“He wants kids and grandkids?”
“Not right this minute, but even he admitted he doesn’t know how he’ll feel in five years.”
“So be with him five years then reevaluate.”
“So I’m supposed to build a life with him that has this ticking clock on it? A bomb sitting out there waiting to go off at any minute. We’ll be walking down the beach in a few years and a little boy and girl will run out in front of us, and he’ll be looking at them longingly, and then I’ll be like, okay, today’s the day it’s happening. I can’t live like that.”
“Okay, woman, you are scaring me.”
She looked up at him. “What?”
“You’re creating imaginary scenarios that are never even going to happen.”
“You don’t know that,” she said, completely unreasonably.
“Well, I do know this. From all you’ve told me about him, and from all I’ve witnessed, including our group falling head over heels for him, he’s fabulous. Maybe it’s okay if this life of yours together is the wonderful thing for the both of you. Maybe it’s a life filled with love and leisurely mornings with coffee and late nights out on the town or uninterrupted in bed. That’s okay. Just because you’re a straight couple, you’re not required to have children.”
“I hear you, but I can’t get around the feeling that being with him is selfish on my part. I feel like I’m taking something away from him, and all I want is to give him everything on this earth.”
Sebastian laughed, shaking his head at her.
“What?”
He motioned at her. “Are you hearing yourself? All you want is to give him everything. This is love, Cassidy. Love. When have you ever felt it like this?”
She closed her eyes, the pressure mounting in her chest and throat, because she’d never felt like this, never in her adult dating life, not even close. She shook her head.
“And what about him? Do you think he’s ever felt this way before?”
She thought about all he’d said to her, the sincerity in his words, how she’d brought light into his darkness and years of fucking around with women. She shook her head, the pain of the loss of this beautiful man starting to rip into her from the inside out.
Sebastian took her hand. “This is it, sweetie. This is the great love of your lives. You’ve found one another. Congratulations. So many of us haven’t and may never.”
She met Sebastian’s gaze thinking she wasn’t sure how much more pain her heart could hold. She’d found what he’d been searching for all these years, and she was throwing it away.
She squeezed his hand, hard. “You will find him.”
Sebastian’s eyes went glassy. “Of course I will, sweetie. But when I do, I can promise you I won’t throw him back. I will thank my lucky stars that our paths crossed, and I will hold onto him for dear life.”
Tears streamed down her face. She’d never cried so much in her life, but she was a damn waterfall these days. Sebastian handed her his handkerchief. The fact that he carried one alone surely was enough to merit a wonderful soulmate for him.
She met his gaze. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to earn the friendship you give me.”
He waved her off. “Just make sure to keep saving me a place at your Thanksgiving table and we’re golden.”
She pulled him in for a hug. “You’re my family. There’ll always be a place for you at my table.”
He grabbed the handkerchief back from her and dabbed his eyes. “Oh, stop it. You’ll ruin my mascara.”
She giggled, and then brought him in to her again, kissing him on the top of the head.
* * *
Cassidy’s whole body emanated a buzz as she walked toward Jesse’s bar. While she still wasn’t convinced she was doing the right thing, she had decided she’d let herself continue to fall in love with him, come what may. If he left her in a few years, then so be it. And since when did she worry about more than the day in front of her? Since she’d fallen madly in love and lost all sense. That was when.
She blew out a deep breath, ready to see him and tell him what a mistake she’d made. She’d explain how while it felt like she’d been doing it for him so that he could be free to move forward and meet someone else, that in reality, it was because she had been afraid. And while she was still terrified, she understood that was what love did to a person, and it was the risk she had to take.
She opened the door and glanced around the bar, her heart pounding in her chest. She couldn’t find him anywhere, but Kelly spotted her at the door and came over with a confused look on her face. “I thought we were okay on cookies for today?”
“Actually, I’m looking for Jesse.”
A young woman who looked familiar sidled up next to Kelly. “I got this.”
