Feels Like Summertime

by Tammy Falkner

  I swallow, but I still can’t speak.

  “Then she cheated on you with that big lug in my guest room, and it was the best thing that ever could have happened to you.”

  “That big lug took a bullet for me,” I mutter.

  Pop waves his hand in the air like he’s waving away smoke. “I don’t give a damn about any of that,” he says. “She did you a favor, because you ended up with Katie, and that girl loves you.”

  “She loves you, too,” I say quietly.

  “And I love her,” Pop says clearly. “And I love those kids like I would if they were made by you.”

  “I know you do, Pop.” I look at the paperwork spread all around me. “What is all this?”

  “This is your future, son,” he says. “Your mother inherited this place from her father, and then we ran it together. We raised you here, and we built something wonderful. And now it’s yours and Katie’s. If you want it, that is.”

  “You’re giving us the complex?” I can barely breathe.

  “Yes.”

  “Starting when?”

  “Now.”

  I can barely ask the question. “What about you?”

  He chuckles. “I’ll still be here, you dipshit.”

  The clench around my heart eases a little.

  “There’s enough money in the business account that you can keep the place running for a few hundred years, and I hope you’ll actively participate and help it grow. If you want to go back to New York, I’ll still be here. But I’d like for you two to run this place with me until I die.”

  There’s that clench around my heart again. “You’re not sick, are you, Pop?”

  “Oh, hell no. It’ll take more than a little bitty stroke to put me in the ground.” He laughs.

  “Then why are you turning it over to us now?”

  “I want to be with you and your family, Jake. You’ll have four kids and a wife, now, and you might need an old man like me around to teach them a thing or two. And I still need to beat that big one at blackjack.”

  “Gabby,” I say.

  He grunts. “Whatever.”

  He leans to the left, looks out the window, and points to the adjacent property. “You could build your own house on the hill, if you want. Or you can stay here. There’s plenty of room. For everyone. Or if you want privacy, I’ll just take one of the cabins.”

  “I want you with me, Pop,” I tell him around the lump in my throat. “I always want you with me.”

  “You were your mother’s eyeball, Jake.” That might sound like a weird way of saying it, but I know it means I was the apple of her eye. I was her baby. I always knew that she and Pop loved God first, one another second, and me third. I never doubted my place in their lives. “She’d want you to grow old here, surrounded by people who love you.” He clears his throat. “Besides, who’s going to teach those kids to curse properly if I’m not around?”

  I chuckle into my fist.

  “Thank you, Pop,” I say simply.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “I’ll talk to Katie and see what she wants, okay?”

  “Okey-dokey.”

  “But no matter what, we’ll always be wherever you need us to be.”

  He pats the back of my hand. “I just need you to be happy. That’s all I care about.”

  “Thanks, Pop,” I say again.

  He nods and jerks his head toward the hallway. “Now go take a nap. You can’t marry that girl looking like you been up fucking her all night.”

  “Pop!”

  “Don’t Pop me. A man doesn’t sneak into the house at zero-dark-thirty with a shit-eating grin on his face unless he’s been elbow-deep in some vagina all night. Now go take a nap so you won’t look like shit later. Go. Get.” He shoos me along.

  I lean down to kiss his forehead. He closes his eyes and takes a deep, shuddering breath until I let him go and stand back up. “I love you, Pop,” I say.

  “I love you too, Jake.”

  50

  Katie

  Gabby stands behind me with a curling iron, making fat rings of my hair and letting them hang down over my shoulders. I chose a simple white summer dress for today, and I think Jake will like it. Gabby frees the last ringlet and steps back. “You look really beautiful, Mom,” she says.

  “Thanks, Gabby.” I have to blink the tears back yet again. This day is so emotional on so many levels. “Have you checked on Jake?”

  She shakes her head. “Alex is with him. And Pop. And Freddy. I think he’s covered.” Gabby lays her hand on my shoulder and stares at me in the mirror.

  I cover her hand with mine. “I love you, Gabs,” I tell her.

  “I love you too, Mom,” she says.

  A knock sounds on the door of the cabin, which is where I’ve spent the rest of the night and the morning. Laura, my only bridesmaid aside from Gabby, gets up to go and answer the door. “Yes? Can I help you?” she asks.

  “We’d like to see the bride,” a familiar voice says.

  I get up and run to the door. “Oh, my God.” I stop and cover my mouth. Apparently, I’m going to do nothing but sob all day. “I didn’t know you were coming!”

  Mr. and Mrs. Stone, Jeff’s parents, walk into the room and take turns hugging me tightly. Mr. Stone hugs me the longest, and when he sets me back from him, he has tears in his eyes.

  “Jake called and invited us,” he explains.

  My belly drops down toward my toes. “Jake called you?”

  He nods. “He wanted to tell us about the wedding, and he thought you might want us to be here.”

  “I did,” I rush to say. “I do. I just…” I don’t know how to finish it. I don’t know how to tell them that I was afraid they wouldn’t approve. “I was scared,” I finally admit.

