Forbidden Love

by Mary Hagen

  Relief flooded through her. He hadn’t been to the house for weeks worrying her as much as Papa and Mamma. She pushed open the door and closed it but did not move to hug her father. Her mother and Ethel were absent which surprised her. Jacob was not in the room. Her expectation at seeing Jacob was replaced with dread. Jacob was dead.

  Two strangers dressed in dark work clothes sitting at the table with her father were strangers to her. One man had a round cherubic face, pale eyes, invisible eyebrows, and light hair combed back from his low forehead. He held a coffee cup in his hands while he stared at her, his eyes hostile and threatening. The other man was dark with bushy eyebrows, a long face, and a prominent nose. Black rimmed glasses with thick lenses distorted his eyes. His hair was pulled back and tied with a dark band. He rose to his feet and gave her a quick mod with his head leaving her with questions as to his motives, afraid he might be a menace to her and to her parents.

  Papa stood. “My daughter. You have nothing to fear.” He did not use her name. His eyes were wary, his body held tight.

  Hannah waited for an explanation saying nothing. Her body tensed. How could he say, “You have nothing to fear?” Fear for Jacob rushed through her thoughts.

  “These men have come for the two hiding in our basement,” Papa said. “They’re deserters from the secret police and must get out of the country or they’ll be hanged.”

  “Why isn’t Jacob here instead of these two men?” She pointed at them with her hand. “We don’t know them? Has something happened to Jacob?”

  “They tell me Jacob and his partner’s activities have been compromised. They can no longer act in Germany without putting the unit in danger.”

  “Is Jacob safe?”

  The round-faced man answered in a deep voice. “We don’t know. The last we spoke to him he was in France with plans to go to England. His partner left for Spain.”

  The bushy browed man with the heavy glasses added, “They were excellent at their jobs. We miss their help.” He tugged at the end of his jacket sleeve that was too short for his long arms. “Dr. Dresser, if we’re to reach the next safe house by dawn, we must be on our way.”

  The round-faced man got up from his chair. He was as short as the other was tall. “I know it must be difficult for you to trust us, but we only want to get the two men hiding here to safety. Time is ticking.”

  With a slight shrug of his shoulders and a lack of enthusiasm, Papa walked to the basement door and opened it. Papa was unsure about the men so obvious in how slowly he moved to the door.

  A thin man wearing his Gestapo uniform, followed by a man with dark glasses propped on top of his head and in uniform emerged from the door. Worry registered in the eyes of both men. They thanked Papa for the risk he had taken and turned to the men. “Our lives are in your hands,” the thin man in uniform said.

  An unwanted jolt ran through Hannah. Gestapo, the dreaded police, a threat to every Jew’s safety, needed help. Skepticism clouded her mind as she questioned their true intentions, to report them, have them arrested for unlawful activities. She took a quick short breath and tried to relax. Would the four men leave their house and immediately turn them over to the police? She wanted to scream at them to get out and leave them alone, but she held her tongue.

  “Your belongings? The uniforms must be destroyed,” the short man said. He picked up the sack at his feet with effort and hung it over his shoulder.

  “We don’t have any. It was necessary for us to leave quickly, but the kind doctor has provided us with necessities.”

  The men in uniforms frowned before the short man said, “We’ll have to dispose of your clothes as soon as possible.”

  Hannah had not moved from the kitchen door. She watched her papa remove his brown overcoat from its hook and hand it to the tall man. He passed his hat to the short man. “Take care. Have a successful journey, but please give me any information you can about Jacob next time you come.”

  He shook hands with the men, turned off the light, opened the door, and the men moved outside into the darkness of the night.

  With a sigh, Hannah collapsed into the nearest chair in the dark room, her legs wobbling like rubber bands, and her breathing was shallow. “You trust them? What if they are on their way to the Gestapo Head Quarters? We need to get out of here.” She folded and unfolded her hands. “Where are Mamma and Ethel? You gave away your hat and coat. You’ll freeze.”

