No Control
Page 29
Page 29
“I know, but I’m stil staying. ”
“Why?”
He stepped forward until he was close enough she could reach out and touch him.
Lana clenched her hands to keep from doing just that. He was so solid and safe. Real and warm. For some reason he could anchor her to reality when the nightmares came, ward away al that darkness.
She was so tired. Worn down.
He reached out and slipped a thick finger over her ear to tuck back damp tendrils of her hair. “Because I can’t stand the thought of leaving you alone. ”
Lana looked up at him, losing herself in the warmth of his concerned gaze. “I’m a big girl. ”
“You’re al woman. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. But that doesn’t mean you should be alone. ”
“It’s easier that way. ”
“Liar. ” He closed the remaining distance between them, making Lana back up against the wal.
She felt the heat of his body, the unyielding slabs of muscle over his chest pressing against hers. His cheeks darkened, and his nostrils flared as if drinking in her scent. She was caged against the wal by his body, unable to tel if she was more worried by his odd behavior or excited by it.
“What are you doing?” she asked. Her voice wavered and her lungs sucked in air, pressing her breasts more fuly against him.
He leaned down until she could feel his lips move against her neck. “Tel me you want me to stop,” he dared her.
Lana couldn’t. Her hands pressed against his chest, but she couldn’t find the strength to push. Instead, her fingers curled against his hot skin in an effort to drag him closer.
He opened his mouth and flicked his tongue just below her ear. A jolt of heat shot through her, making her body clench hard. She sucked in a shocked breath, and it came out as a hiss of pleasure.
“There’s no one watching us this time. No one listening. ” He slid his fingers into her hair until his big hand covered the back of her head. “Nothing to stop us. ”
Lana’s lips parted in an effort to find something to say to that. Nothing came out, and Caleb took advantage of her speechlessness by kissing her.
Just the touch of his lips on hers was enough to make her sway. Caleb kept a light hold on her body with one arm while his fingers were firm and warm against her scalp, giving her no means of retreat.
Not that she wanted any.
When he held her like this, kissed her, there was no room for fear between them. He drove everything from her thoughts but excitement and pleasure.
Lana kissed him back, sliding her tongue along his bottom lip. His breathing sped, and she could feel the air around them heat.
He puled his mouth free of hers and kissed his way over her cheek, down her jaw, until he reached her neck.
“God, Lana,” he breathed, “I can’t take much more of this. ”
“Me, either,” she told him and clung to his wide shoulders to steady herself.
“Just tel me. ” His teeth nipped her skin, sending a zing of pleasure to her core. “I don’t want secrets between us. Or lies. ”
The words buzzed around in her brain until they finaly made sense. He was seducing her for information.
“Tel me what you’re hiding and al this wil be over. I’l keep you safe. I swear it. ”
Lana froze in outrage. Humiliation. Once again she’d been swept away by his touch, his kiss. But it was al an act. Part of his job.
Caleb must have felt her go stiff. He stopped kissing her and straightened his body so he could look at her. Concern and lust tightened his features Tears burned Lana’s eyes, and she knew if she so much as blinked, they’d spil over. She was so sick of crying, so angry that he could hurt her like this.
It was the anger that saved her, burning away her tears.
“I can’t believe you’d use me this way. ” Her clenched teeth made the words come out tight and bitter.
“I have to keep you safe. Whatever you’re hiding might get you kiled. I won’t let that happen. ”
“So you thought you’d try fucking the information out of me?”
She shoved him, but he didn’t budge. His body was hard and immobile under her hands.
The glow of lust that had lit his eyes brightened to angry determination. “Whatever it takes. I played by the rules last time and you nearly died. I don’t make the same mistake twice. ”
“You think you’re that good? That a few minutes with your cock inside me is going to make me throw al my deep, dark secrets at your feet?” Sarcasm made her voice ugly and hard.
Something hot flared in his features and he shifted closer, crowding her with his big body. His voice was low and velvet soft. “A few minutes, a few hours, a few days.
Whatever it takes. ”
Yes! shouted a feral voice inside Lana, but she held her ground. “So you admit that it would be manipulation. ”
“I’d rather see you live by manipulation than die by honesty. Besides, there’s not a whole lot of that between us, anyway. Is there?”
Lana looked away from him, ashamed of al the lying she’d been forced to do. “There’s nothing between us. ”
“That’s not true and you know it. You and I are tied together by the past. There’s no escaping that and no escaping me. ”
“Unless I tel you whatever secret you think I’m keeping. If I did that, you’d be gone within the hour. ”
He hesitated for a moment and some faint hint of indecision glided over his features. He slid a blunt finger along her cheekbone, down to her jaw, along the line of her throat. Lana bit back a rough gasp of pleasure.
His pupils expanded, making the golden chips in his eyes dilate. “You think you know me. You think you know what I want. But you’re wrong. ”
“I know exactly why you’re here,” she argued without much heat.
