Not if I Save You First

by Ally Carter

  And just like that the spell was broken. Maddie missed the warmth of his fingers against hers, but she acted like it didn’t matter.

  She told herself it couldn’t possibly matter.

  The fish sizzled as Maddie took a long stick and moved the fillets around on the big rocks. She watched as Logan wrapped his hands around his knees.

  “He was supposed to meet someone somewhere. Maybe last night? Maybe this morning or sometime today? I’m not sure. I don’t think he ever said. It was a plane, I think. He said the boat wouldn’t be fast enough. I don’t know what he meant by that exactly. Seems to me like a plane would stand out.”

  Maddie turned on him. For a really smart boy, sometimes Logan could be really stupid.

  “There are more people with pilot’s licenses in Alaska than there are people with driver’s licenses. No one’s gonna notice one more small plane. And besides, the Secret Service will start looking for you today if they haven’t already. The Russians are running out of time.”

  He shook his head and pulled his legs tighter. “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes.” Maddie forced herself to her feet. She’d already spent too long sitting, waiting. Leaning against someone who might not be there to catch her next time.

  “Logan, you are the president’s son. And you’ve been off the grid for almost twenty-four hours. And there’s no reality where that goes unnoticed.”

  He was moving as she spoke, a subtle, rocking shift that he probably didn’t even know he was doing. But when she finished he stopped and looked up at her. “And once they notice?”

  Maddie pulled on her gloves and used the sleeve of her coat to pull the rocks from the coals. She sat them on the top of the stove and it was all she could do not to fall on the fish fillets and eat them in one gulp.

  “Once they notice, they’ll try to reach my dad, who is either back and going crazy or is on his way back and will begin going crazy anytime now.”

  She reached down and picked up a piece of flaky fish, put it in her mouth, and almost moaned with the taste of it. Logan stood and joined her.

  “Then they’ll pull up all the satellite footage from around the cabin to make sure no one flew you out. After that, they’ll know you’re on foot. And they’ll start looking. We could start a signal fire—if we can find enough dry wood, which is doubtful. And even if we did, the bad guys would probably get here before the good guys, and we don’t want to signal the wrong side.”

  After a few bites, he asked, “Do we head back for your house?”

  Maddie thought about it for a long time before admitting, “I don’t know. There are weapons there. And the radio. And maybe one of your agents survived? But Stefan could be expecting us to go there, so …”

  All her life Maddie had heard stories of close calls and bad decisions, lucky breaks that made the difference between life and death. How would history judge this morning? She had to wonder. Would they be the idiots who turned back or the fools who didn’t?

  Maddie had no idea.

  “I think if I were him, that’s what I’d expect us to do. But I didn’t spend as much time with him as you did.”

  Logan considered it while he ate another piece of fish and then took a sip of the fresh water that they’d melted on the stove that morning.

  “Stefan found us there once,” he said at last. Then he considered the tiny cabin. “Do we stay here?”

  But there was something else in Logan’s voice. Maddie felt it, too, as she glanced to the floor where they’d slept, wrapped up in each other, unaware of the world going totally to pieces all around them.

  In the light of day, she could see it for what it was: a shack with peeling wallpaper and a soot-stained ceiling, but there were other things, too: a cracked vase on a shelf, a row of oddly shaped rocks, like some child’s treasures.

  This place had saved their lives, but life was going to be different outside the safety of its four walls. Maddie didn’t want to think too hard about how or why.

  “Once the clouds clear, someone’s bound to see the smoke.” She looked down at the last fish fillet, took a tiny piece, and then pushed the rest toward Logan. “I don’t like the idea of … sitting. We wouldn’t freeze to death here. Probably. But we could die here just the same. And I don’t want to die waiting.”

  “Me either.”

  Logan’s voice was sure and steady. He sounded like his dad, Maddie thought, but she didn’t say so.

  “You’ve got the map?” she asked. He pushed it toward her.

  “I think we’re somewhere about here.” He pointed to a ridge that wasn’t far from the river.

