by Ruby Keller
“Yeah.” He smiled and sat up straight. “Thanks for everything. I already feel much better talking about it.”
Coco whined and rested her head in our laps, the both of us suddenly realizing that she was still here. Her head was so large it took four big hands between us to pet her the way she liked, but even then, she must’ve barely felt our hands.
“Yes, Coco.” I kissed her head and continued stroking her fur. “I’ll fix you dinner too. Elijah isn’t here, so how about some fish?”
She whined again when I slowly slid out from under her heavy head and headed into the kitchen. When I returned with hot dinner, my Daddy instinct made me notice if he was still interested in food. I knew that sadness made people eat lesser than usual, which was why I was determined to make sure his plate was empty by the time we were done.
I rubbed his back when halfway through he said he wasn't that hungry. "Just a little more, Lance. Your mouth is saying no but your stomach rumblings are saying yes. You want to work out tomorrow, don't you? You need energy for all that heavy lifting."
"Yes, Daddy." He chuckled and shook his head. "Maybe just a few more bites."
He was joking but the idea of me being his Daddy made me smile. It also made me wonder if a Daddy could have a Daddy without being a switch. Is that what this was? Did I want to be a Daddy's Daddy? Was that even possible?
After we finished and did the dishes together, he switched the TV on as usual. He liked to watch court drama before bed, with Elijah usually cozily sitting between us. Now however we were sitting on the opposite ends of the couch. It was hard to sit so far away when minutes ago his face was in my chest and my arms around him. But I had to behave decently with my boy's Daddy, no matter how hard it was.
I needed to sit closer to him, so I stood up and walked over to the refrigerator, returning with beers and sitting much closer to him this time. I handed one over to him and he smiled. Coco lay flat on the floor and stuck her head up, which was her way of demanding belly rubs. But Lance didn't know that so he looked at her in confusion. When I rubbed her belly, she made happy noises and her eyes instantly began to get heavy from contentment.
"Great show, eh?" I said after we had taken a couple of sips. "She sure knows how to question the witnesses."
"Yeah," he said, taking a sip as he switched the TV off. "It's a rerun though and I've already seen it. Hey, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure." I scooted closer just in case he needed a hug again.
"What was it that made you fall for Elijah?" He put the bottle down on the table and joined me in rubbing Coco's belly, her eyes now struggling to stay open.
"I'm not sure." I shrugged. "I struggled quite a bit at the time because I was cut off from the rest of the world. At the time, it seemed like I wanted him just because I was so alone and devoid of human contact. But now that I look back on it? I think it was his innocence, and the fact that he'd been put through so much by his cruel father. I wanted to do everything in my power to protect him and take care of him."
"He does that to people." He nodded and slowly moved his hands away from Coco when she shut her eyes and began to snore loudly. He spoke quietly - "When I saw him at the club, he was smiling but his eyes were just so sad. Clayton was like that too, hiding the pain behind his smile. I desperately wanted to be the reason for his happiness."
It suddenly occurred to me the real reason why I had begun to develop feelings for Lance. It was because Lance loved Elijah just as much as me. Ever since he moved in, I got to see him give nothing but care and love for our boy. It was nice to see Elijah get treated the way he deserved. Sure, Lance was his own unique person and had other likable qualities. I wondered if I’d have developed feelings for him had he not fallen in love with our boy.
"Oh, you don't have to whisper." I chuckled. "Coco sleeps like a log. She's rarely here at night but when she is, her snores are loud enough to keep the forest awake. But yeah, Elijah hid his pain from me too. I was concerned it was because he didn't trust me, but that's just how he is. He hides his worries from everyone because he thinks he's burdening us with his troubles."
"I know," he said. "But it's exactly what us Daddies want. We want our boys to burden us with their troubles, no matter how big they are. There's nothing that makes us happier than solving their problems and seeing them happy as a result."
