by Ben Chambers
I didn’t say anything, I felt like I couldn’t talk just then, but I sort of waved at her. I felt very strange. She just smiled though and grabbed my hand and took me inside.
It was too loud inside, and everything smelled like alcohol and perfume. It made me feel quite ill. If it wasn’t for Penny holding my hand, I definitely would have left. There were lots of groups of boys and girls all drinking beer and wine and other things. They were all shouting at each other. I guess they had to shout, because the music was so loud. I had to let go of Penny’s hand, to cover both of my ears, but I kept following her. We walked toward the back of the house. I was very glad to get away from everyone, because we walked past some very horrible looking people that I didn’t want to hang around.
It was a bit more quiet back where we went, in some sort of lounge. Nobody else was there, just a few bottles left over from some people who must have been there earlier. We sat down on a couch, and I put my backpack on the floor.
Penny turned to me and said, “It’s really great to see you.” But then her face became very serious, and she looked me in the eyes without blinking. I kind of wanted to look away, but I didn’t want to be rude to her. Then she said, “How are you?” But by the way she said it, I knew what she was talking about. She was talking about my dad. Her mother used to be quite good friends with my mother, so I guess she probably found out. I guess I should probably tell you. My dad is dead. He died only the day before, on Thursday. I didn’t really feel like telling the truth about it before. I don’t much feel like talking about it now, either.
“I’m so sorry,” Penny said. “My mum only just told me. I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I’d known. Shouldn’t you be at home right now?”
I told her I was fine and everything. And that my mother was fine. She just said she was very sorry and all that kind of stuff. And she gave me a really nice hug. It was really very nice of her. She’s a very kind person. I just wasn’t really in the mood to chat about it. I think she eventually realised that, because she slowly stopped asking me about it.
After a while, Penny went off. I think she told me she was going to the bathroom or something, but I didn’t really hear her, because I started worrying about my essay for university again. I remembered that I was already one day behind my planned schedule. I was worried that I might have a pretty hard time trying to finish it for Monday. I actually sort of wondered if maybe I could just not write it at all. The only problem is that I would be very likely to fail my paper if I did that. And that means I couldn’t graduate. But I suddenly got this very interesting idea in my head. I thought that maybe I didn’t even need to graduate, that maybe it would be even better if I didn’t. I could just leave university and do something else that I wanted to do. Then I wouldn’t even have to write my essay at all! I could just do some job with animals, because that sounds like something I would enjoy. I could become a veterinarian, probably. I love animals quite a lot. Like my cat, Vincent. Vincent was the best guy I ever knew. I used to call him Chicken Wing, because his little toes used to make me think of that for some reason. Or sometimes I called him my little man. I don’t even know why he ran away. I was quite sad when it happened. But that was a long time ago, I suppose. But then I realised being a veterinarian probably wouldn’t work. Because I mostly only like playing with animals; I don’t really like giving them medicine and things. They always squirm everywhere and scratch you when you try to give them pills. It made me feel quite scared when I thought about if I couldn’t write my essay, and if I couldn’t get any other job either, then what would I do? Maybe I could be a dog walker, though. I like dogs, too. And walking dogs is kind of like just playing with them. And you get paid at the same time. Maybe I could do that.
I decided to have some alcohol to drink. I went into the kitchen. It actually didn’t seem quite as loud any more. It was still very loud, but a little bit better. I think my ears had adjusted to their new environment. My body is quite good at that stuff. Like sometimes in the summer, when people are very hot and sweating everywhere and just wearing singlets, sometimes I don’t feel hot at all. Sometimes I even feel cold. I can even wear a jumper in the middle of summer, every now and again. My body is excellent at adjusting itself.
I didn’t bring any alcohol with me, but some people had put their beer on the table, so I took one. I couldn’t twist the top off though. I tried for quite a while and really hurt my hand. It even started bleeding a little bit. But I know this very smart trick where you get a tea towel and put it over the bottle cap when it is too tight. Then you can twist it and gather a lot of extra friction to open it. But it still didn’t work. My hand was feeling very sore too. Eventually, a boy came over and opened it for me with a bottle opener. He must have seen me struggling. He tried to say something to me, but I was feeling very embarrassed, so I just walked away.
I started drinking it, but it didn’t taste very nice. I sort of forgot I don’t like beer very much. I often drink some every now and again, and I always don’t like the taste of it. I had a few sips and then just carried the bottle around with me. I went and watched some groups of people who were at the party. I stuck quite close to the wall, because I didn’t want to be noticed. I was being very secretive. Sort of sneaking. I saw this group of about six boys and one girl sitting at a table playing cards. They all had a lot of beer bottles around them. I wasn’t too sure what card game they were playing, I didn’t recognise it. I only really know how to play about two card games. The problem is that I don’t really like learning new things, because I often have a lot of trouble understanding the rules. Sometimes my friends have been playing something, and they’ve tried to teach me, but I didn’t understand it. Then they’re all sitting around, all looking at me and trying to explain it to me, and it is very overwhelming. One time, I almost started crying, because I felt so much pressure on me. Ever since then, I try to avoid learning new card games. But those people seemed to be having a lot of fun playing. Sometimes someone would put down a certain card, and then they’d all start yelling and laughing and clapping. Then someone would have to drink a lot of beer, like maybe even a whole bottle. All at once! I didn’t really understand it, but they seemed to enjoy it.
