Cirvka feels too good to be true. It’s where she’s made wonderful friends and established companionships which she’s never had before. It’s where she finally feels like she belongs and it’s a place that is more home than the castle ever was. Her emotions of the night Prince Arlo attempted to kill her, the Darkwraith trying to kill her, and finding out she’s Dakra, have been an overwhelming toll on both her mind and body.
Is it really so hard to let herself believe she finally has a place to stay and friends that care for her?
Everything is so backwards. Shevka were supposed to be the good—the ones who stopped a Dakra rule that oppressed the lands. It seems to be the complete opposite. Rowan is Dakra, she is no longer of high blood and her fellow low blooded creatures have been living in anguish for far too long. At least here, they all stick together.
Through the good. Through the bad. Everything.
Instead of meeting up with Lola at her booth, Rowan goes back to her tent where she sits at the table and stares into the small handheld mirror. She gawks at her features, running her hand down her orange hair and staring into her bright red, almost amber colored eyes. The scar on her cheek is a reminder of why she escaped the castle--to save her life. Her fingertips trail around every outline of her face, down the freckled bridge of her nose, across her thick auburn colored eyebrows, and down the round contour of her jaw and chin.
Princess Rowan would be scared of who she is. She would fear what it would mean to be one of the destructive Dakra fae. Princess Rowan would be worried about leaving the castle for too long, but Roe is no longer Princess Rowan. What her and her former self have in common is they both crave breaking out of the protective shell that was built around them. To open up and let her guard down and allow herself to trust and allow herself to be loved and cared for.
Don’t overthink a good thing.
* * *
CHAPTER SIX
Cirvka can be a labyrinth if you don’t follow the signs carefully. It’s easy to get lost among the plethora of booths and tents. The gates surrounding the property holds so much land that Rowan still has yet to roam every acre despite being there for a week. Some parts are forbidden for performers, and only available to people like Shadow—like the building, and the area surrounding, that he brought her to the morning after her arrival.
Getting lost at Cirvka is entirely possible. Getting lost on purpose—also possible. There are many places to hide and if you don’t want to be found—it can be entirely possible to never be found again. But sometimes, you want to hide and be found by another who will swear to keep you safe and hide you from the thing that scares you the most. The thing you’ve been running from.
A little girl with two long blonde braids is hiding underneath the dining table Rowan and her friends all normally sit at. It is right before the lunch rush, this little girl must have thought this tent wasn’t being occupied. In a couple of minutes it’ll be full of Cirvka performers. She looks up at her, scared and shaking. Her icy blue eyes are leaking tears and on her pale skin are red marks and dark bruises.
“Are you okay?” Rowan’s voice startles the girl. She pulls her legs up to her chest and wraps her arms them planting her face against her lap. She shakes her head and lets out a shuddering sob filled with pure terror and panic. “I won’t hurt you,” Rowan says as softly as she can.
The terrified look thrusts Rowan into a flashback from her childhood.
They told me it is a game. I thought a game would be fun. Games are supposed to be fun! They tell me to close my eyes and they spin me around when they tell me to open them they are gone. I’m not where I was before I shut my eyes. The room I’m in is blindingly dark and I have to feel my way out. I find a doorknob directly in front of me but when I turn it, it’s locked. I take a step back and back into the wall. Walls are surrounding me. Oh no, I’m stuck in a closet. Help! Please let me out! Help! Their laughs ring outside the door. I’m helpless. They taunt and call me names but my heart is too busy racing to feel broken in this moment. I’m scared and my lungs can’t take in enough air. I’m gasping for my breath now. It’s dark. So dark. I’m afraid of the dark and afraid of what is in this small room with me. I want to get out. My whole body feels numb. I should try to pick a lock with a pin from my hair. I should try to kick the door open with my foot. I should try any attempt at escaping, but I’m paralyzed with fear. I am even more terrified that if I leave this place, my brothers will punish me. Tears wet my face and the room begins to spin. I can feel my heart beating and hear the thumping so clearly it could be mistaken for a knock on the door. They whisper tales of monsters through the crack of the door. My body tenses so hard with trepidation that I eventually pass out.