"Exactly!" I patted his leg. "I think he sees that now though. He's very new to age play and he's kind of learning as he goes. Age play isn't just about going on playdates and a boy calling his lover Daddy. It's about just listening to your boy, to be there for him through the big and small decisions. It's about knowing that he can open up about anything that's bothering him. When the real world gets too much, he can escape and Daddy will take care of everything."
"Yeah, an occasional spank or two when the boy's been naughty also helps." He laughed and then suddenly stopped. "Not that I'd ever spank Elijah. I know he doesn't want that."
"Relax." I smiled. "All boys are different and I'm glad you've learned that. Besides, we'll come up with a way to discipline him if the opportunity ever arises."
"Probably not gonna happen anytime soon." He chuckled. "John was right. He is the most well-behaved and mild-mannered boy ever."
"Yup." I nodded and raised my bottle. "And we're proud of being his Daddies."
"So proud," he agreed. "There isn't a day that goes by without thinking about how lucky I am. I know I haven't told you about it, but I was at the lowest point in my life before I met him. I spent almost two years after Clayton's death doing nothing but lying in bed and cutting myself out from the world. I had made peace with the fact that life wouldn't get any better in his absence. Do you believe in destiny?"
"Not really." I shook my head. "I like to think I make my own destiny. I decide what I want and go after it."
"Well, I do." He took a swig. "I think destiny brought Clayton into my life, just like it brought Elijah into my life the night John asked me to go to the club with him. I would've said no on any other day, but destiny was calling and I somehow said yes."
"That's what our boy does, doesn't he?" I smiled proudly. "He saves us and gives our lives a purpose. That's what I always tell him, that he saved me, not the other way around. He walked into my life when I lost faith in people because my ex-wife had cheated on me with my best friend. He’s brought joy back into our lives."
"Maybe we saved each other." He shrugged. "Either way, life would've been so different had he not stumbled into our lives. I would probably still be locked in the darkness in my bedroom and you'd still distrust people."
I hoped to be able to save Lance too, by helping him grieve properly. I just had to come up with a way. Until then, I hoped he wouldn't go back to ignoring me or jog alone in the woods.
"Wow," he said looking at Coco now. "She's out like a light, and her snores are so loud. I didn't know bears snored."
"Oh, this is nothing." I waved a hand airily. "You should hear her when she sleeps over with Teddy. Like mother like son. They synchronize their snores and it sounds like it's coming from a dinosaur. I only have two pairs of earplugs, so you're lucky Elijah isn't here."
Chapter 4: Elijah
It had been two weeks since I started living at the psychiatric hospital. The people there weren't mean or unkind as I had expected. Instead, I found that people with mental illnesses were much nicer to everyone than the rest of the world. Maybe it was because their mental illness had caused them to be rejected by society.
No matter what I was doing or who I was talking with, all I did was eagerly look up to the evenings when my schedule would be completely free of activities, and I could talk to my Daddies for hours until I went to bed at nine o'clock. My roommate was a nice but very sad man in his early thirties. He had a habit of going to bed early at nine o'clock sharp, a habit which I was now accustomed to.
Everything seemed fine between my Daddies on the phone, but I could tell things were awkward between them. They smiled and laughed on
the phone but there seemed to be some amount of uncomfortableness about the fact that they were sitting so close to each other during the video calls.
Now as I dragged my luggage up to the porch and pushed open the door to my house in the woods, the look of surprise on Oliver's face was worth it. I knew they would've picked me up had they known I was coming, but I wanted to surprise them.
"Surprise, I'm home!" I shouted as Oliver dropped the book he was reading onto the floor and ran towards me, Coco and Teddy following behind him.
"Elijah!" Daddy stopped before me, holding his arms out as I instantly jumped into them. "You weren't supposed to be back home for months. Why wouldn't you tell Daddy you were coming home?"
The first thing I needed was his touch, so words could wait. He gave me a long searing kiss, just as gentle and passionate as I remembered. When I pulled away, we looked at each other for a moment, his hands on my face.
