Cecilia, a young nurse colleague, crossed the path that separated the few feet between us and consequently disrupted our connection. “It was very sweet of you to come along with Cameron to bring us coffee.” Although I couldn’t see her expression, the image of her fluttering her long lashes at Louis had my face burning as anger rolled through me. She was a petite girl, around twenty-two years old, with long blond hair that she defiantly kept around her shoulders and not pulled up and away from her face. Being on night shift not only meant we were less experienced, but with less administration looking over our shoulders, we didn’t always adhere as strictly to the rules as dayshift employees.
We weren’t deliberate rule-breakers, but we did bend the ones we didn’t agree with. For example, we ate at the nurse’s station, which is a big no-no on dayshift. Because there were fewer of us working during nighttime hours, it was not very feasible to sit in the break room for a thirty-minute meal. Because there weren’t any bigwigs working in the middle of the night, many nurses preferred to go with the no ponytail look. I wasn’t one of those. I liked to have my hair out of my face. I preferred a high ponytail when I ran, a messy bun while lounging at home, and a long braid when at work. Really, the only time I wore my hair down was when I wasn’t doing one of those things. Functionality had always been my priority. But again, as I have already established, I’d never been a girly girl. However, many of the nurses I worked with very much fit that typecast. I wasn’t sure why they went to so much trouble to arrive at work with their hair styled perfectly and makeup applied to their faces.
My brother might’ve had something to do with their wanting to appear their best. He showed up once a week but never the same day, and never at the same time. He was an athletic trainer for our old high school. September to June kept him very busy with sports practices and games every day, but it worked well for his internal schedule. He never liked to wake up early, and he preferred to stay up past midnight every night. I never knew why he liked to stay up late, but that’s how he’d always been.
When we were very little, he would stay up late and raid the refrigerator and freezer. He wasn’t even quite tall enough to reach the freezer, so he would push a kitchen chair up to the appliance to retrieve frozen goodies late at night. Our mother would wake up the next day to find melted ice cream cartons or sometimes the freezer door still open.
I’d told him that if he cut out the nighttime feasting, he’d be able to fall asleep sooner, but he didn’t listen. He would rather skip breakfast than his late-night snacks. Despite his poor eating habits, he maintained being physically fit. He didn’t like to run outside as I did, so we didn’t often exercise together. He preferred to be chained to a machine at the gym like a treadmill or stair machine to have a good cardio workout. Then, of course, he lifted weights, which I despised. Lifting heavy things had never been fun to me. I always chose to run and go somewhere. I loved the wind on my face and the sights that I saw. I loved being outside, no matter what the temperature was.
We both enjoyed riding our bicycles, which was a workout we could do together. Because my brother was in such great physical shape, he turned many girls’ heads. So once a week, when he brought coffee, the women I worked with would line up to flip their hair and flash their smiles at him. If he didn’t come with a caffeine offering, I’d have put a stop to the flirtatious shenanigans he engaged in with my fellow nurses a long time ago. I guess I chose to overlook the embarrassing ogling to support my caffeine addiction.
Even though I had become desensitized to his banter with my female colleagues, I would not be okay with that happening with Louis. He was completely off-limits. I wasn’t sure why I felt so possessive over him, but I surely felt quite territorial. Maybe it was because I just got him back into my life, and I wanted him to myself for a little while.
“Don’t you all have more important things to do than to gawk at my brother and his friend?” I felt the movement in my feet return, and I nudged forward, determined to terminate the lecherous stares from my co-workers surrounding Cam and Louis.
“No,” they replied simultaneously. Shameless. They were all shameless.
Thankfully, Cameron and Louis only stayed for a few more minutes during my shift in the ER and then headed out after some friendly goodbyes. My brother smiled at each of my co-workers, promising to see them all again soon, then he gave me a brotherly hug. Green had always been my favorite color, but seeing it on the women I worked alongside from jealousy over our embrace? Gross. They longed for any touch with my brother, whether it was innocent or not.
Louis approached me after Cameron for what I knew would be a similar hug, but I held my breath, nonetheless. As he pulled me into him, the smell of his soap and aftershave tickled my nose. That mixture of fresh pine and crisp linens was the best scent ever to stimulate my sense of smell. It was Louis. It was woodsy and masculine. As I inhaled in one long breath, his lips delivered a light kiss on my temple. The skin on the side of my head tingled from the brief contact.
“Let me know when our next run is.” His lips turned up in a smile, exposing beautiful white teeth, but I didn’t say anything. My vocal cords were frozen, much like the rest of me. “I promise all running and no talking.” Without waiting for a response from me, he walked away with my brother toward the exit while I stood motionless for several more moments. And just like that, I had become just like my gawking co-workers, shamelessly eyeing the backside of the most magnificent male specimen I had ever known. Two weeks wasn’t going to be long enough with him.
I was exhausted after that shift, but I lay restlessly in my bed. I rubbed the side of my head that had been touched by Louis’s soft lips. I had released the braid from my hair before I had climbed into bed, but I could still feel his touch. This was ridiculous.
