The Redemption of River

by Eli Easton

  Michael frowned. “Moving on?”

  “I’m moving to Rome. I was only ever supposed to be here for a year. I’m house-sitting for someone, and that’s up September tenth.”

  “Oh.” Michael bit his lip. “Geez, we really put our foot in it, huh? Feet? Whatever. Anyway, that’s a bummer. Everyone loves you here. I know you’re a great addition to the clinic. And you and Brent, you feel…” He hesitated.

  “We feel what?”

  Michael shrugged. “Like you belong together.”

  River looked around at the beautiful house, the fancy party. Kathy McKay belonged here. River? Not so much. “That’s sweet, but this isn’t me. I’m more of a backpack-and-hostel kind of guy.”

  “This isn’t the stuff that matters,” Michael said seriously. His eyes were kind. “Hey, if you ever want to talk, we can do lunch. We can swap Expanded Horizons stories. It’ll be fun.”

  “I’d like that. After the next staff meeting?”

  “Let’s do it! Tuesday.” Michael held out a fist.

  “You’re on.” River bumped it.

  Michael went back inside, and Maddy came over and gushed to River about the kombucha. She fished around about openings to work at Harmony Tree, and River promised he’d suggest it to Brent.

  He smiled and chatted with her, but his heart wasn’t in it. He liked Michael. He wanted to have lunch with him. He sensed Michael could become a true friend. And Maddy. And Jim and Brenda McKay. Even Sean. But at the same time, he didn’t want to get any closer to any of them.

  He didn’t think he could stand the weight of one more cherished thing left behind.

  Chapter 27

  Brent

  Brent was drying his hair from the shower when the familiar clink of dog collars sounded in the bedroom. River was back with the hounds. Brent tugged on flannel PJ bottoms and left the bathroom, smiling.

  “Congratulations. I’d consider tonight a huge success.”

  Beauchamp shimmied his butt at the sight of Brent, and the dogs ran over to get their due in pets and kisses.

  “Do you think so?” River pulled off his white tunic shirt and dropped it on a chair. “It seemed to go well.”

  “Absolutely. I heard only good things about the food. Especially the curry stew and the sweet and sour tofu. Sean said he could live on that alone. And everyone raved about the kombucha.”

  River stepped up to Brent and traced a water droplet down from his shoulder blade. “It’s a relief. I want this to be successful for you.” His smile was a little sad, and it made Brent’s chest ache. But he refused to give in to that now. Tonight was a night for celebration.

  “I hope you didn’t feel too bombarded by Sean or my folks. It was nice of you to spend so much time with them.”

  Brent had been so proud of River. He’d looked gorgeous tonight in a white tunic shirt that was a bit of Far East, dark blue jeans, and sandals. He’d freshly washed and blow-dried his hair, somehow pulling it very straight, and he’d worn it down. It looked like gold silk. And, as always, his intelligence and gentle, radiant nature had shone through. Even if Brent had noticed a moment or two of sadness.

  “They’re nice people. You’re lucky. My dad would have freaked if I’d always been straight and suddenly showed up with a boyfriend. My mom… she likely wouldn’t have made an appearance at all.”

  “I’m very lucky,” Brent agreed.

  River’s smile was melancholy, and Brent hated to see it. Not his beautiful River, who normally lit up the world. Or at least, Brent’s world. So he pulled River in for a long, slow kiss.

  He hardened against River’s hip. With River, his dick responded embarrassingly fast. Hell, a smile could do it. Or the way River’s bare legs in shorts looked when stretched out on the sofa. Brent thought maybe his libido was making up for lost time.

  River thickened in his jeans too. His fingers crept under the elastic at the back of Brent’s sleep pants, and he made a yummy noise.

  Brent broke the kiss. “Uh, that reminds me. So tonight when Sean and Sharon and I were talking with another couple, Sean brought up tantra—not in relation to you, just as a thing he and Sharon had been researching. And this other guy, Steve, was also interested in it. He mentioned something you never told me about.”

  “Something I never told you about? What?” River looked bemused.