  Mr. Stone chuckles and it sounds so much like Jeff that I have to look at him twice. “Jeff wouldn’t want you to die with him,” Mr. Stone says. “He’d want you to find someone wonderful like Jake. He’d want you to be happy.”

  I can only nod at him. I couldn’t get a word out if I tried.

  “Well, we’ll be here watching. Cheering you on.” He leans toward me and pretends to whisper. “And drinking your beer.”

  I laugh and hug him before he leaves. Jeff’s mom steps closer to me. She has been very quiet. “I’d like to make a formal request,” she says.

  “Okay…”

  “We’d like to spend a little more time with our grandchildren. We can come to you, or you can come to us, we don’t care which, but we want to be in their lives.” She stops and clears her throat. “We want to be in all their lives. All four of them are special to us, and we want to know them.”

  Emotion chokes me and I pull her to me. “You don’t have to,” I whisper to her.

  “All four of them are important to us, so we’d like to see them all. We’d like for them all to know us as their grandparents, if that’s all right with you.”

  I wipe my eyes. “It’s all right with me.”

  She reaches into her purse and pulls out an envelope. She holds it out for me. “Jeff left this for you,” she says.

  I don’t reach for it. She thrusts it toward me again. I don’t take it. In fact, I take a step back away from it.

  “It’s just a letter,” she says.

  “Have you read it?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “No. But you should.”

  I take another step back. “Why do you have it?”

  “You know the letters he left for everyone?”

  I nod. Jeff left letters for everyone he loved, including me and his parents, and we got them when he died. He also left one for each of the children, for them to read on the day they get married. They don’t know about those letters, but I was left with strict instructions on how to distribute them. “I remember them,” I say. “I already read my letter.”

  “Well, this was included in my letter, along with special instructions. I have another one to deliver too. You’re not the only one.”

 
“Who’s the other one for?”

  “The other one is for the man you marry,” she says softly. “Jeff wanted to tell him some things.”

  “What kind of things?” I whisper.

  She laughs. “I have no idea, but knowing Jeff, it should be really good.”

  “I don’t want it,” I say. “Take it with you.”

  She sets it on the coffee table and walks to the door. She looks back at me. “We’d like to sit behind your parents. Would that be all right with you?” she asks. “Can we still be family?”

  I nod emphatically. “Yes, of course.”

  She goes out the door and leaves me with Laura and Gabby.

  Laura walks over to Gabby. “Let’s give your mom a few minutes, okay?”

  Gabby stares at me long enough to be sure I’m all right. Then they leave. They leave me alone with the letter.

  I lift my perfectly manicured fingernails to my lips and chew on them, as I pace back and forth across the room. The letter seems to stare at me.

  I pick it up. For Katie, on the day she remarries is written in Jeff’s chicken-scratch on the outside.

  I put it back down on the table. I don’t want it.

  I pass by it about a hundred more times, and then I finally pick it up, tear it open, and with shaky hands I pull out the single sheet inside. I sink down onto the sofa, because my legs are too wobbly to hold me up any longer.

  Dear Katie,

  If you’re reading this, then today is the day you’re marrying another man. Don’t worry—this isn’t a sad letter, and I have no sad intentions as I sit and write it.

  Last night, the Hum-V in front of us went up in flames and we lost seven members of our team. Some of them were fathers and mothers, some were sons and daughters, and still others were husbands and wives. No matter who they were, they were loved by someone, and someone has suffered a great loss. It made me think about all the things I would want to say to you, if you were ever forced to go on without me. It probably won’t happen—I pray it won’t happen—but I want to be prepared.

  If you’re reading this, you have trusted someone enough to accept his proposal, and you loved him enough to let him into our children’s lives. You are the best mother in the world, and you have good judgment when it comes to people. If you’ve gotten this far, you know you’ve made a good choice. If you ever doubt it, please know that I don’t doubt it for a second.

  My suggestions to you:

  1. Love him fiercely and with all your heart. The love you have for him will be different from the love you have for me. You don’t have to separate the two.

  2. We have seventeen years of happy memories. Cherish them, but don’t let them smother the love you have for him. Don’t let them be the weeds that choke out the light. Let them be the fertilizer that will help your love grow.

  3. Forgive easily. I know it’s hard, and I know your temper even better than you do. You get angry quickly. Forgive him just as quickly, and hopefully he will return the favor.

  4. Let him lead our children when he can. Let him be more to them than a playmate. Let him be a father. He won’t take my place, but he can take his own place with you and with them—you just have to let him.

  I love you more than you can ever imagine. And it’s my love for you that made me write this letter to you, because when I can no longer make you happy on a daily basis, I dearly hope that someone else can.

  Love him fiercely, Katie, as I have loved you.

  Until we meet again,

  Jeff

  51

  Jake

  “Hey, Jake,” Fred calls from the other room. I fiddle with my tie and then I finally give up and turn to Pop so he can tie it for me.

  “What?” I yell back to Fred as Pop tries to fix the mess I’ve made.

  Fred walks into the room. I did miss the big lug during the months when we weren’t talking. It has been nice having him here this summer. We’ve had time to mend the tears and find a new normal for us.

  “Some guy just left this for you.” Fred tosses an envelope at me. Pop catches it and reads the outside. He nods his head at Fred.