Then I kept creeping along the walls. I was feeling quite mischievous. I felt like I could sneak into anywhere without anyone noticing me. I went through a door that led outside and heard a few people chatting. They were around the other side of the house, so I peeked my head around the corner and saw them sitting at a table. I stood there, with my back against the wall, listening around the corner. I thought that maybe I was like a secret agent, gathering secret intelligence from the enemies. But I couldn’t really hear them very well. I could hear that they were talking, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. It got a bit boring, so I left. I walked in the opposite direction, going around the other side of the house. I came out to a courtyard, with two people sitting at another table. That house seemed to have a hundred different places for people to sit. But then I noticed that it was Anne and Penny. They saw me and waved me over.
“Hey, where’d you go?” Penny said when I went up to them. “I couldn’t find you.”
“I just got a drink,” I said. I held up the bottle of beer, so that she could see the drink I got. The bottle was empty now; I’d been drinking it a little bit. I even sort of felt like having another one. “Can I sit down?”
They both told me I could. That made me feel quite happy. Then Anne offered me a can of some other alcohol. I’d never seen it before, but when I tried it, it tasted very sweet. It was nice; it mostly just tasted like a fizzy drink. I decided I should try to have a nice conversation with Anne. “How are your university studies going?” I said. I knew that Anne and Penny both studied nursing.
“Oh god, it’s exhausting. But a lot of fun at the same time. I’m loving my population health paper. But the time we spend on the ward is crazy. We have a fifty-fifty split of classroom and ward time this semester. You should see some of
the patients that come through, it’s a wonder these people can even function. The situations they get themselves into is—I don’t even know. It’s ridiculous. I don’t even want to talk about it. I saw one young man the other day who had a nail straight through the middle of his hand. I think he was playing with a nail gun at work. I don’t know, it just seems incredible to me.”
I sort of tried to laugh and then said, “Yeah.” I didn’t know what else to say. I’m not too familiar with nursing. Anne just kept on talking though.
“The worst thing happened to me the other day. I was told off for apparently arguing with a patient. Which wasn’t true, at all. The patient started yelling at me that their water was too warm. I tried to calmly tell him that I was happy to bring him a new glass of water if he’d like one, but that there was no need to yell. Then, of course, he kept yelling. And the ward doctor came in and told me off for apparently getting into a yelling match with him. It was ridiculous. The hospital even issued me a formal warning. You should have seen what they wrote on it. ‘Initiating an argument with a patient.’ I wasn’t even arguing. He was the one doing the arguing. And I certainly didn’t initiate it!”
It did sound like it would be quite annoying for her. “Oh, that doesn’t sound too good,” I said. “It’s not very nice when you get in trouble for something that you didn’t even initiate. Once when—”
“Initiate,” Anne said.
“What?”
“You said ignitiate, it’s initiate.”
“Oh.”
It was quite rude of her to point out my mistake like that. I felt a bit angry, actually. But I suppose it’s a good thing to learn that stuff. It’s probably quite good to know lots of words very well. But I stopped talking then. I was just kind of drinking my drink and looking at the table. It was a glass table, so I could see right through it, down to my feet. I really liked my shoes. They were made out of black leather. I thought they were quite cool. Quite sexy.
Then I suddenly remembered that I’d left my bag in the other room! I was worried all my things might be stolen. But I figured it would probably be okay. I kind of stuffed it down the side of the couch, so that it was hidden. But I did still have the present in my bag. I hadn’t given it to Lily yet. I hadn’t even met Lily.
“What did you get Lily for her birthday?” I asked Penny. “I wasn’t sure what kind—”
“Oh Franny, it’s not that kind of birthday party. You don’t need to get her a present, it’s just a party.”
I felt very stupid. And annoyed. I spent so long trying to think of what present to get her! I didn’t even know what she likes!
“Did you get her something?” Penny said.
“No. I didn’t get her anything.” I didn’t want to tell her the truth. It made me feel very dumb.
“Oh god, that’s good,” Anne said and laughed. Penny didn’t say anything.
Chapter Four
The three of us stayed outside at that table for a while. Anne and Penny talked quite a lot, and I mostly listened. At one point, Penny introduced me to Lily. I didn’t like her very much, though. She seemed very snooty. She seemed like one of those very stuck-up wealthy girls. She was from Australia. I was trying to be friendly though, so I told her that Australia looked like a very nice country. Then one really great thing happened. I’m not normally a very funny person, but I made this joke when I was talking to her.
I said, “Did you ever see many kangaroos before?” I asked her because I knew a lot about kangaroos living in Australia from this show I once watched about kangaroos. I didn’t really mean it to be funny though, I was just asking her to make conversation, but then she started laughing a lot. And Anne started laughing too. And then I realised it was actually quite funny. Even though I didn’t really like Lily too much, I felt in a very good mood after that. It made me feel really clever and witty.
Eventually though, maybe around midnight, Penny told me she had to go home.
