Suddenly robbed of his vision, Simon heard a groan of frustration from Oliva’s room.
Simon stumbled over Ian, and nearly tripped over his feet in the dark as he fumbled around until he eventually ended up in front of Olivia’s bedroom door.
“A scheduled power outage, I completely forgot! Ugh.”
“This is super annoying. Ian and I were just… I mean, we were just making some progress in connecting the dots with what has happened to Zee.” Simon was aware that his recovery was lame at best, but he tried to take it in his stride.
“Oh, I’m sure that’s all that you two got up to, alone in your bedroom.” Olivia chuckled as she made her way to the kitchen and to light a few candles. She said it loud enough for Ian to hear her, and Simon was furious. Olivia whispered her next line when she realized that she might have been embarrassing Simon in front of Ian.
“Go tend to your boyfriend, honey. Or have you forgotten that he is in crutches, basically begging you for your assistance?” Although the faint flickering of the candles provided only a little bit of light, Simon could still see Olivia’s playful wink.
She walked over to the kitchen counter and put the candle down. “Okay sweetheart, I’m out of here. Justin is missing me. I better skedaddle and grab some takeout on the way. Don’t be too naughty. But I at least want to see a hickey when I come back, or at least your perfect side parting a little bit ruffled!” Olivia gave Simon one of her hearty hugs, grabbed her keys from the empty fruit bowl, and left the apartment.
Simon collected some of the unlit candles she had put on the kitchen counter, felt a rush of bravado, and carefully placed them on the living room floor. He opened up the linen closet, and spread out a blanket on the floor. Bolstered by Ian’s suggestive words earlier, he had decided to take advantage of this opportunity, especially now that Olivia had left.
Simon gingerly made his way back to his bedroom, carefully balancing a candle in his hand, its flame fighting to stay alive.
Ian was seated on the bed, his silhouette casting a dark shadow on Simon’s wall in the faint light.
“There you are! I’d started to think that you’d forgotten all about me!” Ian flashed a brilliant smile, and Simon’s heart leapt.
Simon smiled shyly, took a deep breath, walked over to Ian, and held out his hand without a word. Ian took a hold of Simon’s hand, his eyes intrigued, but also questioning.
“Come with me to the living room.” Simon’s voice was so shaky that it was barely audible. He could feel a heavy lump in his throat and his mouth was dry. It had been a long time since he had been this bold...
Simon carefully assisted Ian in hobbling to the living room on his crutches. Simon relished the role he was playing of tending to Ian’s needs, just like that night after the staff party – only, this time, Simon was not about to let an opportunity to get closer to Ian go to waste. Gingerly helping Ian to a sitting position, Simon sat down, and mustered up the courage to sit a little bit closer to Ian. Ian’s ridiculously handsome features were only enhanced by the gentle flickering of the candlelight. His skin looked smooth, his eyes a rich, warm, coffee brown, and Simon could see the candlelight reflected in his gaze. Ian was looking at Simon expectantly, and Simon was careful not to let the weight of expectation overwhelm him.
“Ian, I know we don’t know each other that well yet. And I know, at the best of times, I’m a bumbling, awkward, neurotic mess. So I’m not always as articulate as I want to be, except when I’m writing. But I think it’s obvious from the way that I act around you, that…”
The moment felt right. Ian was leaning in closer to Simon. As much as he wanted to do it, Simon couldn’t bring himself to make a move. He started rambling again, his words hardly making sense: “I don’t want to be such a klutz all the time, and miss out on what I want. I feel like everyone is moving forward and I’m left behind. Olivia is so close with her boyfriend Justin, and they take me out with them, but I’m left feeling like a loser. And Zuko is so brave, standing up to everyone in his res even when he was being driven away. He never stopped being himself and going after what he wants. He even danced with Jeremy, the cute Rainbow guy, at the Journo ball. I’m too scared. I don’t want to be. I don’t want to miss out on…”
Simon immediately realized what he was saying, and became extremely embarrassed. “I’m sorry about that; I don’t know what came over me!” But Ian was still staring at him with a gentle smile on his face.
“You know, Simon, that’s the most you’ve spoken to me in the entire time we’ve been working together.” His smile broadened and he once again put his hand on Simon’s shoulder, that familiar gesture that made him feel so close.
Simon felt his confidence growing. “You know what? I’m glad I got to know you. I’m glad I got to know such a special guy.” He suddenly felt a jolt of adrenaline shoot up his arm as he realized that Ian was holding his hand. Somehow, it had felt so natural that he did not even notice it happening up to that point. Ian looked him in the eye with a serious expression and said: “You know, sometimes I get scared too. I’m not as fearless and confident as you think I am. I still worry about what people will think about me, and whether they’ll still respect me. And as you have had the dubious honor of experiencing it first hand, sometimes I control my nerves with alcohol. Not my strongest selling point!” Ian looked at Simon, and Simon felt a warm rush at the trust that Ian was placing in him.
Simon was elated. Could this really be happening? But along with the excitement, he also felt the familiar sense of fear descending on him. Was he making a huge mistake? Since when did things work out for him? And since when had he ever been able to navigate his love life? Before he could stop himself, Simon cleared his throat in embarrassment and pulled his hand away from Ian, and said dismissively, “I guess we all have things to work on.”
Ian’s facial expression grew from shock to what seemed like mild anger and embarrassment. There were a few painful seconds of silence between them, and then heralding the end of Simon’s chance to grow closer to Ian, the lights came on and rudely forced them head first into stark reality, the romantic ambience replaced with harsh lighting and Ian’s glowering glare. Simon felt awkward sitting with Ian on the blanket on the floor. Neither said a word as Ian stared Simon down, challenging him with his gaze to retract his rejection, and Simon strained as he focused not to meet Ian’s glare. Just as Simon was about to break the awkward silence, Ian’s phone rang. Simon quietly listened to Ian’s conversation, and with a sinking heart, he realized Margeaux was at the other end of the line. Ian said: “It’s Margeaux. I forgot that I had a date with her tonight and I’m running late already. Could you help me up? I’d better get going.”
Simon once again wrapped his arm around Ian’s shoulder and lifted him up from the ground, but this time Simon’s cold demeanor betrayed his anger. Once again, Simon chastised himself: I’ve ruined everything.
Simon reached for the doorknob, and tried for a weak apology. He had no idea what to say, but managed: “I’m sorry about… I’m sorry for being so…”
“That’s okay, Northbrook. Maybe we just got our lines crossed or something. No problem at all.” Every hint of confusion and disappointment was gone from Ian’s face, and he was his regular confident self again. “I’ll talk to you soon. We have to follow up on this story. Work comes first, right?”
Ian turned away without giving Simon the reassuring smile that he had become accustomed to. Simon longed for Ian’s hand on his shoulder, assuring him that everything would be okay. He closed the door, and felt tears welling in his eyes. His heart was breaking, and he felt like he was breaking it all by himself. Simon went back to his room and took down the poster of the actor who looked so much like Ian, putting it on top of his closet. He didn’t want to see it for a while.
He heard the front door open again and Olivia shouted to him, “Are you alone, babe? You okay?”
Simon managed to let out that he was alone, and that he was okay. Despite his protestations, he knew he
wasn’t okay. He wasn’t okay at all.
Chapter 11
Hot Off the Press (Ridgemont University Book 1) Page 12