  Papa turned on a soft light and faced her, his face lined with concern. “They need them more than I do. Pray I made the right decision. I’ve never seen those two men before tonight. For all I know, they could be secret police as well. This could be a setup. My concern is the reason Mamma and Ethel aren’t in the room.”

  “Oh, I hope you’re wrong. We’re in enough danger. This would be the end. How could those two Gestapo not know of Mamma and Ethel? They’ve been hiding in our basement.” She choked on her words. “Do you think they speak truthfully of Jacob? He’s out of the country?”

  “I can only hope so.” Papa nodded. He checked the door and locked it. “We’ll know soon enough I’m afraid.” He sat across from her and took her hands in his. “I cannot bear the thought of losing you as well as Jacob. We must pray for our safety and his.”

  “Where is Mamma, Ethel?” Hannah chewed her upper lip. “Should we hide, stay out of sight until we know if the men turn us over to the Gestapo?”

  “If the men are a threat, I’d rather they didn’t know about your mother and Ethel. I wish you hadn’t come into the room. Now they’ve seen you.”

  “Jacob could be dead,” she sobbed.

  “We must hope the men were truthful and he’s safely out of this country, our country, the place I call home and love.” Papa released her hands and slumped in his chair.

  “Damn the Nazi’s. Damn the citizens of this country who agree with them. We’re as good as they are.” She pounded the table, choked on the words, and her hatred of her country. The reality of staying in Germany hit her hard, compressing her chest, and clouding her thoughts. The only man she loved was German, a pilot, helping to keep Hitler in power. How could he? Did he love Germany more than he loved her? No, he could not, but he wouldn’t leave with her. Should she follow his advice, marry him, but move to another country and wait for visits? What if he was killed or punished for marrying her? She would never know. A sob erupted from deep within her as hopelessness filled her.

  Mamma entered the room followed by Ethel. They sat. Mamma’s hands trembled. “Did we do the right thing, trusting them? Do you believe what they say about Jacob? Saul, my dear, I’m so worried. They wore Gestapo uniforms. It could be a ruse to trap Jacob.” She buried her head in folded arms.

  “We must stop this hiding of men wanted by the Gestapo. It does us harm.” Ethel’s hand trembled as she filled cups with coffee made from acorns.

  “Come sit down, Ethel,” Papa said. “I’ll take care of the coffee.”

  Ethel sat next to Hannah, grabbed her hand, and squeezed until it hurt, but Hannah said nothing. Her concern for the family tightened in the pit of her stomach. What must we do to protect ourselves?” How can I leave Penn? Surely, Penn realizes he cannot straddle the fence forever.

  She stared at her hand held by Ethel, unsettled by the events, and reluctant to climb the stairs to her room.

  “Should be pack some belongings, lock the house, and leave?” Mamma’s voice quivered betraying her mixed feelings.

  “Tonight, we’ll sleep in our hiding closets,” Papa said. “If the Gestapo do not arrive on our doorstep, we will assume the men were trustworthy and continue with our daily routine.”

  How can Papa be so stubborn? If they didn’t flee from their home tonight, Hannah thought, she could see Penn and make plans to stay in contact even though separated. How difficult it would be if she could not feel his arms around her,
yielding to him, clinging to him for reassurance. Deep in her heart, she recognized she would not leave him except by force.

  The next day, Papa did not want Hannah to accompany him to the Jewish section of the city. “Gestapo stand outside Jewish shops intimidating shoppers from entering. They shout at people passing by, ‘Germans do not buy in Jewish shops. The Jews are our misfortune.’ Our position in Berlin grows worse by the day.” He spread jam on his roll, but did not take a bite. “We’re falling into a black hole.”

  Hannah, dressed in a gathered blue-flowered skirt and white blouse with her hair rolled and pinned at the back of her head, answered, “Of course, I’m going with you. We have sick people to care for. You need my help.” Inwardly, she wished he would forget his patients, and think about his family, and their safety. But, he would not.

  “Germans can do with us as they like, break our windows, force us to scrub sidewalks, and deny me the right to practice medicine. We’re outlaws. We’ve been expelled from Germany even though we are physically here. Stay home.”

