I know, but I needed to talk to you,’ I insist.

  ‘Didn’t you have a good night last night?’ he asks.

  ‘Not really,’ I reply. ‘Not £40 worth, anyway.’

  ‘Fuck,’ he replies. ‘Look, I just wanted you to see that there are plenty of men out there and that you shouldn’t be so fixated on Nick.’

  ‘We’re best friends, Millsy. I can’t believe you’d try to trick me like that. Me.’

  ‘I’m sorry for the way I went about it, but I think it’s for the best,’ he assures me.

  ‘What’s for the best is if you tell me what happened last night,’ I demand.

  ‘Oh, Mr Mills, in your own time,’ I hear the director call.

  ‘Rubes, I’ve got to go, please,’ he pleads.

  I give him my best resting bitch face.

  ‘You owe me.’

  ‘OK, look, I did as you asked, I took Deano out, we “bumped” into Heather, we had a few drinks and, you’re right, she was all over him. But then it seemed like they were getting on really well, like they really liked each other. We wound up going to a club – Saturn – until 3am, so forgive me for not feeling on top form today, OK?’

  ‘She was in a nightclub with you and Deano until 3am?’ I ask in disbelief.

  ‘Yes, but, look, we’ve got a problem: they kissed. Not only did they kiss, but the club photographer took a picture.’

  ‘Holy shit,’ I cackle. ‘He led her astray. This is amazing. How do I get a copy of this photo?’

  ‘You can’t,’ he tells me. ‘The photographer puts them live on their Facebook page at midday. You can request them taking down, but only once they’re live. So Heather is at home, waiting for it to go up so she can get it down ASAP.’

  ‘Millsy, she’s cheated on Nick. He has to know about this. I have to save this photo before it gets taken down.’

  ‘Ruby, you can’t. Look, if you just storm Nick with a photo of his girlfriend cheating on him, you’re going to
crush him. And he’s going to go from loving her to hating her – but he’s going to hate you too, because you couldn’t wait to stick the knife in and twist it the second you had dirt on her.’

  ‘Fair is foul and foul is fair,’ I remind him.

  ‘Stop quoting the Scottish play,’ he snaps. ‘Look, I know I was on-board with this at the beginning when I thought we were just messing with him, but I’m worried about how obsessed with Nick you are. You’re only going to hurt him too. It’s wrong.’

  ‘Wrong?’ I echo. ‘Wrong? What’s wrong is you paying someone a measly £40 to hit on me. Wrong is Deano kissing Nick’s fiancée. And wrong is you insisting on calling it the Scottish play when it’s called fucking Macbeth.’

  As I fling my arms out wildly for dramatic effect, I lose my grip on my iPhone. I feel it fly from my hand, and watch as it travels through the air in super-slow motion. Before I have the chance to warn him, it hits a stagehand in the face. He instinctively lets go of the rope he’s holding and grabs his nose in pain. Suddenly, there’s a deathly scream.

  ‘What the fuck is going on?’ the director shouts. As I peep out onto the stage to see what all the commotion is, I realise that something has fallen from the ceiling and landed on Lady Macbeth’s head.

  ‘And that’s why we call it the Scottish play,’ Millsy tells me. ‘Quick, get out of here,’ he insists. ‘Before you get in trouble.’

  I hover for a second, holding eye contact. I don’t know what to say to him.

  ‘Ruby, seriously, go. You’re going to be in big trouble if you don’t.’

  I dash from the theatre as quickly as possible, running all the way home because, about thirty seconds after I left the theatre, I realised I’d left my phone in there. If I’m going to have any chance of saving this photo before Heather has it removed, I’m going to need to get on my laptop and wait for it.

  I get inside, switch on my laptop, load up Saturn’s Facebook page and wait. Just fifteen minutes to go and the evidence of what a bad person Heather is will be all mine.

  Alone with my thoughts, I think about what Millsy just said. Am I obsessed? OK, so I do want Nick for my own, but if Heather has cheated on him then surely he deserves to know. I know it’s not going to feel good for him, when I just present him with a photo, but seriously, what else can I do? I can’t turn a blind eye.