"Because then I wouldn't get to see the happiness in your face as I do now." I sighed in contentment as he caressed and lay soft kisses all over my face.
"But how did this happen?" He pulled away for a moment and frowned as I put my feet back onto the floor and stepped back.
"I asked the psychiatrist if I could go home for the weekend because I was homesick." I pet Coco's head who had begun to whine from happiness, standing up on her hind legs and hugging me as Oliver had taught her. "She said I was responding unusually well to the anti-anxiety pills and talk therapy. She suggested I could keep taking the pills and go to the outpatient clinic instead for biweekly talk therapy if I wanted."
"Wait till Lance hears of this." He beamed and stepped out of the way when Coco broke the hug, now letting Teddy charge me with his tiny body.
"Yes, Teddy. I missed you too." I leaned over and ran my hand through his thick fur. "Where is Daddy Lance by the way?"
"Oh, you know where." His smile faded and he shook his head, walking over back to the couch and patting the seat next to him. "He still goes jogging in the forest whenever he’s down."
"Oh," I said, walking over and taking a seat, the bears following me. "So, did you find out what's been bothering him?"
"Yup." He nodded and sighed. "I wanted to wait until you were back home and feeling better. Apparently, Clayton's death anniversary is arriving and things get hard for him this time of the year. Looks like he hasn't let himself grieve properly, so we need to help him do that."
"How do we do that?" I frowned as Teddy sat up beside me on the couch and licked my face.
"I don't know yet." He shrugged, Coco shifting her gaze between us before resting her head in our laps. "But I'm working on it. Don't you worry about it. I'll come up with something. I just need to understand what's going on in his mind before I do."
"You always take care of everything, Daddy." I gave him a quick hug and a peck on the lips. "Oh, how I've missed this. The woods, you, Lance, the bears. There truly is no place like home."
"So, how was living at the psych ward?" He said. "Not as bad as you had hoped I suppose? You looked quite happy in the video calls. A bit too happy for a boy living so far away from his Daddies if you ask me. Didn't miss us?"
"Sure did." I nodded frantically and stuck my lower lip out in a pout. "I could barely sleep without being sandwiched between you two, but I got used to it. I think I'm a much happier person than I left. The therapist made me realize how wrong the things my father did to me were. It felt like I deserved his beatings back then, but I've begun to see things as they are."
"Yeah?" He smiled and patted my leg. "I'm glad it helped. Didn't I tell you? You'd be much happier if you got to talk about your past to a therapist."
"I'm glad I listened. I should've known you were right."
"Daddies always know best." He tapped my nose. "So how did she change your mind?"
"It wasn't just one thing." I shook my head. "It was a combination of things, and we spoke for hours and hours each week. Like the time she asked me to close my eyes and imagine you going through the same abuse at the hands of your father. It made me so angry just picturing someone hurting you. It made me realize that's how you must feel when you see me hurting. There's a lot of recovering left to do but I'm much happier now."
Just when Coco got her head out of our laps and turned around, the door flew open and Lance walked in. He was shirtless, sweaty, and panting with hands on his knees, a look of surprise on his face.
"No way!" He smiled ear to ear as I rejoiced in the way his skin glistened with sweat. "I must be dreaming."
"You're not, Daddy." I ran up to him and threw my arms around his bare chest. I missed feeling up his big muscular body.
His skin was sticky with sweat but I didn't mind. The scent of his manly musk aroused me and I drew a sharp breath in when he put his big strong arms around me. The hardest part about being away from them was the lack of physical touch. Having them hold me in their arms and taking turns making love was almost addictive. I’d only been away for two weeks but it felt much longer. Every passing second in their absence had been unbearable.
When he broke the hug, he held my face in his hands and planted his lips on mine. I loved how different they were when it came to kissing. Oliver was the soft and gentle one while Lance had a habit of being aggressive, just like in bed.