“I know things are scary right now,” Rowan holds out her hand. “But I can help you.”
She picks her head up and mouths ‘no.’ Her lips are a bright crimson color and it doesn’t take a fool to know it’s not lipstick. Her lips are swollen and bloody. Rowan sits under the table with her and lets her calm down for a few heartbeats until her breathing starts to regulate.
“Who hurt you?” The little girl’s eyes widen with fright. Rowan holds her hand out. “You don’t have to answer. If you let me know I can save you from them.” She gets nothing out of her until asking what her name is.
“Lottie.”
“That’s a very pretty name,” Rowan gives her a friendly smile. She’s careful not to spook or scare Lottie. The little girl smiles back with trembling lips. This girl is a kid, and if Rowan has to guess she’d say she’s under ten years old. She’s a small kid with lanky arms, a thin body, and a smooth face. Her delicate hands play with the hem of her expensive dress. She’s Shevka. “How old are you?”
“Seven,” she whispers.
“Did you come here by yourself?” Rowans asks with a softness in her tone.
Lottie holds herself tighter. “No,” she answers bravely.
“Did you come here with your parents?”
There’s a pause before she answers yes.
“Are they the ones who did this to you?” Her voice waivers.
Lottie’s eyes are glassy with tears, she blinks and they flood down her face. “Don’t make me go back. I don’t want to go back,” she sobs.
The lunch rush comes through the dining hall spooking Lottie who crawls further toward the corner of the table. She looks like she wants to escape and Rowan doesn’t blame her. The last place would want to be is somewhere crowded where her parents could find her. Even though Shevka aren’t allowed in the dining tent, but Lottie doesn’t know that.
If Rowan had to read her mind, she’s most likely thinking the crowd is there for her—to take her back.
Rowan has lived through many nightmares. They are the darkest places you could go to. They do not hold any hope nor a flicker of candlelight. They know all of your fears and intensify them so you are paralyzed. They feed on hysteria and fill your mind with constant perturbation. It feels as though there is no way out and no hand to pull you up from the despair that’s drowning you.
For Lottie, Rowan will be that hand. As she notices the apprehension in the small girl’s expression, she sees herself. Shadow helped her escape her life and now she vows to help Lottie do the same. “I won’t let anyone hurt you,” she promises.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you,” I read the words on the page aloud and wish they were being said to me.
Rain patters on my window, the sound soothing. It is a refreshing noise from the usual pin-drop silence. My bed can fit up to four, but it’s just me. My room is too big for just one being. I feel lost amidst all the blankets and pillows. I feel lost in this room. A room big enough for visitors, yet my room is repellant. No one enters—except for the chambermaids. I try to strike up conversations with them, but they ignore me. It isn’t proper for the help to speak to royalty, so they say. I don’t care what’s proper. I crave to talk to someone.
The wall my bed faces has bookshelves that span from left to right, and
top to bottom. I’ve read every book at least twice. I can usually finish a book or two a day. Books are the only adventure and escape I have. If it weren’t for my books, I’d die of boredom. This book is about a mother who is raising her three children alone. Her daughter is crying after being pushed down by a neighborhood boy.
“I won’t let anyone hurt you,” the mother says to her daughter.
What would it be like to have someone care for you so fiercely that they would risk their life, their happiness, their everything, just to keep you safe and happy?
“Promise?” The daughter asks.
“Promise?” Lottie’s plea takes Rowan out of her memory. Back to a time when she felt alone and she longed for someone to hold her. The hope in Lottie’s tone makes Rowan’s heart ache.
“Promise,” she gives Lottie that hope. She will protect her like she would a little sister. Like she would Lola or Solana or Pepper.