“Gracie,” Cassidy said. She supposed she’d spent so much time looking at the young woman’s breasts that day in Jesse’s apartment that she’d not gotten a good enough look at her face, but her nametag gave her away.
She let out an exhausted sigh, balancing an empty tray on her hand. “Cassidy.”
Cassidy swallowed, feeling like this girl’s junior. “I’m actually glad I’m seeing you, Gracie. I meant to have done this already. I apologize for the way I acted when I saw you that day in Jess—” She cut herself off before finishing, “your apartment. You were kind to me, and I believe I probably came off as rude. I’m so sorry about that. I was just thrown off. But that really isn’t an excuse.”
She shrugged. “You seemed fine to me.”
Cassidy breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, thank you for saying that, but the apology stands. I’m looking for Jesse, is he here?”
“Jesse’s gone.”
Cassidy blinked, not understanding what that meant.
“He’s in Puerto Rico. A mission trip or something. I’m helping Kelly manage the bar while he’s gone.”
Cassidy felt like she needed to hang onto something. Luckily the host podium was there. “A trip?”
“Yeah. He’s gonna be gone a while. He’s supposed to be back like mid to late June?” she said in the form of a question. “Kelly!” she shouted across the bar. “When’s Jesse back?”
“June 23,” was Kelly’s response.
She turned back to Cassidy. “There you go. He’s got his phone though, so you can text him if you want. We’re trying not to bother him though,” she said, pointedly.
Cassidy understood her need to protect him. “Well, I’ll have that same respect,” she said, a frog climbing her throat.
Gracie pulled her tray in to her chest. “He needs this time, okay? He’s going through a lot with his family right now and figuring stuff out. I think he’s sort of having a mid-life crisis.”
Cassidy bit back the chuckle that wanted to come out from her turn of phrase, because she did understand the point Gracie was trying to put across. “I get it. I’ll back off.”
“Jesse’s an amazing guy. There’s been a lot of girls who have come through this bar trying to get with him, and you did, but you let him go, which quite honestly astonishes me, but whatever. You did something for him though. He’s getting off his ass and doing something about his life. He’s trying to give it some meaning, which is like seriously cool. I’m guessing you had a part in that, so thank you.”
Cassidy shook her head, the pressure building behind her eyes again. “That’s all him.”
“Well, whatever. I gotta get back to my tables.” Gracie looked Cassidy up and down. “You’re not going to tell me your workout?”
“Oh,” Cassidy said, looking down at her body. “Quite honestly, I’m on my feet all day at the bakery. I just collapse when I get home.”
Gracie rolled her eyes. “I knew you were a bitch,” she said with a little smile, and then headed off.
Cassidy huffed a laugh, and then headed out the door. As she walked to her car, the reality sank in that Jesse was gone till June 23, which was more than two months away. So much could happen in two months. That was more time than
it’d taken for her to fall in love with him.
Noel and Ingrid worked with a group out of Puerto Rico sometimes. They’d talked about it that night at dinner. She wondered if Jesse had gotten in touch with them. It wouldn’t be hard to reach them with their web and social media presences.
Cassidy rested against the hood of her car in the beach access parking lot, imagining Jesse in Puerto Rico working with a volunteer group. She knew how easy it was to get close with others in those situations, and most of the time, the people who did this kind of work were good-hearted people you wanted to get to know. And God knew people would want to get to know Jesse.
She closed her eyes, letting the realization that she’d let him go sicken her once again. This was what she’d wanted for him—the opportunity to find some good, young woman to build a life with. Maybe he’d do that. Maybe she’d get her wish.
She glanced out at the beach and all the vacationers down there…the families building sand castles, the young couples in love. She spotted something that got her attention, and her feet moved toward it. As she got to the beach, she pulled off her sandals and headed over to the hut and the twenty-something guy manning it. “Is there such a thing as paddleboarding lessons?”
26
Marigold set a pan of cranberry walnut muffins in the case. “Well, what’s the verdict?”