  “I fear the Germans, the Nazis, will never control their hatred of us. We must ignore them. Whenever you’re ready to make rounds, I’m ready too.” Hannah took a sip of the substitute coffee, folded her napkin, and went for his medical satchel.

  “My dear Hannah, come back, sit down, at least eat some toast. You have a long day,” Mamma called.

  Hannah glanced at her and continued for the satchel.

  Until Kristallnacht occurred, Hannah held on to hope for the Jews. Now she had none. As she and her father left the security of their large home, she with two pieces of toast wrapped and stuffed in her pocket, she looked at the Schwartz’s house. A new, sleek black car with four doors and the emblem of the Nazis adorning the hood was parked in their driveway. Thank goodness for the space their yard provided between themselves and their neighbors. The Schwartz’s lawn was mowed, roses blossomed in the garden, trees were trimmed, and the house freshly washed, so different from the shabby appearance of her home. The only greenery was the garden her mother and Ethel attended and the occasional mowing Papa and she managed, always conscious someone might observe them.

  The news on the radio and in the newspapers reporting Goebbels propaganda, distressed her and her concern for Penn’s safety as a pilot. Rearmament was in full swing. Germany had an army capable of defending the people. The economy boomed. Versailles no longer threatened them. What astounded Hannah and in agreement with Penn was the belief Hitler had no intention of going to war only defending Germany from outside threats. Yet, when Hitler spoke, or shouted in her mind, he said Germany needed more land, unused soil reserved for the people able to possess it by force if necessary. He had stated such words in MEIN KAMPF, but no one read the book. The book was crazy and dull.

  Now the problems with Sudetenland were escalating. Hitler called for the Sudetenland to be given to Germany. Neville Chamberlain intervened by traveling to Germany to work out a solution. Goebbels spread his lies about progress. Hannah disbelieved most of what he said, but many swallowed his words with pieces of candy to sweeten the message. In her mind, Hitler was the worst of bullies shouting the Sudetenland Germans were mistreated. From what she read in newspapers published in countries outside of Germany, they weren’t.

  They reached Scheunenviertel north of Alexandorplatz, a mostly Jewish area in greater Berlin. Storm Troopers kept order through fear. As they passed one Storm Trooper, he pointed his rifle at them. They paused. “Good day to you,” Papa said.

  “What is your business?” He waved his rifle from Papa to her. Hannah was speechless, but Papa remained calm, at least outwardly.

  “I’m calling on a man to collect money owed me.”

  The Storm Trooper hesitated before lowering his gun. “If the man is a Jew, you might forget it, but go ahead.” He twisted his head indicating they should keep moving. When they turned the corner out of his sight, Hannah let out a deep breath. “It’s time for you to stop your visits to patients. Every day is a risk. We would be lost without you, Papa. Mamma would not survive. You must think of us.”

  Papa said nothing as they climbed stairs to visit his first patient of the day, a young woman about to have a baby. Her sister who was not present had asked the pharmacist to send the doctor to see her.

  She opened the door a crack and peered out, then let them in. One large room contained the living room, small kitchen, and sleeping area. A handmade quilt with a design of flowers covered the bed, a bright red cloth covered the table in the kitchen, a crocheted rug lay in the middle of the two overstuffed chairs and couch in the living room. Copies of famous paintings hung on the walls. Every item in the apartment appeared recently cleaned and polished. Her name was Lola Kruger. Her eyes were red from crying.

  Before indicating they sit down, she rubbed her eyes with a damp cloth. “I have nothing to offer you to drink,” she murmured.

  Papa smiled. “No need, my dear. What is so troubling to you today? You mustn’t let yourself get too upset this late in your pregnancy.”

  Hannah opened her papa’s satchel and withdrew his stethoscope, blood pressure monitor, and his thermometer and handed them to him.

  The young woman, Lola, glanced from Hannah to the doctor. “I’m afraid,” she said to them. “I know I should be happy with the baby arriving in a few weeks, but I don’t want it. I shouldn’t be having a baby, a Jew, not in Germany, not now, but what can I do?” Tears flowed down her cheeks and she swiped the back of her hand across them. “Fred did not come home last night. I’m worried he’s been picked up by the Gestapo, but I have no way of finding out. What am I to do? I can’t have this baby.” She broke into uncontrolled sobbing.