“Are you hungry? You can sit up here and eat,” Rowan crawls out from under the table and pats the bench beside her. Lottie looks around skeptical as Cirvka performers continue to pile in. “They won’t hurt you and your parents can’t find you here.”
Lottie sits next to Rowan, her hip glued to hers as they stay close to one another. Lola is the first to arrive setting her tray down on the opposite side of the table where she normally sits. She raises her eyebrow but doesn’t ask any further questions. She disappears and reappears with two more trays for Rowan and Lottie.
Shadow arrives next and silently takes his usual corner seat next to Lola. He stares at Lottie and looks to Rowan, “What is she doing here?”
“This is Lottie,” Rowan introduces. For the first time she sees Lottie smile genuinely. She crawls underneath the table and pops up in between Lola and Shadow.
Lottie leans in close to him and Rowan can swear she sees her blush. Little Lottie seems to have a crush on Shadow. Strange how a little girl so frightened a moment ago is calmed by Shadow—the most frightening male Rowan knows.
“Hello,” he says to her warily. “Are you lost?” Shadow crinkles his forehead and narrows his eyes at the red bruise near her temple.
Lottie shakes her head. She seems antsy as she fidgets in her seat. She looks around the room unable to focus solely on one thing. “I’m going to live here now.”
Shadow grips her shoulders and has her facing him. “Stop fidgeting and don’t mumble.”
Lottie stops to gaze at him. She doesn’t repeat herself but leans her head against his shoulder. She start to pick food from his tray. To Rowan’s surprise, he lets her. He lets her without a word or another question about why she’s truly here.
“Who’s the new little one?” Solana points while sitting down next to Rowan. Pepper joins sitting on the other side of Rowan mesmerized by the little girl who is mesmerized by Shadow.
Rowan turns to face her, her voice is low as she explains the situation. She was hiding, bruised, and scared for her life.
“I think we have a runaway on our hands,” Solana replies.
A runaway. Just like all of them.
“She’s Shevka we’ll get in trouble if anyone finds out we’re harboring her. Cirvka isn’t meant for high bloods. They’ll think we kidnapped her or something!” Lola hisses in a hushed tone across the table. They all glance over at Lottie who is eating a piece of carrot Shadow holds out to her. She looks content with an aura of serenity surrounding her.
“I want to help but I agree. If anyone finds out this Shevka girl is with us, we’ll be granted a death sentence,” Pepper worries.
“Then don’t let anyone find out,” Shadow is the one to say, surprising them all. The little girl curls around him and his shadows wrap around her—protecting her. She isn’t the least bit scared.
Shadow gently grabs her arm and narrows his eyes. Her arm is so thin that he can wrap his entire hand around her bicep and then some. He surveys the marks on her arms, his eyes have a vacant look that scares Lottie causing her to pull her arm out of his grip.
She hides her scars with embarrassment and shame. Shadow simply shakes his head at that. “Don’t ever hide your scars, they are marks of your bravery. Your survival. Wear them with pride. Wear them so everyone who sees them knows you can handle anything. You are strong and you will overcome.”
Lottie gapes at her scars with a new outlook. She holds her arms out and now Rowan can clearly make out the deep cuts that have left thick white scars. The scars aren’t permanent because she’s of high blood, but for now, due to how deep the cuts are, they will be a part of her for a while. Bruises on her body are a mixture of old and new. The yellow ones are starting to heal while the deep purple ones look fresh. Then there are red bruises circling her wrists, they are shaped like fingers. Someone who grabbed her unnecessarily tight. “Do you have scars?” Lottie asks him.
Shadow nods his head. Rowan begins to think back to when she saw him in the cot next to her at the healers tent. The scars on his back gruesome. She almost expects him to lift his shirt to show her and make her feel better—but it he doesn’t. Probably not wanting to scare her. The whip marks have mutilated his skin, thick red bands going in all different directions to make his back look savage. The mangled and maimed skin purposely scarred in a way that is irreversible, as if whoever did it to him didn’t allow a healer to properly heal him. Even a week later he still winces. No one else notices, but Rowan does.
