Relics

by K. T. Tomb

  “Holy shit! Are you insane?!” he shrieked.

  “Maybe!”

  Phoe arched back while hovering dangerously over the river far below. She leaned back dangerously while Jonathan continued to panic. He kept screaming until they reached the very top of the wall.

  “Drop—now!”

  It was an act of faith. Not for her... but for him. Even as she skidded across the rough rock surface, picking up a few more painful bruises and some scrapes to match those which had scarred over as she tumbled. She managed to look back. For an instant, she didn’t see him, and was certain he had held on too long and had fallen into the river and a horrific death. But then he landed on top of her with a crunching thud.

  “Aww... shit! Do you mind?” she scolded, shoving him dangerously close to the edge before dragging him back to safety.

  Both gasped for breath. When calm enough to move again, she released a huge sigh of relief and allowed a triumphant grin to form. Jonathan let out a whoop and holler toward the sky above.

  “We made it!” he enthused.

  “We did,” she agreed, allowing the smile to linger a moment. The elation faded at the realization they remained in a pickle, while good ole Peter slipped further away, returning home to Taos, New Mexico, with any portion of victory or even dignity seemed increasingly unlikely.

  “Now, how do we get down from here, Phoe?” Jonathan asked, his earlier joy evaporating as he leaned toward the ledge and gazed down at the river far below them. His eyes moved from that vista to the rugged terrain between them and the other side of the wall.

  “That, my friend, remains the sixty-thousand-dollar question.” She smirked, and then slapped him on the back.

  “Time to get going, Johnny boy,” she announced with enthusiasm.

  Chapter Two

  It was a quiet day for Charlotte DeCampos. Charlotte was a friend of Phoe’s mother had agreed to look after the shop whenever Phoe was away.

  She applied herself to learning every aspect of Simple Treasures, Phoe’s shop in Taos. She recalled helping Phoe build the handmade shelves. In fact, it was her idea to make the shop look like a log cabin. She enjoyed managing the inventory, especially the arrowheads, fossils, and well-made replicas of Greek, Roman, and Italian artifacts.

  Charlotte was also the one who found a specialist who knew how to copy artifacts. Almost every time Phoe went on one of her quests, she brought back something rare and unusual. Making replicas for Phoe to sell helped keep the shop in the black. The two women shared the house connected to the back of the shop—and not so much for financial considerations as much as it was due to Phoe’s general mistrust of strangers, and a desire to keep a close eye on her store.

  Charlotte also liked to take credit for talking Phoe into moving to Taos in the first place. Perfectly located in northern New Mexico, it provided access to the surrounding area rich in history, culture as well as a social class of people who could afford her artifacts.

  It had been a slow week. Charlotte was painting her nails when a stranger entered, hoping to see Phoe. The man stood at the counter, checking his watch every minute or so as he shifted from one foot to another. In his late forties, the well-groomed gentleman in an expensive tailored suit huffed loud enough for Charlotte to pause and look up at him.

  “Like I said, she should be here anytime,” Charlotte repeated. “You sure you don’t want a cup of coffee or a stool while you wait?”

  “No,” he responded. He glared at her before looking at his watch once more.

  Charlotte braced herself for another serving of the man’s speech about wasting his time, the cost of which apparently amounted to more than she’d make in the coming year. Thankfully, however, Phoe and Jonathan burst through the front door. Running late left the shop’s proprietor in a cloudy mood, or maybe it was the sling on Phoe’s right arm.

  “What in the hell happened?” Charlotte nearly spilled her bottle of nail polish as she scrambled from her seat behind the counter and rushed to assist her boss.

  “I’m fine, Charlotte,” said Phoe, her brow furrowed as she looked past her toward their impatient visitor. “It’s just a precaution. Gotta love those doctors.”

  “You have a visitor, Phoe,” whispered Charlotte. “He doesn’t want to tell me his name.”

  The well-dressed man turned around, raising an eyebrow in concern. “Jonathan. Are you all right?”

