Forbidden Love

by Mary Hagen

  “Is she better?” she asked with a quiver in her voice.

  Papa glanced at her. “I afraid she’s very sick. Can you help her so she can stay in bed?”

  The child nodded. “When can she get up?”

  “Not for a while, but I’m going to leave her some pills. You’ll need to bring her water every hour. Can you tell time?”

  “Yes. Mamma has taught me my letters and numbers, too. When I go to school next year I’m going to read.” She moved her shoulders up and down and hopped from foot to foot.

  “You must be very smart,” Hannah said. “Will you do me a favor and wash your hands several times a day?”

  A puzzled frown creased her brow. “Yes, but why?” She studied her hands. “They’re clean.”

  “We don’t want you to get sick.”

  “Oh.”

  “Greta is a good child. She’ll follow your instructions.” Mrs. Stein covered her cough with a ragged handkerchief.

  “We’ll come back tomorrow. You stay in bed and take a cough suppressant pill every four hours.”

  “We can’t pay you, but as soon as we have money we will.” Mrs. Stein promised. “Rudy is looking for work.”

  “Under the circumstances, don’t worry about it.” Papa tucked the blankets around her shoulders.

  Mrs. Stein gave him a weak smile. “You’re a good person, Herr Doctor. Thank you. We will pay you. I promise.”

  Out in the street, Papa said, “What can I do with nothing at my disposal except aspirin, iodine, cough medicines, bandages cut up from our sheets, and my medical instruments?” He took in a deep breath and blew it out. “Such a deplorable situation we find ourselves in, Hannah, but I thank you for your help.”

  At the end of the day, Hannah felt drained of energy and her father was exhausted. They caught a tram and sat at the back neither one speaking, but aware of the glances of others on the tram. They had set one broken bone, delivered a baby, treated several colds, and examined a woman with serious appendicitis symptoms. Papa knew she needed surgery but was at a loss of how to perform it with no anesthetics available.

  “Could you operate on her table if I can find some anesthetics?” Hannah asked in a soft voice so no one would hear her. Penn could possibly pick up medicines for her. She didn’t doubt for a minute his help.

  “If I don’t, she could die. See what you can do, but don’t get in trouble.” Papa pulled the collar of his coat around his neck. “We’d need to sterilize as best we can to avoid infection.”

  While they continued home, he added, “It’s risky, but if she could make it to the house, I would do the surgery.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Hannah took a shower in the servants’ bathroom off the kitchen and dressed in fresh clothes, a blue skirt and sweater, and joined her family for dinner. In secret without Papa’s knowledge who never noticed the objects in the house, Mamma had been selling valuable household silver items, paintings, her jewelry, and even her mink coat to put food on the table. It irked Hannah that she had to take less than the value of the items, but the Germans had become a nation of crooks.

  Prayers finished, Ethel served roast chicken, gravy, carrots, and boiled potatoes from the garden she tended in their backyard in the summer. The apples from their tree provided applesauce without sugar for dessert.

  Not having eaten since breakfast, Hannah was hungry and she cleaned her plate. When she finished, Mamma patted her hand. “You and Saul must be worn out.”

  “We saw twenty patients,” Papa said. “One needs surgery. I may bring the woman here.”

  “You must not. It is too risky. A neighbor could report you.” Esther’s eyes were hard as she stared at Saul.

  “She’ll die if I don’t.”

  “And will she pay for your services?” Esther questioned. “Did anyone pay you today? How are we to live?”

  “That is not the point. You know as well as I, our people are in a dire situation. We must help one another.” Saul avoided looking at Esther.

  Mamma shook her head and sighed. “You agree, Hannah?”

  “Before we do anything, we need to acquire anesthetics. Papa’s instruments will need sterilizing. We can do that here in the kitchen.” Hannah outlined her thoughts ignoring her mother’s question.

  Ethel added, “I can wash sheets, make up a cot for her here in the kitchen where it’s warm.”

  “Not here in the kitchen where we now must live.” Esther empathized each word, her brow wrinkled.

  “In the dining room,” Papa answered. The table will do and the light from the window will help. We’ll chance opening the drapes. The trees between our house and the Schwartz’s will block their view. So, it’s settled. Tomorrow see what you can find, Hannah.”

  “Find what?” Esther demanded.

  “Ether,” Hannah answered.

  Nervously, Esther patted her hand on the bun at the back of her head. “How can you do that? Please don’t try. You could get in trouble with the Gestapo.”

  Hannah shrugged her shoulders. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to bed. We’ll have a long day.”

  Papa yawned. “Excellent idea. Good night, my dear. Have pleasant dreams.”

  No longer possible with the threats to our existence with us every day. With a glance at the kitchen clock, Hannah raced up two flights of stairs to her room. She was late, but Penn would wait. Since the Nazis took power and commenced their policies against the Jews, the Dressers did not use the front door, and kept it locked. Hannah made the exception. When meeting Penn, she used the door to avoid her parents and left it unlocked since losing her key. Risky, but I doubt anyone will enter. The Gestapo will knock the door off its hinges if they come. The thoughts pressed heavily against her chest draining her willpower.

