8 Top Marks for Murder

by Robin Stevens

  ‘The other people on the table were only supposed to be ill. No one was supposed to die!’ cried Mrs Thompson-Bates. ‘I never meant to kill anyone but him!’

  ‘Yes, indeed. Mrs Thompson-Bates was terribly upset on Saturday when her husband wasn’t taken ill, but Mrs Rivers was – so upset that she sat frozen for long enough for Mr T-B to rush round the table and snatch up the salt cellar. He must have realized that was how the poison had been given to Mrs Rivers! He slid it into his pocket – and now he had ammunition to hurt his wife. The next day, at the garden party, he played a truly horrid trick on her. He poured poison into the glass they were sharing, and sipped from it without issues. Then he was given another by Mr Stone, and the glasses got mixed up when Mrs Thompson-Bates had a sneezing fit, but it didn’t matter – he knew he could safely drink from either. But Mrs T-B, as we know, was poisoned. I saw her grasping at his jacket, just before she was taken away to San – I thought she was just trying to hold onto him, but she must have realized then what he had in his pocket!’

  ‘I had to kill her!’ said Mr Thompson-Bates. ‘Be reasonable. It was her or me!’

  ‘It was him or me!’ cried Mrs Thompson-Bates. ‘I had to! He’s a beast! He choked me!’

  ‘She’s a witch!’ said Mr Thompson-Bates. ‘She’s been poisoning me!’

  Patricia said, ‘How awful!’

  ‘Very ingenious!’ said Inspector Priestley. ‘Mr and Mrs Thompson-Bates, I am arresting you both, for murder and attempted murder.’

  He led the still-arguing Thompson-Bateses out of the room. The rest of us were left blinking at each other in amazement.

  ‘We are ingenious, aren’t we?’ asked Daisy. ‘Hazel and I are really rather clever.’

  ‘It’s astonishing!’ said Mrs Martineau. She was still clinging to her husband, and her cheeks were pale, but the light of battle was in her eyes – she looked very much like Beanie all of a sudden. ‘Becky, I never knew that this is what you did at school! And look at all your friends! You seem so happy.’

  ‘I really am, Mummy,’ said Beanie. ‘I want to stay here next year. I don’t want – please don’t move me away!’

  ‘I’m afraid we shall have to, if the school closes!’ said Mr Martineau.

  ‘But the case is solved!’ cried Daisy. ‘It can’t be closed now!’

  ‘Parents may not see it that way, Daisy,’ said Mrs Freebody.

  ‘But there must be something we can do!’ said Mrs Martineau.

  ‘Do you know,’ said Mrs Freebody, ‘I think I have a very good idea. You girls always think that you invented school life, but in fact nothing really changes. Now, what is the thing that makes this school work? How would you persuade someone to do something?’

  A glimmer came into Daisy’s eyes, and Kitty suddenly burst out laughing. ‘Mum!’ she said. ‘That’s genius.’

  ‘I know, darling,’ said Mrs Freebody. ‘Now, will you stop being cross with me?’

  ‘No!’ said Kitty. ‘That is – of course I will.’

  13

  Kitty, Beanie and Lavinia’s people all slipped away back into the Hall, and we were left alone. We crept through the corridors of Deepdean to Old Wing entrance, where the Inspector was waiting with Mr and Mrs Thompson-Bates, both in handcuffs, their faces set angrily.

  We explained what we were hoping to do, and the Inspector frowned. ‘We shall have to hope it works,’ he said seriously to us.

  ‘Why should you care?’ said Daisy. ‘It isn’t your school in danger, is it?’

  ‘I’m sure I’ve spent more time here than I ever did in my own school,’ said the Inspector. ‘And – it would be a grave mistake to break up the Detective Society. Why, we can’t let the criminals off so lightly!’

  ‘You’re mocking us,’ said Daisy, eyes narrowed.

  ‘I may be, Madam Super,’ said the Inspector, and his face crinkled up into a smile. ‘But I truly believe that the world would lose something if you and Miss Wong were separated.’

  ‘Thank you,’ I said to him quietly. Daisy harrumphed, but I could tell she was pleased.