After climbing back out of bed and opting for a warm bath, I could finally relax enough for my fatigue to allow me the sleep my body craved. I only slept for five hours, but I figured it was sufficient since I wasn’t working tonight.
Bike ride? I texted my brother. I didn’t feel like being alone, and Cam was always up for whatever adventure I was. Some things never changed. He had been my best friend since forever, but especially these last five years.
Although we pursued different majors, it was nice to attend the same college together. Then, after graduation, we chose to live in our hometown. So I got to see him whenever I needed him. Fortunately, he enjoyed hanging out with me, too.
Sounds good. Be there in fifteen.
He arrived in ten. It usually took longer than ten minutes just to load a bike onto the rack on his truck, but somehow, he managed to load his bike, grab a helmet, and drive to my apartment in a very short period of time. Although we lived in the same town, I lived in midtown near the park, and our parents and Cameron lived on the east side, close to the lake. We each had one-bedroom apartments, which suited us just fine. I know we could have saved on rent by sharing a two-bedroom apartment or condo, but after some discussion, we agreed that we were grown-ups and thought it was best to have our own places.
Besides, with as fast as my brother went through women, it would be awkward for the entrance to our apartment to become a revolving door of Cameron’s female companions and latest conquests. There were some things a sister didn’t need to see, hear, or know, for that matter. However, he still knew me better than anyone, even though we didn’t live together. Maybe it was the twin thing.
He had always known when something was on my mind, and oftentimes, he even knew exactly what bothered me before I even verbalized it. I’d always assumed he was extremely perceptive for a male. I, on the other hand, never seemed to have a clue what anyone thought. Hence the whole fiasco with Louis five years ago. I never knew he had any feelings for me other than friendship. I’d felt completely blindsided at the time. But for some reason, now I couldn’t stop thinking about how things might have turned out if I had given us a chance to explore a new kind of relationship.
I opened the door to
my apartment when I saw Cam pull into the parking lot and approached him, rolling my bicycle with my helmet hanging on the handlebars. Living on the first floor made transporting my bike in and out easier than if I had stairs to negotiate.
“Hey, Lean Bean. What’s up?” His voice remained casual as he unloaded his own bicycle from the rack attached to the hitch on his truck. It would certainly be easier for Cam to throw his bike in the bed of his pickup truck, but I must admit, my brother didn’t often do things the easy way. He would call it doing things the right way. I would always argue that taking a shortcut here and there never hurt anything.
“It’s a great day for a bike ride.” I smiled at him while I buckled my helmet in place. I wore my ponytail at the base of my neck today to accommodate the helmet. The high ponytail that I usually wore with my exercise endeavors would not allow the helmet to fit across my head properly, and being an emergency room nurse, I would never ride without a helmet. Nor would I let anyone I ride with go without the safety precaution in place.
“Who do you think you’re fooling?” The perceptive brother voice came out as Cam leaned his bike against him and secured his own helmet in place. “What did you want to talk about?”
“You always think you know everything.” I let out a slight huff of a laugh, trying to avoid how he obviously did know me too well. “We go bike riding together all the time. Just thought it would be nice today.”
“Okay. Fine. You aren’t ready to tell me right now, but I really don’t feel like riding thirty miles today, so fill me in before then, please.” I received his clipped message loud and clear as he mounted his bike and began riding toward the path near my apartment complex.
I jumped onto my own bike and pedaled quickly to draw near to him. “Are we going to ride together, or am I going to spend the whole time trying to catch up?”
He slowed his speed and positioned himself to my left on the paved path, riding right alongside me. “Is this about Louis?”
See? He always knew before I even had to say anything. I pressed my lips together tightly, so I could think before words came out of my mouth that I wasn’t ready to hear.
“So it is.” A huge grin stretched across his face, but he kept his face focused on moving forward and watching things ahead of him rather than looking at my reddened cheeks.
I was certain the warmth I felt flush through them wasn’t from the sun or the wind. It was from the emotion that stirred within me every time I thought of Louis now. “What do you think?” I might as well hear what his thoughts were regarding the topic since he was always the perceptive one.
“I think you’re crushing on him.” His grin quickly faded as his lips turned down and the happy lines at the corners of his mouth disappeared. “But he is leaving soon, Lean Bean. I know things ended badly before, and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to pursue anything with him. You will only end up getting hurt.”
“I completely agree with you. I am not going to let him know I am crushing on him. I had my chance five years ago, and I chose not to pursue things then. I have no right to try now.” The realization that I would never be kissed by Louis again caused a tight twist within my belly. “Please don’t tell him or anyone what I just told you, Cam.”
“Have I ever given away your secrets?” He really never had. He was the best keeper of secrets of anyone I knew. My sister Claudette was always such a blabbermouth. I couldn’t even believe I ever trusted her with any information I didn’t want the whole world to know. But Cam, I could trust with anything. One would think that two sisters would be closer than a brother and sister. But Cam and I were thick as thieves. The truth of the matter is Claudette was probably envious of our relationship. She tried to never let it show, but she was so often the odd man out. If I had to pick between hanging out with her doing girly things or spending time with Cam doing whatever it was that he thought of on the fly, I one hundred percent of the time chose my twin.