  She applied lipstick, ran a comb through her hair, picked up her coat, and tiptoed down the stairs to the second floor but her joy and anticipation of meeting Penn had vaporized. Before continuing down the grand staircase leading to a large foyer, Hannah paused and listened. Her parents and Ethel were still in the kitchen.

  Quietly, Hannah opened the door and slipped outside. Cold air encircled her. She shut the door hoping her parents would not feel a draft. She waited until certain no one came to check the door and hastened down the sidewalk next to the trees.

  Penn appeared from the shadows of the trees startling her for a moment. She relaxed when she realized it was Penn. He embraced her, his forehead creased in worry. “You’re so late, I am filled with anxiety.”

  Before Penn released her, they kissed. As they walked to his car, a Ford with a rumble seat imported from America, Hannah related her day. She ended by telling him about the woman with appendicitis and their desperate need for anesthetics.

  As he opened the door for Hannah, he said, “Sounds like a dreadful day. You can relax for the remainder of the evening.” He kissed Hannah on the cheek. “I don’t like to see you so tired, but there’s more?”

  Settled in the car, Hannah attempted to relax. “We need ether. It worries me. I’m going to try and find some tomorrow, someone who will sell it to me.”

  Penn raised his eyebrow. “You and your father could find yourselves in serious trouble if the Nazis discover you’re still practicing medicine, the doctor without his license. I wish you would stop.”

  “We can’t. The people we treat need us.” Hannah put her hand on Penn’s forearm and squeezed it. “I love you with every inch of my heart, but sometimes I’m afraid of you too. You’re a German so you must have some belief against us.”

  He jerked his head, his mouth grim. “Surely you do not think that? When I park, I’ll demonstrate my deep love for you. True, I’m German, but I’m not a Nazi. They’re ruffians, misfits, sadists who focus on the Jews as a rallying point for hate. If you can convince enough people to hate one gr
oup, you can control them with propaganda. Please, never mistrust me. I’ll protect you with my life.” Emotion thickened his voice.

  “I know. I don’t understand why I made such a statement.” She did, fear for her life attending her thoughts relentlessly. How could she trust anyone?

  Penn parked in the underground garage, exited his car and opened the door for Hannah. The elevator and the hallway to his apartment were empty of residents and the building was quiet. Before he removed her coat, her hugged her, kissed her, sending thrills pulsating through her.

  “You’re so thin, my love. You must eat more.”

  Easier said than done. Papa and I have little time for food during the day.

  Exhausted and uneasy with her presence in the building, Hannah still had difficulty staying awake in the warm apartment. Her eyes kept closing against her will and she fell asleep. Penn shook her awake. A crochet quilt covered her.

  “Oh my, I’m so sorry.” She looked at the clock. “Have I slept for two hours? It’s nearly ten o’clock. I’ve wasted our evening together,” she murmured.

  Penn ran his finger over her lips. “Hush,” he said. “You needed to sleep. I got to sit and watch you, my beauty, but I must take you home against my will.” His voice imparted his love, his breath warm on her cheek sending tingles along her spine. She inhaled deeply to control her desire to be his with her entire body. Instead, she sat and kissed him. Taking his hand, she held it against her heart.

  “Can you feel it racing for you to hold me forever?”

  He kissed her ear. “Yes.” He forced her mouth open with his.

  Her brain rang with warning. A Jew and a German having a child would end in death for them. She pulled away. “We must stop this.”

  Two nights later, snow fell on the city. Hannah brushed her coat before entering Penn’s vehicle pushing to the middle a small box that sat on her car seat. As they drove through the city, she noticed the Christmas lights, the store decorations, the trees brightly lit, and again wondered how any good Christian could allow such suffering as occurred in Germany.

  Penn broke into her thoughts. “The box is for you. Open it but take care. I don’t want us to end up succumbing to the contents.” He sounded pleased with himself.

  Picking up the box, Hannah removed the lid. “Ether. How did you get this? Oh, I hope you didn’t put yourself in any danger. This is wonderful. Papa and I have been worried about our patient. Now we can operate. Thank you. Thank you.”

  His laugh filled her with delight. She wanted to climb on his lap, hug him, kiss him, and touch him.

  “You would think I’ve given you the Hope diamond.” Penn grinned.

  “It will save a life. The woman has a small child.”

  “Then, the ether will suffice? I’ll do better next time,” Penn said. “You need more than ether from me.”

  She laughed, something she rarely did anymore. Like Jacob, Penn never failed to keep her laughing. “I know you love this car, but the gear shift is in the way. I can’t snuggle next to you.”

  “I’ll get rid of it,” Penn joked.

  “What will we do if we can’t meet in your vehicle?”

  He scratched his upper lip with his finger, chewed his lip, and frowned. “That would be a problem, but we have my apartment.”

  Hannah responded by kissing her fingers and touching his mouth but said nothing about the apartment. Penn reached across the center barrier and touched her cheek. They fell silent, she in a turmoil about Penn and her resolve to tell him nothing more about the activities with her father or talk to him about Jacob. The less Penn knew, the better off for her.

