“So you’re just going to watch while I inhale a scoop of strawberry cheesecake on a cone?” I reached across the console that separated us and laced my fingers in his. I knew it was an intimate touch, but it felt so incredibly right. So I made the decision to move the hand I held within mine toward my face, and I planted a quick kiss to the dorsal side. “Come on. I’m buying.”
Dropping his hand quickly, I exited the vehicle and skipped to the passenger side. He sat within the confines of the car interior for a few moments before departing his side in slow, drawn-out movements. I grabbed his hand again and led him toward the front of the shop.
When we entered, I ordered strawberry cheesecake for myself and mint chocolate chip for Louis. He reluctantly took it from me when I offered it to him after I paid. We sat at a round table in the shop, and I began licking the delicious, creamy dessert. He stared at his until the green glob began dripping down the sides and he needed to lick up the melted liquid soon or he would end up with very sticky fingers. So I did the only thing I could do.
I grabbed his wrist with my free hand and licked the dripping ice cream with my tongue. I did see his lips tug up at the corner of his mouth after my gesture. “Are you going to make me eat both of these cones?” I said in between lapping up the ice cream he was holding and returning my attention to my own cone.
Then he did something I didn’t expect. He grabbed on to my hand holding my half-devoured cone and bit into the crispy wafer pastry and licked some strawberry cheesecake-flavored heaven that tried to escape the boundaries my cone created. And when he smiled at me, I think I started to melt more than the ice cream. “You licked mine, so it was only fair for me to lick yours.” Holy crap. He had gone from sulking and withdrawn to sexy as hell in ten seconds.
“Hey!” I snatched my cone from his grasp. “Eat your own.” He was back to teasing me. That was a good sign.
“Fine. I will.” While he licked his ice cream, I somehow managed to imagine what his tongue could do to me. Even though my ice cream was cold, the warmth that thought sent through me produced a heat that made my cheeks hot and my panties wet.
We continued consuming our sweet treats with only a few exchanges of words. I knew he didn’t feel like talking, and he knew I was there and ready to listen if he did. I intertwined our fingers and walked out to the car with him. He seemed more relaxed within my grasp at that point, which helped to alleviate some of my worry.
I took Louis to the arcade next. The place hadn’t changed much since we were kids. We played Skee-Ball and video games. He laughed several times and actually seemed like he enjoyed himself. But once we were back in his car, I wasn’t sure where else to go. I drove back to my apartment in the hopes I could convince him to spend some more time with me before heading back home.
“Why don’t you come in for a little while?” I asked while sliding his vehicle into a parking spot in my apartment complex lot.
“You’ve been very nice to me after what happened today, and although I appreciate it, I know you must be tired of me and my gloomy attitude by this point.” I couldn’t let him leave after I witnessed his sorrowful eyes and despondent expression.
“Don’t be silly.” With his car safely parked, I had two free hands. So I covered his hand with my own. Apparently, I needed to constantly feel the warmth of his palms and fingers. “I have never—and will never—get tired of you.” I meant it, so I was certain he could see my comment was genuine.
“Well, okay then.” He pushed his door open and followed me up to my apartment.
“Make yourself at home.” I pointed to the couch in my living room once inside my apartment. “Do you want something to drink?”
“No thanks.” He moved toward my couch and when he sat on the cushion, he leaned his head on the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.
I scurried across the room and plopped down next to him. I felt the overwhelming need to hug him or lean myself into his chest. I wanted to curl into him. Then without thinking, I lifted his arm and slid underneath so my ear could rest on his chest. While listening to his even breathing and rhythmic heartbeat, I found myself becoming tired.
I woke up still in the embrace I had created. Louis had fallen asleep, too. Had we always been so touchy-feely? I didn’t remember ever holding hands before, or licking each other’s ice cream cones, or having him kiss my temple, or falling asleep on him. But somehow it felt so natural. It felt like we had been this way with each other forever.
I thought he was still asleep until I felt him kiss the top of my head. I pulled my face away from his chest and tilted my chin up at him.
His vibrant blue eyes swirled contently as his eyebrows furrowed. Then I couldn’t help myself. I inched my face toward him and touched his lips with mine. As I pressed my lips to his, he pulled me closer into him with the arm that was still draped around my shoulder. But when I tried to slip my tongue into his parting lips, he pushed me away. “Charlie, you don’t have to kiss me to make me feel better.” He swept the hair that had gone awry during my nap behind my ear. “I don’t need the pity kiss. Just being with you makes me feel better.”
Ouch. He thought I was giving him the I-feel-sorry-for-you-so-I’m-going-to-kiss-you kiss. “I was kissing you because I wanted to. It wasn’t a sympathy kiss.”
I resumed kissing him, and this time he didn’t pull away from me. He opened his mouth and allowed me access to the inside of the warm cavity with my tongue. He nibbled on my lower lip, and I ran my tongue along his teeth. Then he cupped his hands around my face, and I felt my insides beginning to heat up. When I heard a moan escape my throat, he pushed away from me again.