  “Closer to here,” she said, pointing to a spot nearer to the burned-out bridge.

  “It felt like we walked longer last night.”

  She glanced up at him. “That’s because you were walking for two.”

  “I’d do it again,” he told her, but he was too serious. Too close. Maddie had to find a way to push him away without touching him, so she laughed.

  “I hope I don’t have to hold you to that,” she said.

  “Mad—”

  “Dad didn’t want me on this side of the river,” she cut him off, pointing to the vast, empty places on the map—the nothingness that surrounded them.

  “Why?” Logan asked, and Maddie shrugged.

  “There was plenty of trouble on our side. I didn’t need to go looking for more. What’s this X?” Maddie asked, pointing to where Logan had marked the spot. “Was that on his map? Had he drawn it on there?”

  “Yes and yes. Or, at least, someone had drawn it on there. But what he was hoping to find in the middle of a lake, I don’t know.”

  Maddie knew. “That’s where he was taking you. If they’re flying you out, that’s their rendezvous point. Land a small floatplane on that lake and load you up. You’d be in Russian airspace in just a few hours.”

  “Well, let’s try to avoid that if at all possible,” Logan teased.

  “Good plan.” Maddie pointed to the opposite edge of the map and thought about their options. “Canada is that way. We could be there in a couple of days. No one would expect us to walk to Canada.”

  “You were shot yesterday, Mad. You need a hospital. I’m not dragging you through the forest for two days just to get to Canada where who knows how many more days we’d have to walk to find some help.”

  “You could do it.”

  “That’s true.” Logan nodded, sounding sure. “I could carry you. That could—”

  “No! You could walk to Canada. Logan, listen—I’ll slow you down, but you’re the one they want. If I could keep him distracted, then—”

  “No! I am not leaving you out here with a madman.”

  “It was just an idea.” Maddie shrugged.

  “Well, it was a bad one. I’m never …” He trailed off, but there was something in his gaze. “I’m not leaving you alone.”

  “I didn’t want you to be out there on your own either, you know.”

  “Good,” Logan said, as if he didn’t quite realize that they weren’t arguing anymore.

  For a long moment the cabin was silent except for the cracking of the tree limbs outside, the sparks from the dying fire.

  “We’re going to have to go back for it.”

  Neither of them said what it was. Neither of them had to.

  Logan had almost run onto a burning bridge last night because that pack and the phone inside of it were so precious.

  That phone was help. That phone was civilization. That phone was a helicopter and a complete squad of Army Rangers or Navy SEALS or whoever happened to be closest.

  That phone was a warm bed and a hot meal and a shower. Oh have mercy—what Maddie wouldn’t have done for a shower.

  But that phone was also the second-most-obvious source of help, and if they were thinking about it, then Stefan might be as well.

  Logan seemed to read Maddie’s mind and her worries. “It’s suicide.”

  But Maddie was shaking her head. Lo
gan’s fears were still rattling around in there, and despite her best efforts, some of them were even taking root.

  “My dad has a sat phone. He’s the one person we know we can trust.”

  “You’re right,” Logan told her. “And he’s already on his way.”

  “Probably,” Maddie said. “I mean, there’s no way he risked flying in last night in all that weather. But when he does get back, he’s going to come for us. I left markers, but who knows how many of them made it through the storm. They could be under three inches of ice and a foot of blowing snow by now. Dad might not find them. He may need backup. But if we can call him, he can fly to get us. The river will be frozen in places, and Dad can land there. Dad can land anywhere. He can get us and we can get out of here.” Maddie studied him. The fire was cooling down, but neither of them went to get more wood. They wouldn’t be there long enough to need it, they both seemed to know.

  Then Logan shook his head. “I have to try for it.”

  And for the first time in her life Maddie didn’t argue.

