The Christmas Wish List: The perfect cosy read to settle down with this autumn

by Heidi Swain

  By the time Beamish and I set off it was rather dark, but it didn’t matter as everywhere was so prettily lit. It was freezing though and I was grateful for the loan of a country tweed coat and thick gloves.

  ‘Has Dolly enjoyed herself, do you think?’ Beamish asked, striding ahead with me struggling a little to keep up.

  We might have been matched in height but he could easily outpace me, especially over the ice.

  ‘Sorry,’ he said, slowing down and then, disconcertingly linking arms. ‘It’s not too slippery, but I’ll keep you on your feet should you start to go over.’

  ‘I’m certain she’s had an amazing time,’ I told him, ejecting the image of us landing in the snow together. ‘She was just thanking Angus for the Christmas tree. It really was wonderful of you to arrange all this for her.’

  ‘For both of you,’ he said. ‘I did it for both of you.’

  ‘Well thank you,’ I carried on, looking about me as we left the more formal part of the garden and headed over to what looked like the start of the woodland trail. ‘I’ve had a great time too.’

  ‘This Christmas Wish List was an inspired idea,’ he said.

  ‘It was,’ I agreed, although I still regretted Dolly’s addition about getting back in touch with my parents.

  ‘It’s all too easy to go through life not noticing things, isn’t it? I mean, lots of things you’ve added to the list I take a bit for granted now, but having seen them through your eyes, I’ve appreciated them so much more this time around.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes,’ he nodded. ‘Really.’

  ‘I guess it’s the simple things in life that really matter, isn’t it?’

  ‘Absolutely,’ he agreed. ‘Accumulating stuff is all well and good for some, but personally I prefer to put my efforts into making memories and having experiences.’

  I had surmised that much about him before. Jonathan and his love of material possessions, and how he always used them to try and either end an argument or make someone feel special, popped into my head again, along with my earlier determination to tell Beamish all about him, but now I found I didn’t want to.

  ‘Don’t you agree, Hattie?’

  ‘I do.’

  If I had to choose between the presents Jonathan had showered me with or the excited expressions on the children’s faces during the school fair or the thrill of seeing Wynthorpe Hall dressed for the festive season, then I was certain which I would go for.

  ‘I’m sorry about the sleigh ride,’ Beamish said, ‘that would have been a great memory to take away with you. Perhaps we could come back at the weekend and look around the Wonderland together? By this time tomorrow everything will be in place and looking beautiful. This is where the reindeer are going to go,’ he added, pointing to a fenced-off area.

  ‘Reindeer,’ I gasped. ‘Really?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ he smiled. ‘There are even polar bears in the grotto in the garden.’

  ‘You’re teasing,’ I said, pulling my arm away from his, but he wouldn’t let me go.

  ‘No, I’m not,’ he laughed, ‘granted they’re animatronic, but they’re there. I’ll show you on the way back, but the reindeer are real. I promise. Last year there was a calf too.’

  ‘Oh, how lovely.’

  Walking around the trail, the path lit to guide the way, I could well imagine just how enchanting it would all be and my own little festive flame shone brighter in the darkness as a result.

  ‘I know it’s the bake sale and auction in town on Saturday,’ I said, ‘but if you think there’ll be time to come out here on Sunday, that would be wonderful.’

  ‘I’m sure we can manage it,’ said Beamish, ‘and if not then, then perhaps the weekend after. Angus and Catherine decided last year that one weekend wasn’t long enough, given the effort of setting up and dismantling, so this year they’re going to open for two. They’ll be stretched to the limit, but they’ll pull it off.’

  I was sure they would. What a truly wonderful place to live Wynbridge and Wynthorpe Hall was. I took back what I’d thought about Anna being too besotted when I first talked to her because I could see now exactly why she had fallen head over heels for it all. Had I been single . . .

  I was shocked by the thought and hastily snuffed it out. The sooner I saw Jonathan again the better. If I wasn’t careful this place and certain folk who lived here were going to turn my head and I didn’t want it turned. I was going to marry Jonathan and I was going to build a new life in Abu Dhabi. It was what we had decided, it was what fate had lined up for me.

