Island Cultural Center

by Marilyn Foxworthy

  Brenda shuddered and tried to arch her body away, but I held my hand where it was with my fingers inside the crotch of her suit and all she did was pull me with her. Her eyes were wide, but she didn’t reach down to pull me away.

  I whispered, “It’s too tight,” and removed my hand.

  I said, “You are going to be out in the water. In the ocean. Floating up and down in the waves. Maybe you’ll be hugging me. Maybe we’ll be playing. Maybe my shorts will come down. Maybe you’ll find a need to pull aside the crotch of your suit for some reason. Maybe the straps of your suit will need to come down so that you can feel what’s it’s like to be topless in the ocean, your breasts floating free in the saltwater, maybe pressed against the skin of my chest, maybe with your head on my shoulder and your legs around my waist so that I can carry you as we bounce up and down in the saltwater. Buy a bigger size that won’t be so tight.”

  Brenda looked flustered and aroused as she whispered, “I’ll see if they have something crotchless,” and I spun her around to change into the looser size.

  She opened the curtain again a minute later and stood for inspection. I pulled at the fabric at her hip and smiled. I didn’t put my hand down to her pubis but I could see that it was loose enough without being at all unattractive.

  I said, “Do those pads come out?” and nodded at her chest.

  Without taking her eyes off of me, she reached inside the cups of the suit and pulled out the thick foam pads there.

  I smiled and said, “That looks better than you can imagine. Brenda, you know that I’m looking at a woman, not a bimbo. Not a sex object. Not a toy. I’m looking at a beautiful woman, a woman wearing the hell out of a very pretty and attractive swimsuit. I would never make you look immodest. Even full nudity can be modest if the emotional content is modest, not exhibitionist. Do you want to see it in the mirror?”

  Brenda said, “No. The reflection in your eyes is enough. It’s beautiful. Um, I’ll change.”

  She turned around and closed the curtain and I heard her mutter, “Yeah, I’ll change all of it.”

  When she came out, she was wearing her dress. The woman came back and asked if she needed any more help and Brenda told her that she wanted the larger of the two suits and handed both to the woman.

  Seeing that the foam cups were now removed, the woman said, “Yeah, these are kind of superfluous, aren’t they. A lot of women want them, but if I can say this, I wonder why? If you are going to buy a suit this beautiful, why are you going to pretend that you don’t have boobs? That you are plastic under there or something. Can I ask you something?”

  Brenda said, “Sure.”

  The woman said, “How long have you been married? The way you look at each other makes me feel like killing myself, to tell you the truth. I don’t think I’ll ever find love like that. I haven’t yet. Is there hope?”

  Brenda looked at me and said, “There is. You never know where you are going to find it. Don’t kill yourself. You can give up on love, but keep your eyes open. You want to know our secret? Honesty. Don’t settle for less. I want another suit. Will you help me?”

  The woman said, “Of course. This one is perfect for you. Do you want a different color?”

  Brenda continued staring at me and said, “No. I want something to knock his socks off. I want something that makes younger men drool and wish that they were my husband. I want a suit that shows my husband that I am so in love and so free to wear whatever I want that I can dress for him and no one else and won’t care what anyone ever thinks of it because no one but him matters to me. Something that I wear when I can’t see who’s looking because I can’t take my eyes off of him!”

  She took a breath and said quietly, “Something that makes me acceptably naked because I don’t hold anything back from the man that I love more than anything in the universe.”

  The woman was shivering when Brenda finished talking.

  She said, “Yes ma’am. I’ll try. Will you excuse me for just a minute?” and she ran off into the back of the store.

  Brenda said, “Oh, where did she go? Did I freak her out too much?”

  I laughed and said, “If she’s gone more than a few minutes, I bet it’s because you turned her on so much that she had to go relieve herself sexually. If she comes back sooner than that, it’ll be because she just went off to get control of herself so that she doesn’t have to go all the way right now.”

  Brenda said, “No!”

