Forbidden Love

by Mary Hagen

  “Hannah has promised she will no longer see Penn,” Dr. Dresser said as he dipped his spoon into his soup.

  Jacob glanced at Hannah. “Sister, is that true? Penn will be devastated. I’ll lose a good friend, a friend important to me and my safety, our safety.”

  “You can’t believe what you are saving. They are Nazis. On any pretext, they could denounce us,” Dr. Dresser said. “You’d be wise to cut your friendship with Penn, as well.”

  “I do believe that Penn will never turn us in. He’s been my friend since we’ve been children. He loves Hannah and will do everything to protect her and us. He’s an honest German and is not a member of the Nazi party.” The force in his words did not hide his reservations about any German including Penn.

  “I know for a fact he, my former friend, his father, is active in the party. He’s an ambitious man and will do anything to advance his business and himself.” Dr. Dresser banged his spoon on his plate. “This is impossible.”

  “Should we not tolerate German citizens, set a good example, even though they blame us for everything?” Jacob asked. “Not all Germans hate us. Some Germans are meeting to try to bring an end to Hitler’s rule.”

  “You're hiding your head in the sand. He’s too powerful. Hannah, tell your brother what you witnessed on the way home.” Her papa pointed his finger at her.

  “Yes.” Hannah told her story. As she did, she watched Jacob and his reaction. His face sobered, and he stopped eating.

  When she finished, they were quiet. After several moments, Jacob took a sip of soup before he said, “So terrible, but that doesn’t mean the Schwartz would participate in such disgraceful behavior, and it doesn’t change Penn’s love for Hannah.”

  Dr. Dresser threw his hands up in the air. “Let us finish our supper before it gets too cold.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Penn held Hannah in a tight embrace. “What’s wrong? Nothing serious, I hope.” His voice was full of concern, touching her in unbelievable regret.

  “I lost my job today because I’m a Jew,” she said into his shoulder to muffle her voice. How could she leave him, never see him again? Without Penn, her life would be unbearable. She stifled a sob. She could do nothing.

  “Oh, how ridiculous of the hospital. You’re the best. We’re wasting valuable talents because of Nazi stupidity.” He titled her face upward and kissed her forehead, her cheek, and her mouth, sending warmth through her.

  “That’s not all.” Hannah took a deep gulp of air, pushed away from Penn, and turned her back to him. Thank goodness for the blackness of the night. He couldn’t see the tears in her eyes. “We can no longer meet one another,” she exclaimed, choking on her words. Hurt and regret grabbed her chest.

  “What? You love me? Of course, you do. I love you with all my heart and soul, so much so when I’m not with you my heart is empty. Every minute is like an hour.” He turned her and pulled her against him, his arms around her waist.

  “Papa doesn’t want me to see you any longer. But he’s only part of the reason.” She paused, unable to say more, her voice lost in her throat.

  “What is it?” He led her to a bench in the Tiergarten, and they sat away from prying eyes and listening ears.

  Hannah did not smell the grass, the trees, or the sweet flowers in the air, only horror and death. “I put you in danger and your family. I’m a Jew. Our love is forbidden,” she sobbed. “You could lose your rank in the Luftwaffe and your father could lose his business. My family and I could end up in Dachau.” Hannah reached in her pocket for her handkerchief and swiped her eyes.

  “If we need to for our safety, we’ll meet in secret. No one needs to know. We’ll marry and you can live in Switzerland and I’ll come to you every leave I have. Without you, I have no life, no desire to live. I can’t let you go.”

  “Hitler, the Fuhrer, is considered next to God. There are those who believe he will never die.” Her words held defeat.

  “This nightmare will end.” Penn placed his arm around her.

  “Dear, Penn, you must be careful what you say. You might be reported to the authorities if you’re disloyal to them.” Hannah folded her hands in her lap. “I witnessed a terrible thing today because an Aryan woman loved a Jew.” Hannah related the incident to Penn in staccato words. When she finished, he said nothing for several seconds.