“So, we’re keeping her?” Solana asks warily.
“We can’t send her back to the people that did that to her,” Lola frowns.
Lottie’s marks look even worse under the lit lantern. Under the table they still looked horrible, but her puffy lip, bruises, and cuts that are shown prominently on display, are heartbreaking.
How could anyone do this to a little girl?
“Hey, Lottie,” Lola asks when they all finish up eating. “Want to come learn some spells with me?”
“Yes!” She says with enthusiasm and nearly pulls Lola in the direction of the exit.
Shadow sits there quietly and Rowan waits for the rest to leave before saying something to him. He talks before she can even open her mouth. “Keep her safe and keep her hidden,” he requests.
“I thought you’d be angry to see I’m harboring a Shevka girl.”
His jaw ticks. “What I’m angry about is that her parents are the ones who did that to her. She deserves better,” he mutters to himself. “At least she can keep you company now while you have nothing to do,” he attempts to joke. His smile faltering all too quickly.
“Shadow…” She reaches out to touch his hand. He jerks but doesn’t remove his hand. He stares. “Who did that to you?” He knows what she means.
“Does it really matter?”
“Of course it does. It was just the other day you tried to convince me to stop overthinking and coming up with scenarios that make this a bad place,” she pauses, “but how can I when someone did that to you?”
“It’s nothing you have to fear or worry about. Besides, who said it happened here?” Shadow stands. “Take care of that little girl. After I finish my work for the night I’ll come see if she’s settled in okay. I’ll also try and find clothes her size.” Shadow dematerializes, disappearing in front of her. With a heavy sigh, she cleans up after the both of them before heading over to Lola’s booth.
Lottie laughs when Lola is around. Lottie is intrigued and asks a lot of questions when Solana is around. And Lottie is playful when Pepper is around. This shy girl Rowan met under the table moments earlier has blossomed now that the threat of what made her life miserable is seemingly gone. She sees them as her new protectors, and protect her they will.
With all the excitement, Lottie starts to doze off and Solana takes her back to their tent along with Pepper to get some rest.
Lola sits silently and Rowan knows something is on her mind. Usually she’s so talkative but the atmosphere right now feels thick. She knows the look on Lola’s face—questions are buzzing around in her head. Rowan has had t
hat look on her face since she escaped the castle.
“We are friends, right?” This didn’t seem like Lola. Even though Rowan has known her for a short time, she’s never once voiced or shown any insecurities of herself. Out of anyone she has ever met, Lola radiates confidence.
“Of course we are.”
“It’s just…I never wanted to pry, but I’m curious,” she begins to fidget with anxious jitters.
“You can ask me anything.”
“When you arrived here, you were glamoured and you were in the woods nearly killed by a Darkwraith but,” she takes a deep breath, “What is your whole story? You were glamoured at birth and someone also put a curse on you to suppress your magic. What is your full story?”
“Would you believe me if I said I was a princess?” Rowan chuckles.
Lola laughs for a moment before her face falls and goes completely serious. “You know, I would’ve thought that to be a joke, but the other day I overheard a Shevka family talking about rumors that Princess Rowan is missing,” Lola chuckles, “Rowan. Roe?”
“Lola, you can’t tell anyone. No one knows.”
“Roe!” She exclaims outraged. She stands up and begins to pace in the booth. “Or Rowan. Or Your Highness—wait. How can you be a Shevka princess if your Dakra?”
“Now you understand my confusion,” Rowan murmurs, “This is why we need to find whoever put the glamour and the curse on me. I have so many questions.”
Lola goes on to ask Rowan questions of why she left the castle. She tells Lola that Prince Arlo was after her because she somehow became a threat to him. She told her that she couldn’t stay in the castle without fearing for her life.
Fight for the Crown Page 8