  I said, “Yes.”

  We looked around for a minute and the woman returned.

  She said, “Thank you. I had to just take a look at something for a second. Now, let me see if I can find what you um, described. Here, what about this? You have a really nice figure. Can I ask how old you are? I shouldn’t, but I just want to.”

  Brenda said, “I’m 55. I was born earlier this morning.”

  The woman said, “You look amazing. Look, I see a lot of girls and a few women in here. You, wow, I can’t believe I’m saying this, you look like what a woman should be. Here…” and she handed Brenda two pieces of fabric.

  I said, “Go with her if you want to. Brenda, darling, let her help you in the dressing room.”

  Both of them looked at me in surprise. Brenda simply shrugged and headed for the curtain. The woman watched her take a step and then followed her.

  The woman said, “Over here. There is a bigger changing area over here.”

  I followed them. When the woman pulled back the curtain, Brenda entered and the woman hesitated.

  Brenda gave me a puzzled look and then said to the woman, “Come on in and give me a hand. I’m not sure how this top works.”

  The woman rushed inside and closed the curtain.

  There was some rustling and some discussion, and then Brenda called out, asking me if I wanted to see it. Or check the fit. I called back that I was sure that she could check the fit now that she knew what to look for and that she could buy it and surprise me if she wanted to. A few minutes later, both women exited the curtain smiling.

  Brenda came close and whispered, “I ended up tell her what you were expecting in terms of ‘fit’. What the hell has gotten into me?”

  I said loud enough for the woman to hear, “Brenda, I think that you should consider getting one more of each kind. Or something slightly different. If we swim and get wet, and then change, you might want a dry suit the next time we swim, instead of putting on a wet one.”

  The saleswoman grinned and said, “Let me show you another one. In the same variety as the one you just tried on. The black looks great on you. How about a white one though. It’s a little different.”

  Brenda said, “That’s nice. The white will be nice.”

  The woman said, “But a white one like the high cut one-piece might be too see-through without cups. Stick to a darker color. I think that you could do a good pink. What do you say?”

  Brenda glanced at me and I smiled.

  Chapter 4 - Stepping Out

  Brenda got a strange look on her face and said, “And one more thing. Do you have something that I’d never wear in public? Something so obscene that I’d only wear it on a private beach and it would be pointless anyway because I might as well not be wearing anything at all?”

  The woman looked at me and then back at Brenda and said, “I might. Well, yes, I definitely do. We don’t sell many, because this close to the resort, nobody would wear them here, but I have something. There are some places that aren’t really nude beaches, but only locals know about them and kind of anything goes as far as what you do or don’t wear.”

  The woman went to the counter and had Brenda join her behind it. She showed Brenda something from a drawer that she opened and they looked at several pieces without showing me what they were.

  Brenda said, “The fringe-y one.”

  The woman said, “Do you want to try it on?”

  Brenda said, “I think we have to. Come on.”

  The two of them went back to the changing booth and I co
uld hear them talking.

  Brenda said, “Yeah. That’s nice. We’ll take that.”

  The woman said, “My name’s Lisa.”

  Brenda said, “I’m really happy that you were here to help me today, Lisa. This is kind of new to me. I’ll tell you the truth, this is the first time I’ve bought a bathing suit in maybe a decade.”

  Lisa said, “Why? You look fabulous. I wish I had breasts like you do.”

  Brenda said, “Really?”

  Lisa said, “Of course. Your husband is a lucky man. But I think you must be pretty lucky too.”

  Brenda said, “You want to hear something? Lisa, we’re on our honeymoon. We just got together recently. But for me, it was love at first sight. It’s like we’ve been together forever, but it’s like I’m getting born again. I’ve been really ashamed of my body.”

  Lisa said, “Then I’m glad that you are getting over it. OK, these all work. And look great. So, the fringe-y one?”

  There was some more rustling and Lisa exclaimed, “Oh my gosh!”

  Brenda said, “Yeah? You think so?”