  Brent felt his cheeks heat. “He said that some tantriks do, um, a prostate massage? It was funny, actually. You should have seen the horror on Sean’s face. But I never knew that was a thing. So…. Is it a thing?”

  River smirked. “Oh, yeah. It’s a thing.”

  Brent felt a little hysterical bubble of laughter in his throat. But he didn’t want to offend River, so he kept it to himself. “Like… is there a purpose to it? Or is it just a feel-good thing, or….”

  River ran a finger along Brent’s crack. “Oh, it has heaps of benefits. Think of it like an engine tune-up on your car. An occasional deep stimulation of the prostate reduces the risk of prostate cancer and bladder infections. And it’s good for clearing the sacrum chakra, allowing more intense orgasms and stronger erections. Plus, you know….” River looked up into Brent’s eyes. “It’s a feel-good thing.”

  Brent’s face grew hotter. “Oh. Yeah. That sounds….” He swallowed.

  “At the ashram, even straight men enjoyed it. But it’s cool if you don’t want to try it. Some people aren’t comfortable with anything anal.” He shrugged, as if dismissing the idea.

  River was teasing him—a little. It was reverse psychology, and it worked. “I’d be open to trying it. Only with you, of course. Because I trust you. Kathy said it didn’t hurt when she and I tried it. Me on her, I mean. She never… No one’s ever stuck anything up there.”

  “Not even yourself?”

  Brent shook his head. “Never really thought about it. But I liked anal sex. A lot.” He smiled ruefully. “Guess that might have been a clue.”

  “Not necessarily. I think lots of hetero couples enjoy it.”

  “I guess.” Brent toyed with River’s hair. “We went through a period where we tried a lot of different stuff to spice things up. Not that our sex life was ever bad, but we let it get routine. With work and everything.”

  “That’s common. That’s why tantra is so great. You focus on touch, on appreciating each other’s bodies and the connection, not on orgasm.” He gave a confused little frown. “Sean was talking to me about couples’ tantra tonight. That’s something I’d like to do—someday.”

  “You’d be so great at that. What you and I do… I can’t ever imagine it getting stale.”

  River’s expression softened at the compliment, his eyes going warm. “Me neither. The way we connect…. It’s really unique.”

  “Is it?” He was fishing, but Brent couldn’t help it. “You don’t feel that kind of connection with others? Clients or… past lovers?”

  “No, Brent. Not with anyone else. Never have.”

  River’s words were very serious and the look in his eyes was almost too much. Too much like love. Brent couldn’t let himself think about that. “So. About the prostate massage thing….”

  “We could do it tonight if you’re not too tired?”

  Tired? After getting a taste tonight of what it would mean to have River in his life forever, as his true partner, to see him interacting with his friends and his mom and dad…. Brent wanted to be with him in every way possible while he still could. But he made a lighthearted reply.

  “Baby, please massage my prostate. I’m dyin’ for it!”

  River laughed. “Oh, you are so on.”

  * * *

  When Brent came back upstairs from getting them glasses of wine, candles flickered on both bedside tables, incense burned, and River’s little oil-warmer pot was set up. The familiar sights and smells made Brent’s dick, which had softened on his kitchen journey, swell and plump. God, he loved that warm oil. The idea of River using it there was surprisingly arousing.

  River straightene
d from placing a large towel on the bed. He was naked, his cock hanging—not at full mast, but definitely not limp either.

  He sat on the bed on the towel, cross-legged, his gaze inviting Brent to join him. Brent put the wineglasses next to a candle and sat on the bed, mirroring River’s pose, their knees touching.

  They always started sex this way, holding hands and gazing into one another’s eyes. The deep breathing created an altered state that put Brent in another time and place. If all you cared about was getting off, this would seem like a terrible nuisance, just staring into someone’s eyes for five or ten minutes. But Brent loved it. It created a space away from the thoughts of work and his endless to-do lists, a space in which all that existed was himself and River, and time was measured in soft caresses and the heartbeats of his beloved.

  He’d never felt as deeply integrated with another person in his life. In this space, the trappings of who he was, who River was, fell away, and they were just two human beings, literally and emotionally naked in front of one other, joining in a union that went beyond the flesh.