  Maddie made Logan turn his red coat inside out so the light blue liner was what showed. They ate the last bites of fish. When Maddie opened the door, the sun was bright overhead, reflecting off the smooth, clear palate of white. It was almost too perfect to disturb, so for a moment they both stood on the threshold of the shack and looked back at the dying fire, the old stove, and the place on the floor where they’d slept.

  “I live in the most famous house in the world, but …” Logan trailed off.

  Maddie put her hand in his. “This is my favorite, too,” she told him.

  He squeezed, and they took a step out into a world that was too white—too clean, too new. There were animal tracks in the snow, but no footsteps. Maddie hated that they’d be leaving their own, but there was nothing they could do about that.

  All of her senses were on high alert, but she could smell no other fires, see nothing but trees. There was nothing at all man-made for as far as the eye could see.

  It felt to Maddie like they were all alone in the universe.

  But they weren’t.

  And that was the scary part.

  The clouds stayed heavy and the sky stayed dim, but all around them the world shone like it was covered with crystals.

  Maddie felt Logan at her back, following closely in her footsteps. Literally. As if maybe Stefan or his friends (if he had any) would be less likely to see one set of footprints than they would be to see two. Or maybe they might think it was someone else—someone on their own. But there were no other people for miles and miles around.

  That was something it had taken Maddie a long time to get used to. For the first year or so it always felt like the trees had eyes, like someone was watching, listening. Like there was a whole silent, invisible city living up on the hill with a bird’s-eye view of all she said or did.

  But only the birds had that, Maddie knew now. And the birds, it seemed, weren’t talking.

  Then it was as if Maddie had summoned one with her thoughts, because she heard a cry overhead and saw a bald eagle sweeping low, just above the snow-covered canopy of the trees.

  “Was that … ?” Logan asked.

  “We have a lot of eagles here. You can see their nests if you know where to look. They’re huge sometimes. Like houses. They mate for life,” she said without really realizing what she was saying.

  Then she saw Logan’s grin and looked back to the path, too quickly.

  There was a bush covered with berries nearby, and Maddie pointed at it. “Yummy,” she said as she pulled off as many berries as she could, passing a handful to Logan.

  They walked a few yards more. Maddie could practically feel Logan’s gaze burning into her back. “Yummy,” she said, pointing to another bush. She pulled a few more berries and plopped them into her mouth. They were frozen, of course, but the cold, wet juice was a jolt to her system. She had a new bounce, a new purpose to her step when she saw yet another bush.

  “Poison,” she said, pointing to the third type of berry.

  “They look just like all the others,” Logan said.

  Maddie glanced behind her. “Well, they’re not. Trust me.”

  “So not yummy,” Logan finished for her.

  Maddie couldn’t help but smile. “No. Not yummy.”

  They walked on for a few minutes more, every moment bringing them closer to where they’d started last night, their big head start dwindling with every step.

  They moved slower the closer they got. It was like they both knew that any breaking twig or carelessly kicked rock could start an avalanche. Not of snow or of rocks. But of awful.

  Yes, Maddie thought with a nod. An avalanche of awful was just one careless step away, so she stepped very carefully indeed.

  Logan must have felt it, too, because when he spoke, he whispered. “What are the odds that our friend never found Black Bear Bridge?”

  Maddie wasn’t surprised at Logan’s change of subject. Then again, did it even count as a change of subject if said subject was constantly on one’s mind?

  In the wintery stillness of the forest it was easy to believe that they were alone, locked together in some enchanted land. But they weren’t alone. Eagles flew and tree limbs cracked in the distance, breaking under their icy weight. And forgetting that they weren’t the only people in these woods was the most dangerous thing that either of them could do.

  Maddie didn’t even bother to answer Logan’s question. It was an answer they both knew already. So instead she asked, “What would you do? If you were him, what would your play be?”

  She could tell by the way he glanced around them that he wasn’t going to have to think about his answer. He’d been asking himself that question for hours.

  “I’d find Black Bear Bridge and get on this side of the river, and then I’d find some nice, cozy place to take cover and wait for us. That phone is the best way to get help. It might be the only way to get help. And you can bet Stefan knows it.”