  ‘I have to say, Kitty, that your mother would have been an excellent Detective Society member in her youth.’

  ‘It’s annoyingly true!’ said Kitty. ‘I shall never tell her so.’

  We had barely arrived when I heard the doors of the Hall opening, and a hum of people coming towards us along Library corridor. Daisy and the Inspector and I all exchanged glances, and Daisy slipped her hand into mine and squeezed it fiercely.

  Then the first parents appeared, and they were all whispering together. She planned it! I heard, and How unladylike! And she went to Deepdean – look at what they’re being taught!

  But then I heard one mother say, Of course, it was the girls who worked it out. The Deepdean spirit – we were always taught to be logical!

  Really quite clever, actually …

  Very naughty, but—

  So brave! Courage has always been valued here, of course …

  And there were other women, I heard – really, it’s almost understandable, and she did have her daughter to think of …

  But with the school so changed – ought we to …

  Really so many jolly good things about it, though …

  Perhaps we should give it another chance – after all, I heard that the Freebodys won’t be removing their girls …

  And do you know what I heard? Next year, Deepdean may be welcoming a very illustrious pupil. She’s just about to turn eleven, you know …

  You don’t mean—

  I do! Exactly. Can you imagine … And if we took them out, they’d miss the chance …

  The hum built until it was a roar, voices all around us. Would it be enough? Could gossip save Deepdean school?

  Everyone caught sight of Mr and Mrs Thompson-Bates at once. The Inspector had one hand on each of their shoulders, leaving their wrists, in their glinting handcuffs, quite clear to see.

  They both raised their chins defiantly and glared at the crowd.

  ‘Mummy! Daddy!’ said a small voice. Lallie was there, surrounded by the rest of the third form. Binny looked quite furious – but not even she could really blame us for this. I felt dreadfully sorry for poor Lallie. To lose both parents, in less than a day, is more than I think even I could bear. Her face was red with crying.

  ‘Lallie, dear, we may be gone for some time,’ said Mr Thompson-Bates.

  ‘You never think of me!’ gasped Lallie. ‘You’re so wrapped up in each other that half the time I don’t think you even remember I exist!’

  ‘Of course we do!’ said Mr Thompson-Bates.

  ‘I did this for you, Lallie!’ said Mrs Thompson-Bates. ‘You don’t know what your father’s really like!’

  ‘I know what you’re both like. And you did it for yourselves,’ Lallie hissed, and she turned and fled.

  The crowd parted again, and Miss Barnard walked up to the Thompson-Bateses. Her back was very straight and her hands were clenched together, almost as though she was praying.

  ‘I have nothing to say to you, Mr Thompson-Bates. But, Cordelia, I am utterly disappointed in you. You are nothing like a Deepdean girl should be. I have made my decision: I will not be closing Deepdean. I appreciate that some parents may feel that they would like to send their daughters elsewhere, but I hope that they will think hard about that decision. Deepdean creates intelligent, brave, sensible young women who dare much to help each other, and I hope it will be doing so for another fifty years at least.

  ‘Inspector, please take these two away. Fourth formers, I would like to speak to you privately.’

  And that, as Daisy would say, was that.

  14

  And now it is Monday afternoon, and House is full of girls rushing about, packing their trunks and shrieking that they can’t find their games knickers.

  Our meeting with Miss Barnard was short, but surprising.

  ‘I ought to expel you,’ she told us calmly. ‘Working with the police! Spying and leaving th
e school grounds and lying to your mistresses!’

  ‘But you won’t,’ said Daisy.

  ‘Miss Wells! Please! You are on very shaky ground at the moment. Whatever has got into you this term?’

  ‘We’re sorry about the lying and the rule-breaking,’ I said. ‘But – I don’t think we’re sorry about solving the case.’

  Kitty, Beanie and Lavinia shook their heads.

  ‘Miss Barnard, they really ought to be praised,’ said Inspector Priestley. ‘They outwitted the Deepdean police force as well as the Thompson-Bateses. It’s astonishingly good detective work.’