  ‘Where’s that light coming from?’ I asked, pointing ahead.

  ‘Oh Hattie,’ smiled Beamish, ‘with your love of wishes, you’re going to adore this.’

  We carried on along the path, our breath streaming ahead of us and reaching the large clearing before we did. I could see the area hadn’t been cleared on purpose, it was empty because the vast tree at the centre of it was taking up all the space. Lit from beneath, the beams of light illuminated the bare branches. Or were they bare?

  ‘What is it?’ I frowned, detaching myself from Beamish and moving closer. ‘It looks like there are things tied to the tree.’

  ‘There are,’ he told me.

  I circled the mighty trunk, spotting keys, letters, cloth flags and various trinkets, some of which looked like they’d been there for years. They moved gently in the breeze, some clashing together but making a melodious sound. I shivered, but not because of the chilly temperature.

  ‘But why?’ I whispered. ‘What is this?’

  ‘It’s a wishing tree,’ Beamish explained. ‘People come here to make special wishes. Not for silly things like money or a new car, but for things that really matter, things that really mean something.’

  ‘Money matters if you haven’t got any,’ I said, looking over at him, ‘but I know what you mean. Do people think the tree carries some sort of magic?’

  Given the peculiar feeling which had coursed through my system when I first stepped into the clearing, I couldn’t deny that there was a certain something about the place.

  ‘I guess,’ said Beamish. ‘Molly’s the expert. You need to ask her really.’

  I stopped next to him, gazing up into the branches and thinking how my time with Dolly was fast becoming a pilgrimage to wish fulfilment.

  ‘A wishing tree,’ I whispered. ‘Have you ever made a wish?’

  I turned to look at him, only to find he was already looking at me. There was such tenderness in his eyes that it made my breath catch in my chest. I wondered if I should wish he wouldn’t look at me like that. I should have wished that he wouldn’t look at me like that, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

  It suddenly dawned on me that he had wanted me to kiss him the other night. My forbidden feelings for him, if the look on his face was anything to go by and I was certain it was, were reciprocated.

  ‘No,’ he said, ‘I’ve never known what to wish for, until now.’

  I didn’t dare ask what he had come up with.

  ‘Do you really have to move, Hattie?’ he then said. ‘I mean, you seem so content here with Dolly and working in the school. I can’t imagine that you could be any happier living anywhere else.’

  ‘You sound like, Anna,’ I smiled, trying to break the spell which held us entranced.

  He shook his head.

  ‘This is just a holiday, Beamish,’ I said softly, ‘this isn’t forever.’

  ‘But it could be.’

  ‘No,’ I said, ‘it couldn’t. This isn’t real life.’

  It certainly wasn’t my life.

  ‘But it could be,’ he said again.

  I shook my head. If I had stuck to my guns and talked about Jonathan this afternoon then Beamish wouldn’t have been saying any of this. Knowing what I knew now, having seen the look in his eyes, he probably wouldn’t have been talking to me at all.

  ‘This isn’t my life,’ I told him, ‘it’s just a break until I . . .’

&nb
sp; It was on the tip of my tongue to say until I was married to a man as yet unknown to him and we had moved halfway across the world, but Beamish was lowering his head. I ducked away just in time and heard him groan.

  ‘You were going to kiss me,’ I gasped.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Yes, you were.’

  He scuffed the snow with the toe of his boot.

  ‘Well, so what if I was,’ he shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets, ‘you were going to kiss me first.’

  ‘No, I wasn’t,’ I said sharply. ‘I told you that you’d got that wrong and besides, you said you wouldn’t have kissed me back because I was moving halfway around the world.’

  ‘Yeah, well.’

  ‘Yeah well, what?’ I snapped.

  I knew I had no right to sound so affronted but I was feeling even worse about keeping quiet about Jonathan now. All the while I had thought the crush I had developed for Beamish was one-sided I could handle it. Yes, I felt bad for feeling something for another man but now I knew that other man felt something for me, I realised I wasn’t the only one at risk of being hurt and it made the situation so much worse.

