Whiskey (Brewed Book 2)

by Molly McAdams

  As though he had a right to.

  As though he wasn’t at once destroying me and making me feel more alive than I’d ever remembered.

  I shook my head and forced my eyes away when I realized I was turning to watch him, as was everyone else, and looked right into Rae’s smirking face.

  “Mmhm,” she hummed mockingly.

  “Shut up.”

  She lifted her hands and feigned innocence. “Didn’t say a thing.”

  I turned in time to see Cayson Dixon step through the doors of my shop. A wounded breath wrenched from me, and my knees trembled, threatening to give and make me do what I’d confessed to Rae just minutes before.

  Fall into him like an idiot because I was just so thankful he was there.

  And he was coming toward me—oh God, he was coming toward me.

  His eyes darted to Rae for a second before he stopped in front of me, thankfully missing the exact moment I swayed and sucked in a deep, steeling breath.

  “Rae,” he murmured before meeting my stare and piercing me to the floor.

  Looking at me in a way I’d craved for so long.

  Truly seeing me.

  Not a target.

  Not Sawyer’s best friend.

  “Emberly.”

  And then I opened my mouth.

  “You aren’t supposed to be here.” The words fell like poison, and once I began, there was nothing I could do to stop. “You said you wouldn’t bother me.”

  “I, uh, yeah . . .” His tongue darted out to wet his lips as his stare shifted around the café. A whisper of a laugh left him as he hung his head. “Jesus, this town.”

  “You said—”

  “I know,” he said quickly, then lifted his head, looking at me with all the patience and calm I’d never known him to have—still didn’t trust him to have then. “I have something of yours.”

  “This again?”

  His head moved in a subtle bouncing motion. “This is different.”

  “Is it?” I asked doubtfully.

  “I didn’t think waiting until you closed tonight would be a good idea. I also don’t want to embarrass you in front of the town, so tell me how to give it to you.”

  “You give it to Sawyer or Rae, they give it to me,” I said pointedly, but the bite was absent from my tone.

  I was struggling to keep myself standing tall when I could feel the heat from the curious stares around us.

  I was struggling not to scream at the man in front of me and unleash decades-worth of secrets and harbored feelings on him.

  “Have a feeling you’d be more pissed than you already are if I did that.”

  I stilled when he ran a hand over his short, messy hair, noticing for the first time how beaten-down he looked.

  Realizing it was the same way he had looked the night before. So similar to the way he had in the years before he’d disappeared—those times he’d thought no one was around, but I’d seen him.

  The real Cayson.

  I was so absorbed in this horrifying realization, I didn’t think to speak even after he was backing away.

  “You know what? Never mind.” Pulling something out of his pocket, he stepped up to Rae’s table and said, “Sawyer asked me to bring this.”

  “What . . .” she began dully. “That is—”

  “He said you dropped it in his truck,” Cayson said firmly, pressing the object harder against the table before lifting his hand away and sparing a glance at me as he stalked out of Brewed.

  My gaze fell to the phone on the table and a hushed curse left me as my eyelids fluttered shut.

  My phone.

  The one I’d looked for when I’d gotten home after the run-in with him, and then for nearly an hour before work this morning before giving up.

  In an instant, everything he’d said made sense.

  My stomach twisted uneasily as I realized he really had been trying to spare me from the town’s gossip and assumptions on why Cayson would have my phone so early in the morning.

  Just as he’d been trying to avoid conflict with Sawyer for us both. Assuming or knowing his brother wouldn’t be okay with the fact that we’d spoken last night, let alone that I’d been in Cayson’s truck to lose my phone in there at all.

  When I opened my eyes again, Rae was looking at me curiously. After a quick glance toward the phone, her brows pulled together in question.

  At my confirming nod, her expression shifted into something that clearly said I was going to have to spill all the details later. But there wasn’t much to say other than what I already had.

  He’d helped me.

  That was all.

  But his being here was messing with my head and my heart.

  I’d spent so long protecting myself from him that it was impossible not to be on the defensive when he was near, not to be prepared for any type of attack.

  Not to think the man I’d always known he truly was, the man everyone was getting a glimpse of, would all be a lie.

  Would end up being his biggest prank yet.

  I was going out of my mind.

  This town was too damn small.

  I wasn’t welcome at Brewed, the only place to get decent coffee.

  I couldn’t go near the East side of town because Beau worked over there at the high school, and I didn’t feel like getting the shit beaten out of me. Almost the entire North side of town was our family’s ranch and orchard, where Hunter was. And he was the last person I wanted to see since he liked to remind Sawyer that I ruined his life when Dad died, forcing him to take over the ranch and business. Mom now lived a few streets away from Saw. Beau and Savannah’s bed and breakfast wasn’t too far from Brewed, taking up the West side and main chunk of town.

  So, I was stuck at Sawyer’s.

  Trying not to piss anyone off by being seen.

  I felt restless and anxious.

  Back home, I’d spend two weeks on the rig and two weeks off. But my life was nonstop no matter where I was.