“This isn’t a good idea, Charlie.” I heard his words, but I couldn’t help but feel a sense of déjà vu, as if I had already experienced this before. So this was what rejection felt like.
“Do you not like kissing me?” I had very much enjoyed kissing him as evidenced by my erratic breathing and quickened pulse.
“Oh, I do.” His lips smiled at me, but his face didn’t reveal the passion I expected to see. “I just don’t think this is the right time.”
I could feel the embarrassment burning a hole in my gut. I had practically thrown myself at him.
“You shouldn’t be taking advantage of me while I’m this vulnerable.” He was teasing me again. Maybe things could go back to normal again.
I slapped him on his arm and his smile widened. We had always been playful with each other, ever since we were kids. In fourth grade, Cam insisted I liked Louis because I slapped him all the time and that’s what girls did if they liked a boy at that age. Well, I guess I never outgrew that. I did like him. A lot. Things between us were different now for sure, but some things were the same. Our relationship was comfortable and natural at times and heated and uncertain at other times.
It seemed that open-mouthed kissing was off the table, but light touches and gentle kisses to the head or hands were okay. And holding hands was acceptable, too. That was undoubtedly my favorite. If falling asleep on his chest was acceptable as well, I could probably stay happy for a while. I might as well stop lying to myself. I had heard it is easier to lie to other people than it is to lie to yourself, and that was certainly the case when it came to Louis.
I loved spending time with my old friend, but I had to admit that I loved the new level of intimacy we shared. We sat closer to each other, we touched each other, and we shared some amazing conversation. I felt as if I could talk to him about anything and everything. I had never felt this comfortable or elated about a relationship before.
I had a couple of boyfriends in high school and a few more in college. But I never shared a part of my soul with any of them. I shared my bed with a few, but never my heart. Yet somehow Louis seemed to have captured my heart in a matter of a few days. I’m lying to myself again. He has always had my heart. I was just as sure of that as I was that an EpiPen was used for an allergic reaction. I was stabbed through the heart by one of Cupid’s arrows just as an EpiPen is
deployed forcefully into the thigh of an allergic reaction victim.
Now that he was back in my life, I wasn’t sure if I could bear to watch him leave. I didn’t want him to go. I was the one who had chased him away in the first place, and now I would have to watch him leave and take my heart with him. I wasn’t sure how I had lived without him for the last five years, and I didn’t want to learn what it was like to live without him ever again. Being friends wasn’t going to be enough to get him to stay, and being more wasn’t something that I thought we could explore yet.
Maybe I could move to be closer to him. There are several hospitals in the metropolitan parts of Maryland, so I could certainly find a job as an emergency room nurse. What the hell is wrong with me? We are not a couple. He only wants to be my friend. I can’t chase after him like an adolescent girl with a teenage crush.
For now, I just needed to enjoy the time we had together. I would take as much as I could get at this point. As we sat next to each other on my couch, he reached toward my hand and interlocked our fingers. He left his head leaning on the back cushions of my sofa and had his eyes closed. He located my palm without looking. Of course he did. He knew I was here for him, and I wasn’t going anywhere.
I sat up straighter on the couch with my fingers still intertwined with his, but I figured what the hell? I leaned toward him again and rested my head on his shoulder. “Are you ready to talk about the bandages on your back now?” I asked with my eyes closed, enjoying the moment.
He let out a disagreeable half moan, half sigh. “I guess talking about that is better than talking about what we saw at the library.”
8
Louis
I didn’t intend to speak to anyone about my burn. But then again, I hadn’t exactly planned to see Charlie and Cam when I returned home for a few weeks. Now the burn on my back was nothing compared to the burning my legs were going through after that treacherous run Charlie had me endure earlier today. My heartache was burning a hole in my chest as well. I wasn’t ready to talk to my mom about what was going on with her at all.
It had really been a rough day, but somehow with Charlie leaning into me, I felt relaxed. She had that profound effect on me. When my insides were in a twisted knot, she could unravel it with her touch. I wasn’t sure if it had always been that way. I just knew I wouldn’t be able to get through this without her.
Her head was cocked to the side and resting on my shoulder. Even though we were touching, I wanted her closer to me, so I kicked off the flip-flops I had stepped into after my shower earlier today and they landed on the floor by her coffee table. Then with one swift motion, I hoisted my legs up onto her couch and pulled her toward me, positioning her back against my chest and her ass nestled between my legs.
I couldn’t explain why I thought kissing her was a bad idea, but having her ass rub against the front of my shorts I was okay with. I wrapped my arms around her, and she snuggled into me. I could smell the coconut shampoo she used on her hair. Coconut was now my new favorite smell.
“Are you going to tell me about what happened to your back?” I could still make out her whispered voice even though she was facing away from me.
“Yes. I was just getting comfortable.” I kissed the back of her head and took a long smell of her scent before beginning to explain my reason for returning home. “I was at a training fire. We were going to do one last drill before letting it go. In other words, letting it burn to the ground and clear it. I was stoking the fire…you know, trying to build the fire back up for the next crew to come through. I began to walk out of the front door, but I was stopped by the instructor. He told me to go out the back door because they were getting ready to come in the front.” I felt the need to rub her shoulders as I continued, so I did.