  Soul to soul.

  It was hard to imagine ever again having sex the way he had before. It was hard to imagine having sex with anyone but River ever again. But he didn’t want to think about that now, didn’t want anything sorrowful or negative to intrude, not now.

  He let the thoughts drift away on his breath and focused on River’s eyes.

  Breathe in, breathe out, until River’s exhales became his inhales, until his head spun and energy hummed through his body while his muscles relaxed.

  River leaned forward and kissed him softly—a gentle, suckling kiss.

  Brent placed his hands on River’s bare shoulders. He could go for a lot more kissing. But River pulled away and smiled. “Let’s start with you on your back.”

  Oh God. Were they really doing this prostate thing? A flush of heat went through Brent and a twinge of nerves too. But he trusted River. If he said it felt good, then it did. River moved aside, and Brent lay on his back, making sure he was on the towel.

  Was he gonna love this? Hate it? He had no idea.

  River propped Brent’s knees up on pillows, opening him up. Something about the position never failed to get Brent rock hard, maybe because it was a signal to his genitals that they were about to get lots and lots of attention. His dick skated up his belly until it was pointing at his chin and bobbing just a little to his heartbeat. Subtle. But River never made him feel self-conscious, either of being hard or not being hard.

  He began with massage—Brent’s feet, calves, belly, chest, arms, neck. His breathing was deep and loud, reminding Brent to stay with his tantric breath too. He melted deeper and deeper into the mattress, and his eyes closed.

  God. He never wanted this to end. Wanted River. Only River.

  River understood that when you loved someone, it was worth taking time for them, taking lots of time, every day. He understood that love was the only thing that really mattered. A few years ago, Brent hadn’t understood this. How had River gotten so mature so young?

  River got more oil on his hands and massaged Brent’s inner thighs, pulling him open a little more with his thumbs. Brent’s dick jumped on his stomach. Sexual energy pooled in his belly.

  River’s massaging fingers moved inward until River’s thumbs brushed over Brent’s pucker. Brent made a peculiar noise and raised his hips.

  Jesus. He wasn’t really that interested in this. Was he? Apparently he was.

  But River didn’t hurry. He massaged Brent there for what felt like a long time, using his fingertips and lots of oil, while the heel of his hand rubbed behind Brent’s balls. Slowly, all sensation seemed to focus there, around his anus, in a way it never had before. Brent couldn’t believe it felt so nice. Sexy as fuck.

  “Can you…” His voice croaked. “Are you gonna… do more?”

  He could swear River grinned, even though his eyes were closed.

  “Impatient, hmm? I’ll start with one finger. If you don’t like it, I’ll stop.”

  Oh, hell no, Brent didn’t want him to stop. After all that massaging, he needed to feel something push and prod there.

  “Just relax.” River placed one hand over Brent’s cock and pushed it gently down against his belly, holding it there, while the fingers of his other hand slid down from his balls.

  “Breathe,” River reminded him. Gently, River pushed the tip of one finger in.

  Oh.

  Brent froze, focusing on the sensation.

  “Try not to tense up. Imagine pushing your breath into this space, expanding it. This is your muladhara, or root chakra.” River rubbed his thumb gently against Brent’s perineum and Brent relaxed his muscles. The finger went in another inch.

  Oh. Okay.

  Brent’s balls drew up tighter and his dick throbbed against River’s palm. Energy sparked in his groin. He wasn’t sure he could stand the sense of anticipation, of it being too much and not enough.

  “Keep going,” he muttered, his tongue thick.

  River withdrew his finger and replaced it a moment later slick with more hot oil. Brent had one instant to think that the heat felt nice, and then, in one smooth move, River slid it all the way in.

  Brent’s hips arched up. “River!”

  “Shhh. Relax.”

  River left his finger inserted but not moving. With his other hand, he gripped Brent’s penis loosely and gave it a few strokes.

  Oh God. Okay. Yeah. That works.

  “You’re so sexy, Brent,” River said, his voice rough. It was the first time he’d ever said that during tantric sex, and it made Brent’s heart chakra bloom with pleasure. “Can you relax your hips back to the bed for me?”