  Lisa said, “Are you going to show him?”

  Brenda said, “I think he deserves it. He’s a wonderful man. It is for him, after all.”

  Lisa peeked out the side of the curtain to make sure that I was standing there and that no other customers were in the store at that moment. She grinned and pulled the curtain aside.

  Brenda was standing there, essentially naked. But more naked than if she weren’t wearing anything. It looked like she was wearing a tiny invisible G-String with a short fringe of very tiny shell-shaped beads hanging from a string that went around her waist. It hung low on her belly and was long enough to hide her lady bits but short enough to make you wonder if it really did. She modeled the back for me and it was the same. It rode low and the fringe covered almost none of her buttocks and only enough of her cleft to make it look like it had some purpose. The top was similar. Her breasts were covered by the curtain hanging from the strings, but just barely. And most of the time some of her nipple was at least partially visible through the curtain.

  When I’d had my look, the curtain was pulled and Brenda put her dress on. She came out all smiles.

  I said, “Before you ask, yes, this is all fine. The money isn’t an issue. Buy whatever you want. And I’ll buy whatever I want. We’re definitely taking the fringe-y one.”

  Lisa put our purchases in a bag and added up our total.

  As she took my debit card, she said, “I have been at this for a long time. Long enough to have seen a lot of women’s bodies. I know bodies. Listen to me. You look good. And if you lose more weight, you will look older than you do now. You can absolutely wear these suits and look fabulous. You have no need to be ashamed of what you look like. Stay at the same dress size that you are now. Well, don’t go any smaller, anyway. Trust me.”

  Brenda got a tear in her eye and said, “You really think so? I’m not…I’m OK, like this? I look OK?”

  Lisa said, “You look healthy. Really, really healthy. And more than that, you look right. You look wholesome. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a woman in here who looked like she had more right to wear these suits that you do. Listen, you look sexy as hell. But you have to understand what sexy really is. Most girls don’t even know. They try to be sexy but they don’t know what the goal is. I would have assumed that you knew, but I get the idea that you don’t. That you fall into it naturally without knowing what you are doing. Here’s the thing: sexiness is about the perception of the availability for sex. And the suits you picked out say that you are absolutely available for sex. But only to the right guy and to no one else, ever. The way you project yourself is sexy, not slutty. You have an innate monogamous sexiness. Sweetie, you could walk around the pool naked and everyone would know that it had nothing to do with them and that they needed to let you be exactly who you are and that you would never be interested in anyone but your own husband so they shouldn’t pay any attention, except like you said, to think that he was a king and that they should all try to be more like him. And more like you. But it is going to cause you problems if you feel at all insecure. And I know that right now you do.”

  Brenda said, “About my body?”

  Lisa looked down at the package as she finished putting everything neatly in the bag.

  When she was done, she looked up and stared directly at Brenda’s eyes and said, “No. About your relationship and how much room you have for love.”

  Brenda said, “What do you mean?”

  Lisa said, “You project something. You tell the world that your husband is the king of the universe and that other men aren’t worth bothering with. And that is going to make certain other women want to be part of what you have.”

  Brenda said, “So, women who will want to take him away from me?”

  Lisa said, “No. Forget them. They don’t matter. It won’t happen. They aren’t worth bothering with.”

  Brenda said, “Then what?”

  Lisa looked at Brenda fiercely and said, “The ones who are worthy. The ones who could be part of what you are. The ones who would fit in as much as you do, beside you, with you, arm in arm with you.”

  Brenda looked shocked, but not horrified.

  She whispered, “You mean another woman?”

  Lisa said, “Yes. Are you big enough for what you are becoming part of? How big is the world you have discovered? Right now you are the only woman in the world. How will you handle immigration? You didn’t create this world. He did. You fell into it.”

  Brenda said, “And you think that there are others who will fall like I did?”

  Lisa said, “Yes. Because you call out to them. You told me that you want to. You told me that you are calling out to them if they are worthy. And if they are not, then they can dream and hope for something else.”