  ‘I certainly can’t make a public show of praising them,’ said Miss Barnard. ‘But – girls, I am grateful to you from the bottom of my heart. Jean’s death – I still can hardly comprehend it. But if I had never known what really happened to her, she would feel dead twice over. I want you to promise me – promise not to discuss this with anyone other than the police. No more gossip, if you please!’

  ‘We promise!’ we all chorused.

  ‘Well then,’ said Miss Barnard. ‘Go on, and let me talk to the Inspector.’

  We ran away, feeling grateful and surprised and – strange. What we did was no longer a secret at Deepdean, not even from our headmistress.

  ‘It rather takes some of the fun out of it, doesn’t it?’ said Daisy to me.

  ‘No!’ I said. ‘Yes. It makes it feel more real, though.’

  ‘That is annoyingly grown up of you,’ said Daisy. ‘But I think you might be right.’

  Kitty and Binny have gone home with their parents – and I can tell that Mrs Freebody’s swift and persuasive gossip work impressed both Kitty and Binny, whatever they try to pretend. Beanie has left with hers too, to be with her mother for as long as she can. It feels terribly bitter that we solved a murder, but we could not solve Mrs Martineau’s illness. I think we are truly growing up, for we know that there are some things too dreadful to be fixed by a denouement and handcuffs.

  Mrs Dow finally got her way: Emily Dow is to be taken out of Deepdean, and educated at home. I saw her leave, and I never knew she could smile so widely. But poor Lallie will stay at House this summer, while her parents’ trial takes place. Mr Thompson-Bates will be tried for attempted murder, and Mrs Thompson-Bates for murder – and I cannot free myself of the guilt that we took both parents away from a girl almost our own age. It niggles at me, like a broken tooth. I do know, though, that we had to find out the truth – for Mrs Rivers, and for Deepdean.

  Lavinia is downstairs with Patricia and her mother and father, arguing about where she is to be sent for the hols, and Amina is with hers.

  She came into our dorm just now, in flagrant violation of the unspoken rules of dorm pride.

  ‘I just wanted to say,’ she told us, ‘that my parents are letting me come back next year. And – well, if you aren’t busy this summer, you’re welcome to come and visit me at home.’

  ‘But your home is in—’ I began.

  ‘Cairo, I know,’ said Amina. ‘Far, but worth it. I like you, Daisy Wells and Hazel Wong. You’re interesting. And I hope we’re friends now.’

  ‘Kind of you,’ Daisy said, tilting her chin. ‘But – well, Hazel and I already have plans for the hols.’

  ‘Thank you, though!’ I added, smiling at her.

  ‘Oh, well, next year then,’ said Amina cheerfully, and she stepped back out of the dorm. I glanced at Daisy.

  ‘Cairo!’ I whispered.

  ‘I know, Hazel!’ hissed Daisy. ‘It doesn’t do to seem too eager – she may still be listening. But just imagine – Egypt! Curses and mummies everywhere! How wonderful!’

  ‘Amina is nice, isn’t she?’ I asked.

  ‘She is all right,’ said Daisy. ‘I suppose.’

  Now Daisy and I are sitting back to back on my bed. Some things, at least, do not change.

  I am writing this up, and Daisy is whispering poetry to herself. She is terribly taken with the Housman poems, and has found some other gruesome lines which she is very pleased with.

  ‘Do you know,’ she has just said, ‘we ought to have realized that this case was all about marriage. Couples run all the way through it. It would be the easiest thing in the world to murder you, if I wanted to. I know everything about you, after all.’

  I turned round and glared at her, and Daisy said, ‘But I’ve already told you I wouldn’t! I like you too much. Uncle Felix and Aunt Lucy are motoring down from London, by the way. Bertie’s coming as well, now he’s heard about the case. They all want to take us out to dinner and tell us off for getting mixed up in a murder mystery again. Then we’ll all go back to London.’

  ‘All?’ I asked.

  ‘Of course,’ said Daisy. ‘I think Felix and Lucy prefer you to me – they certainly wouldn’t think of taking me in without you. Oh, we’ll be in London again for the summer! How thrilling!’

  ‘And we’ll be around Aunt Lucy,’ I said, my heart lifting.