  Brent was surprised to find his hips raised, his ass gripping River’s finger. He forced himself to relax back onto the towel.

  River pumped him a few more times, twisting his finger gently. Then he did something in there that made hot, electric tingles explode inside him. Brent gave a little cry.

  “Mmm. That’s your prostate.” It felt like River gently rubbed it. “Does that feel okay?”

  “Oh fuck!” Brent said on a sob.

  “Oh fuck, good? Or oh fuck bad?” River sounded amused.

  “I have no idea,” Brent said, half laughing, half crying. “Do it again.”

  “First breathe. Relax and unclench for me.”

  Brent did both, forcing his body to become loose and focusing on his loud tantric breath. River slid his finger out, then back in with more warm oil. That felt… nice. Weird, but nice. He gently rubbed that spot, and the sparks flew like a garden of fireflies in the night. His dick strained against River’s palm. It felt harder than it’d ever been before. Scarily hard.

  “Oh my God,” Brent whispered.

  “Keep going?”

  “Hell yes. Maybe… another finger?” For some reason, Brent thought more pressure would feel good.

  River withdrew, then pressed two fingers inside him. And fuck yeah, it did feel good. There was something about the feeling of being forced open that was hot. Sort of the way it felt when River filled his mouth with cock. There was no pain at all, which was unexpected. But then, River had been so careful.

  River gently rubbed Brent’s prostate with two fingers. The other hand circled his dick with one finger and a thumb, jerking him loosely, lightly, maddeningly. It felt incredible, as if both of River’s hands were plucking his pleasure zones—one in a way he knew very well, and one in a way that was totally new. The two zones fed each other, nerve endings meeting and sparking fire deep inside him. Brent used what he’d learned of tantra to push those waves of pleasure up and up until they filled his entire body, to surf on the delight, without chasing an orgasm. But the feeling was so overwhelming. It felt like he had no control. His body shook with the intensity.

  “I might come,” he said, his breath and words raspy.

  “That’s okay. A prostate orgasm is different. You should experience it.”

  Oh, yes, he
was going to come. But all of a sudden, Brent knew what he wanted.

  “Stop,” he said, tensing up.

  River stopped immediately, removing his hands.

  Brent opened his eyes and pushed up onto his elbows. He looked at his lover. River was sitting back on his heels, and he was visibly aroused. His chest was flushed, his nipples peaked, and his penis was fully erect, standing proud from a blond nest of curls. Brent couldn’t help but be pleased that touching him aroused River so much.

  River’s brows knit together. “Are you okay? Did something hurt?”

  Brent swallowed. “I’m perfect. But could we… is anal sex allowed in tantra?”

  “Love, we can do anything that feels good. Nothing is taboo.” River’s eyes sparked hot, and his penis gave an eager bob.

  “Then would you? I’ve kind of been curious about it, and I’m so ready right now… I want to feel you inside me when I come. I want it.”

  God, he did. He wanted to experience River fucking him. Only fear of pain or that he might not like it had held him back, and now that was gone. Everything River had done so far felt amazing. And he wasn’t ashamed to ask for this. With River, he wasn’t ashamed of anything.

  River took a hitched breath. “Okay. But, uh, I don’t have a condom.”

  “I have some. They’re probably still good.”

  River hesitated. “The massage oil doesn’t go great with latex.”

  Brent nearly growled. “Then do we need a condom? I’ve been tested and you said you have. I’ve only been with you. I only want to be with you.”

  River met his eyes for a long moment. Something flickered in those stormy depths, something like sadness, but maybe Brent imagined it, because River nodded and leaned forward to kiss him.

  His lips were soft and tender, and he kissed Brent as though he were precious. He pulled back and rested his forehead on Brent’s. “You want me inside you?”

  Hearing River say the words sent a thrill down Brent’s spine. “Yes. So much.”

  River kissed his cheeks sweetly. “And I want to be inside your beautiful body.”

  Brent swallowed something hot in his throat. I love you, he thought, and nothing about that felt wrong.