  Always something to do, somewhere to go, people to get together with . . .

  Sure as hell wasn’t any of this.

  Feeling like an unwelcome stranger. Like if I stepped outside the house, I was walking through a minefield.

  I stopped in my restless pacing when my phone chimed and looked over to where I’d left it on the table. Before I could decide whether to keep pacing or go check it, another chime sounded, and then another and another.

  My phone hadn’t stopped going off since before I’d left home.

  I’d turned it off not long before I’d reached Amber because it had gotten unbearable.

  People wanting to check in. Check on me.

  Wanting to know what had happened.

  I’d only turned it on this morning because the call we were due back on the rig could come at any moment.

  I was regretting that.

  With a sigh, I went to the table to study the lock screen, my body going still when I saw who the latest messages were from.

  After a moment’s hesitation, I opened them up.

  Gabriela: You aren’t answering your phone.

  Gabriela: I’ve been getting calls and texts all day. No one can get in touch with you, no one’s seen you. Where did you go?

  Gabriela: I’m worried about you, Cays. Please call me.

  Gabriela: Love you. Always. No matter what.

  I carefully read the words and messages over and over again until I realized I was shaking.

  Until I realized that lethal mixture of pain and loss and anger had spread too deep to come back from.

  Before I could close out the messages, another came through from Sawyer.

  Sawyer: Starving.

  I scoffed at the message and started setting my phone down, forgetting why I needed to respond to him in the first place when another came through.

  Sawyer: Meet me at Brewed for burgers.

  Once again, I went still once I’d finished reading the words.

  The shaking and harrowing thoughts and p
ains vanished as my mind went to the girl who owned the shop in question.

  To her hate-filled stares and pouty sneers.

  To the way anticipation had coursed through me when I’d found her phone on the floor of my truck. Knowing I’d have a reason to see her and wondering why I wanted to put myself through seeing her again at all.

  Only for it to fall apart all over again.

  With a heavy sigh, I tapped out a response and dropped my phone onto the table.

  Me: No.

  I hadn’t gotten more than a few steps away before the ringing began.

  It’d been ringing all day. But a glance behind me confirmed it was Sawyer, and I snatched my phone up in time to answer before the voicemail picked up.

  “Yeah?”

  “What the hell?” he said irritably. “You’ve been back less than a day, let’s eat.”

  “No,” I said on a frustrated laugh. When he began echoing my response in confusion, I continued. “I’ve been told I’m not welcome there.”

  He scoffed, like my reasoning amused him. “Em will be fine as long as you come in with me, just don’t bother her. She’ll probably avoid you anyway.”

  My hand curled around the phone at his casual words that packed a punch. “No,” I said softly. “I’m not going somewhere after you tell me I’ll be avoided by the people there and after another warning from you to behave like I’m a kid. That’s bullshit.”

  “Cays, you gotta understand . . .”

  “I really don’t.” I ended the call and turned my phone to silent, feeling some of the weight leave my shoulders at that small action.

  I turned to resume my pacing and went for the front door instead.

  Whatever the reason I’d come back to Amber, it hadn’t been to stay holed up in that house, and I didn’t plan to any longer.

  “Hey, Cayson? Are you—oh my God, what is that amazing smell?”

  My chest pitched with a silent laugh, but I waited a few seconds before responding to give her time to get deeper into the house. “Food. You know, the stuff humans eat that most people have in their homes,” I said dryly before giving her a wry look.

  “Funny.” Rae rolled her eyes as she sauntered into the kitchen that evening, her stare darting to the visible foods before locking on the stove. “But what is it?”

  “Just chicken stew.”

  She sucked in a deep breath before exhaling. “So good,” she said wistfully before leaning against the counter and folding her arms under her chest. “I can’t cook to save my life. Your brother isn’t much better. Thankfully, there’s usually someone in your family trying to feed us, so we aren’t always eating out.” She gave me a meaningful look as if to prove her point.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Many thanks,” she said dramatically, but her expression turned solemn. “Sawyer’s still helping out in town, but he was worried about you. He came by this afternoon, and you weren’t here. He couldn’t get ahold of you.”

  I nodded in both acknowledgment and annoyance. “So, he sent you?”

  “To see if you’d come back,” she agreed.

  Jesus. Of course he did.

  At least a minute passed in our uncomfortable silence as I stared blankly at the covered pot on the stove before I turned on her. “You know that’s bullshit.”

  Her expression fell. “Cayson—”

  “It is, and you know it as well as I do.” I gestured to the front of the house. “I don’t owe him a minute-by-minute update on where I am or where I’m gonna be.”

  “I know.” She moved forward to lean against the island separating us, her face a mixture of pleading and understanding. “I wasn’t here back then, so I can’t understand what your coming back is like for them, but I also can’t defend any of them because I’ve been on your side before.”

  The last was said on a murmur as her stare drifted to the side, but I didn’t speak. Just waited.

  “I will say this,” she began, stare still faraway. “Sawyer has been trying for so long to bring your family back together, and he has yet to succeed. He told me when we first met that your mom’s grief has gotten worse each year instead of getting better. That he knew it was because of how broken your family had become before and after your dad’s death.”