  Maddie nodded. She kept pivoting, looking out across the white horizon just like her father had taught her when she was a little girl and he made his living looking over crowds, scanning for danger. There was never a time in Maddie’s life when she didn’t know how to scan for danger. Sometimes she wondered what it would be like to not know that. Would she have preferred being a normal kind of girl who didn’t know what was out there? But, no, Maddie realized. She was the kind of girl who always liked to see things coming.

  Logan studied her, read her silence. “It’s not too late, you know. We can still walk to Canada. Call it an adventure.”

  Maddie couldn’t help but grin up at him. Logan had always had that effect on her. Spontaneous grinning usually ensued.

  “I like Canada,” she said. “They have really good donuts.”

  “They do have good donuts!” Logan exclaimed, as if he couldn’t believe he had forgotten that incredibly important fact about one of America’s closest allies and neighbors. “And I could learn to play hockey.”

  Maddie turned. “We could put maple syrup on everything,” she said softly.

  Then she felt Logan’s hand take hers, and she turned to study him. “We would be really good Canadians.”

  “Right?”

  Logan nodded. “Totally.”

  But Canada was a world away. They might as well have been talking about setting up camp on the moon.

  The wind was colder, but the rain had stopped and they were both dry, for which Maddie was eternally grateful. Still, there was a nagging itch in the back of her mind, a little voice whispering that they weren’t out of the woods yet.

  They might never be out of the woods.

  She looked up at the sky and knew that time was passing. Her father should have landed by now. The alarm should have sounded. Help was on its way, but Maddie had to keep Logan alive long enough for it to get there.

  Time was ticking down, Maddie could tell. But toward what, she had no idea.

  “How did they fin
d me, Mad Dog?”

  “Does it matter now?”

  “Yes,” Logan practically snapped. “Because there’s no use risking our necks to get a sat phone if we have no idea who to call. What if there’s a mole in the Secret Service or the White House? What if some secure communications channel got hacked?” Logan took a deep breath. “How are we going to keep from messing up again if we don’t know where we messed up to begin with?”

  To Maddie, it sounded like an excellent question. But it was one they didn’t have time to answer.

  “We’ll figure that out, Logan. Later. After we call my dad and figure out a place for him to meet us. He can fly us out of here, and then we’ll figure it out.”

  “I don’t know.” Logan’s gaze was trained on the horizon. “Something’s wrong.” He gestured to the snow and the ice and the thousands of empty acres that surrounded them. “Out there. I can feel it.”

  Maddie wished she could argue, but she couldn’t find the words, so instead she said, “Tell me again, what he said on the phone.”

  She expected Logan to roll his eyes. The answer hadn’t changed in the twenty minutes since she’d last asked.

  But Logan was patient as he told her, “My Russian is pretty good, but it’s not perfect. And I only heard half of the conversation, but he said that he had to get me somewhere by a certain time—today, I think. I’m not sure what time exactly, but I got the impression that time was of the essence. They were going to be there, waiting and ready.”

  “Who were they?” Maddie asked, but Logan just raised an eyebrow.

  “The monster under the bed? The gunman on the grassy knoll?”

  “Logan.” Maddie wasn’t losing patience. But maybe she was losing faith. “Was there a name? A group? An acronym? Anything?”

  “A doctor,” Logan said. “He said they’d have a doctor there.”

  “So they don’t just want you taken alive,” she said. “They’re planning on keeping you that way.”

  “Yeah. Until they aren’t.”

  Maddie could feel it then, the certain knowledge that Logan wasn’t as strong as he acted, as cool or as sure as he looked. He was taller. And stronger. And his hands felt better when she held them, and his chest made a much larger pillow than it had when they were ten. She was sure about all that. But Logan was still the same boy he’d been when they were standing in that corridor. He was still terrified he was about to watch someone he cared about get taken away forever. And his deepest fear—the one Maddie could see in his eyes—was that this time, he wouldn’t be able to stop it.