  “Yeah, Dad, I think so.” Jonathan allowed a meek smile.

  “Phoe, we have things to discuss. I would prefer someplace private,” Simon Kessler, Phoe’s valued client, grumbled.

  Phoe motioned for him to follow her to her office. Kessler’s eyes studied the room, and he smirked as his gaze fell upon the mess of paperwork and empty chocolate milk containers on her desk.

  “We have to talk, Phoe,” he said. “The mission was an utter failure.”

  “That depends on what you consider a failure,” she said. She motioned him to a chair across from hers and they sat down together. “Your son came back in one piece. In fact, it was because of saving him that I lost the Head of Olmec.”

  “I would appreciate if you wouldn’t blame your inadequacies on Jonathan.”

  “If Jonathan hadn’t been shadowing me, then I would have the Olmec. Simple as that. How exactly would you like me to rephrase the facts? You may be paying my expenses, but in order for things to work out as they should, you have to let me do what I do. Alone. Unencumbered.”

  “What you do alone? Yet, you lack the academic degrees and experience to have earned that privilege. As I feared, your inexperience cost you the Olmec, which is not why I funded the expedition!”

  “And yet, you hired me anyway. Spit it out, Simon. You knew I would fail, and that your son would be a liability. Cut the shit and tell me what your game is.”

  Kessler reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a piece of paper.

  “Have you seen this? It’s from a Swedish online news source.” He handed her the folded slip of paper. She read it and tossed it on the desk, unimpressed.

  “You do realize it’s an April Fool’s joke, right? It even states this fact beneath the article, ‘April Fool’s.’ I saw this thing when it came out the first time. Don’t tell me that the great billionaire Simon Kessler has been fooled by something so crazy.”

  “I’m not stupid, Phoe. I know a practical joke.” He picked up the piece of paper and returned it to his pocket. “But this isn’t entirely a joke. Too bad you can’t read between the lines worth a damn.”

  She took the bait.

  “Okay, what? Fine, you got me, Simon. But before you try to entice me with some new pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, you need to state clearly what’s now in it for me. The ante’s been upped. Way up.”

  Simon smiled. “On the contrary, Phoe. At last count, since you failed the Olmec mission, you owe me just over forty-five thousand dollars.”

  “What?! You’re frigging crazy!” She got up and headed for the door.

  “Take this on and your entire debt to me will be erased...”

  She paused to listen.

  “And, whether you find anything or not, you won’t have to pay me back for any expenses you accrue.”

  She turned around, holding him in her gaze. “All right. But this time, I want you to give me a credit card with no limit for expenses. Put me on an account as an authorized user if you must. And, I want you to sign a contract stating what you just said. Also, none of your cronies come with me—not even your son. If I decide to take anyone, he or she will be my exclusive pick.”

  It took him a moment to respond, and, for a moment, he simply stared at her.

  She began to fidget. “Simon, I’m a busy woman. You have exactly twenty seconds to take my offer or get the hell out of here.”

  A slight smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. “So, I am to be given an ultimatum? Good day to you, Phoe.”

  He left her office first, and when Phoe came out a minute later, she looked shocked that Simon
and Jonathan Kessler were long gone. Charlotte’s response announced she just realized the closed-door meeting hadn’t gone as well as her boss would’ve liked. Charlotte pursued Phoe into her office.

  “Simon was smiling when he left. Did you two make a deal?” She said this sweetly while handing Phoe a twenty-ounce bottle of chocolate milk.

  Phoe forced a sad smile, but her bottom lip quivered. Charlotte watched her move to close up the store for the evening. Phoe then grabbed the DVD copy of Raiders of the Lost Ark—one of her personal favorite movies—and moved past her to the living area of the hybrid house. Charlotte pursued her and placed the DVD in the player when Phoe plopped down on the couch and buried her face in her hands.

  Phoe began to weep, and as Charlotte moved to comfort her, she was pushed away.

  “I owe Simon Kessler forty-five thousand dollars!” she sobbed. “How am I ever going to be able to pay him?”