  Chapter 6

  Hannah stood and went for her coat. How long could they continue meeting one another at the end of each day? The question haunted her. Violence against the Jews was always under the surface ready to break out at any minute. Her family had avoided any confrontations although they were one of the targeted groups, but she worried constantly. She felt stuck in mud up to the tops of her hiking boot unable to extricate herself as she sank deeper and deeper into the muck.

  Taking her coat from her, Penn held it for her. “Someday we’ll be together all the time, none of this hiding, parting after only a few hours if we live through this.” He hugged her. “I never stop worrying. Every day you go to the Jewish section and your father continues to practice medicine, you’re in danger of arrest.” He rubbed his fingers across his eyebrows. “I won’t be able to help you.”

  “It’s our duty to our people. Your laws have made it impossible for us. How can you expect us to abandon them?” Her voice caught and she stifled a sob. “We no longer see patients at our house for reasons you know.”

  “I can’t and it’s stupid on the part of the Nazis. Still, I worry.”

  Buttoning her coat, Hannah said, “I worry about you, too. What if you crash your plane and are killed flying every day in all kinds of weather? I love you so much it hurts.”

  “I’m very good. I love flying. I’m free.” Turning her into his body, he ran his finger over her cheek and nibbled her ear. Her insides turned to mush shriveling her resolve to hold her emotions in check. She pushed away from him.

  “I have a week’s leave during Christmas. Let’s go to Switzerland, leave the hate of Germany behinds us, our parents, and be together.”

  Surprised, she said, “I would love to, but I’m not certain I can at the time of Chanukah. With Jacob gone, I’m the only one they have.” Melancholy overtook her. Her shoulders dropped and she sighed. Weren’t people supposed to love one another, tolerate one another, not hate, not take revenge? How wonderful to get out of Germany even for a short time.

  “It would be perfect, just us, not sneaking out at night. But my lack of papers would keep me from crossing the border into Switzerland and you’d be seen with a Jew.” She paused. “I’ll think about it.”

  “The Nazis want the Jews out of the country. You could have more trouble returning to Germany.”

  “If the Nazis want us out of the country, why do they make it impossible for us to leave with their requirements?”

  Penn ignored her question. “We’ll work it out even though I think you should remain in Switzerland. You’d no longer be in danger.” His eyes darkened and his lips tightened. “How can I live without you?”

  “Stay in Switzerland with me.”

  “You know the reasons.”

  “Yes.” She gazed into eyes. Her love for him sent her reeling with emotions of desire. There would never be another man for her. Coldness closed in on her and fear she could not erase from her mind. Jews were disappearing from the streets of Berlin daily. Would she become one of them? Would she live? Would Penn receive penalties for trying to help her? Yes. She shuddered so hard Penn grasped her waist to hold her upright.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Something I said?”

  She shook her head unable to speak her dread unutterable. The remainder of the evening, her apprehension created a void between them. She could not delete her anxiety. In his car, she huddled against the door with rawness eating away her insides.

  ~ ~ ~

  Neither Penn nor Hannah had to give many reasons for traveling to Switzerland. Penn’s mother expressed her disappointment but understood the tension he was under training new pilots and agreed it would benefit him to take a vacation. Hannah’s parents suggested she “never come back to Germany.”

  At the border, Hannah hid under the weight of suitcases in the rumble seat of his car. Penn joked with the border patrol and used his rank to pass into Switzerland without incident. Because Zurich was crowded with visitors from bordering countries, Penn suggested they continue to Altdorf, south of Lucerne and only a short drive to the lake, but first he wanted her to meet his cousin, Josef. “My aunt and uncle are dead and he lives alone in their house. I�
��m certain he’ll invite us to stay, but I want us to be alone.”

  Josef lived in a brown-framed house tucked in a hillside outside the city limits. His driveway was shoveled to allow access to the lower level now piled to the windows with snow. The house was trimmed in red, had a porch across the upper level with edelweiss trimmings in the railing. Christmas lights glowed from the windows.

  Josef opened the door before Penn knocked and gave him a hug. “What a surprise this is, cousin.”

  Penn laughed. “We’re on our way to Altdorf, but I wanted to introduce you to my friend.” He gestured toward Hannah and led her into the warm living room.

  “Friend?” Penn smiled at Hannah. “Such a beautiful friend. Just a friend? You’d better watch out. I might claim her as a friend.” He offered her his hand.

  “Why not stay with me?” Josef said as he took their coats and offered them a seat.

  “Too many Germans,” Penn answered.

  Josef raised an eyebrow. “And what’s wrong with that? They bring money to our country.”

  “You speak like a banker.”

  With a chuckle, Josef said, “Let me get us some mulled wine. At least you can stay long enough for a drink.”

  The three visited for over an hour, Penn and Josef reminiscing, discussing the events in Germany including Hannah in their conversation.

  Glancing at the clock on the wall of the living room, Penn stood. “We need to be on our way.” He paused. “I have a favor to ask of you.”

  “Please continue. Anything I can do.”

  “Hannah may need a contact should she leave Germany. May she use you, have your address, your telephone number?”

  Josef smiled at her. “Of course. I’m always available to help a beautiful woman.”