  Getting to her feet, Hannah walked over to her, sat on the arm of the chair, and put her arm around Lola. “I haven’t any soothing words to say. I understand how you feel about the baby, but the child is a fact. You need to see to its safety by calming yourself.” If I were in her position, I wouldn’t want a baby. Poor soul. What German Jew would feel differently? The baby might not survive in today’s Germany.

  “How can I? Fred is not here. He may be in one of the camps. I may never see him. I need him. I don’t want this baby.” She covered her face with her hands, and her body shook with deep, heaving, moans.

  Hannah glanced at her papa and mouthed, “What can you do?” Papa shook his head, his eyes clouded, his shoulders stooped.

  “A child is a blessing regardless of the circumstances,” he said in his soft voice. “A gift. You have a big job ahead of you, keeping this child cared for, safe, and away from evil.”

  His words rang shallow in Hannah’s mind, hypocritical and impossible in present day Germany under Nazi rule. She released her hold on Lola, sat straight on the arm of the chair, and clenched her fists until her knuckles turned white to restrain her retort to him. They spent their days evading the issues. No one protested against the Nazis as though every citizen was in a hypnotic state.

  “Let me listen to your heart and that of your baby.” Papa interrupted Hannah’s thoughts. Lola did so, but reluctantly. “Very good. The baby may come sooner than we thought. Your blood pressure is a bit high, but within range.”

  Lola grabbed his forearm. “Please, I mustn’t have this baby just for the Nazis to kill. Can’t you do something?”

  “You’re asking the impossible. I can’t take this child’s life. It may grow into a fine adult. We can’t predict our futures.”

  Hannah noticed how pale Papa’s face appeared. He was aware of the danger facing the new child.

  ~ ~ ~

  Hannah skipped supper with her family, kosher prepared by Mamma and Ethel. They had managed to buy a chicken, and roasted it, the smell penetrating Hannah’s nostrils, but she was meeting Penn for dinner. She brushed her hair out, put on a minimum amount of makeup, powder to cover her nose and lipstick. The dress she cho
se to wear was still in style because of its simplicity, light blue chiffon over a blue satin slip with a V-shaped collar and a satin belt tied in front. Dressy, but not showy, suitable for dinner and a concert. She put on her brimmed straw hat, picked up white gloves, and her white purse, and hurried to meet Penn out of sight of his parents’ house.

  She did not want another encounter with the horrible little man Goebbels. His terrible words against the Jews threatened her existence yet few people objected, but seemed to join in adding their own vile, supportive vocabularies. Far off, Hannah heard the chilling highs and lows of a siren. She stood still. The siren came toward her street. The Gestapo could be coming for her family and her. She should run home and hide with them. She forced her feet to move toward her house away from her meeting with Penn.

  Chapter 11

  Hannah sat on her bed, listening, but the siren moved away from her street. When she was certain the Gestapo were not coming for them, she hastened down the curved staircase for the second time that night to the entryway. Once she lived in the house without fear of what each day would bring. She paused at the last step and glimpsed into the large room with the grand piano now covered with sheets. Memories poured into her mind of music, singing, and games being played with school friends. Refreshments shared while giggling about the latest news of boyfriends, dates, and dreams of the future.

  She was ostracized by most of her onetime friends, coworkers, and neighbors. Loneliness sat heavy in her soul. Finding a way to insulate herself from the rebukes and contempt was impossible.

  Her friends were gone. She was a Jew. Hitler was the conscious vehicle of evil, the messenger of Satan, a threat to her safety and that of her parents. Hannah took in a deep breath to rid her mind of such depressing thoughts and stepped outside the door. She was late meeting Penn. How long she could continue to see him? Panic returned and filled her with apprehension, clamping her stomach, and robbing her of air. The anticipation of meeting Penn did nothing to take away her anxiety. Could it be a premonition? If so, what?