  Chapter Three

  A restless night awaited Phoe as she lay in bed.

  Watching Raiders of the Lost Ark hadn’t eased her worries. Where in the hell would she come up with Kessler’s money? For a moment, her heart lifted at the thought of not having a legally-binding contract. She never signed anything. However, from her limited experience as a businesswoman, she knew that if a plaintiff could prove that certain expenses—or damages—were incurred, she would be on the hook for it all. Legally. Kessler’s high-priced lawyers could very well end up taking Simple Treasures from her. If that happened, she would be royally screwed. Moving back in with her mother was akin to the ‘March of Bataan’ in her mind.

  Maybe that was what she should do, anyway. Hell, she could start a store online and sell her artifact replicas without worrying about the overhead of a physical store. But, not wanting to lose something she had worked so hard to get, she started thinking long and hard about Kessler’s proposal. She wondered if he truly planned to pursue what he had hinted at. Not caring for his arrogance, she acknowledged the fact he was highly intelligent, if not delusional. Played her coyly, too... as he had never come out and said what he wanted her to find. Instead, she saw it in his eyes—that childlike fascination.

  Since Kessler had never specifically mentioned the artifact, she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud either. The notion was one beyond ridiculous. He did say he would erase my debt whether I found it or not. It would certainly be the latter, since how could she find something from the land of make-believe? Still, the ‘all expenses paid tag’ gave her pause to consider. After all, as a newbie in the biz, she didn’t have a reputation to worry about ruining. Not yet.

  Realizing she had nothing to lose by accepting the task, she allowed herself to smile. She could even request an advance, along with her demands. Hell, the entire prospectus could be one long demand. That thought especially made her feel good and she chuckled as she climbed out of the depressive funk she’d been in since that afternoon.

  She decided to watch a little television to help her fall asleep, now that her mind was at ease. All the while, her mind kept returning to her favorite scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark, where the angelic guardians melted the evil Nazis. Picturing screams of the unjust getting punished, something about the job offer from Kessler hit her, like a lead-filled boxing glove to the face.

  “Oh my God, that’s it!” she shouted in joyful surprise. “Why in the hell didn’t I connect it before? Shit, I’ve been so stupid!”

  Still tender from the latest expedition, Phoe climbed out of bed and slowly made her way to a small desk in her bedroom, powering on her computer. Once on the internet, she typed in ‘Thor’ and ‘Nazis.’

  “There it is,” she whispered, almost reverently. “Oh... my... God!”

  Finding sleep would prove difficult, still, but for a different reason.

  “A ‘forty-five thousand and then some’ different reasons,” she muttered, pulling the covers back up once she climbed back in bed. It was the central theme of what floated through her mind, until the rest she longed for finally came.

  Chapter Four

  Phoe awoke to the smell of Charlotte’s homemade buttermilk waffles and eggs over-easy, making her feel like a child again. It conjured a good memory of her mother’s cooking, and she loved the way the smell permeated the house.

  She got dressed and practically ran to the dining room table. Charlotte sat at the table eating breakfast, having already set a place for Phoe.

  Charlotte looked up and eyed her curiously.

  “What?” Phoe returned her look with a suspicious one.

  “Sorry, Phoe. You look radiant this morning.”

  “Well, I feel radiant,” she said, sliding into her seat. She smiled impishly. “I’m going to call Simon Kessler and accept that impossible job.”

  She grabbed a waffle and took a big bite.

  “What made you change your mind?”

  “He didn’t come out and say it, but I think Simon wants me to find Thor’s Hammer.”

  Charlotte’s mouth dropped open. She started to say something, but caught herself.

  “I’m sorry. Did you say the Hammer of Thor?” she asked, wearing a look of disbelief.

  “Sounds totally absurd, doesn’t it?” Phoe paused to sip her coffee. “But, yes, he’s willing to pay me to find what may or may not exist. The Hammer of Thor.”