  “Let’s give him a few minutes of peace, shall we?” Pop says.

  “Who’s it from?” I ask, as Pop places the letter in my hand.

  “I’d wager it’s from Katie’s late husband,” Pop says quietly. Then he drags Freddy and Alex from the room.

  There’s no way that Jeff Stone sent me a letter. But I look at the scribbling on the outside.

  To the man who’s going to marry my wife

  I tear the letter open.

  To the man who’s going to marry my wife,

  There are a few moments in life that make you reexamine things. Losing a truck full of men and women you serve with is one of those moments. I started to think about what would happen to Katie if anything ever happens to me. I hope you don’t mind that I’m contacting you, but I have a few things I want to tell you.

  I won’t tell you how she likes her coffee or what her favorite foods are. I won’t mention her favorite color or her favorite flower, because you’re going to enjoy learning all those things. It’s part of the discovery process. It’s beautiful and it’s necessary.

  But what I do want to say to you is that if Katie chose you, it’s because she loves and trusts you. Don’t abuse that. Don’t ever take it for granted. She loves freely, but never blindly. She loves truly, but never indiscriminately. She loves with her whole heart. If you’re lucky enough to get that from her, then by God you deserve it. You have won one hell of a prize.

  I don’t worry as much about Katie as I do about my children, however. Your place with them will be tentative, even as Katie’s love for you grows. They will always have memories of me and our life together, and you may think that they overshadow yours. But never fear. You will take a different place in their hearts.

  At the end of the day, I’m not threatened by you, and I hope my memory doesn’t threaten you either. You will make your own memories with my children, and you will take a place in their lives that’s just as important.

  I hope you’ll consider it an honor when you walk Gabby down the aisle. Take a minute to tell her she’s smart and not just beautiful.

  When Alex gets in his first fight at school, I hope you teach him to handle himself with both grace and strength. Fight when fighting is necessary. Love when you can.

  When Trixie goes on her first date, take a moment to tell her how valuable she is to you and to her mother, because a daughter who feels valued is one who values others.

  My final thought for you: Find your own place with them, but don’t try to fill mine. If you try to walk in my shoes, the shoes won’t fit you right and they could cause you to stumble and fall. You must be yourself, and I trust you, because Katie has chosen you and I trust Katie. And I hope you and Katie succeed as a couple, because my children’s happiness will now depend greatly on yours.

  Take care of Katie, and take care of my kids.

  Jeff Stone

  52

  Katie

  I’m still wiping tears from my face when Pop bursts into cabin 114. “Katie girl!” he cries as he walks right into my bedroom. I’m already dressed, but it’s still odd that he’s visiting. “You’re my favorite bride today!” he says. He opens his arms and I fall against him. He squeezes me tightly, grunting as he rocks me gently from side to side.

  Laura puts her hands on her hips. “Why didn’t I ever get the favorite bride comment when I married Jake?” she pretends to grumble.

  Mr. Jacobson grins at her. “You were never meant for my boy and you know it. Now get out.” He jerks his thumb toward the door.

  Laura playfully grumbles again but I can tell she’s not really angry. She closes the bedroom door behind her with a smile.

  “I brought you something,” Mr. Jacobson says. He pats his shirt pocket, then his pants pocket, and then he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a long box. “Here you go,” he says. His joviality suddenly vanishes an
d he gets very serious. “These belonged to Jake’s mother,” he tells me. “I never gave them to Laura because I didn’t think she would want them. They’re not worth much, but they were worth everything to me and to Jake’s mom. I gave them to his mom the day we got married, and now I’m giving them to you, because I know you’ll cherish them the same way she did.” He thrusts the box at me. “Take it, Katie girl.”

  I open the box with shaky fingers. Inside lies a string of beautiful pearls.

  “Your neck is too naked,” he says. “And while I happen to like naked women, I think your neck needs something on it.” He pulls my hand until I come to stand in front of the mirror. “Can I put them on you?” His eyes meet mine in the mirror.

  I nod, understanding the reverence of this moment.

  “The last and only time I put these on someone, I put them on her.” He isn’t jovial or joking. He’s serious. I’ve never seen him so serious. “Please know that I wouldn’t give these to just anyone, Katie.”

  “I understand,” I say. “Thank you.”

  “When she died, I thought I would die with her.” His voice chokes a little, but he clears his throat. “But I had Jake to live for, to take care of, to teach, to love, and to love me back.” He finally clasps the hook and I feel the cool weight of the pearls fall against my neck. “And now I have five more people to love and love me back.”

  He spins me around and hugs me tight.

  “Now I have to go and offer my boy some whiskey and a peek at some girly magazines so he can keep up his stamina, seeing as how you had him out all night.” He pats my shoulder with a heavy hand. “Welcome to the family, Katie girl,” he says, and then he leaves as quickly as he arrived.

  I feel like someone just took the bottom corner piece off my mental Jenga game.

  Gabby walks into the room. “What did Pop want?” she asks. All the kids have started to call him Pop.

  I finger the pearls around my neck. “He gave me these. They belonged to Jake’s mom.”