“Yes, but you don’t know what I want. ”
“Then tel me. ”
He said nothing, just bent his head over her hair and puled in a deep breath. His body shuddered, and his arms tightened around her. “I want to believe in second chances, Lana. In miracles. ”
She had no idea what he meant, but something desperate inside her wanted to give him whatever he wanted. Second chances, miracles, secrets, the truth. Everything.
It was at that moment that she realized just how close she was to breaking, to spiling out al the lies and secrets and half-truths she’d been keeping inside. Maybe he could keep her and her family safe. But maybe not. Lana couldn’t take the risk—not with the people she loved.
With an effort of wil that left her exhausted, Lana puled herself away from Caleb, both physicaly and emotionaly. She slipped away from him and crammed her expression into a hard mask. “Sorry. Can’t help you. There’s no such thing as miracles. Or second chances. ”
Caleb woke fuly from a dead sleep in the space of a heartbeat. He kept his eyes shut, listening to his surroundings. Something had woken him, and he strained his ears to figure out what it was.
The sound came again, a slight sigh of shifting fabric, the faint squeak of Lana’s bed frame.
She was having another nightmare.
Caleb shoved up off the couch and went into her room without knocking. Sure enough, she was thrashing on the bed, her body bowed into a tight arc, her skin glowing with sweat.
He had to make this stop. He couldn’t leave her knowing that she’d go through this alone every night. And eventualy, whether she remained silent or not, he’d have to leave. There was no future for them, not with the past they shared. She’d said herself there were no second chances. At least not for him.
Caleb lay down and puled her up against him, giving her soft, soothing words of comfort. He didn’t know if she’d taken sleeping pils again tonight, but he tried to wake her anyway.
Ragged sounds of pain gurgled in her throat, and Caleb’s hold on her tightened to the point where he had to focus on relaxing so he wouldn’t hurt her.
She let out a stuttering sob and lashed out at him with her fists. Caleb caught her hands and tucked them under the blankets so she wouldn’t hurt herself. He rocked her and urged her to wake up, suffering right along with her.
“You’re safe,” he told her. “I won’t let them hurt you again. ”
He felt it when the nightmare released her, slowly, painfuly. Her sobs deepened, and he felt the hot wetness of tears against his bare chest.
He would have given anything right now to take her pain away, to free her of this torment. He would have given his honor, his career, his life, anything to make this stop.
Her struggles slowed and weakened until she was clinging to him, her body shaking with the aftereffects of the nightmare.
Caleb murmured soft words into her hair and rocked her in a steady motion until he felt her pul away. Her eyes were red and shadowed with fatigue. They pleaded to him to help her, and Caleb wanted to howl at the unfairness of her life. She didn’t deserve this. No one did.
“You’re okay now,” he told her, hearing his rioting emotions thicken his voice.
She wiped her eyes and sniffed. There was stil a wildness in her expression—a sort of frantic panic he’d seen on the faces of men who knew they were cornered.
Trapped.
He wanted to soothe her, protect her, but he had so little to offer. He smoothed the cobweb of dark hair away from her face, trying to tel her without words how he felt, that he would do anything to make the bad parts of her life go away.
“I don’t know how much longer I can stand this,” she whispered to him, as if saying the words too loud would hurt. She rested her forehead on his bare chest, and her breath fanned out over his skin, making his body tighten. He gritted his teeth and ignored it. He stroked her hair, down her delicate spine, pushing away the covers as he passed. She should have been pushing him away instead. He should have been walking away from the temptation she posed, but he wasn’t man enough to leave her. Not yet.
Not until she calmed down and could rest again.
She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. He could see the fear from the nightmare lingering in those blue depths, begging him to help. “Make me forget. Just for a little while. Please. ”
Caleb knew it was a mistake—one more on a giant pile—but he didn’t care. She’d given him something he could do, and he was damn wel going to do it.
He took her mouth in a soft kiss, a mere brushing of lips. Such an innocent thing, but it nearly turned his body inside out with a wave of raw lust. He felt himself harden in a painfuly swift rush and couldn’t keep from grinding his hips against her to show her just how much he wanted her. Warning her just how he planned to make her forget.
Lana’s arms freed themselves of tangled sheets and looped around his neck, holding him in place with a fierce grip. She wasn’t letting him get away.
Her lips parted under his, opening herself up to him. He couldn’t wait another second to taste her. He licked just inside her upper lip, teasing her, trying to hold back in case she changed her mind. He hoped she wouldn’t. He no longer cared whether loving her was right. It was necessary.
Lana made a low sound of relief and sucked his tongue into her mouth. Caleb felt the kiss al the way down to the soles of his bare feet. Her fingers speared through his hair, holding his head stil while she gave him deep, devouring kisses. He gave her leave to show him what she needed, show him what she liked.