  “Wait, wait a minute, kiddo.” Charlotte eyed her like Phoe’s mother often did, one eyebrow raised. “If he didn’t actually mention it by name, how do you know it’s what he wants?”

  “Trust me, Char. I’ve been doing this for a while now. I’d bet everything I have in the store right now that I’m right about this.”

  “Can I call the store Needful Things if I win?”

  “Very funny,” said Phoe, a bite of waffle drizzling syrup back onto her plate as she regarded her pal, and wearing a near-identical scornful look. “Are you saying that I’m not successful?”

  “How exactly would you describe the word ‘successful,’ dear? I’m just being honest.”

  “Let me show you something,” Phoe responded, leaving the table, rushing down the hall to her office, rummaging for the paper clipping Simon had handed her the day before and rushing back in to Charlotte, slapping the paper down on the table in front of her.

  She watched Charlotte for a few moments before returning to her seat and digging into her waffles again.

  “But Phoe,” Charlotte protested a few moments later, “this very clearly states that this was an April Fool’s joke played by some Swedish engineers. It proves nothing.”

  “It proves that Simon wants me to find the Hammer of Thor.”

  Charlotte started to offer a rebuttal, but Phoe’s cell phone chirped, and she waved off Charlotte to answer it, pausing only to wipe the stickiness from her fingers.

  “Simple Treasures, Phoe speaking.”

  “Good morning, Phoe. Simon Kessler here.”

  “Good morning, Simon.” Phoe winked at Charlotte.

  “I have considered your offer... I accept your terms.”

  Phoe could barely contain her excitement, motioning with a big thumbs up and matching smile to let Charlotte know a sweet deal was going down. “Okay. So, just to be clear, you’re accepting the entire contract terms we discussed yesterday, right? Including erasing my recent debt and giving me a no-limit credit card? Oh, and one last thing. I get to choose who goes with me as I see fit.”

  “Yes.”

  Phoe placed her hand over the phone’s speaker. Trying to keep from squealing, she turned to Charlotte. “What else should I ask for?”

  “Dear, have you heard the fable of The Fox and the Grapes?”

  Phoe rolled her eyes and resumed the phone conversation. “What about my finder’s fee?”

  That one earned a long silence on the other end of the phone.

  Shit! Did I just blow it?

  The Dog and His Bone fable popped into her mind, a favorite of her mother’s. Phoe saw herself looking at her own reflection in her mind’s eye, hold
ing the original contract. The greedy Phoe decided to override the original deal, and like the dog losing his bone to his reflection in the stream, she now pictured the real contract going poof. To add further insult, her imaginary self smiled smugly and waved playfully goodbye.

  “Do you actually believe you can find it?” Simon asked.

  Phoe was shocked and relieved, but didn’t dare show a weakness in conviction. “Don’t you believe I can find it?”

  “To be clear.” He suddenly sounded hushed and muffled, like he was covering up his handset. “You do know what I’m hiring you to find... don’t you?”

  “Yes. But why are you hiring me to find something you don’t think I can find?”

  Her question earned her an extended wait in agonizing silence. The deal was flimsy and getting more precarious by the moment. She decided not to risk it further by asking any more questions. But, before she backtracked with an empty guarantee she could find whatever he hoped she’d find, Simon spoke.

  “Good point,” he chuckled, as if he could see her antics over the phone. “All that matters is that you are the right person to try and find it. If you can’t find it, I’m not sure anyone else can. Anyway, I’ll have my lawyer contact you with the paperwork. He’ll see you tomorrow morning at nine o’clock sharp, at your store.”

  She was unsure how to respond, straddling a dangerous line thus far of almost inserting her foot firmly in her mouth.

  “Thank you, Phoe. You won’t regret this.”

  He hung up before she could respond, leaving her staring at the handset. Charlotte clapped enthusiastically, and Phoe expected to feel just as excited. But her mind was catching up to her elation, and she realized she had almost too easily agreed to pursue a quest wrapped in ancient myth. A fairy tale. Not usually a good thing, she hoped she didn’t soon regret trying to hunt down the Hammer of Thor.