  ‘Yeah well,’ Beamish carried on, ‘seeing you standing there with your cheeks glowing and your eyes shining and your hair all messed up, it made me—’

  ‘All right,’ I said, self-consciously running my hands through my hair, ‘I get the idea.’

  I felt even worse that the version of me that Beamish had wanted to kiss didn’t really exist anymore. He didn’t know the real me. He was looking at the old version Dolly had been so keen to track down and who I would soon be banishing again.

  ‘Just out of curiosity,’ he asked, ‘if I had have kissed you, would you have kissed me back?’

  ‘No,’ I said, ‘of course not.’

  ‘Because you’re moving halfway around the world or because you wouldn’t want to kiss me?’

  Now it was my turn to kick up the snow. There were only so many fibs and half-truths I could get away with and I was fast approaching my limit.

  ‘Actually,’ he said, ‘don’t answer that.’

  I turned to walk away feeling grateful he hadn’t pushed me to reply.

  ‘I hope I haven’t ruined your day,’ he called after me.

  ‘You haven’t,’ I called back. ‘Of course, you haven’t.’

  But he had.

  Chapter 16

  I decided it would be best to give the polar bears a miss.

  ‘All right,’ Beamish agreed. ‘I suppose we have been gone a while. I’ll show them to you when we come back to see the wonderland.’

  ‘I’m not sure we should do that now,’ I told him, slipping a little on the path but refusing the offer of his arm.

  ‘Why ever not?’

  Because my boyfriend wouldn’t like it, because you make me feel things I shouldn’t and I think you feel them too, because we can’t seem to spend any time alone together without almost falling on each other’s lips . . .

  ‘Not because of what just happened?’ he said, stopping. ‘I thought you said I hadn’t ruined your day?’

  ‘No,’ I said, ‘not because of what just almost happened.’

  ‘What then?’

  ‘I just don’t want . . .’ I answered, thinking of the ideas Anna and Molly already seemed to have, ‘anyone getting the wrong idea about us spending so much time together, that’s all.’

  ‘What does it matter what anyone else thinks?’ He frowned. ‘Besides,’ he added, before striding off again, ‘we’re just friends and given the fact that we’re both free and single how much time we spend together is no one else’s business, is it?’

  I felt my festive flame flicker in the wake of his words.

  ‘But if it helps,’ he said seriously, ‘I promise I won’t try and kiss you again. Let’s put what just almost happened back there down as a moment of madness, nothing more. Let’s say, I was simply seduced by the magic of the Wishing Tree.’

  ‘All right,’ I agreed, happy to let it drop. ‘No more near-kisses and I’ll come to see the wonderland with you.’

  ‘Near-kisses?’ He grinned. ‘I thought there’d only been one?’

  I put my head down and carried on walking.

  I returned the clothes and wellies I had borrowed and after we had said our goodbyes back in the hall kitchen, and offered our truly heartfelt thanks for the wonderful visit, Beamish drove Dolly and me back to the cottage. I didn’t have to worry about how I was going to fill any awkward silences because Dolly’s excitement didn’t allow for any. Her steady stream of reminiscing didn’t require any input from either Beamish or me and I was grateful that she didn’t ask if we had enjoyed our wander around the grounds.

  ‘Are you expecting a parcel?’ I asked as we pulled up at the cottage gate and I spotted something propped up against the front door.

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Dolly as Beamish helped her out of the truck. ‘I’d quite forgotten about that. It’s for you, Hattie.’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘An early Christmas present.’

  ‘Another one,’ I said, thinking of the advent calendar.

  ‘Another one,’ she smiled.

  ‘Can I open it now?’ I asked.

  ‘No,’ she said, ‘it’s for tomorrow. It’s my contribution,’ she explained, picking the parcel up as I unlocked the door, ‘to ensuring that this Friday the thirteenth is memorable for far happier reasons than the last.’

  ‘What happened on the last?’ asked Beamish.

  ‘The poor girl was made redundant from her job,’ said Dolly.

  ‘But don’t forget,’ I reminded her, ‘that it was also the day I decided that I was going to move to Abu Dhabi.’