  “How tragic we’ve stooped to such a low point, but I won’t allow that to happen to us.”

  “You can’t prevent it. A servant or member of your family could denounce me, my family.” She twisted away from Penn. “No, we must not see each other.”

  “We will see each other,” Penn said.

  “You’re a Nazi. How can you reconcile your insistence on seeing me?”

  “I’m not a Nazi. I’m a German. I want Germany to survive and prosper. Hitler has helped in some ways, but he won’t, can’t last. Others besides me want him to fall along with his hoodlums.” Settling his back against the bench, he took Hannah’s hand and held it against his heart. “Feel my heartbeat. Without you, it will fail.”

  Chapter 3

  Hannah sat with her mother, her father, and Ethel as her father read the account of the night on November 9, 1938.

  “‘A night of terror left Jews in Munich dead, synagogues burned, homes trashed and set on fire.” Goebbels had sent out his usual propaganda.’” Dr. Dresser sighed before continuing, “The loathsome Jews deserved this treatment at the hands of the Storm Troopers because of the killing of Ernst von Rath, a German diplomat living in Paris by a Polish Jew angry at the treatment of his family. Citizens joined in punishing the vermin by throwing stones at the filthy Jews.” Finished, he folded the newspaper and held it in his lap without making a comment, but tears filled his eyes. “Jews are outlaws. Germans can do with Jews whatever they like.”

  Anger gripped Hannah’s stomach. Her throat constricted. Her lips pressed tight, she wanted to do something, wanted revenge. “What can we do?” Her voice sounded harsh.

  “Nothing,” Papa said. “We must continue to keep a low profile, go about our business with as little anger as possible, and continue to help our people. This outrage cannot continue. The Nazis will fall.”

  Jacob entered the kitchen and poured milk into his glass before sitting at the table. Hannah observed his hands were tense.

  “Papa, don’t you get it? We’re diabolical. We must leave Germany,” he said. “The criminal activities of the Nazis affect us every day. Look at us. Fear is on your faces, on mine, and in our minds. We have to huddle in the kitchen because we can’t afford to keep the other rooms heated.”

  “You seemed certain enough you could survive when you took on work with the factory building planes and now developing a rocket,” his father said. “What has changed? You’re working. Most Jews are not.”

  Hannah watched Jacob. He was dressed in a dark suit, white shirt, and tie, not in work clothes. His shoes were the exception to his well-dressed appearance. They were sturdy hiking boots.

  “What are you planning for the day? Have you been called out of town?” Hannah fought to control her worry, but the shrill in her voice betrayed her. The raw rage she saw in Jacob’s eyes alarmed her.

  “I’m leaving Germany. You must come with me. Hitler is aching for a war, but the British have given in to his demands. I don’t believe that can continue and war will break out. Jews will suffer beyond our imaginations.” Jacob looked from one member of the family to the other, his face tight. “I’m terrified for the Jews and for us. Have you forgotten, we Jews are guilty of everything, always? We have no future here.”

  Papa picked up a spoon from the table and twirled it between his fingers and thumb, put it down, and rested his elbows on the arms of his chair. He said nothing for several moments. Mama waited for him to speak, her lovely blue eyes reflecting her pain at Jacob’s wo
rds.

  “My son, I think you’re wise to leave, but I can’t. My patients need me. I’m the only one who will give them medical treatment and perform surgery when they need it. Without medicine, it’s not always the best care, but what would they do without me, without a doctor?” He glanced at Esther, his expression full of love, but also deep concern. “You should take Mamma, Hannah, and Ethel with you. I have enough money to pay for train fares to France and passage to England, money I have put aside in a bank in Switzerland, and I have savings in my safe.”

  “I won’t leave you,” Esther said in a voice brimming with melancholy. She touched his arm. “Without you, I have no life.” She sniffed and dabbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

  Hannah glanced from her father to her mother to Jacob. “I can’t leave. Papa needs me to help with his patients and to find medicines. Unless my papers are asked for, I pass for a German and have an easier time procuring supplies.” Since her family thought she no longer saw Penn, she said nothing about him. She would never leave Germany without him. Her mother could not live without her father. Life without Penn was an intolerable thought even though they now met secretly.

