No Control

by Shannon K. Butcher

Page 24

 

  “You can go back to your own apartment if you like. We had a team sweep it for bugs, too, and a man’s been posted guard to keep it that way. ”

  “Why?” she asked. “Why go to al this trouble when there’s nothing I can offer you in return?”

  Shadows outlined his wide jaw and accentuated the high ridge of his cheekbone. He was watching her with a hint of sadness in those black eyes. “I know you’re scared, but I hope that you’l figure out you can trust me. ”

  Lana ached to give in to the hope she heard in his voice. He wanted her to trust him, and she wanted the same thing, but she knew better. He was only one man. He couldn’t possibly protect everyone she cared about, and even if he puled in whatever resources were at his disposal, Lana couldn’t bring herself to trust them. Too many lives were at stake. Al she had to do was keep her mouth shut and everyone would be okay.

  She just had to pretend a little longer and Kara would go away.

  Lana looked away, feigning interest in an older couple getting into their car a few yards away. The little old man opened the door for the little old lady and tucked her into the seat as if she were the most precious treasure on earth.

  She wondered if they knew how lucky they were to have each other.

  “There’s nothing to trust you with,” she lied. “I wish I could help you, but I don’t know what it is you want me to do or say. ”

  His expression hardened, and she saw that faint hope in his eyes die. “Would you feel safer in a hotel, or would you rather go home?”

  At home at least she had work to distract her. “If I go home, are you sure no one wil be listening?”

  “I’m sure. These men are nothing if not thorough. ”

  “Okay, then. I’l go home. ”

  “At least you trust me about that. It’s something, I guess. ”

  Lana realized with a shock that it was true. She did trust him enough to believe he’d take care of the bugs when he said so. Maybe it was foolish to trust so easily, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. She prayed she wasn’t getting in over her head with Caleb, even as she feared it was already too late.

  Grant was sitting outside Lana’s apartment on guard duty when Caleb puled in. He’d managed to avoid getting the two of them together earlier today because she’d been stuck on the phone, but now there was no reason not to introduce her to his womanizing buddy.

  Damn it, there was no way he was going to sit by while Grant seduced Lana with his charming smile or whatever it was about him that had women’s panties faling off at every turn.

  If Lana’s panties were coming off, Caleb wanted to be the one doing it.

  Grant unfolded his lean body from the car, stretching for a moment before striding toward them. He had the build of a runner, with long, lean muscles rather than the heavier bulk of Caleb’s build. They’d been friends for nearly a decade, and Caleb would do anything for the man.

  Anything except let him have Lana.

  They met on the sidewalk, and Grant had that panty-dropping smile on his face. “You must be Lana,” he said, reaching his hand out for her to shake.

  Lana gave Caleb a questioning glance as if to ask if Grant was safe. Caleb wanted to hesitate, to give her just a hint of a reason to keep her distance, but he just couldn’t do it. Not to Grant. The man had puled his ass out of more fires than he cared to remember, and he couldn’t repay him that way.

  Caleb nodded, giving Lana a reassuring smile. “He’s safe,” he said, wishing the words back the moment they left his lips.

  Lana took his hand and Grant did that just-hold-it thing that seemed to make women swoon. Caleb wasn’t sure how he did it without coming off as stalker material, but he did. Every damn time. “I’m Grant. At your service. ”

  Caleb waited for the slow smile of feminine approval to dimple her cheeks, but it never came. Instead, she puled her hand back as soon as was polite and took half a step nearer to Caleb.

  He felt like he’d just won the freaking lottery. That smal show of trust was worth more to him than every penny he’d ever made. The surprised grin Grant shot him only made the feeling sweeter.

  “You two in for the night?” asked Grant.

  Caleb had told Lana he was going to stay with her, but he hadn’t actualy explained to her that he meant to stay by her side. No more hanging out in the car waiting for her nightmares to strike. If she had another bout of bad dreams, he was going to be right there. He owed her that much.

  Or maybe that was just a handy excuse to get himself in her door. Either way, he didn’t care. He wasn’t going to leave her to suffer alone.

  Lana licked her lips in a nervous gesture, and Caleb felt that lick al the way to his toes. Wanting her and not being able to have her wasn’t pleasant, but it sure was easy. As easy as breathing.

  “Yeah,” answered Caleb before Lana had a chance to argue.

  “The place is spotless, so feel free to do . . . you know, whatever. ”

  Caleb knew exactly what whatever was, and there wasn’t going to be any of that going on. Stil, Grant didn’t need to know that. “Good night,” said Caleb.

  “I hope so,” said Grant.

  Lana looked confused but said nothing.

  Caleb shifted his duffel bag and held out his hand. “Give me the keys and I’l go in first. ”

  She hesitated for a second before saying, “No. I need to do this. I can’t stand the thought of being frightened out of my own home. Such as it is. ”

  Caleb felt a new spark of pride for the woman. She was no wilting flower, and he loved that about her.