  I forced away the knot in my throat and stepped back until I was pressed to the counter, folding my arms tightly across my chest.

  Jaw straining.

  Mind racing.

  Memories flashing and struggling to block them as quickly as they formed.

  “Sawyer has tried to heal your mom’s pain and grief by consistently being there for nine and a half years,” Rae went on. “By trying to mend all those severed ties between you and your brothers.” She pushed away from the counter enough to briefly gesture to her shoulders, her eyes finally meeting mine again and twisting with sadness. “He’s held this weight, sure if he wasn’t there for her just once, it would be what shattered her fading hope of your family ever coming together again.

  “I won’t excuse anything he’s done or said, but I thought you should know. Despite how yesterday went with your mom, I promise your being here gives her renewed hope. And if Sawyer is being a little much, I think it’s because he’s just as terrified of what will happen to your mom if you decide to go as he is of losing you again.”

  I felt myself nodding but I wasn’t sure what for.

  Wasn’t sure I agreed or understood where Saw was coming from.

  I’d known he blamed me for Mom’s slow decline. Knew he blamed Beau and Hunter too.

  Hadn’t known the rest.

  “A lot for a kid to take on,” I finally muttered.

  “I don’t think he’d have it any other way,” Rae said thoughtfully. “After everything with your dad and Leighton, all he wanted was to help people in any way he could.”

  “That what he did with you?” I asked before I could think better of it.

  But the way she’d been standing there as if remembering something that evoked a dozen different emotions had the question falling from my mouth.

  Her lips twisted into a coy smirk. “A little invasive when I’ve only known you about twenty-four hours.” When I started to apologize, she waved a hand through the air, her eyes dancing. “It’s fine. I’m starting to get used to you Amber people, and the way you pry into lives before hello.”

  “Yeah, well, I can’t really use the Amber excuse anymore.”

  The amusement on her face faded as she watched me curiously.

  Her lips parted, but before anything could slip out, she firmly shut them.

  The kitchen filled with weighted silence, drowning out the noise from the stove and everything else until she spoke.

  Voice soft, but not hesitant.

  Gentle.

  Inviting.

  “Sawyer said you left without word or reason . . .” Her head shifted as though she were about to shake it and paused. “I know better than anyone there’s always a reason.”

  I went still, already having an idea where she’d go next.

  Instead of blindsiding me with her curiosities, she was easing into them, giving me time to know what she was about to hit me with.

  Her eyes searched mine for a long moment. “If I asked why you left, would you tell me?”

  It felt like I might break from how tense I was. Jaw ticking. Muscles straining to the point I might’ve been trembling.

  But I’d known my answer before she even asked.

  From that first call once my family had realized I was gone, no one had asked why. They’d assumed.

  Incorrectly.

  No one had ever asked why until yesterday, and then it wasn’t why had I left, but why had I come back?

  I forced my head to dip into a nod and watched her brows lift in muted surprise.

  “Would you finally tell Sawyer?”

  My chest pitched with a huff, easing some of the tension from my body. “Finally?” I turned to check on the stew even though it didn’t need my atte
ntion.

  But it gave me the chance to calm that quick-to-build anger. To just breathe without curious eyes on me.

  “My family and the rest of the town made up their own assumptions back then,” I informed her. “I know from Sawyer that they’ve held on to them. Can’t imagine they’d ask for the truth now.”

  When I took up my earlier position against the counter, she was staring at the island with a mixture of confusion and surprise.

  “I’m sorry,” she said softly before looking my way. “That’s sad.”

  “It is what it is.”

  Her head was shaking before I finished. “It’s sad what happened then, and it’s sad that you believe that now. As I said, there’s always a reason for leaving. Whatever yours was, I assure you, Sawyer would want to know. He loves you and cares about you so much. I hope you know that.”

  “You aren’t going to ask,” I realized, and she answered with a soft smile.

  “I’ve heard many stories about you, Cayson, but from what I’ve seen in the short time you’ve been here, I think you’re a man of your word. I’m sure if I asked, you would tell me.” Her eyes searched mine, silently showing her encouragement. “All of it, the truth, the ugly parts . . . everything no one else gave you the opportunity to say. But I can see you don’t want me to ask. Not yet, anyway.”

  I released a weighted breath, feeling myself relax when I hadn’t known I was still tense.

  A small laugh crept up my throat. “If you have that faith in me, then you haven’t heard the right stories yet.”

  “I talk to Emberly, I’m sure I’ve heard enough.”

  My head snapped up to meet her penetrating stare.

  Hazel eyes and full lips filled my vision, but they weren’t from the girl in front of me.

  So similar, yet nothing alike.

  I blinked away the images that had been quick to form all day and forced my attention to the stove again, just for somewhere to look that was away from my brother’s girlfriend.

  I cleared the tightening of my throat and failed at keeping my tone light when I said, “I stand corrected. It’s entirely possible you know more than me.”