  “You’re making the wrong decision,” Jacob said, frustration in his voice. “How long before someone in this neighborhood reports your activities to the Storm Troopers or the Gestapo? What will become of you then?” Jacob stood and walked to the window. “Your patients come to your door. You think no one notices?” He turned toward the family. “I love you. I want you to travel with me out of this mass hate against us.”

  “I must stay and by my actions show we are decent, law-abiding citizens of Germany, not cowards by running away,” Papa said. “The decision to go with you is up to Esther and Hannah. Ethel must make her own choice.” His face appeared forlorn. Hannah stood and put her arm around him. He needed her protection her assistance as did her mother. She could not flee with Jacob until they left together.

  “I won’t go without you,” she said. Leaving Penn, the one who brought joy into her life, was such a depressing thought she erased it. “Papa needs my assistance.”

  “Such an excuse,” Jacob spit out the words. “You stay because of Penn.”

  Hannah ignored his remark, but how did he know she still saw Penn? Fear came to the surface of her thoughts.

  “I think you should go with Jacob. You’re young, beautiful, well educated, but you have no future in Germany.” Her father put his hand over her hand and patted it. “Perhaps, in another country you could return to school and become a doctor as you want.”

  “Not without you and Mamma, but I think Jacob should go to England, the sooner the better.” She went to her brother. “We’ll miss you but you have, no must go. The minute you don’t show up for work, you’ll be hunted.”

  “That’s the reason you must come with me. When the Nazis notice I’m gone, they’ll come here to search the house and you’ll be at great risk.” Jacob’s shoulders slouched forward and he clasped his hands. “It means I can’t leave.”

  Dr. Dresser shaded his eyes with the palm of his hand, but the worry wrinkles were not lost on Hannah. He said nothing. Standing, he walked to Jacob and put his hand on his shoulder. “I know we should run, but I can’t even though I’d like to. You must take Hannah, Mamma, and Ethel with you.” He choked. “I love you and I’ll be lost without you, but the day will come when you can return, and we can live together in peace.”

  “We must not waste time. Pack a few items.” He gripped his father’s hand. “We’ll write and let you know where we land, what country will accept us if any, a chance we take. By then, you may decide to join us.”

  “I’m not going with you,” Hannah emphasized the words. She observed her mother who looked away from her as she dabbed her eyes. Ethel busied herself rinsing dishes. Her handsome, athletic brother wore a sober expression, his mouth drawn tight.

  Without Penn, there was no tomorrow. Her love for him so deep, her chest muscles hurt. She could not leave him unless he joined her. He would not with fears his parents would be held hostage until he returned.

  “You’ll need me to help you,” Ethel said. “You’re my family since the children were born. Together, we’ll survive this menace.”

  Hannah heard the deep sob escape from her mother’s throat. “Children, you are part of me, my life, but you must leave, and I must stay with Saul. He’s in my heart, my husband.”

  Hannah slumped in her chair and nodded her head. There was nothing more to say. Jacob should leave, run from the terror and uncertainty taking over Germany. Tears ran down her cheeks. She squeezed her mother’s hand to comfort herself as much as her mother.

  “Dear Jacob, be on your way, keep us in your thoughts. We’ll find a way to deal with the Nazis when they come. We’ll miss you every day until we’re together again. Now you must be on your way,” Hannah said, the violence of Kristallnacht fresh in her mind.

  “Papa can tell them I’m ill. I don’t want to expose other workers. Papa is a physician and, when he thinks the time is right, he can tell them I died without the medicines needed to help me.” He met his father’s gaze. I have a fake I.D. I’ll use it to travel.

  Surprised, Dr. Dresser asked, “How did you obtain it?” He withdrew money from his pocket and handed it to Jacob.