  ‘Indeed. After all, if we are going to be the best detectives in the world, we need more training – it’s no good hoping that schoolbooks will teach us everything we need. Only three more years of school, and then we can be detectives full time!’

  Now I am thinking about training to be a detective. I realize that I rather like the idea.

  ‘But what about university?’ I asked.

  ‘You can go if you like,’ said Daisy. ‘But I don’t see the point. Some things, as I say, you can’t learn at school, or university.’

  ‘But you have to go!’ I said. ‘Otherwise I shall be on my own.’

  ‘You might be for a while,’ said Daisy. ‘But, Hazel, I can promise you this: we shall always end up together, no matter what happens. We are simply at our best around each other, and it would be foolish to ignore that. Even if you married Alexander, I should forgive you and live in your spare room.’

  ‘Is that a promise?’ I asked.

  ‘Utterly,’ said Daisy. ‘And have you ever known me to break a promise? Family is family, and you are mine, Hazel Wong.’

  We turned to face each other and did the Detective Society handshake. And I knew then that Daisy was telling the truth.

  Daisy’s Guide to Deepdean

  Really, I think that there can hardly be any words to do with this case and Deepdean that even the most careless readers are not aware of by now, but Hazel insists on my writing this out for posterity. I suppose future generations will thank me.

  Achilles heel – a person’s fatal flaw, the bit of themselves that always catches them out. It comes from the story of the Greek hero Achilles being dipped in magic water by his mother – only she held him by his heel, and he wasn’t protected there.

  Alumnae – a way of talking about all the people who used to be at a school, but who are not there any more because they are too old.

  Aspic – a sort of savoury jelly, often with meat in it.

  Atelier – a French word for a workshop where things are made.

  Bottled it – if you bottle something, you fail to do it.

  The Curse – a way of talking about a woman’s monthlies without actually talking about them at all.

  Debagged – if you debag someone you pull their trousers down as a prank.

  A dish – an attractive person.

  Exeat – this is usually a weekend when we are allowed to leave House and stay with our families. But you can also have exeat mornings, when you are just allowed out for tea or lunch with families.

  Fondant fancies – pretty iced cakes.

  Lob – a sort of tennis shot.

  MacDonalds of Glencoe’s Feast – this is a very gruesome and fascinating story about some Scottish people at Glencoe who invited their enemies to a nice dinner and then killed them all.

  Mary Celeste – a famous ship that was discovered with all its crew missing, a mystery that has never been solved.

  Mistress – our Deepdean word for teacher.

  Operator – the person who puts through your telephone calls.


  Patagonia – a place in South America.

  Pash – a sort of love that one schoolgirl has for another. It is not meant to mean anything or be real, but I think that is silly, because the truth is that sometimes it is.

  Petticoat – a sort of underskirt.

  Pips – the noise on the telephone line that tells you you’re running out of time.

  A Red – a slang word for Communist.

  Rowed – another word for argued.

  RSVP – this is French. It stands for Répondez s’il vous plaît and it is how you tell someone that you are coming to their event.

  Sago pudding – a sweet starchy pudding. It can be nice, but our House kitchen doesn’t make it appealing at all.

  Shrimps – the littlest girls in the school, almost babies, really.

  Slip – an under-dress, for modesty.

  Small pitchers have big ears – a stupid saying that grown-ups use to mean that children are always listening.

  Stodge – a slang word for heavy school food.

  Tuck – sweets or cakes.

  Wet – weak or silly.

  Author’s Note and Acknowledgements

  This is the third time I’ve taken Daisy and Hazel to Deepdean – and just as they’re not quite the girls they were when they discovered Miss Bell’s body in the Gym in Murder Most Unladylike, I’m not quite the author I was when I first imagined that scene.

  I’ve somehow become ten years older in the time it’s taken Daisy and Hazel to age two years. I have to admit to myself that if Daisy and Hazel looked at me these days, they would see an adult the same age as their mothers – so it felt fitting for the third murder mystery at Deepdean to be all about parents and families. (Of course, I completely deny any resemblance to my own marriage or family. My husband and I never argue, and we are marvellous to each other 100 per cent of the time.)