“No, I suppose you haven’t, and I trust you will continue to do so.”
6
Louis
A few days after I saw Charlie in the emergency room, I wondered how it was possible after all these years that I still harbored the same feelings for her as I did when I was eighteen. I supposed I wasn’t as uncomfortable as I once was because I was absolutely terrified the night that I had spilled my guts to her. Now I felt more at ease with us, and she seems more receptive to being around me lately. I figure if I continue to act confident when I’m with her, she won’t feel so uncomfortable with me.
When I showed up to her job with Cam the other night, she was genuinely surprised and taken aback by my hug and friendly kiss. I think I rattled her a little bit, and I had to admit, it felt pretty good. I was probably flirting somewhat, just as I had been at the grocery store the other day. Maybe I wanted her to realize what she missed out on. Perhaps I wanted to know that she found me attractive, even though she hadn’t five years ago. I guess my ego needed a pick-me-up. If I said that she had crushed me when we were eighteen, it would’ve been the world’s biggest understatement. But now I was receiving my redemption, as the slightest hint of regret peeked out. Maybe I was a jackass, because the regret that she felt made me feel better.
I spent the last five years wondering if she continued to think of me or if she wished she would have chosen a different course for our journey if she had the opportunity to do it all over. I don’t know that I would ever trust her enough to not break my heart, but I was confident I could be friends with her again. At least I thought I could. I was older now and more in control of my emotions.
Run today? I changed the dressing on my back, pulled on my mesh gym shorts, and had my shoes on and tied when she barreled through the front door of my parents’ house.
Her loud breathing and heavy respirations broke up her words when she spoke. “I was already out when you texted, so I figured I would just come by.” When her gaze hit me, the sound of her breathing softened, and the heaving of her chest slowed.
I wasn’t a fool. I knew when a woman liked what she saw, and as I stood before her without a shirt on, I could tell she was taking in the view. “Like what you see, Callahan?”
My comment caused her to jerk her head away forcefully. It was so fun to tease her. Of course I pestered her plenty when we were kids, so it felt completely natural to ruffle her feathers. “You sure are full of yourself.” A mumble purred from under her breath.
“Oh, come on. If I didn’t harass you every now and then, it wouldn’t feel right.”
Her eyes peered back in my direction then. “I suppose not.”
“Besides, I already know you aren’t interested, so I guess I have to stroke my ego occasionally around you.” I accomplished what I had set out to do, so I turned away from her, grabbed my shirt, and pulled it over my head.
“Louis, what the hell did you do?” She must have seen the bandage on my back when I turned around.
“It’s nothing really. Just a little burn.” I shrugged off her concern. I really was fine. I was more annoyed that I had to miss work than I was physically hurt.
“How did that happen?” Her voice was laced with apprehension, and I certainly didn’t want her to worry about me. However, telling her the story of how I acquired the burn wouldn’t help with her trepidation.
“It’s a story for another time. I thought we were going to run.”
“Fine then.” Her disconcerted expression told me she was going to let the topic go temporarily, but she would ask again. That was fine with me. Maybe next time I would be ready to talk about it with her. Just not now.
So we took off for a long run. I wasn’t even sure how long we ran for, but I was pretty sure it was the furthest I had ever run in my life. If I had to guess, I would say it was anywhere between eight and ten miles. Since Charlie had the no talking while running rule, I remembered to bring my earbuds so I could have music occupy my brain while my arms pumped and legs loped in long strides. When we rounded the corner on our retur
n to my street, I didn’t run back to my parents’ house as I had before. Confusion regarding my unusual course prompted her to slow down and eventually come to a full stop. I did the same.
She popped out an earbud, and with erratic breathing, she managed to ask, “Why didn’t you go home?”
“I am having a good time with you. I wasn’t ready to have it end.” Even though my legs were in desperate need of ice and ibuprofen.
She managed to stifle a giggle in between her quick breaths. “Why don’t we go to lunch after we go home and shower?”
“Okay, I’ll follow you to your apartment so we can shower. It would be weird for us to shower together at my parents’ house.”
A pink hue flashed through her cheeks, and it was adorable. Then she slapped my arm as I expected her to. “Louis! You know what I meant! You go home and shower, and I will go to my home and shower…separately. We can meet up again afterward.”
“Fine. We can do it your way. But my way is more fun.” I waggled my eyebrows at her, and she shook her head at me while letting out that same little laugh.
“Come pick me up when you’re finished. I’ll text you my address.” Her hair was saturated with perspiration, and her shirt clung to her chest from the sweat and heat her body had produced during our run. I was only half kidding about the showering. I definitely would have jumped into a steaming hot spray of water without the slightest hint of hesitation if she had taken me up on my suggestion.
“I don’t know, Charlie. That kind of sounds like a date. I’m not sure we are ready for that. You are moving a little too fast for me.”
Love Burns Page 5