By the time the kiss ended, we were both visibly aroused, the semis in our shorts quite apparent. We all took a seat and I told him everything I’d told Oliver, and Lance looked just as happy as him. I loved how neither could stop smiling. I truly meant the world to them, as they did to me. My mere presence was giving them such immense joy.
"This calls for a celebration." Lance rubbed his hands together with a grin. "We should go somewhere, a restaurant perhaps?"
"How about dinner at Clayton's pizzeria?" Oliver said. "You work there and I haven't even been to the place so far."
"Done." Lance nodded. "I own the place so we don't have to worry about a reservation."
"Just not tonight though," I said, wrapping my hands around them both and pulling them in closer. "I want to cuddle in with my Daddies tonight. It's been so long since I've done that."
And if cuddling led to sex, all the better. It had been ages since I drained them dry.
Oliver made lunch while Lance and I fed the bears. When we all sat at the table, I was glad they made my favorite food I liked to eat in my Little headspace, cheesy pasta with not a single vegetable in sight. I missed going into my Little headspace and I couldn't wait to have another playdate with Michael.
"How was the food there?" Lance asked, serving me. "Quite good by the looks of it. You've put on a bit of weight."
"Yeah, you look so healthy now," Oliver said. "You must've eaten a ton of food for such a big change to happen so quickly."
"Oh yeah." I chuckled. "You should've seen me, going for seconds and thirds. You'd have had to roll me out of there if I lived there any longer."
"And how were the people?" Lance said. "Did you talk to everyone like we asked you to?"
"Yes, Daddy." I nodded. "You were right. I went out of my way to talk to everyone on the first day. I felt so bad for the people there. Some of them looked so sad I wish I could’ve helped them. I didn't ask people why they were there. I didn't want to be rude. But there was this one girl who couldn't stop talking. Everyone was mean to her for going on and on for hours, but not me. I listened to her whenever I could."
As they both looked at me and asked me a few more questions, I realized something. I'd been home for hours and I hadn't seen them look at each other. It was as if they refused to acknowledge the other’s presence. Were they not on talking terms? Were they still ignoring each other? Did they have a fight in my absence?
When I left them alone together, I had hoped something would happen between them. Now that I thought about it, it was quite a stretch to expect them to fall in love. Right now, I would settle for them being friends at the very least.
Chapter 5: Lance
I had gone right back to ignori
ng Oliver after opening up to him about Clayton's death. I didn't know why I was acting the way I was, but I knew that I wanted it all to stop. I was too confused to function and nothing made sense anymore.
I hoped that in ignoring him my inappropriate feelings would go away, but the longer I stayed away from him, the more I wanted him. Now that Elijah was back, I dreaded that we would all go back to having threesomes. How could I stop myself from looking at him naked? If I gave in even for a second, what if he catches me staring at him? He would know how I felt about him and what if it weirded him out?
It was very unlike me to be so embarrassed about what I wanted. I was pretty bold and confident in approaching a boy when I liked one, but I had never developed feelings towards another Daddy before. I was beginning to question everything that I was sure I wanted from a relationship. I considered myself a top but then why did I want Oliver to hold me in his arms and caress me? Did I want him inside me? Did I want him to take care of me like he took care of Elijah? Did I want to be his boy?
As usual, we all slept in the same bed last night with Elijah in the middle. But knowing that Oliver's half-naked body was merely inches away from mine made it difficult to stay asleep. I kept waking up several times, each time with a raging boner from making out with him in my dreams. I could lie to myself in my thoughts about what I wanted, but dreams didn't lie.
Now we both stood outside and bid Elijah goodbye. He wanted to go right back to work at my restaurant. He worked in the kitchen part-time, and now that he was about to graduate from the online degree in data science, he'd soon be working at Oliver's company instead. I would miss spending time with him in the kitchen but it was what he wanted, to become a data scientist and use data to help big businesses make decisions. I was happy that Oliver would instead be looking after him at work.