“Are you going to be all right, Franny?” she asked me.
“Yeah.”
“Would you like to come and stay with me for the night? You’d be more than welcome.”
That made me feel quite good. Penny’s so nice. “No thanks, I’m enjoying myself here,” I said. That was a bit of a lie. I wasn’t enjoying myself too much, but it was okay. I was actually quite enjoying the drinks that Anne gave me. She had given me a few and they tasted quite nice. But I just didn’t really feel like staying the night at Penny’s house. We’d been friends for almost our whole lives though, me and Penny. We went to the same kindergarten and the same primary school and then the same high school, too. Our mothers met each other before we were even born, when they worked in the same place together. Then, when we were kids, they always arranged for us to have play dates and stuff. Even though I’d been to her house quite a lot of times when I was younger, I’d actually never stayed the night before. It was mostly because when I was a kid, I used to get very homesick.
What used to happen was that my dad would drop me off at Penny’s house to stay the night, and he would say, “Are you going to be all right this time, Franny?” I would always tell him that I would. But he would still say, “Remember, there’s nothing to be upset about. Penny’s family is going to take good care of you. And your mother and I will be right there first thing in the morning to pick you up.” He used to say that stuff to try to reassure me. Because what always happened was that when it was time to go to sleep at Penny’s house, I would start getting very worried. I don’t even remember what I was so scared of, but I just didn’t like sleeping at someone else’s house. Penny’s parents would be very nice and set up a bed for me right next to Penny and come in and tuck us both in. Eventually, I’d hear Penny fall asleep, but I couldn’t sleep. I would just stay up getting more and more nervous. Then eventually I wouldn’t be able to take it anymore, and I’d get up. I’d walk down the hallway to her parents’ room and knock on their door. Then when they opened it, they’d just find me there standing in the hallway, crying. I would be so upset that my parents weren’t there, and I’d just cry a whole lot and tell Penny’s parents that I wanted to go home. They’d usually sit with me for a while and pat me on the back and tell me that everything was all right. They’d try to tell me that if I just went to sleep, the next thing I knew, it would be morning. And then my parents would be there. But I couldn’t ever sleep when I was like that. I would just keep crying, and eventually, one of them would put me in the car and drive me home. It’s funny because that happened every single time I tried to stay the night there. Probably about twenty times. I never even once made it through the whole night. I always ended up going home. I’m not too sure why.
I wasn’t really scared like that anymore, but for some reason, I just didn’t really feel like staying the night at Penny’s house. Maybe I was worried that actually, I would still be scared, and that I’d start crying again and want to go home to see my dad. Only, I wouldn’t be able to. I don’t know. Penny asked me if I was sure again, and I said yes. She gave me a big hug. It was really nice. Then she left.
I was just sort of wandering around the house then when I noticed the music. I hadn’t really thought about it before, but there was awful music playing. I don’t even know what kind it was, but it was terrible. I thought maybe, if I was very sneaky, I could change the music without anyone catching me. I could change it to something much better, like maybe Don’t Stop Me Now or Let’s Twist Again. The only problem was that I didn’t know where to change it. There were about four speakers around the house, all playing the same music. It was in the kitchen and the lounge and outside, too. And I couldn’t find where to change it from. But luckily, I thought of a very clever technique. I was investigating the speaker in the kitchen when I noticed this black wire coming out of the back of it. I made an excellent plan. What I thought was that if I followed the wire, if I tracked it all the way through the house, it would lead me to the source. And it did! It was kind of like following a set of clues. Or a tre
asure map! I followed it back to this spot in a lounge where all the music was being controlled from. It was hooked up to a computer. Luckily, there was no one in that lounge just then, so my plan would work perfectly. I kind of fiddled around with it for a second, trying to get it to change to something good. But then the music stopped completely! All the music in the whole house even stopped! I got very nervous very quickly just then. I was trying to do all sorts of stuff to get it playing again, but my head was all rushing and I couldn’t figure it out. I decided I had to abort. I just ran out the door, into the hallway, so that no one would see me. I sneaked down the hallway into this bedroom and hid in there. After about a minute, the music started playing again. The same bad stuff as before. Someone must have turned it back on. I thought about trying my plan again but decided it was too risky.
I was in someone else’s bedroom. There were photographs of these two people hanging on the wall. And there was a photo of Lily, too. I think it was Lily’s parents’ room. They had this really huge bed. It was massive. It was probably about four of my beds all in one. For a moment, I kind of sat on it, just to get a feel. I decided that, one day, I’d get a bed like that. One that you could lie all the way across with your fingers stretched out towards one side and the tip of your toes towards the other. And even then, you couldn’t touch both sides. Even when you stretched all the way. That was the kind of bed I wanted.
After a while, I started feeling pretty weird just hanging out in her parents’ bedroom by myself like that, so I headed back out to the party. I went and found Anne. I was actually feeling a little bit drunk. Anne was with this other group of people who I didn’t know. They were all sitting on some couches and chatting. I went up behind Anne and tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Can I have another drink?” She turned around and looked at me. A couple of other people did too. I said it again, because I wasn’t sure if she heard me. “Could I have another can?”