  Brenda said very quietly, “Lisa, are you saying that you want that?”

  Lisa said, “I don’t think it matters what I want. Who’s decision was it for you two to be together? Yours or his?”

  Brenda said quietly, “Oh. Like that. I don’t know what to think. Um, thank you. I will think about what you are saying. Um, I should come talk to you again, um, later.”

  Lisa said, “Yeah. You forgot to buy the rest of what you need.”

  Brenda said, “What’s that?”

  Lisa said, “You need two pair of shorts, four T-shirts, and two button-up blouses. You also need a pair of long pants, khaki’s or jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, a short, light jacket, and three nightgowns. I have your shorts and T-shirts. I can tell you where to go for the rest. And you aren’t on your honeymoon, you aren’t married, and you don’t even know what’s happening. I get it. You told the truth the best you could, but it wasn’t really the only honest truth at all. It was one truth, but not the only truth. But what I have been telling you is the truth. Come with me.”

  Lisa led Brenda off to a rack with shorts and chose two pair and handed them to Brenda without asking. Then she chose two button-up blouses. Handing them to Brenda again, Lisa grabbed four T-shirts and headed back to the counter.

  Laying the things that she had chosen on the counter, Lisa said, “And sandals.”

  I said, “We’ll get walking sandals.”

  Lisa said, “You’ll get walking sandals for walking. You’ll get sitting sandals for eating and talking. And you’ll get another dress at the shop that I send you to. Here.”

  Lisa went to the shoe section and chose a pair of sandals and walked back to the cash register. She started adding up the second batch of purchases.

  Brenda said, “I need to try them on.”

  Lisa seemed a bit testy as she said, “No, you don’t. They fit perfectly and they look exactly the way that they should.”

  Brenda said, “Don’t I have a choice in this?”

  Lisa glared at her and Brenda backed down and said, “Of course I do. I can choose to take this opportunity or reject it. If I reject it, I don’t get the ad
venture that is attached to the opportunity. I’m um, sorry.”

  Lisa said almost angrily, “You have been wearing the wrong bra. Both size and style.”

  Brenda said, “How do you know?”

  Lisa glared at Brenda again and said, “Because I do. From now on, you wear two different styles. One is a soft stretch fabric without wires. Without wires, you hear me? And the other one that you can wear, that you are allowed to wear, is sheer. You can have an under-wire on that one if it feels most comfortable, but absolutely no padding. Shear. Colors are fine, but not black. Pink, yellow, green, or blue. And for heaven’s sake, have someone who knows what they are doing tell you what size you are! No, I’ll do it. Drop the shoulders of the dress and let me take a look.”

  Brenda hesitated and looked frightened and Lisa said sternly, “Do it. There’s no one here. Just show me your tits!”

  Brenda hurried to pull the straps of her dress down and stood for a second as Lisa gazed at her with a critical eye.

  Lisa said more compassionately, “Sweetie, you are a 38-DD. Yes, Double-D. You’ve been mistaking chest size for cup size, haven’t you? Too big around and too small in the cups. It drives me crazy! But you are wearing it too tight to be comfortable. So, when you go where I’m sending you, get the right size! I want you to be comfortable and pretty. For goodness sake!”

  I smiled slightly and looked at Lisa significantly. She saw the look in my eye and sighed.

  She said softly, “Yes, I’ll come with you. I get off at 3 PM. I’ll meet you at the pool. We’ll go get what she needs together.”

  Then, to Brenda, she said, “You got here four or five days ago. You had three changes of clothes. Not one of them was right for you. Your bras were hideous. And the way that you were stalking him was inept. I figured that you just got divorced or had a bad break up. You came here looking for a new life. But moving here and working in a shop or a restaurant isn’t the way. It’s too hard. There aren’t enough jobs and there’s too much discrimination against main-landers. The only way to afford a place to live is to have six roommates in a three-bedroom apartment and even then it’s barely livable.”