“On?” Cassidy asked, adding a roll of quarters to the register.
“What you’re going to wear.”
Cassidy smiled as a nervous bug ate away at her stomach. “I haven’t really thought about it.”
“I call B.S.”
She rested against the counter. “I’m trying so hard not to make a big deal of this.”
“It is a big deal. Jesse’s coming home.”
“I’m not even sure I should be there, to be honest.”
“Everyone you know will be there. I’ll be there. And Sebastian, and Seanna, Blake, Chase, Shayla, Bo—”
“I know. But what if he’s bitter toward me for breaking up with him? Or even worse, what if he’s completely over it and barely even remembers why he was into me? I haven’t spoken a word to this man in over two months. Not a text, nothing.” She shut the register, gripping onto the closed drawer. “What if he’s brought someone home with him?”
“Let’s not get carried away. There’s only one scenario going on right now, and it’s the unknown one. But regardless of what’s happening with him and what’s getting ready to happen when we see him tonight, you need to look fabulous.”
Cassidy rested against the counter and covered her face. “I don’t know if I can do this. It’s been two months since I even spoke a word to this man after I broke up with him, and I’m acting like I still have some kind of right to him.”
Marigold took her wrists. “You have the right to change your mind.”
“And he has the right to tell me to screw off.”
“While this is true, he also has the right to forgive and move forward. So let’s stop analyzing and start putting together an outfit. Can we please close now?”
* * *
“We should have taken an Urban Ride,” Sebastian said, circling again for a parking place.
The more they circled, the sicker Cassidy felt. “We could just go home?”
Sebastian let out a big fake laugh that went directly into a glare. “No. Yes!” he shouted as a car came out of a space. “And right out front. Persistence is prudent.”
After they parked, Sebastian opened the door, but Cassidy didn’t. He shut the door back. “It’s gonna be what it’s gonna be. But you’ll never know until you step inside.”
“It’s flippant of me to just casually walk in here like I’m welcome.”
“Um, didn’t you help plan this party basically?”
“I gave Gracie the numbers of all our friends and provided some desserts. That’s hardly planning the party.”
“Well, regardless, you are welcome. What will it say if you don’t show? It’s been two months since you broke it off with him. At this point, you’d just look rude for not coming.”
She gave him a look.
“Seriously, get your happy ass out of the car, okay? Let’s do this thing.”
She opened the door, heart up in her throat as they walked toward the pulsing bar. The place was packed with wall-to-wall people, and a band was setting up on the little stage in the far right corner. The first person to greet her was Chase with his big open arms. “Cassidy, long time no see. Where have you been?”
“Oh, at the shop, as usual. How are you?”
Shayla came in with a side hug. “I’ve missed you, friend.”
“I’ve missed the both of you.” Cassidy had been absent from the group’s last few functions. She hated to fall into old patterns, but she hadn’t had the energy to do much of anything, preferring to stay home on her sofa and stress about what was happening in Puerto Rico. She scratched her neck. “Um, has anyone seen Jesse yet?”
“Rumor has it his flight got delayed,” Chase said.
Maya appeared next looking a bit stressed, but that wasn’t completely unusual for her. “Hey,” she said, hugging Cassidy, and then she tugged on another woman’s arm who faced Cassidy. “Do you remember my sister, Meade?”
“Of course. We met at the wedding. How are you?” Cassidy asked, taking Meade’s hand and shaking it.
Meade beamed. “I’m really good. How are you?” She pointed. “Now, you work at Seaside Sweets with Marigold, is that right?”
“Yes, you’ve got a good memory.”
Maya grabbed Meade’s shoulders, presenting her to Cassidy. “Meade is brilliant. Like no joke.”
“Maya,” Meade said, giving her a warning glance and wiggling out of her sister’s grasp.
“I’m just proud of you, okay?” Maya said, and Cassidy was starting to feel like she needed to step away.