  Lana unlocked the door and stepped inside. The apartment was a little worse for wear thanks to the search Grant and his team had done. One of the electrical outlet covers was cracked, and several of her books were lying in a stack on the floor. Her couch cushions were crooked, and her TV was missing.

  Caleb shut and locked the door, giving Lana time to absorb her home. She just stood there, stil and calm, looking at everything slowly. Tears weled up in her eyes but did not fal.

  Caleb couldn’t stand to see her suffer. He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, hoping she wouldn’t pul away. She stood in the loop of his arms for a long time. The honeysuckle scent of her skin filed the space between them, and Caleb fought the urge to bury his face in her hair and breathe her in.

  Without realizing it, his thumbs were stroking over her stomach as if searching for a patch of bare skin. He stiled his wayward hands and just waited. He’d hold her al night, if that’s what she needed, and consider himself privileged to be given the honor.

  A few minutes later, he watched her pul herself together. It was a miraculous thing to behold. First the tears that had never falen disappeared, then her shoulders squared, her chin lifted, and she seemed to grow a couple inches taler. One moment she appeared fragile and delicate, the next she had the stance of a warrior maid bent on battle.

  Caleb felt his world shift just then, like the ground beneath him had vanished for a split second. He knew then he was lost. If she’d been weaker or more bitter, he could have resisted. If she’d become cold and cynical, he would have been safe. But she was none of those things. She was selfless warmth and enduring strength, and he couldn’t help but love her.

  It was the biggest mistake of his life, and there was nothing he could do to stop himself. He’d falen in love with a woman who could never love him back.

  Lana let the hot water spray against her skul and tried not to think about the last time she was in this shower. With Caleb.

  Of course, trying not to think of something only made her think about it more, and eventualy her body was aching, her movements jerky with need. Man, what she wouldn’t have given for one of those detachable shower massagers right now. She’d have taken care of business and gone to bed with a smile. But instead she just stood there, aching for more than she was wiling to let herself have.

  Caleb.

  His pre
sence was no longer jarring when she’d turn and see him nearby. She’d gotten used to his casual touches—a hand on her shoulder, tucking hair behind her ear, lacing his fingers with hers. She wasn’t sure how that had happened. She hadn’t been comfortable even with casual touches from anyone but the kids in a long time. He’d ducked under her guard when she wasn’t looking, and he’d stayed there. And now she wanted him. There was no denying how she felt—it would only be a waste of precious energy.

  The question was, what was she prepared to do about it? Could she realy let herself get physicaly involved with a man she knew would leave soon? Could she find the strength to resist the pul he had on her?

  Lana turned the water warmer. She’d heard that a cold shower was better for unquenched lust, but she wasn’t a sadist, and no amount of water, cold or otherwise, was going to quench her thirst for the real thing.

  “You okay in there?” came his deep voice through the door.

  Lana’s body heated at the sound, and she briefly thought about asking him to join her. Take up where they left off.

  “I’m just getting out now. ” She turned off the water and let it drip from her hair. She was going to need every second she could get to pul her defenses back up. A man like Caleb was a powerful force to withstand, but in the end, there wasn’t much choice but to try to fight and hope he’d leave before she crumbled.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  I t was dark. She knew the moment the nightmare began but was powerless to stop it. The fear came first, followed by the pain, then the fear of more pain. An endless, hungry cycle that ripped at her sanity until she was screaming for mercy.

  Then he was there, light streaming down behind him, casting his features into shadow and forming a halo around his head. He held her in his strong arms and she knew she was safe.

  Or at least she thought she was.

  The dream shifted as time reversed. The man with the pipe was dead. Caleb had killed him, but he didn’t get them all. Four of them had run and escaped to torment her. It would never stop. The fear. The pain. It would never stop. She was trapped. Helpless. She had no control. No control.

  Screams tore at Lana’s throat until al that came out was a ragged gasp for air. Caleb tried to shake her awake, but she was apparently trapped in her nightmare. Every light in her bedroom burned bright, and he wondered how she’d falen asleep at al, much less stayed asleep while he was shaking her, shouting her name.

  Then he remembered the sleeping pils. She had trouble waking up when she took them.

  Caleb gathered her writhing body and held her against him. He crooned soft words into her hair and stroked his hands over her face and arms, trying to soothe her. He repeated her name over and over, and finaly, she opened her eyes.

  Caleb sent up a prayer of thanks and brushed the hair off her sweating brow. How had she endured this every night? Had she been plagued by these nightmares when her body was stil broken and healing? Had she thrashed around like this?

  For months she’d lived alone. No one had been here to wake her and free her from her dreams. No one had been here to hold her. She’d gone through this al alone, and the thought made him long for a reason to do violence.

  He felt a kiler’s cold anger pumping through his blood, and he fought against it, trying to be gentle. It was like stopping a freight train with a feather—hopeless and futile.