  “An underground movement is giving Jews fake cards.” He put on a warm jacket and shouldered his knapsack. “You should go with me, but I can’t stay here in a country that promotes hate. "Mama,” he said. He kissed her. “If the time comes, get out, go to England with Papa, Hannah, and Ethel if the country will allow you. I hope it will be my destination. If I get there, I’ll check in with immigration, leave my name that I may expect you. I’m certain they will give me asylum. I’m going to enlist in their air force if they’ll have me.”

  Ester sobbed as she accompanied Jacob to the door. Papa’s expression was so sad, Hannah put her arm around him. Before Jacob walked out the door, Mamma hugged him.

  “Please reconsider your decision.” Jacob opened the door, glanced at them one last time, and left. Ethel clutched Esther in her arms to comfort her.

  Hannah called, “Take care, dear Jacob. We’ll miss you.” Her voice broke. She left the door open to watch him walk away from them. At the end of the street, he turned and waved. Hannah refrained from yelling, “Don’t go. Papa’s correct. We’ll survive.”

  ~ ~ ~

  The first patient to arrive at Dr. Dresser’s clinic recognized something troubled him. “You look like you need my care, this morning,” Mrs. Bamber said.

  He shook his head. “I can do so little under the present conditions.”

  “Hannah, you are troubled as well.”

  Hannah could not answer. She hurried to the file and pulled Mrs. Bamber’s charts.

  “Is it the events of last night? It was terrible with windows broken, people beaten, some killed, even here in Berlin. Three elderly ladies living on the first floor of our flat were dragged out of their beds and one was beaten for no reason. I don’t know how we escaped the Storm Troopers’ attention, but we did.” She sat down hard in the patient’s chair. “What can we do?”

  “You could flee Germany, get out,” Dr. Dresser said. He patted her hand.

  “As could you, but it takes money and acceptance by foreign countries, and the Nazis confiscate our property without paying us.”

  “Many Jews are leaving. In the meantime, I must attend to patients like you who depend on me. What brings you in today, Mrs. Bamber?”

  She explained her frequent headaches in detail, how they put her to bed for hours in deep pain.

  Hannah put a thermometer in her mouth and took her blood pressure. It was too high.

  Hannah thought stress could be the cause. Her father nodded his agreement, but Hannah knew he could do nothing to treat her under the present condi
tions.

  “I’ll call on the three ladies, make certain they are all right,” Papa said as Mrs. Bamber left. By his expression, rage was close to the surface, but Hannah perceived an underlying helplessness.

  Patients arrived one after another, often bringing up the destruction to Jewish homes and businesses the night before with anxiety written on their faces.

  At four o’clock, Dr. Dresser closed his clinic and left to call on the women who had been beaten. Hannah straightened the rooms, checked what supplies they had, and sterilized instruments. Her mind focused on Penn. Tonight, she would meet him at the Tiergarten, feel his arm around her, smell him, bask in his love, but with a sense of desolation. Anger at the Nazis and the ridiculous hate of the Jews, blackened her thoughts. It was so unfair.

  She collapsed on a chair and folded her hands in her lap. The Nazis brought out every insecurity she had as a child and now as an adult. Her dreams of becoming a doctor had been shattered. Nursing was a compromise and now she had lost her job at the hospital. Disappointment, heavy in her stomach, left her with such remorse a sob escaped her throat. She had lost her dreams. The pall of the Nazis hung over her like a dark cloud, she could not escape. How would Penn react? Sensing Penn’s mood, his reaction to the night of broken glass was important to her. She might not tell him about Jacob.

  ~ ~ ~

  Penn held Hannah in a tight embrace, his warm breath on her cheek comforting her worry. She would never stop wanting him, sensible or not. Guilt pressed into her thoughts. She put him in danger. Jews married to non-Jews had been ordered to give up their Jewish spouses and children. Families left Germany, or sent families to other countries, and some divorced their partners and abandoned their children. She wanted to marry Penn but with the threat held over them and the consequences turned her blood cold as death. She could not mention her troubled thoughts to Penn, nor bring up his reactions to the damage caused by Kristallnacht. His answers could cloud her thoughts.