  That wasn’t strictly true, but the opportunity had presented itself then.

  ‘Crikey,’ laughed Beamish. ‘That was fast work. You certainly didn’t let the grass grow, did you?’

  ‘No,’ I frowned, ‘I don’t suppose I did.’

  ‘I’m guessing it was something you’d been thinking about before you were made redundant?’

  ‘Well actually,’ I began, thinking I wouldn’t get a better moment to explain.

  ‘Never mind that now,’ Dolly cut in, ushering me over the threshold. ‘Get the kettle on, will you? I don’t think we need worry about supper, but I could do with another hot drink.’

  *

  I had gone to bed that night feeling surprisingly excited about the next day. As well as the school Christmas dinner there was also the party in the afternoon. The children’s excitement would be at fever pitch and I braced myself to deal with sweaty faces racing around the hall, the odd clash of heads and the prospect of at least one of them throwing up. What I hadn’t been expecting were the contents of the present from Dolly.

  ‘I admit,’ she said, chewing her lip to stop herself from laughing, ‘that it is a little unfortunate, but you have to wear it, Hattie. It’s Christmas jumper day.’

  ‘But I can’t, Dolly,’ I told her. ‘As lovely as the gesture is, I can’t possibly wear this. It’s obscene and the fact that it lights up makes it all the worse.’

  Dolly started to laugh and I wandered over to look in the mirror again. The jumper was covered with festive motifs and was very jolly, apart from the unfortunate, but most likely intentional, positioning of two Christmas puddings complete with flashing holly berries.

  ‘The kids won’t even notice,’ she said stoically.

  ‘It’s not the kids I’m worried about,’ I said, imagining the laughs Beamish was going to get out of the situation. ‘And you say they won’t notice, but I bet some of the older ones will.’

  ‘Perhaps if you put a cardigan over the top,’ she suggested, proudly smoothing down her own jumper.

  Hers featured a very tasteful Santa and also lit up, but nowhere where it shouldn’t.

  ‘If I wear anything over this, I’ll absolutely bake. That hall will be stifling this afternoon.’
/>   ‘And the kids will be so fired up they won’t be interested in your jumper by then,’ she pointed out. ‘You’ll be able to take the cardigan off after lunch. I’ll see if I’ve got a thin one. I’m sure I’ve got a red one that will fit the bill somewhere.’

  ‘If only you could turn the lights off,’ I called after her as she went back up the stairs and someone knocked on the door.

  ‘But where would the fun be in that?’ she called back. ‘Can you answer that?’

  I hesitated for a moment and then decided that the reaction of the person standing on the doorstep would be a good indicator of the response I was most likely to get all day. I pulled it open with a flourish and found myself face to face with a giant knitted Rudolph complete with glowing nose.

  I looked up as Beamish looked down and he started to laugh.

  ‘Don’t,’ I said, stepping back to let him in. ‘Don’t say a word.’

  ‘Well I don’t know about your Christmas Wish List,’ he smirked, ‘but that was definitely on mine.’

  ‘Oh thank you very much,’ I said primly.

  Given that I was trying to look as unappealing to him as possible after the Wishing Tree moment, lighting up my breasts wasn’t the wisest of moves.

  ‘What am I going to do?’ I moaned, looking back up the stairs to where I could hear Dolly rifling through her wardrobe. ‘This was Dolly’s present, but I can’t wear it, can I?’

  ‘Well you can’t offend her,’ he whispered back. ‘You’ll just have to brazen it out. Perhaps the batteries will run out by the time the bell goes. That might help.’

  I checked the time. It was still early so there was some hope.

  ‘Perhaps,’ I said, fighting down the urge to reach out and squeeze Rudolph’s red flashing nose. ‘Anyway, what are you doing here? Is everything all right?’

  ‘I told Dolly that if there was any frost, I’d pick you up this morning. She said she wanted to go in early today and it’s a bit dicey out there. Did she not mention it?’

  ‘No,’ I said, ‘she didn’t, but as you’re here, you can help me with the breakfast.’