She sighed happily, and I couldn’t remember hearing another sound I had ever enjoyed more.
“However, as I walked toward the back of the house, I saw that the back wall was totally engulfed in flames. So I was stuck in that room. I looked at the front door waiting for the crew to come through, but they were having an issue with getting the door pried open.”
I felt her shoulders stiffen, and I did my best to try to massage the tight muscles.
“The fire coming from the back of the house was getting really hot, so I had no choice but to eat the floor…meaning I had to lay down and hope the crew would be able to quickly put out the fire. I swear I had lain there for only about thirty seconds, but it felt like half a lifetime until they finally came in and knocked the fire down.”
A gasp escaped her and vibrated against my chest before she turned over to face me. With her gray eyes wide with apprehension, she clenched my shirt as I continued.
“I scurried out the front door. My helmet was on fire, so the firefighters outside had to extinguish the flames. I quickly began to take off my gear, and I realized it was smoking and my back was burning. The paramedic looked me over and said I needed to go to the burn center to be evaluated. I was diagnosed with a second-degree burn and forced to take off work for two weeks. So I decided to come back to see my parents because being in my apartment at home only reminded me of not being able to go to work. The irony is that after what I saw today, I don’t want to see my parents now, either.”
“You will eventually have to see your parents again, Louis.” She stared up at me and stroked my arm with the light touch of her fingers that sent a magical feeling throughout my soul.
“I will, but not today. Probably not tomorrow, either. I am just going to ask Cam if I can crash at his place for a few days when we go out later.”
“Why don’t you just stay here? I’m off for two more days. We could go fishing or swimming or biking if you want.” She didn’t realize I was unsure of how much self-control I would need to spend the next forty-eight hours with her.
“Can’t I still do all those things with you if I stay at Cam’s place?” A look of disappointment washed across her face and nearly crushed me.
“I suppose.” She jumped up from the couch then and picked up her cell phone. “I should text him now anyway and see if he wants to join us for dinner.”
“Why?” I wasn’t ready to share her yet.
“Why not?” She was challenging me. I had a feeling she wanted me to say I wanted to be with her. I knew from her previous look of disappointment that she was having a hard time dealing with my rejection from a few moments ago.
“Sure. That sounds good. Should we go somewhere or order takeout?” I wasn’t going to admit to her what she was looking for. I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for. I really just wanted to live in the moment, but she obviously wanted things on her terms or else she was going to push me away. I guess that’s how it will always be with her.
She punched some buttons on her phone and then set it back on the counter. “Fine. I asked him.” She could be so stubborn at times.
I shrugged and resumed my seated position on her couch. After grabbing the remote off the coffee table, I turned on the television. She huffed and turned her back to me. “You said to make myself at home.” I stared at her back, willing her to turn and face me.
She stood next to the counter with a wall around her fortified with attitude. When her phone vibrated, she picked it up and appeared to look at the message on the screen. “Cam has a date, so he can’t make it for dinner.”
She kept her head down and still faced the opposite wall. I felt frozen on the couch—like I couldn’t move toward her and yet I couldn’t breathe if I didn’t. After a long sigh, she turned back around with her gaze still down even though her body was facing my direction. It was difficult to know for sure, but I thought I saw the slightest hint of a watery sheen in her eyes. She was trying not to cry. That was all it took for me to climb off the couch and move toward her.
It took only a few strides to meet her. I pulled her toward me and encircled her waist with my arms. Her stiffened stance softened, and she melted into my embrace. I kissed the top of her head and took another long inh
ale of my new favorite coconut scent. “Charlie, what’s going on?”
“I didn’t realize how much I missed you until you came back.” She pressed her cheek against my chest and my heart rate increased.
“I know what you mean.” I rubbed her back with my hand over the cotton of her T-shirt. “I spent so much time trying to forget you.” I let a quick breath escape my lips. “But I should have known that I could never forget you.”
So maybe when I came back home, I had a whole speech planned of what I would say if or when I ran into her. I had wanted her to know that she hadn’t affected me. I wanted her to know that I had finished college and had a career I loved. I wanted to tell her that my life had been great without her.
Of course, all those plans went out the window the moment I saw her in the cereal aisle at the grocery store. The feelings I had held at bay for so long began spilling over. I had tried my best to disguise my feelings with sarcasm and false confidence, but my heart literally had skipped several beats when I saw her for the first time in all those years.
Now all I could think about was how I wanted to hold her and never, ever let her go. However, our embrace was torn apart by a knock at her door. She pulled her body away from me but reached her hand to mine and held on for another moment before peering through the peephole in the door. She smoothed out her shirt and wiped imaginary wrinkles out of her jeans before pulling the door open.
“Hey, guys!” Cameron, the man that had grown from the boy I spent my childhood with, strode into Charlie’s apartment not that his best friend and twin sister had just been embracing each other a moment ago.
“Hey, man.” I approached my friend and did the obligatory fist bump and barely touching man hug. “What are you doing here? I thought you had a date.”
Love Burns Page 7