A beefy guy Cassidy had seen at the Guppy a handful of times came up to them, handing Meade a glass of red wine. “Cabaret Sav…Sav…”
“Cabernet Sauvignon,” Maya supplied.
“Whatever,” he said. “Drunk juice.” He laughed too hard as he smiled at Cassidy and Maya, looking for confirmation of his humor.
“Thank you,” Meade said, taking the glass from him, her smile seeming to give him the affirmation he so desperately needed. The two of them moved into their own little world as they entered one another’s personal spaces, smiling and doing the bar pickup dance.
Cassidy turned to Maya who was laser-focused on them, looking like a teacher at a middle school dance who needed to separate a preteen couple.
“Meade was just here for a visit a couple of months ago, wasn’t she?” Cassidy asked.
Maya closed her eyes rubbing her temple. “She lives here now.”
“Oh, wow. I had no idea. When did this happen?”
Maya glanced around and then moved in closer to Cassidy. “Three weeks ago. When she was here for her visit, I made the crucial error of talking to her about how upset I’ve been. I broke down with her, and as a result, she quit her job to come take care of me.” She made quotes with her fingers and gave Cassidy a look. “I told you she would do this. I knew she would. I feel sick about it. If I would have just kept my big mouth shut…”
“Do you think that’s really why she’s here?” Cassidy asked.
Maya pursed her lips. “No. I think she was looking for any excuse to quit that job.”
“What’s she doing here for work?”
“She just got a job at a bar on the beach like she’s freaking Tom Cruise in Cocktail. I swear, Cassidy, I don’t know what else to do about her.”
The guy said something and Meade giggled in response, laying her head on his shoulder.
Maya turned away. “I can’t. I can’t watch this. She’s going to sleep with this guy. She’s going to go home with this Neanderthal and have sex with him.” Maya put her head in her hand.
Bo walked up and put his arm around Maya, gauging the scene. “Do you want me to
get rid of him?” Bo asked.
“Yes,” Maya said. Bo just lifted his eyebrows, and then Maya tightened her mouth into a wad. “No.”
“Come on,” Bo said. “Let’s go over here and speak to Desiree and Ashe, okay?” Maya nodded and let herself be led off by her wonderful husband.
The piped-in music went down at the same time Kelly stood up on top of the bar. She whistled with her thumb and forefinger, and everyone turned to her. She cupped her hands over her mouth and shouted, “They just parked and are walking up to the back door now. Everybody…” She put a single finger up to her lips.
Everyone talked in hush tones while Cassidy’s heart pounded. She wished like hell she wouldn’t have come, but as she glanced around and saw Seanna, Blake, Maya, Bo, Marigold, Dane, Ethan, Ashe, and Desiree, she realized it would be pretty sorry if she wasn’t there. She closed her eyes, thinking this would all be over in a matter of moments when she saw who he walked through the door with.
The sound of the door opening got her attention, and during that moment where everyone waited for Jesse to surface, Cassidy wondered if her body would ignite from nervous energy right then and there. A young woman with short, dark hair came through the door first, followed by a tall black man, with a blond girl after that, and then the crowd shouted, “Surprise!” as Jesse surfaced.
Cassidy had to hold onto her pounding heart to settle it, starting to seriously fear a heart attack. She was too damn old for new love. It was physically killing her.
“What?” Jesse said with a huge grin on his face. Cassidy had never seen him look happier, and he’d looked pretty damn happy when they were together.
Gracie held out both arms. “Welcome home, asshole!”
Everyone laughed and someone yelled, “Speech!”
“I can’t form words, much less give a speech.”
Gracie shoved him. “You can at least introduce your friends.”
“Oh, I guess I could do that.” His gaze went immediately to the blond girl, and Cassidy’s heart plummeted. He motioned toward the girl. “This is Cara.” He pointed at the guy. “That’s Jousha and that’s Devon.” He glanced around. “I don’t even know who the fuck all these people are.”
Grayton Beach Dreams Page 19
